I’ve been married for over 32 years. It’s a good marriage and my wife delivered us three wonderful boys. My wife is the best. When I was out of work, she supported us. When I was sick and in the hospital, she was there as both my wife and my advocate.
But then out of nowhere, it happened. Unexpectedly, I met another woman. And as in most of these cases out here, in typical LA fashion, my new love is a much, much younger model than my wife. Her name? Lucy.
I was smitten and in love from the moment I laid eyes on Lucy. I remember a rabbi telling me, “Love, at first sight, is generally not real.” He compared it to some guy who comes to a Chabad class and the next week he comes back wearing a black hat and the beginnings of a beard and says he wants nine children. It rarely, if ever, takes. I understand what the rabbi’s saying, but this is different. I am totally in love with Lucy. Every time I see her, I am stopped dead in my tracks, and all I think is, “I love Lucy.”
We met less than two weeks ago at my son and daughter-in-law’s house. Figures, right? I already made her my screensaver.
I know what you’re thinking: This guy is an idiot. This guy is insensitive on every level. This guy is out of his mind. Well, I’m not. I know what love is, and this is love. This is Shakespearean.
After seeing Lucy for the third time, I went to my wife and told her what I was feeling. We have that type of relationship where we tell each other almost anything.
After seeing Lucy for the third time, I went to my wife and told her what I was feeling. We have that type of relationship where we tell each other almost anything. As I started talking, she said, “I can tell something is going on with you. What is it?” I dug deep into my front pocket, pulled out my phone, showed her my screen saver, and said, “I love Lucy. I can’t stop thinking about her.” She said, “I love her too. She’s wonderful. Thank God for her.”
If you haven’t yet guessed, Lucy is our new grandchild. Lucy is also a girl. There has not been a girl on my side of the family for over 100 years. We had three boys. My parents just had me. And my father came from four boys. None of them had girls. When having children, the rule is you get what you get and love what you get.
My wife has been the perfect mother to our boys. She cheered at all the soccer, basketball, and baseball games. She made multiple trips to Dodger Stadium every season. However, she did draw the line at going to mud wrestling. She made sure our home was a loving place.
Underneath it all, I know she would have loved a little girl. But it was not meant to be … until now. Finally, the spell is broken, and she’s got a granddaughter.
Within the first day or two of Lucy’s arrival into this world, the Amazon packages started piling up. Several new pink and red dresses are now hanging from the treadmill and Peloton bike. Coming home from visiting Lucy, my wife remarked that when she changed Lucy’s diaper, she did not have to worry about being squirted on.
Last Shabbos, my son Jacob and I walked to the shul where he and his wife Anna were throwing a kiddush to celebrate Lucy’s arrival. I was called to the Torah for the Third Aliyah. When the baal Korea (reader of the Torah) finished, the place erupted in song and dance. Mazel tov after mazel tov. There I was, standing at the Torah, surrounded by tremendous love. I had the thought that this probably made God happy.
My wife and I have both lost our parents and grandparents. These are the times when you miss them the most. When you wish they could share these moments of great joy. It’s nice to share miracles with other people.
When stepping down from the bima, I shook more hands than a politician vying for reelection. Back at my seat, my son Jacob and I hugged. After taking it all in I realized not just our family, but everyone else who sees our new granddaughter says, “I love Lucy.”
Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and host of the ‘You Don’t Know Schiff’ podcast.
