When I was in my early 20s, I was a mess. I was broke, anxious and fearful about my future.
All the time, I’d worry about money. I never knew how I was going to pay my bills. Whenever I went to the store, I held my breath as I swiped my credit card, unable to breathe a sigh of relief until the little screen said, “Transaction approved.”
Every month, when the rent was due, I’d worry about whether my next paycheck would come in time. I was scared about the late fee, about losing my home, about my entire life. My natural reaction to stress was to double down on my obsessive anxiety rather than address it.
Throughout my conversion process, as I learned more about Judaism, I found out how important it is to have trust in Hashem. After all, He could do anything. He could make you go from being completely broke one minute to a millionaire the next. Even if it seemed unrealistic, even if my human brain couldn’t fathom it, it could most certainly happen.
One month, I remember my rent was due the next day. I was pacing up and down my sidewalk, panicking because I didn’t have enough money to pay it.
And something inside me snapped. I thought, “I cannot do this anymore. I have to trust that the money will come in and I will be OK.”
I said to myself, “Hashem, I know you will take care of me.”
I then stopped thinking about the rent and continued with my day.
It was the first time I was able to break out of my cycle and adopt a higher level of thinking. I approached the situation differently. I went out of my comfort zone and did the hard thing, which was to believe that Hashem would have my back.
And just a few minutes later, I received a notification that my employer paid me. I had the rent.
That turning point taught me something crucial: I had to do what was difficult in order to see results. From then on, I worked on flexing this muscle for the little and big things in life.
That turning point taught me something crucial: I had to do what was difficult in order to see results.
From then on, I worked on flexing this muscle for the little and big things in life.
Whenever I’m anxious about finding a parking spot, I stop worrying and ask Hashem to help me. I usually find a great spot. And if I don’t, I thank Hashem for the spot that’s farther away and the extra exercise He’s giving me.
Whenever I don’t want to fast on a Jewish fast day, I do it anyway. Every time, at the end of the fast, I feel so accomplished and reap the benefits of it, like more self-control in other areas of my life.
It’s not in my nature to wake up early, but I force myself to, and I’m always grateful for that few minutes of calm before I have to wake up my precious, sleepy daughters and rush them off to school.
I urge you to take a look at the things you struggle with in life and conquer them head on. This could mean sleeping more, watching less TV, eating healthier or exercising, or it could be related to religious practice, like going to synagogue, praying every day or attending a class.
Over time, you will build up the muscle and be able to tackle other issues you’ve been contending with, until eventually you’re living the life you’ve always imagined.
Hashem wants us to lead meaningful lives. He wants us to feel content. The way we can achieve that is by doing what’s unnatural to us, by going above our animal instincts and striving for a more spiritual, elevated existence.
The lesson? When you go the extra mile for Hashem, Hashem will go the extra mile for you.
Want more Jewish inspiration? Follow me on X: @kylieoralobell.
Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community Editor of the Jewish Journal. You can find Kylie on X @KylieOraLobell or Instagram @KylieOraWriter.
