An Israeli Soldier’s Suicide Reminds Us of the Survivor’s Guilt So Many Carry

We’ve just heard reports of another suicide by a young Israeli impacted by the Oct. 7 attack and the ensuing war. His name is added to the list of Nova survivors and frontline soldiers we’ve lost.

The death of the Israeli soldier echoes the life of a young man I am pseudonymously calling Raphael, who walked into a trauma treatment program I was leading in the city of Petach Tikva in central Israel for survivors of the Oct. 7 attack by Hamas. He gave us permission to share his story with his real first name in the hope his witness might help others. I chose a pseudonym to protect him from the disbelief campaigns that often target survivors who speak out.

Dr. Clair Goldberg, a psychologist, was helping me treat survivors as part of a neuropsychological treatment program by the Israel Healing Initiative, a nonprofit I established after the Oct. 7 attacks to provide survivors cutting edge trauma treatment. As a clinical and neuropsychologist who has treated clients for 30 years, I immediately saw the devastating impact of trauma on survivors.

Raphael presented as flat and numb, dissociated and hardly able to speak.

When we asked him to rate his anxiety on a scale from 1 to 10, he answered: “Twelve.”

I immediately brought him into our treatment room. PTSD isn’t just psychological. It’s neurological, disrupting the brain’s attention, emotion and memory circuits.

In our first session, using neurostimulation to repair trauma-impacted brain function, vagus nerve stimulation to soothe his fight-or-flight response, and photobiomodulation to enhance emotional regulation, his anxiety dropped to five, the lowest he had felt in years. Without my prompting, he began to speak and eventually asked me to share his story in hopes it would help others come forward for treatment. I will share a snippet of what he told me, leaving out some of the gruesome details that are difficult even for me, a seasoned trauma psychologist, to convey.

Survivor’s guilt

While he and his friends were fleeing the music festival, Hamas fired a rocket-propelled grenade that landed close enough to throw him into the air, where he landed on a tree and injured his back. He said a Hamas fighter soon after captured him and marched him toward Gaza, his hands raised as the fighter walked behind him, shoving the muzzle of a machine gun into the small of his back with each step. The Hamas fighter then spotted another Nova Music Festival survivor, hiding in the grove and “his eyes gleamed,” Raphael said.

The Hamas fighter abandoned him for the new prey, Raphael said, grabbing the woman and raping and then murdering her. The details are too disturbing to share here, though I have his permission.

Raphael said he seized the moment — when the weapon was not aimed at him — to flee through the grove to safety. He told us his escape is shadowed by the burden of knowing that the young woman’s rape and murder gave him the chance to survive. Most survivors I have treated carry survivor guilt, many fantasizing about ending their lives as a way to stop their psychological torment.

A few days later, Raphael was in the waiting room, when I saw an X post from former UK Parliament member George Galloway — followed by nearly 800,000 people — accusing Israel of inventing the rapes to justify “murder.” I hoped Raphael had not seen it as I watched him scrolling on his phone.

It wasn’t just Galloway. Prominent human rights organizations, psychologists, self-described journalists, TV hosts, like Briahana Joy Gray, and even U.S. politicians, like former Rep. Jamaal Bowman, have denied or downplayed the mass sexual violence of Oct. 7, making it harder for Raphael and others to speak publicly. These denials have shaped the public record more than survivors’ testimonies.

Hamas on new UN list of sexual violence perpetrators

A new United Nations report adds institutional weight to the growing body of evidence confirm that Hamas soldiers committed mass rape of Israeli women on Oct. 7. It states there is “credible information” of sexual violence on Oct. 7. It named Hamas among the organizations it identified in its “List of parties credibly suspected of committing or being responsible for patterns of rape or other forms of sexual violence in situations of armed conflict.”

For survivors who have been told their truth is “propaganda,” such recognition matters. It will not erase the survivor guilt that drives some toward suicide, but it reduces the risk that speaking will subject them to ridicule or attack, and it may make it more likely they will seek treatment.

Our work at the Israel Healing Initiative exists for survivors like Raphael — people living with unbearable memories and neurological scars that talk therapy alone cannot touch. We provide neurostimulation, vagus nerve stimulation, photobiomodulation and integrative psychotherapy at no cost, helping survivors stabilize, find moments of relief and sometimes take their first steps back toward life.

Raphael wants to continue treatment with us, as do some of his friends who have seen the improvement he has experienced from just a few sessions. For those who wish to support these survivors, please consider contributing here: www.israelhealinginitiative.org.

Raphael came to his treatment with his girlfriend, there to support him. He told us, “I did a lot of treatment before and nothing really worked on me.” In the few days he did our treatment, he said, “I’m feeling better, and I want to continue with this to heal myself.”

We are hoping to bring him to Los Angeles, where we have additional equipment that can help regulate his nervous system, improve emotional stability and stabilize his attention.

He said, “Even my girlfriend noticed…changes to the good side.”

Leaning toward him, she beamed and said, “I can confirm that. He’s much better.”

Orli Peter is a neuropsychologist and founder of the Israel Healing Initiative, bringing cutting-edge treatment to survivors of war and terror. She can be reached at opeter@israelhealinginitiative.org.