I love chanting Torah. I try to do it often, and BK (before kids) I think I did it nearly every weekend. I did study it formally for a short while, and soon it became the kind of thing that I could just look at fast and do pretty darn well.
Less so now. Maybe I am getting older, maybe the kids change things, but either way, it takes me longer to prepare and I do it less. So yesterday I asked my husband to be my right hand guy at Torah time, and back me up with the cheat sheet. Such a mistake. I relied only on the sheet and not at all on my preparation, so I actually made more mistakes and wound up SOUNDING like I knew it even less well than I did.
I walked down feeling embarrassed. It is always hard to when you have not done your best. But the embarrassment gave way quickly to a different feeling. I was glad for the lessons, both of trust and imperfection. It was ok in this setting to have been very imperfect. I am not judged there harshly and always have a second chance. In addition, learning and RE-learning that to soar is only possible when we trust our knowledge rather than when we keep ourselves safe by sticking to the page.
Food for thought as we go into our practices this week….
See you there. On our regularly scheduled program.
In peace,
Michelle
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