Transforming Darkness Into Love
“God picked me to be a sample boy,” Danny said one day when he was 9. “God picked me to have my own unique point of view. That’s what’s unique about me — I have my own unique point of view. After I die, God will pick another sample boy to take my place.”
Danny is the protagonist of “Queen for a Day” (Delphinium Books), a debut “novel in stories” by Maxine Rosaler. This excerpt is one of the many unusual yet beautiful passages traversing this poignant book, which is based on Rosaler’s experiences with her autistic son, Benjy. The book focuses on Danny, but it’s really about how everyone else — his mother, father, teachers, therapists, etc. — react and respond to him and to other kids with special needs.
Rosaler is Mimi in the book, and one of Mimi’s many new friends is Amy (Mimi’s old friends, not coincidentally, disappeared after Danny was born). Amy’s father, a pediatrician, insisted that she put her autistic son in an institution: “His life is ruined, over before it has begun. But why should your life be ruined, too?”
The book — set in New York City in the mid-1990s, when society is transitioning from the practice of placing children with special needs in homes or institutions to allowing their families to nurture them — exposes an ugly underworld of doctors and bureaucrats who could not be less helpful and more exploitative. School districts, psychiatrists and counselors are not trained or equipped to fully address the challenges of special needs children, and Mimi spends her days consumed with writing letters, making phone calls, meeting with doctors, therapists, administrators and lawyers — days full of fear, fury, isolation and unbearable stress just trying to manage Danny’s daily life.
The book’s title is taken from a 1950s TV show on which female contestants — overwhelmed housewives before feminism — vie for the chance to be set free from the drudgery of their lives for just one day. Mimi and her friends were raised with feminism and expected to have it all — a career and a family. Having children with special needs has changed everything. Most of these mothers become depressed, anxious, bitter and resentful.
The year Danny gets into a yeshiva brings some immediate relief and hope. The school seems to be a natural fit for Danny’s ability to retain arcane facts — a characteristic of many autistic kids. “Danny seemed to enjoy learning a new language with an alphabet all its own. … He knew all the Hebrew prayers. He knew that fruits that grew on vines required different prayers from those that grew on trees, as did vegetables that grew underground versus those that grew aboveground.” And Mimi sees the yeshiva as a place of future support for Danny. After she and her husband die someday, she thinks, “there would be an entire community ready to step in to welcome him with open arms.”
Alas, the yeshiva isn’t set up to handle children like Danny, and he is forced to leave.
Suicide comes up frequently. “I just wanted to die for a little while,” Mimi says. “Probably there’s a point in everyone’s life where death seems like an attractive option.” One mother keeps two bags of barbiturates in the house, one for herself and one for her son.
Mimi refers to her life as “the battlefield of her existence.” She envies her husband’s more positive attitude: “How could he be in love with the same bewildering child and not let his life turn into one gigantic tragedy too?”
Mimi is ultimately saved by her (often dark) humor and her profound, unconditional love for her husband and Danny: “There existed an eternity in the love that was in my heart for my husband and my son.” The book tracks with exquisite detail the various stages she goes through to get to that point — her initial denial, her seeing the diagnosis of autism as tragic, and then her acceptance and even gratitude.
Mimi comes to realize that although raising an autistic child can create unimaginable stress, it is not a tragedy. “Wake up, Mimi!” she says to herself. “Is this how you want to be? Seeing misery in every grain of sand?”
Mimi comes to realize that although raising an autistic child can create unimaginable stress, it is not a tragedy. “Wake up, Mimi!” she says to herself. “Is this how you want to be? Seeing misery in every grain of sand?”
Mothers often talk about how Nature makes the second (or third or fourth) child easier. Well, what about children with incurable problems? Does Nature choose mothers and fathers with the most patience?
Mimi would shout: Absolutely not! She is the first to admit that she and her friends are imperfect. They are not saints.
But do these special children — children of God — end up changing their parents for the better?
There’s no question that Danny changes Mimi’s perspective on life. Danny’s world is beautiful. He is full of curiosity, delight and joy, and interested in machines, animals and plants. He lives completely unaware of and unconcerned about what people think of him. He is almost always happy. Mimi envies his world — until she realizes she can enter it too. And it is at that point that Mimi accepts Danny for who he is.
The bravery and tenacity of Mimi and Danny remind me of the first stanza of the song “This is Me.”
I am not a stranger to the dark
Hide away, they say
‘Cause we don’t want your broken parts
But I won’t let them break me down to dust
I know there’s a place for us
For we are glorious
Rosaler’s son Benjy, now 26, attends City College of New York, where he is majoring in chemistry. Through New York state’s Self-Direction program, Rosaler has been able to hire tutors to go to school with her son.
In “Queen for a Day,” she has been able to tell a story that, although woven with unbearable frustrations and fears, ultimately reveals lives that grow in love, acceptance and gratitude. It is a story that each of us needs to read.
Karen Lehrman Bloch is an author and cultural critic.
JJ Inside The Print
The idea that anti-Semitism often hides behind Israel criticism is now well established. A prominent example is Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.), who had to apologize for...
When I first read Rep. Ilhan Omar’s now-infamous Feb. 11 tweet — “It’s all about the Benjamins baby” — my tired brain thought: Wow, she’s...
Should a company owned by someone who performs in blackface receive a government contract? How about a corporation whose CEO defends white supremacy? Ralph Northam,...
Canary Mission, a website that highlights hateful remarks by anti-Israel students and professors, recently exposed anti-Semitic statements by Lara Kollab, who was, until September, a...
The president of the United States laced this year’s State of the Union with references to anti-Semitism. He invited a Holocaust survivor of Dachau and...
“The World’s Best,” CBS’ new addition to the TV talent competition genre, hosted by James Corden, is global in its focus. The acts are international,...
Don’t get me wrong. I really like my iPhone, iPad, Apple Watch, Dell laptop, smart TV and Alexa. I’m connected, baby! I recently took an...
Editor's note: The following piece is a work of fiction. Gina sashayed her hips as she folded chopped apples into the cake batter, humming along...
Editor’s Note: In the Feb. 8 Journal, New York State’s new abortion law, which legally ensures the right to abortion if Roe v. Wade were...
The story of medical atrocities inflicted on women in Auschwitz-Birkenau finally ought to be told. Alongside its gas chambers and crematoria, Auschwitz served as a...
Molly Cutler has been living with a neuromuscular disease called Charcot-Marie-Tooth since she was 5 years old. But she never let it stop her from...
The precise moment when a politician becomes pathetic can be difficult to pin down. Take Labor Party leader Avi Gabbay for example. When Gabbay declares...
When she was young, Fanny Koyman never thought about pursuing a career in day-school education. And, accordingly, she certainly never imagined she would one day...
One verse, five voices. Edited by Salvador Litvak, Accidental Talmudist “When Aaron kindles the lights in the afternoon, he shall make it go up in smoke,...
It was a house of coffee cake and hairspray, needlepoint and gossip, men essential to the organism but flung to sides like water in a...
According to polls, 40 percent of Americans have negative feelings about Valentine’s Day. The El Paso Zoo announced “Quit Bugging Me” for the holiday, in...
It’s mid-morning on a Thursday at Canter’s Deli on Fairfax Avenue — nearly two weeks after the death of its patriarch, Alan Canter — and...
Taking center stage before 1,600 people at the Saban Theatre in Beverly Hills on Feb. 10, former FBI Director James Comey broke the ice by...
Illegitimate criticism of Israel was the major focus of the Maccabee Academy, hosted by the Maccabee Task Force (MTF) at the Venetian Hotel in Las...
One of Netflix’s most popular new series is about a pair of 70-something buddies aging in Hollywood, prostate problems and all. In the deft hands...
On a recent rainy Saturday night, facing a full house in the roomy sanctuary at West Hills Shomrei Torah Synagogue, Jackie Rafii, the shul’s cantorial...
Jewish mourning rituals and the science of decomposition are unlikely topics for a comedy, but writer-director Shawn Snyder deftly mines them for dark humor and...
Comedian Judy Gold emerged on stage at an Upper West Side theater on Feb. 11 and screeched, “Oh my God, I’m so excited,” as she...
Two anniversaries this spring deserve recognition as turning points in bringing the then largely ignored horror of the Holocaust home to the post-World War II...
After Steven Spielberg released his epic film “Schindler’s List,” Holocaust survivors would approach the director and tell him, “That’s a great movie, but let me...
Alan Averick died Jan. 12 at 100. Survived by daughter Joady; sons Michael, William; 2 grandchildren; 2 great-grandchildren. Hillside Jacqueline “Jackie” Bender died Dec. 30...
Once upon a time, people actually used clothespins to hang damp clothes out to dry. While a few old-school laundry enthusiasts may still do so,...
If Géza Röhrig’s trajectory is an anomaly in his native Hungary, it is even more so in Hollywood. The former boxer and punk rocker was...
The 2019 American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) gala was held at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood on Jan. 27. About 1,300 attendees enjoyed a program...
FRI FEB 15 Frieze Los Angeles Art Fair The inaugural Frieze Los Angeles contemporary art fair opens on the New York City backlot of Paramount...
Carr Seat Kudos to the Jewish Journal for its front-page article on the appointment of Elan Carr as Special Envoy to Monitor and Combat Anti-Semitism...
[caption id="attachment_293807" align="aligncenter" width="1800"] Illustrated by David Mamet[/caption]
We call this format a Timesaver Guide to Israel’s Coming Elections. This will be a usual feature on Rosner’s Domain until April 9. We hope...
Just a week ago, I penned a column extolling the miraculous effect of witnessing a conference against Iran – co-hosted by the United States and...