Rabbis of L.A. | Want to Marry? See Happy Life Rabbi Esakhan

Rabbi Moshe Esakhan’s motto is straightforward and practical: “Marry before 30.“

While he devotes part of his day to leading the Ohel Moshe synagogue on Pico Boulevard, his passion is getting Jews — especially young ones, and not only Sephardim — married. 

The longtime life coach and matchmaker, who does not charge for his services, told The Journal, “there is a marriage crisis in our community. Besides assimilation, people are growing older, becoming more involved in their professions” rather than making marriage a priority.

“It’s not that you should be married by 30,” he said, “but it is better. People over 30 become pickier. That makes it harder to get married. Dating for long periods can be a problem, too. By the time they feel ready for marriage, they become 40.”

There’s a secondary reason, Esakhan, said. One that is commonly overlooked view. “In many cases, there is almost a half-century difference between the ages of parents and their children,” he said. “This can cause a problem between parents and children, another reason it is important to marry by 30.”

The upbeat Rabbi Esakhan is known on Facebook and YouTube as the Happy Life Rabbi. The reason becomes obvious when you meet. Face-to-face and free have been the secret to success in matching some 250 singles so far. “Not one matchmaker has the time to sit with clients and be personal,” he said. “People are busy. They want to get married. Matchmakers and the apps are not personal.” On the other hand, Esakhan is “with them from the beginning to the end,” he said. “Not even a penny am I charging.” Why doesn’t he charge for his services? “My philosophy is, if I charge, I am biased.” 

And the Happy Life Rabbi is available. Anyone who thinks rabbis are not accessible likely has not met the Happy Life Rabbi. 

“God gave me this talent,” he said. “I don’t talk to people as a life coach or a rabbi but rather as a brother, sister, friend.” He either goes to them, or they come to his office at Wilshire and Doheny, above La Gondola Restaurant. “I sit with them at least for one hour, sometimes two.”

When singles first sit down with Rabbi Esakhan for an interview, he draws on 25 questions he has assembled from four experts, two psychologists, plus one man and woman.

He could ask: “What is your personality? What are your values? Why are you not married right now? Let’s talk about it.”

It’s important to ask “‘What are your hobbies’? If you have hobbies, you are a healthy person.”

Of course, things have changed in the 20 years since Esakhan started matchmaking. Back then it was women who were reluctant to get married. “Not now,”  the rabbi said. “It is totally men. Men, at least in the Persian community, where half of marriages end in divorce.

Men, he said, are now “thinking twice in order to get married. They want to become successful. They don’t want to marry, end up getting divorced and losing half of their money.  It is very hard to convince them. But girls want to get married.” When men go on the app, he said, they always ask, “Rabbi, show me the picture.” He tells them, “Are you a prophet? How can you judge by a picture?”

As for why people are choosing to marry later, Esakhan believes that in the 20th century “they had a faith in God. They were much younger. They would take risks. Now people are less inclined to take risks. Thy want everything in a comfortable zone. They say ‘when I pay my loan back,’ or ‘when I get my house paid off, then we can get married.’ But then it is too late.”

“I” is much stronger these days, he said. “iPhone, iPad. I don’t want to say people are more selfish than they used to be, but we are thinking about ourselves much more than about other people. “I want to become successful. I, I, I.” But the whole point of marriage,” Rabbi Esakhan explained, is that “you have to go out of yourself, connect to somebody else. Someone who is not self-centered.”

“’I’ is much stronger these days — iPhone, iPad. I don’t want to say people are more selfish than they used to be, but we are thinking about ourselves much more than about other people. But the whole point of marriage  is that you have to go out of yourself, connect to somebody else.”

To get the word out, Rabbi Esakhan has  two people working social media. His accounts on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube attract almost two million views every month. He also looks for clients the old-fashioned way; he’s published a brochure that’s distributed in the community, but social media is his main connection to the singles universe. He also hosts a live Tuesday evening television program, conversing with a psychologist and a rabbi. He wants to teach his audience there is no contradiction between Torah and science. 

Although he has lived in America for decades, Esakhan, who was born in Shiraz, Iran, two decades before the 1979 revolution, remembers what used to be. “In Iran,” Rabbi Esakhan recalled, “people get married by age 20, even 17.” 

As for his personal life, Rabbi Esakhan was 26 in 1992 when he married. He was learning in college, and in yeshiva. “I have four kids,” he said, “and I didn’t have a penny when I got married, not a penny. Baruch Hashem, one of my daughters is in medical school in Israel, and I have a grandson. I can give a lot of examples of people marrying earlier. They are ahead of the game.”

Fast Takes with Rabbi Esakhan

Jewish Journal: What is your favorite Shabbat food?

Rabbi Esakhan: Persian, favorite from Iran: Chicken and eggplant.

JJ: What is your favorite time of day with your family?

RE: Shabbat is a blessing. We sit down and talk to each other.

JJ: What is your goal in life?

RE: Since I became involved with matchmaking, I want to write a book about the art of dating.