Dear Tabby: Jewish Privilege, Progressive Guilt and Defiant Sisters

Last month, we announced in my column that I am starting a new advice column titled, “Dear Tabby,” in which I will attempt to offer partially-useful, tongue-in-cheek responses to your most pressing questions. The first set of inquiries has affirmed that Jewish Journal readers are impassioned, complicated beings with justifiable stressors and an inarguable need to learn how to make Sephardic dafina. 

Dear Tabby,
My 14-year-old son came home from school and asked, “If we’re Jewish, we’re privileged, right?” I was so shocked. I’m a single mother who receives government aid. How should I respond?
Thanks,
99 Cents Store Mom

Dear 99 Cents,
You may not enjoy reading this, but your son is right; you are privileged. Please sit down with him and let him know that for thousands of years, Jews have received special privilege in being singled out by antisemites, to the exclusion of nearly everyone else. Ask him if he understands how special it is to be hated by both the Left and the Right. Can he imagine how rare it is to be loathed by a Leftist professor in the Pacific Northwest, a basketball superstar on the East Coast, a white supremacist in Europe and a fanatic Islamist in the Middle East? I’m sorry, but by my definition, that’s privilege. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re pushing your son to do well in school. Tell me, 99, is that really fair? Why would you have him aspire to academic success if it would mean continuing the cycle of privilege? Stop helping him with homework. Let him fail (while you also pursue various degrees of failure) so that the world will have one less privileged Jew. That’s not asking too much, is it? I hope this helps. 

Dear Tabby,
My sister is moving into a new house and only wants to put a mezuzah on the main door. I told her to put it on bedroom doors, too. She says she doesn’t want to. What to do?
Energetically Yours,
C

Dear C,
Before I committed to performing more mitzvot, or commandments, I also didn’t know that a mezuzah should be placed at each doorpost or entrance in the home (except for bathrooms). Like many Jews, I grew up with one mezuzah affixed at our front doorpost, which I kissed obsessively. In regard to your frustration, I have two questions: First, did you and your sister grow up with one mezuzah outside your front entrance at your parents’ home? If so, I understand why your sister doesn’t feel the need to affix more beyond that. Second, if you push your sister too hard on this matter, would you actually be turning her away from Jewish practice, rather than bringing her closer? If you really want to get involved (again), the best thing you could do for your sister would be to offer to have her mezuzah scroll checked to see if it’s kosher. It’s an easy process and there are many places in LA to have it checked. Finally, there is a solution to this conundrum: You can announce that when you visit your sister, you’ll only stay in the room that’s closest to the front entrance, and not venture out of there (not even to eat in the dining room or to use the bathroom). That’ll teach her. 

Dear Tabby,
I have considered myself a progressive before anyone started using that term. But as I’ve met and grown to appreciate so many Iranian Americans, I’ve become disenchanted with how American presidents have dealt with Iran. Why is it so complicated? The regime is genocidal and misogynistic, and needs to go. Is it wrong that I’m losing sleep over how the Biden administration should be helping Iranian demonstrators more?
Thanks,
Steve (Tired in Tarzana)

Dear Tired,
It’s not wrong. If anything, you should be losing more sleep. 

Dear Tabby,
Why does my Shabbat cholent keep burning at the bottom of the slow cooker?
Thanks,
Single ‘02

Dear ‘02,
Your cholent keeps burning because it’s not [Sephardic] dafina. Also, set the timer to “Warm” after 10, instead of 12 hours. And please speak to a cholent expert at once—like any grandmother.

To send a question to “Dear Tabby,” email deartabby@jewishjournal.com (and rest assured that all names will be kept anonymous)

Tabby Refael is an award-winning, LA-based weekly columnist for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @tabbyrefael.