To All the Young Moms on Mother’s Day

When I had my first child, she fit seamlessly into my life. I could still have a normal schedule because she’d take long naps during the day and barely wake up at night. She was an infant when the pandemic hit, so there wasn’t anywhere to go. I had lots of time to dedicate to being a parent. I got this, I thought. I was ready for number two. 

When I gave birth four months ago, I thought the new baby would be just like my first one. But I quickly learned that she wasn’t. She wouldn’t nap during the day and refused to go to sleep unless I was holding her. As soon as I put her down, she’d wake up. One day, she only napped for 40 minutes. This is crazy, I thought. Don’t babies need a lot more sleep than this?

I wanted to not be frustrated, to have more patience, but I didn’t. As a working mom, it was extremely difficult to tend to my baby every few minutes. On top of this, my two-year-old started acting out because she wasn’t the baby anymore. I had to stop her from hitting our dogs, sleeping in our bed and getting back on the pacifier. 

My husband is incredible and we split responsibilities pretty evenly down the middle. But when our baby is crying because she wants to breastfeed or our toddler is saying, “mommy, mommy” over and over, he just can’t fill in for me.

Young moms have more pressure than ever on them these days. Not only do we have to work, but, at the same time, we have to pretend that our lives are perfect, especially on social media.

Experiencing all this, I realized something: On top of our duties at home, young moms have more pressure than ever on them these days. Not only do we have to work, but at the same time, we also have to pretend that our lives are perfect, especially on social media. We have to bounce right back to our pre-pregnancy weight with the “nine month in, nine month out” challenge, smile in every picture and not talk about how difficult it is to have little children at home. We’re not supposed to show weakness. 

Recently, one Friday afternoon, I saw the clock ticking down to Shabbat and felt the pressure to get everything in order as my baby cried, my toddler whined, my dog barked and work emails came in all at once. I was cooking dinner and couldn’t remember how long the food had been in the oven. I was afraid I was going to ruin the roasted chicken and we’d all go hungry. There were so many things going on and anxious thoughts in my head that it felt like the neurons in my brain were darting back and forth like a pinball. 

Then, I shut down. I ran to our room and hid under the covers. I cried. I prayed for it all to stop. For there to be silence. I’d never felt so overwhelmed in my life. 

Eventually, of course, I calmed down, with my husband’s help and getting a little bit of time to myself. But I’m telling this story because we shouldn’t feel pressured to also keep all of our insecurities, worries, stress and shortcomings private. That makes everything worse. When we share, we feel better, and we can also make someone who is experiencing the same challenges feel less alone. Being a mother of young children is isolating enough. Why isolate ourselves even more by keeping it all inside? It will only eat us up over time. We deserve better.  

I want my fellow young mothers to know that even if you feel like the world doesn’t see you, I do. I understand. We will get through this time – not always with a smile on our faces – but certainly with much more joy than we thought was possible. Being a mother is the biggest challenge and the greatest gift. By taking care of ourselves and sharing our struggles, we will prevail. 

This Mother’s Day, treat yourself to some time at the spa. Talk to your fellow mommies about what’s happening in your life. Recharge your batteries, and show up for your family as your most authentic self. 

This Mother’s Day, celebrate yourself for the beautiful, bright and shining light that you are.

Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community and Arts Editor for the Jewish Journal.