January is “Get Organized Month,” when many people resolve to make a fresh start by clearing their desks, dusting off their running shoes, and otherwise sweeping away some of life’s clutter. As a hopeless underachiever with physical chaos control, I decided that the least I could do was to get a jump start by tidying up some mental clutter that had been weighing me down for many months.
In November I called Jill Kahn (jillkahnlifecoach.com), a certified life coach, to help me gain clarity and set priorities in my work life. Although Jill is also a friend, I knew that her keen intelligence, extensive and varied professional experiences, and straight-talking style made her a good match for me. My burning issue was frustration with myself over a book I had been writing in fits and starts for about a year, unwilling to give it the kind of sustained attention it needed.
“What’s holding you back?” Jill asked during our first meeting.
I rattled off a menu of my insecurities about the project, including skittishness about going another round in the long and often grueling process of writing, publishing, and promoting a book. My fear of a long, hard slog for a speculative project held me back from working on it in a committed, focused way. Jill helped me find my own answers to my dilemma by asking me clarifying questions: What patterns might contribute to my feeling stuck? What is the value of the book as I see it? As I answered these questions, I genuinely began to own my enthusiasm for this book. I was able to state confidently that it had value. I decided to park my fears about its unknowable outcome to the side and simply write the best book I could.
My “homework” each week was to commit to simple, easy, and manageable steps to further my goal, such as establishing set work hours that — barring emergencies — would be inviolable. Within only two weeks, I was amazed at my ramped-up productivity by (mostly) adhering to a modest schedule. Like James Clear, author of “Atomic Habits,” Jill was confident that small, consistent steps would lead to big results, but that aiming too high would backfire. This advice seemed so obvious, yet it had been one of my biggest stumbling blocks for many years. It also felt wonderfully freeing.
“Everyone has different types of issues when they see me, so there’s no set formula to how I work,” Jill explained. “If their blocks are real, we figure out how to move through them. But sometimes we discover those blocks aren’t real at all. And sometimes people are only sure of what they don’t want any longer, but need help envisioning a new goal. In that case, we first work on the vision: What would that new job, new health profile, or new life stage look like? Then we set up a strategy to get there.”
A coach is ideal to help clients with accountability, but a spouse or friend could also serve in this role, provided they don’t have their own agenda.
Jill finds that people who first show up already motivated by a vision usually do well and progress quickly. I needed little prodding to embrace the “permission” to pursue my goal at full throttle, but even with motivated clients, Jill advises taking baby steps and — this is key — staying accountable. A coach is ideal to help clients with accountability, but a spouse or friend could also serve in this role, provided they don’t have their own agenda.
I have prayed for God to give me clarity on my book and the inspiration to make it an asset to the Jewish people, in its own modest way. Feeling that the project is somehow part of my mission as a Jew helps keep me motivated. Jill coaches clients of all faiths and would only bring a spiritual angle to a conversation if she believes it is welcome. However, she has noticed the benefits to clients who do have a God-centeredness in their lives and bring God onto the team: “It can give a great sense of relief. They need to do the work, but they understand the results are not entirely falling on their shoulders.”
Judy Gruen’s most recent book is “The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith.”
