Ripple Effect: Drive-By

One of the first kids I met when I started working with incarcerated youth was a young girl who touched my soul deeply. I believe she is one of the main reasons I stay committed to this work.

She was quirky, upbeat, and fun.
You would never guess looking at her that she had such a horrific history.
She had been terribly abused as a little girl, neglected and sexually assaulted, yet her spirit was resilient and strong.

When she was 14 years old, she got into a car that did what is called in street slang a “drive-by.”

If you google “drive-by,” the definition you will get is “a shooting carried out from a passing vehicle.”

She was in a car with three young men and multiple people were killed.

A speed chase followed on the highway and when it ended, she was taken into custody. It was very clear that she had nothing to do with the drive-by. She simply got into the wrong car at the wrong time.

As a juvenile, she was given grace. I met her when she was detained in a county lockup facility. I fell in love with her tenacity, strong will and all-around beautiful soul.

I have not seen her or heard from her as years have passed. Sadly, I recently found out that she is doing a life sentence in a county jail. She has two children and I was also told that she has lost her joy, and the funny, young girl has turned into a sullen, bitter woman.

Her innocence was almost gone the moment she came into this world, but somehow as a teenager when I met her, her spirit was able to rise above her circumstances. I know she was sex trafficked and clearly life was not kind to her.

This story reminds us that the human spirit has limits and, as much as I have seen many of my students change and find the path to success, so many, oh so many, are suffering, stuck in an unfair, unjust  system that is incredibly punitive and not restorative enough.

When I met her, I remember being absolutely flabbergasted by the concept of a drive-by. It was something I thought you only see in movies.

When I heard the details of what had happened to her, it literally took my breath away.

This week I experienced another type of drive-by. It could not have been more dramatically different from the drive-by of that young girl I met years ago or the drive-by many of my students have been part of or affected by.

One of my daughter’s friends had a birthday. The mom organized a drive-by birthday party which seems to be kind of a norm these days.

Poster boards were drawn. Pictures were printed. Balloons were purchased and off we went to The Valley. Lined up at the end of the street were five cars. The sunroofs were all open and five sweet girls’ bodies were popping out of them holding up posters cheering and singing “Happy Birthday” to their friend as we slowly drove by.

A wave of emotion swept over me. When my daughter peeked down into the car, she rolled her eyes and said, “Are you crying? Of course, you’re crying!! Oh my god, Mommy, seriously?!” and back up she went to cheering and screaming “Happy birthday” at the top of her lungs.

Truth is, I was crying because this moment was incredibly sweet and beautiful and brought some normalcy into the crazy time we are living in. At the same time, this drive-by was a little whacky and a testament to the absolutely abnormal era of the coronavirus.

In my online Zoom class, we have been talking about our feelings and how hard it is to deal with them. One of my students shared that she relapsed and used drugs this week. She’s okay but is incredibly mad at herself. We showed her love online, told her she can do this, and gave her as much support as possible.

Another student who recently got out of jail shared that she is sad because she just got visitation days with her son, but how can she visit with him from 6 feet away?

Without thinking, I suggested she does a drive-by.

The moment I said it I realized how bad it must have sounded.

It looked like my computer froze, because everyone on that Zoom call was in shock and didn’t move.

Frankly, they were as flabbergasted by my suggestion as I was long ago when I found out that a drive-by happens in life for real.

I laughed out loud and calmed my sweet Homies down.
I explained that I don’t mean a “bang bang” shooting drive-by.

Someone said, “Oh, you mean a drive-by that we see now on social media where people go celebrating birthdays and shit.”

“Yes,” I said, “that is what I mean.”

“Thank Goodness Ms. We thought you gone bad!!” one said.

We all share a really deep laugh.

“Try and get permission to drive by your son’s house and see him from 6 feet away.” I say.

I tell them how I think it’s cool that this thing we know in our heads is horrible can be totally turned around into this kind of awesome, new tradition.

And then one of my guys nailed it.

“Ms., you can take the bad, even the really bad, and turn it into good. You just need the right intention, that’s all.”

I look at him in that tiny box on my computer and I want to lean in and give him a hug. He was really bad, and now I really don’t know anyone with a heart bigger than his.

He is incredibly calm, wise, and always reassuring that we can make things happen. He is my living proof that the bad can be turned into good.

He thinks the new drive-by is awesome, and he was in many of the other kind.

He encourages the other student. “Go for it, Girl! Drive by and see your kid.”

I am getting emotional.
In normal times, I am more emotional than most, and in this weird coronavirus time everything, and I mean everything, makes me a little teary.

“Please try over the weekend to drive by and see your son, for you and for him.”

She says she will.

We all take a breath, pick an imaginary flower, smell it, and put it on our heart.

We end the class.

My screen goes dark.

I sit for a long moment staring at my computer.

I think of that outspoken girl I met long ago. I think how the bad just got increasingly worse for her. I remember how funny and hopeful she was, and I am overwhelmed by the sadness.

Then I think of my other student.

He committed a crime when he was young.

He spent years in jail.

He then found the good.

In himself.
In the world.

Now, he is one of my teachers.

The good cannot and does not always win.

But we sure as hell can try as hard as we can to help the good in and invite it to stay.

The person who knows the girl who was in the drive-by, shared my sadness about her fate, and told me that she had loved my class.

“I hope it brought her joy.”

“Oh, it did,” he told me.

We are both quiet because we both know that, in this case, that joy was not enough.

“Sometimes there is nothing you can do,” he told me.

“I know,” I say, “but, I choose to ignore that, and keep believing I can and that my program will.”

“That’s good!” he tells me, and we both laugh.

It has been proven that the difference in a struggling youth’s life is one, ONE, individual believing in their good.

So, although the good does not always win, I will always, always, continue to believe in it.

I hope you will too.

Naomi Ackerman is a Mom, activist, writer, performer, and the founder and Executive Director of The Advot (ripple) Project a registered 501(c)3 that uses theatre and the arts to empower youth at risk to live their best life.