I’m Dreaming of a Corny Thanksgiving

I’m so tired of sarcasm. And snark. And anything hip and ironic. And anything that bashes and divides America. I need a break from all this snark overdose. It’s all so exhausting.

I’m in the mood for something corny, earnest, relaxing, old school.

Something like Thanksgiving.

I can’t wait to go around the family table and hear all the corny things we’re thankful for—like our health, our family, our country.

I can’t wait to go around the family table and hear all the corny things we’re thankful for—like our health, our family, our country.

I love the idea that all Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, whether they come from Korea, China, Mexico, Morocco, Italy, Israel or Afghanistan. I love the simplicity and innocence of feeding the needy at soup kitchens. How great is that? A holiday for the whole country, a holiday that brings out the best in us.

Who would want to spoil that?

Well, it turns out plenty of people, people who can’t shed even for one day their bitterness and anger at this country they live in. They’re so angry at America for being systemically and irredeemably oppressive, that even when corny Thanksgiving comes along to unify us, they must find ways to express that bitterness.

They can’t give their anger a break, even on a day of gratitude.

As just one of many examples, in a Nov. 20 MSNBC segment, “The Thanksgiving History You’ve Never Heard,” Gyasi Ross screams at his audience: “The truth is that pilgrims did not bring turkey, sweet potato pie or cranberries to Thanksgiving. They could not. They were broke! They were broken! Their hands were out! They were begging! They brought nothing of value. But they got fed! They got schooled!

“Instead of bringing stuffing and biscuits, those settlers brought genocide and violence. That genocide and violence is still on the menu! And state sponsored violence against Native and black Americans is commonplace!”

Did you know that genocide and violence is still on the menu in America?

Did you know that genocide and violence is still on the menu in America?

It seems there’s a whole movement out there trying to poison our national day of thanks. A column in The Philadelphia Tribune on Saturday was titled, “Celebrating Thanksgiving is Celebrating Racist Genocide.”

I guess maybe it looks courageous to take on sacred cows, even cows as sacred as a day of gratitude. But let’s be clear: These outcries are not scholarly revisionism or constructive criticism or Martin Luther King dreaming of a better America. This is pure America bashing.

None of this bashing, of course, should surprise us. Among cultural elites today, America bashing is as cool as reading The New Yorker.

But even on Thanksgiving? Can’t we take just one national day off from this insufferable lecturing?

I imagine we’ll see plenty of verbal sword fights on Twitter over the next 48 hours, pitting the “Thanksgiving is genocide” crowd versus the “Shut up and have more stuffing” crowd. It will all be very hip and very snarky.

Meanwhile, I’ll be at our family table, grateful for our blissful moment of pure corniness.

Happy Thanksgiving.