How to Write a Blog About Redemption

By Ben Spielberg

1. Sit down. Nobody writes blogs standing up.

2. Choose your writing instrument of choice. As I’ve grown up with computers, I prefer my laptop. Our elder writers are uncomfortable typing because they are reminded of the tiring berating of Mavis Beacon. They opt for pen and paper. Never disclose personal information in pencil.

3. Pretend to analyze the past blogs from the week, but get stuck on the “Popular” and “Recent comments” sections of the Jewish Journal. Become disheartened the other blogs which get thousands of hits per day, and then discover a fire inside of you that will blow all of their blogs away. Lose that fire within the first paragraph, and become disheartened until the blog’s completion.

4. Perform a brief 4th step. Think about the past transgressions you have performed this week. Where have you missed the mark? Cross out everything that you are not willing to discuss in public.

5. Ask yourself whether living righteously is “worth it,” in the end. Remind yourself that the questioning of vague concepts will get you nowhere. Your deadline is approaching rapidly.

6. Decide whether you want to write a standardized, four paragraph blog, or make some type of list. People love lists. Get distracted and create a to-do list for the day.

7. Congratulations, you have decided to write a list. You have now afforded yourself the opportunity to avoid complete sentences and appropriate transitions.

8. Realize that your blog has very little actual content, especially regarding redemption. Think of something that will tie in this theme.

9. Peer through the window of my office and gaze at Beit T’Shuvah’s Zen Garden. There are residents engaging in therapy–breaking through their traumas and learning to engage in a life of recovery. They are able to surround themselves with people of similar experiences in order to live a full life. Watch a few minutes of these metamorphoses from a distance.

10. Recognize my own gratitude, shrouded in the doubt of making a deadline. Thank yourself that you have enough faith to not be swayed by the impulsiveness of step #5.