fbpx
[additional-authors]
November 14, 2012

By Ben Spielberg

When I was younger, I would pride myself in my rebellion. In high school, I would habitually leave class and venture off campus. On the weekends, I would stay in bed for as long as humanly possible. I would hook up distortion pedals to my bass, play only songs in minor keys, and whisper and yelp gibberish into microphones.

My mantra was “question everything, no matter what.” My jeans were torn and lazily sewn back together with unflavored dental floss and most of my t-shirts were sleeveless. I read just enough Sartre and Camus to hate the world, but not enough to find the beauty in meaninglessness—or, as Harriet likes to call it, “spiritual housekeeping.”

I stole individual pieces of string cheese from small bodegas just because I didn't want to support those damn cheese lobbyists (Kraft is, after all, owned by Philip Morris).

I arrived at Beit T'Shuvah when I was 20 years old. My rebellious nature was immediately compromised; I was forced to make my bed and not allowed to live in it. I, along with dozens of tattooed reoffending criminals, had to sit still during Shabbat and clean up when it ended. What stung the most was the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous: admitting powerlessness. I wrestled with it in my head, but it always seemed like I was the one who had the power; I was the one who had control. In the end, all it took was a little bit of blind faith—I temporarily let go of my questions and just believed. There were no peer-reviewed studies to dig through or five-star Amazon.com reviews to glance at.

Today, I am 22 years old and I make my bed on most days. I don't wear t-shirts to work and I ask serious questions in class. But I am still a rebel; my mantra remains the same, even after rehab. But I finish my books this time, I buy string cheese at full-price, and I keep my basslines distortion-free. But I still have trouble admitting things like powerlessness; I always question simple terminology. Maybe I didn't sell out. But I definitely bought in.

Did you enjoy this article?
You'll love our roundtable.

Rosner’s Domain | No Suspension of Suspicion

These countries plotted – or at least one of them plotted – to advance peace agreements with Israel simply to lull it to sleep ahead of a war at a more convenient time. Or so the “sources” say.

The Power of a Quilt

I think of how something as simple as a blanket can carry a person’s spirit, their story, their love, their hope.

The Iranian Intellectual Who Admired Israel

The scholar’s earlier affinity for the Jewish state is worth revisiting and appreciating, reminding us in this moment of uncertainty that more positive possibilities could very well emerge between two nations, a friendship as existed decades ago, renewed.

What Do We Give Our Children?

Parenthood has a way of exposing the limits of instruction. Children do not necessarily inherit what we tell them to value. They inherit what they see us value.

Between Governance and Political Rot

Political appointments systematically damage the very core of the public service. They sever the connection between office and competence, replacing professional qualifications with party loyalty.

Senators, Shandas and Stoopers

How wonderful it would be if instead of shandas and stoopers, we had courageous leaders who refused to be part of any “big tent” that included antisemites, racists, and those who would slander and undermine the state of Israel.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.