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We’re Hibernating in Spring

The glee of going outside will be tempered by the changes in our relationship to the outside.
[additional-authors]
May 5, 2020

Well, that time of the year has finally arrived. Spring is in the air. But are we allowed to trust that air, or is taking a deep breath — especially nearby an exhaling passerby — still a health hazard?

We aren’t going to know for sure. Venturing out will be a test of courage for some and reckless abandon for others. States slowly will reopen. Nonessential businesses will hope for the return of their tentative, halting but still loyal customers. More people will get tested for the coronavirus; others will crack open the results of their antibody tests like a Chinese fortune cookie (the virus did start in China, after all). A vaccine, apparently, is still a near-time fantasy.

Meanwhile, we are being warned that the coronavirus is sure to return in the fall with a vengeance.

What kind of a crazy virus is this?

Next winter will be utterly joyless. Black Friday sales surely will no longer tempt stampeding shoppers to risk a discounted lifespan. Zoom TV dinners will rob Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah of all festivity. Unwrapping presents will require the added feature of a Handi Wipes pat down.

Quarantines soon will have seasonal significance. Hibernation no longer will apply to bears alone. Without haircuts and hair coloring, and limited access to toilet paper, we are all feeling less human anyway. Books on how to survive the next coronavirus outbreak will top bestseller lists.

The new normal will take some getting used to. Expect protests by those who will refuse to allow a virus to impinge on their individual liberties. Conspiracy theories will be as contagious as the virus itself. San Francisco has its pre- and post-fire memories; New York City has pre- and post-9/11. This period of our lives will soon leave us with a dividing line between pre- and post-COVID-19.

Normality will be judged on a very different scale.

 Masks may end up becoming the most essential of all accessories, fashion statements that drive consumer demand like the 20th century’s Swatches, Cabbage Patch Kids and Air Jordans.

Some are projecting two years for immunities to be developed and a vaccine discovered. In the meantime, traumatized by months of home confinement and daily briefings of coronavirus-related deaths, virus phobia across global populations is inevitable. Some will never be convinced that it is safe to go outside. This virus may prove to be the cure for claustrophobia. A psychosomatic fear of germs and Chinese products might lead to a boycott of anything associated with Batman.

The ubiquity of all these masks hasn’t helped matters. The Hollywood screenwriter’s go-to dialogue, “Who is that masked man?” now applies to everyone. Masks may end up becoming the most essential of all accessories, fashion statements that drive consumer demand like the 20th century’s Swatches, Cabbage Patch Kids and Air Jordans. The fall season’s runway shows, with virtual catwalks, will feature the latest in designer facial-wear.

France will have to withdraw its burka ban now that everyone is required to hide some of their faces from public view. What makes us less recognizable, however, also makes us less human — and less free. How will we know when we are in the presence of a friendly face? Social distancing is the death of social niceties as we know it.

All this enforced separation doubtlessly will arouse suspicions. After all, shaking hands and the affectionate embrace are essential gestures of civility, which we may soon forget. Just think about the transactions once negotiated with a simple, gloveless handshake — no written contracts, no notaries, just the bond of trust created between two human beings who needed no further reassurance than the clasp of another’s hand.

But now hands carry risk, shouldn’t touch a face, and shouldn’t be shaken, either.

This week, the Supreme Court, for the first time in its history, will conduct oral arguments telephonically — audio only. The Justices will be separated from one another, presiding in their individual homes, as likely to be wearing their bathrobes as their judicial ones. Lost will be the art of eye contact; the ability to read the sincerity of a face, the sensory skill of intuition that is powerless without a true human encounter.

Imagine how fearful and avoidant we will become of crowds — no matter their size. Cleanliness will become the new ethic, precision handwashing elevated to an Olympic sport — the closest many will come to seeing an actual Olympics.

Once-popular gathering spots will be deserted: the dropping of the ball on New Year’s Eve in Times Square; Hollywood premieres at Sunset and Vine; browsing at the Glendale Galleria. What will become of air travel, elevators and mass transit? Social distancing at Dodger Stadium will invite creative ticketing — three innings only, with fans taking shifts like steel mill workers.

We have yet to fathom the myriad and imaginative ways we will be forced to redesign our public life. In order to retain a semblance of the world we once knew, we will have to adopt novel ways of circumventing our germ-filled surroundings.

The dawning of these new days soon will become more apparent. The glee of going outside will be tempered by the changes in our relationship to the outside, with all these new rules of disengagement, where keeping one’s distance is the new social etiquette. The true measure of our capacity to bounce back will depend on our acceptance of this new, surreal COVID-19 reality.

Six-feet under, at least, used to represent only the demarcation between the dead and the living. Now “six feet” denotes the distance we must stand apart from one another in order to remain among the living.

But it is not unreasonable to ask: Is this living?


Thane Rosenbaum is a novelist, essayist, law professor and Distinguished University Professor at Touro College, where he directs the Forum on Life, Culture & Society. His work has appeared in major national and global publications. He is the legal analyst for CBS News Radio and appears frequently on cable TV news programs. His most recent book is titled “Saving Free Speech … From Itself.”

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