Among the many traits of a best friend is that when you need them, they always show up.
This is how I’m seeing Rosh Hashanah this year – not as another holiday to get through but as a trusted friend I can always count on.
What is more nourishing in life than to have friends who are there for us no matter what?
The Jewish community hasn’t had too many “friends who show up” these past few years. If anything, it’s been the opposite — the Jew-haters have had a coming-out party.
In such vulnerable times, it’s natural to look for things that make us feel safe. Things we can count on. Anchors.
Jewish holidays are anchors. They’re like our best friends.
Year after year, century after century, these best friends have been there for us, on time and ready to serve.
But like anything that always shows up, it’s easy to take them for granted. We expect Rosh Hashanah to show up because it always does!
At no point do we ever consider the possibility that a Jewish holiday will call in sick.
This year, however, I tried doing a thought experiment: What would Jewish life be like without these holidays?
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t do it because it made no sense. It was disconnected from reality. How could you have a year without a Seder or a Yom Kippur or simply Shabbat?
Our holidays are an independent force. They show up whether we like it or not.
It did occur to me, though, that in the case of Rosh Hashanah, the thought experiment might work.
You see, imagining life without something means that when it does come, it feels new– and Rosh Hashanah is all about feeling new.
This is the time of year when we’re called on to renew ourselves — to engage in introspection, seek forgiveness, shed past mistakes and move forward with a new slate.
But what if in addition to renewing ourselves, we also renew the holiday itself?
What if we could see Rosh Hashanah in a new way?
It’s difficult, of course, to see anything in a new way when it carries the weight of memory. Memory defines us. If I have decades of memories of Rosh Hashanah swimming in my mind, how can I see it as if for the first time?
Here’s what I did: Associate the holiday with something we love and value.
And who doesn’t love and value a best friend?
We can renew Rosh Hashanah, in other words, by seeing it as that trusted best friend who never lets us down.
One benefit is that the better we can imagine this relationship, the better we’ll be able to meet the holiday’s obligations.
We know that’s not easy. It’s not easy to be honest with ourselves, admit mistakes, ask for forgiveness, commit to being a better person. If we see these obligations as coming from someone who wants what’s best for us, we’ll be more willing to fulfill them.
This thought came to me while I was visiting with my friend Dennis Prager and we discussed him writing our Rosh Hashanah cover story.
After our conversations, I realized that I couldn’t separate my friendship with Dennis from my feelings toward the holiday itself.
Maybe it was because of the poignancy of his personal story. It was as if Rosh Hashanah became Dennis and Dennis became Rosh Hashanah.
Just as Rosh Hashanah continues to nourish us with its wisdom, so does Dennis.
Just as Rosh Hashanah is a trusted friend we can always count on, so is Dennis.
And just as Rosh Hashanah is an anchor we can lean on in difficult times, so can we aspire to become for all those around us.
A friend who always shows up.
Shana Tova.
