Small, Big Moments at the Mall

At the Century City mall, I watch two girls hovering over the counter at the Pandora store, studying the catalog. They turn the glossy pages, reviewing bountiful choices among bracelet charms that shine and sparkle. They’re on a mission to find a new charm for each of their bracelets, currently a sizzling trend among their social set. But the girls are on a budget that won’t stretch to pay for most of the charms, which average 50 bucks or more. Despite generous tips from their customers, takings from their recent lemonade stands and saved gifts of gelt only go so far.  

I watch their expressions slowly deflate and am tempted to say, “It’s okay. Pick what you like and I’ll make up the difference.” After all, isn’t spoiling grandkids the right of every grandparent? Still, I hold back. Instead I say, “Look, both your birthdays are coming up soon. How about you choose something really nice then and Papa and I will get it for you?” At nearly 10 and 12 years old and with a bit of lemonade stand entrepreneurship under their belts, they instantly grasp the logic and agree. As we leave the store, I am proud of them for appreciating — or at least accepting — the concept of delayed gratification. No new charms dangle from their bracelets, but I feel utterly charmed by my good fortune of being a Nana to these and other precious grandchildren. 

The girls had called me that morning to ask if I could take them to the Pandora store. It had been a day of tragic news in Israel, and I was relieved to turn my focus toward the positive. Being a fairly active-duty Nana is one of the highlights of my life, one I appreciate all the more because I grew up with grandmothers who were a big part of my life. While I only felt emotionally close to one of them, I loved them both and felt their love for me. In profoundly different ways, they influenced me spiritually and professionally.  

My eldest granddaughters are rapidly becoming adolescents, when parental patience is sorely tried. I’m not the one who must continually set limits, which frees me to be a parental figure who isn’t a parent, one they can respect without having to fight to assert their individuality. We have fun together, and I’m grateful that so far they’ll accept occasional life lessons I gently advise, such as delaying gratification. As they become teens, I hope this bond we’ve fashioned will make me a safe address where they can come and talk, if they decide that their parents don’t understand them.

As they become teens, I hope this bond we’ve fashioned will make me a safe address where they can come and talk, if they decide that their parents don’t understand them.

The girls may not have achieved their main objective at the mall, but to me, just having fun together was mission accomplished. We quickly swept through H&M and Vineyard Vines at their request, buying a Mommy-approved sweatshirt at H&M and new hair bows from me.  At the sale section of Nordstrom my eldest granddaughter plucked the perfect black skirt for me off the rack. I’d rushed through that rack and missed it. I modeled it for them and wondered if the fit was right. The younger one said, “Yes, it’s perfect. Besides, you’re not growing anymore.” I laughed out loud as I rang it up.  

On our way back to the car, I stopped to buy water from a vending machine. I couldn’t open it because the cap seemed soldered on. I asked one of a trio of young guys if he could open it for us. Despite his youth and strength he couldn’t open it. One of his pals snatched it from his hands, straining to unseal the cap, and I gratefully began drinking. The girls, however, sniffed the cap, claimed it smelled “like the guy” and wouldn’t touch it, which made me laugh all over again.   

Our little excursion wasn’t extraordinary, but was filled with many small, sweet moments and lots of smiles. At a time when my granddaughters are threatening to grow up way too fast — the same trick their father and his siblings pulled on me a few decades ago — this time together has become a memory I’ll always treasure.

Judy Gruen is the author of “Bylines and Blessings,” “The Skeptic and the Rabbi,” and several other books. She is also a book editor and writing coach.