The Auschwitz Hug That Brought Teens and Survivors Together

Picture a Holocaust survivor and a German embracing in, of all places, Auschwitz.

All journeys have to start somewhere.

Through Holding Hands, a program that connects Holocaust survivors with teens, I befriended an inspirational survivor named Eva Perlman, whom I check in with every Friday.

Like others dealing with the stifling boredom and unyielding isolation from COVID-19, 88-year-old Perlman juggles her innumerable Zoom calls and business meetings in her small room inside the Jewish Home, a retirement oasis in Los Angeles.

Although Perlman’s life is filled with many impressive feats — she did, after all, survive Hitler’s reign of terror — she has found purpose and solace through the March of the Living, an annual program that brings 18-year-old students from 40 countries to Israel and Poland to learn about the Holocaust. The event is a reciprocal response; students learn as much from Holocaust survivors as survivors learn from students.

While growing up, Perlman developed an inferiority complex that she carried with her throughout her adult years. Her deep-rooted insecurities can be wholly attributed to the fact she rarely experienced physical love and affection from her parents. Perlman’s parents undeniably loved her, but aside from perfunctory kisses in the morning and occasional pats on the head, there was no display of tenderness in her house. Such was that era.

Perlman describes her mother as very authoritative and headstrong, and said that her father rarely hugged his daughter. Despite not finding the March of the Living until she was a senior citizen, the organization helped Perlman overcome her inferiority complex as the students inundated her with love and affection. Perlman felt that although the students had no obligation to love her, they fully accepted and appreciated her, enabling her to feel like she truly had a purpose in life.

Although Perlman always had juggled her family and various occupations, she never felt like she had anything to give to the world. However, after students reached out to her after the march and explained how she left an indelible mark on their lives, Perlman finally felt like she had a purpose. The march is such a pivotal aspect of Perlman’s life, not only because it connects her with the students and the staff she loves, but also because it has helped her heal.

Even before introducing herself, one German woman, Rose, tightly hugged Perlman and thanked God for preserving her.

After the war, Perlman developed intense hatred toward anything German — and transmitted these feelings to her three children. She couldn’t even hear someone speak German without cringing, and adamantly refused to buy anything made in Germany. Although she understood the Germans of today are not the perpetrators of the Holocaust, she still couldn’t fully overcome her hatred toward the Germans. However, these feelings finally dissipated after being introduced to a group of German women on a march. These women learned about the crimes their fathers committed, and with a German-Christian organization advocating for Israel, they made it their mission to educate people on the injustices inexorably linked to the Holocaust.

The march is such a pivotal aspect of Perlman’s life, not only because it connects her with the students and the staff she loves, but also because it has helped her heal.

Even before introducing herself, one German woman, Rose, tightly hugged Perlman and thanked God for preserving her. A Jew and a German embracing in Auschwitz — something so thoroughly unconventional. Perlman and her family also befriended another German woman, Sigrun, who also advocates for Israel. They became fast friends; Sigrun even invited Perlman to Berlin. Although Perlman was reticent because she hadn’t been to Berlin in over 80 years, after much goading from her new friend, she made the trip. The trip was a walk down memory lane as Perlman visited the school where her grandfather taught and the local university her mother attended. Ironically, Perlman became moderately proficient in German by the end of the trip. She credits her ability to coexist with Germans to the march and specifically to that enduring, cross-cultural, cross-generational hug.

From childhood through the Holocaust, Perlman fervently believed in God, and her beliefs were unwavering. She believed there was a higher power but that was the extent of her beliefs. No one ever questioned her opinions, and she ostensibly had no Jewish education until after the war, so she never explored her relationship with God. It wasn’t until the March of the Living when she was confronted with questions from students and fellow survivors that Perlman began to question her own way of thinking. This opened the door to interesting discussions about God’s role in our lives, which helped shape Perlman’s beliefs.

Perlman believes God gave each person a healthy mind, a healthy body and the opportunity to choose between good and evil. However, God, as she believes, doesn’t pull all the strings in life. Instead, the path we choose to take, and the ramifications of our actions, are our doing, and our doing only.

Much to her disappointment, this year’s March of the Living was canceled because of COVID-19. However, Perlman still reflects on the profound effect the march has had on her life. From giving her a sense of purpose in life to helping her overcome her hatred toward German people to fueling her love for God, it is unambiguous that the march plays a seminal role in her life.

Ava Lifton is a member of the Remember Us Teen Board and a rising senior at New West Charter High School. Lifton was a Diller Teen Fellow 2019-20 and is a member of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple community.