What Kol Nidre Was Like in a Cemetery

As the sun set in Santa Monica, cars entered narrow driveway of Woodlawn Cemetery as the band played “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve in a loop:

“Well I’ve never prayed
But tonight I’m on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine,
Let it cleanse my mind,
I feel free now
But the airwaves are clean and there’s nobody singing to me now
No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I’m here in my mold
I am here in my mold
Cause it’s a Bittersweet Symphony that’s Life.”

The iconic song transitioned, and Cantorial soloist Shira Fox, herself the daughter of Valley Beth Shalom’s Cantor Herschel Fox, chanted the traditional High Holiday Nigun with its penetrative, “Lai lai lai lai lai lai lai…” melody, ending on a emphatic final punctuation. With the music halted, the silence penetrated us. Standing together, we realized what was obvious but formerly not as penetrative – the beautiful park-like environment was filled with headstones, as we contemplated our own life on Kol Nidre.

Yom Kippur rituals return year after year, and we are asked to recognize the permanence of our actions reconciled with the evanescence of our existence. Under a rising half-moon, 120 souls sat on tapestries laid out for them in between headstones, the marble stones and the names etched into them a visible reminder of where all of this ostensibly leads.

Our cellist began the Kol Nidre, sounds chanted for millennia, Max Bruch’s famous cello solo a haunting melody. The Kol Nidre observance is a descent into the grave, with the hope that we will make it out of this near death experience and rededicate our lives for the good. As the Selichot service began, the Jewish ritual practice of Tahara, or ritual cleansing of a body for burial, was described, and all participants given white shrouds to wrap themselves in. As the music began, participants were asked to take a look at the headstone they were standing before and whisper the name of the person, asking for their blessing to lie down. Beginning with an awareness of what will sustain us for the next 25 hours – breath – a guided visualization began of their own funeral – what were the eulogies given? Who would show up? What regrets did we hold in our hearts were life to end at this moment?

The Selichot service swelled, and an old, almost forgotten song from the 80s, “The Living Years,” began:

“Say it Loud
Say it Clear
You can Listen as well as you Hear
It’s too Late
When we Die
To admit we don’t see Eye to Eye.”

Shema Koleinu wove in and out of the “Mike and the Mechanics” song, the words of “God’s holy liturgy” underscored by the rock song, “Hear our voice, O God, pity us, save us, Accept our prayer with compassion and kindness.” A harmonium’s chords rose, and the melody of “Avinu Malkeinu” began. In the darkness, bodies began to appear, apparitions in the moonlight. One at a time, ghostly shrouds of white arose, their voices forming a Requim Choir:

אָבִֽינוּ מַלְכֵּֽנוּ
ah-vee-noo mahl-kay-noo
Our Father, Our King!
חָנֵּֽנוּ וַעֲנֵֽנוּ
chah-nay-noo vah-ahh-nay-noo
favor us and answer us
כִּי אֵין בָּֽנוּ מַעֲשִׂים
kee ayn bah-noo mah-ahh-seem
for we have no accomplishments;
עֲשֵׂה עִמָּֽנוּ צְדָקָה וָחֶֽסֶד
ahh-say eeh-mah-noo tzih-dah-kah vah-cheh-sed
deal with us charitably and kindly with us
וְהוֹשִׁיעֵֽנוּ
vih-hoe-shee-ay-noo

As the prayers swelled, audible cries were heard throughout the cemetery – it was as if the dead poured their remorse through the soil. What rose through the congregation was more than just a simple regret – it was a life’s reckoning of what Kol Nidre is actually about. We create a near death experience as a simulation or test-run for what we will one day experience, and emerge with a renewed sense of what each of our personal life journey is about. We release regrets and replace them with resolve. We forgive ourselves for the shame that we carry around, the klipot (or shells) that inhibit us from living life to the fullest. Facing down our own graves, we have no choice, as the 13 Attributes of God are chanted, but to acknowledge that we still have work to do in order to resemble one who is full of “Compassion, Grace and Loving-Kindness.”

Our collective chant of Mourner’s Kaddish bore new meaning – this funeral was for the living. The band closed the service with Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe” and all lingered, despite the cold, damp air.  The service ended, and the band and I stood, our heads down, tears streaming from our cheeks, our hands on our hearts. And 120 souls stood under a half-light, half-moonlit sky, still processing what we had just experienced.

At the end of the service, a man walked up to me. “My father was a rabbi,” he said, “and I attended his Kol Nidre service for 40 years. Tonight, for the first time, I finally know what it is about.”

Open Temple’s Yom Kippur Kol Nidre returns October 4, 2022 at Woodlawn Cemetery.  For more information, please go to www.opentemple.org