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Jewish Journal

Connect. Inform. Inspire.

October 30, 2013

Masks: Escapes from Hats!

Leave a Comment / Culture, Is Featured?, Mobile /

There is a fascinating psychiatric condition called “dissociative fugue.” A person who appears normal even to the trained eye, gets up one day, leaves home, and relocates to assume a new identity and a new life, completely amnesic to the original self. Etiology: extreme emotional exhaustion, nervous breakdown.

Then there is the more mundane anxiety disorder which plagues my practice. I see many crashing moms who seek out my help for chest pains, palpitations, shortness of breath, symptoms that are often associated with a heart attack, except the majority are healthily burning out from the number of hats they wear.
We speak of the hats we wear as the roles we play in life. A woman may at once be a mother, a daughter, a chauffeur, a confidant, a housekeeper, a pharmacist, a role model, a volunteer, and when time allows a wife. Her partner in life may at once be a father, a son, a philanthropist, a lawyer, a mentor, a coach, a plumber and perhaps some nights even a husband. We are all overstretched by the number of hats we wear. 

Biblical images are fascinating. The highest energy of life is to recreate itself, but infertility is a recurring theme. This week, Rebekah is barren. Isaac is in despair, not for himself, but for his beloved, as her fulfillment is more important to him that his own. So he prays deeply. Rebekah conceives twins- representing our internal complementary conflicts: Jacob is gentle and clever, Esau strong and impulsive; one of thought, the other of emotion, one of quiet observation, the other of brute action. Her outward angst of an unproductive life, literally turns inward, splitting into our daily struggles to balance work, family, community, self. To give meaning to life, we are taught, we need to balance opposing forces into a melody that is uniquely our own.

Occasionally we put on masks to escape the hats. In these days of masquerades, a temporary escape from our daily hats is welcome and perhaps necessary. But what if for some of us, many of us, these masks become permanent, seeking the state of fugue? What if the joy of the escape is greater than the pain of reality?
Mark Twain once wrote “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.” So does it follow that when you take away the mask he is lying? And isn't the mask itself a lie? There are fifty shade of grey between reality and pretense.

Within each of us exists a simultaneous need to be an individual different from the rest and a person with a strong sense of belonging. Paradoxically, masks are not only a means to escape, but also a way for us to be accepted, connected. One mask gets us invited into a high social club where we spend beyond our means to rub shoulders with the more wealthy, while another helps us pretend we are smarter in order to hang with those whom we admire. Some of us spend our lives wearing masks that please everyone else forgoing our true selves. A mask I wear is to keep the germs of my mouth from entering the wound of a patient. This surgical mask metaphorically teaches me to guard my tongue wisely, not to injure the fallen with an unkind word.

What if the face we put on daily turns out to be a mask? What if we lose what is beneath the mask? Celebrity too is a mask that deforms our true face. We forget that masks are immutable and if we wear them long enough, our dynamic personalities become stuck on a single dull channel. To me the mask of the suicidal clown is the saddest.

The more hats we wear the more masks we need. Our children, who wear only one hat, need no masks and are scared by them. They live in the now. They live with a simple truth. They live as did Adam and Eve before they ate of the fruit of The Tree of Knowledge. The Ego, is not who we really are. The ego is the projected self-image, the sum of the roles we play. Our social mask thrives on approval. Our ego wants control, desperate for power, because it lives in fear of rejection.

In the end, the hats we wear are shed; the masks we wear are stripped. What endures is the pure truth of our childhood innocence. From stretch marks, to loss of height, from balding heads to wrinkles, from fat deposits in unwanted places, life removes our masks of youth and the seductive dance in our steps. Through holy, loving long term relationships do lovers see the beloved’s soul naked, free from physical masks and superimposed bars. We, created in the image of God, carry that spark which simply glows inside, flickering to communicate, untapped by those blinded by the surface.

The most profound way to love is to discover that guarded jewel which others cannot see, to unveil the face of God. A mother who loves her son sees a special glow of genius in him. A daughter who loves her father finds within him an irreplaceable source of strength. In an unlikely friend, we find a well of eternal kindness from which others fail to quench their thirst. Moses sees the fire of God in a bush that had been trampled by many passersby before. Ultimately, love removes the masks under which our beloved shines brightest.

Masks: Escapes from Hats! Read More »

The wells of peace: Parashat Toldot (Genesis 25:19-28:9)

Leave a Comment / Judaism, Torah /

Wells, water, history and peace. Seems like as much as the world changes, advances and develops, some things remain intact, remain essential to our future. In the midst of this week’s parasha, Toldot, within the stories of familial strife among Isaac, Rebecca and their twin sons, Jacob and Esau, in between the pain, we have a scene that brings hope, if not for the immediate pain of the Torah’s story, then for the future, perhaps for us today.

Like his father before him, Isaac has to deal with a famine; like his father before him, Isaac is blessed with material wealth and success; like his father before him, Isaac lies about his wife being his sister; like his father before him, he has interactions with Abimelech of Gerar, the Philistine king. And like his father before him, Isaac digs wells, seeking water, which despite what anyone tells us to the contrary, is still the most valued commodity in the Middle East. I have become fascinated by these interactions of Abraham and Isaac with Abimelech, as they both end in peaceful ways, with enemies able to reconcile differences and strike an accord. In our parasha, Isaac “digs anew the wells which had been dug in the days of his father Abraham and which the Philistines had stopped up after Abraham’s death; and he gave them the same names that his father had given them” (Genesis 26:18). One of the lessons that our tradition gleans from this verse is that connecting to our history, our past, is crucial to our present and future. Isaac digs the same wells as Abraham — not only that, he gives them the same names as Abraham did, restoring a connection that had been lost after Abraham’s death. 

How do we identify, relate to and engage with those people, places and sacred objects that came before us? This verse, and this whole story, in a way, reminds us that as we pass from one generation to the next, we are called to retain through memory and intention a connection to that which came before us. It is a holy balance to live in the tension between creating anew and retaining tradition, between innovation that disassociates from the past and innovation that builds upon the past. By naming the wells with the same name, Isaac is validating what his father created, honoring that creation even as he tries to make his generation connected anew. That is the history.

And now for the peace. The Torah says that Isaac’s workers found a “b’air mayyim chayyim, a well of living water.” The added word of “chayyim” gives the Talmud an opening for a midrashic understanding of this verse: “Rabbi Hanina says, ‘One who sees a well in a dream sees peace,’ as it says, ‘and Isaac’s workers found a well of living water’ ” (Berachot 56b). Water has long been associated with peace, one of the natural elements of creation. Torah itself is also known as a ‘well of living water,’ as the same talmudic passage goes on to say. What can we learn from this? In a commentary on this verse, Torah Temimah explains what it means that if one sees a well in a dream, one sees peace. He writes, “The new well, which Isaac dug, could not be re-established and give water until Isaac had made peace with Abimelech.” After a negative experience with Abimelech, Isaac leaves the main area and retreats to the wadi of Gerar, as Abraham had also done. The men of Gerar continue to struggle with Isaac’s workers over the wells. It is not until there is reconciliation between Abimelech and Isaac that the word “shalom” appears, twice, in describing the pact between them (Genesis 26:29, 31). There is an honest dialogue, an acknowledgement of each other’s humanity, a festive meal and words of peace. It is then that the news of water from a new well comes forth. Isaac names that well “Sheva,” and the area is again named Be’er Sheva, as it was in the time of Abraham. Old wells and new wells of water revolve around oaths of peace. 

Wells, water, history, peace. As I said at the beginning, in the midst of familial strife, when bad decisions lead to ominous and continued quarrels, Isaac is seen in this passage as an ish shalom, a man of peace. He finds a way, over water, to make peace. As the Talmud teaches us, when we dream of a well of water, we are dreaming of peace. Let the dreams of water flow! Shabbat shalom.

Rabbi Joshua Levine Grater is the spiritual leader of the Pasadena Jewish Temple and Center ( The wells of peace: Parashat Toldot (Genesis 25:19-28:9) Read More »

Young friends of the IDF

Leave a Comment / California, Mobile, News /

As the black SUVs pulled up to the Harkham Hillel Hebrew Academy on West Olympic Boulevard in Beverly Hills, a star-struck reception began. More than 500 students waved miniature Israeli flags and sang “Hevenu Shalom Aleichem.” Twelve Israeli soldiers, in their olive and powder-blue uniforms, entered the campus under a wreath of blue and white balloons. They were quickly rushed by children who wanted hugs and high-fives from the soldiers, and to pose for pictures with them.

“This is a very special moment for our kids,” said Chevi Rimler, a staff member at the school, which includes pre-kindergarten through eighth grade.

The soldiers were at the school as part of a weeklong visit to Los Angeles sponsored by the Friends of the Israel Defense Forces (FIDF), a U.S.-based nonprofit that provides an array of social, educational and economic services to soldiers and their families. Besides a whirlwind of kosher dinners, private parties and school appreciation days for all grade levels and across the region, the main purpose of the soldiers’ L.A. trip was to be honored at the FIDF’s Western Region gala on Oct. 22 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel.

It was an emotional first visit to America for Anastasia Bagdalov, a 21-year-old deputy commander medic from Tel Aviv. The trip offered some respite from the tension Bagdalov faces on duty. She recalled how, two years ago, she and fellow soldiers survived a terrorist attack on an army bus at the Israel-Egypt border. Bagdalov subsequently received military commendation for assisting wounded passengers and for saving the life of a badly injured soldier.

“When I come to places like this … I am speechless,” she said, seeming to be overwhelmed by the school’s warm reception. The soldiers ate lunch with students, and the youngsters presented them with challahs they had baked. 

Among the excited students at Harkham Hillel Hebrew Academy on Oct. 24 was 13-year-old Avi Weinreb. He spoke at his school’s presentation about his bar mitzvah project to raise money for FIDF’s Lone Soldiers Program, which aids foreign-born soldiers with no immediate family in Israel. “I wanted to help in whatever way I could to help these volunteer soldiers have an easier time while defending our homeland. It was the least I could do to show my gratitude,” Avi said.

The Lone Soldiers Program is one of the many programs provided by the FIDF. Founded in 1981 by Holocaust survivors, the FIDF finances scholarships; offers soldiers vouchers for basic necessities; helps to pay for prosthetics for wounded veterans; and provides educational training, recreational retreats, spiritual services and more. The FIDF also hosts programs for bereaved families and builds facilities such as housing, sports centers and synagogues. 

“The FIDF does not supply the IDF with arms; the State of Israel does that. We take care of them,” said Miri Nash, the group’s Western Region executive director. The Western Region gala, attended by 1,100 people, was the culmination of a yearlong national campaign that raised more than $20 million, Nash said. 

Also in the delegation visiting Los Angeles were L.A.-born Tamir Lerner, 22, and brother Addee, 19, who came as a secret and surprised their parents when they appeared at the gala. Tamir Lerner, a corporal combat solider stationed on the Gaza border, said he feels like a tourist in his own hometown. “I haven’t been in L.A for a year and four months, and we get on the 405 freeway, and I’m getting excited,” he said. 

He described his appreciation to FIDF for giving soldiers “things to brighten our day,” while on duty, including towels, neck warmers and chocolates. Another member of the delegation, who has served as a drone pilot captain for seven years and who cannot be named for security purposes, said he also felt grateful for contributions made by the FIDF.

“It’s wonderful to see that some people were thinking about you, care for you,” the captain said. 

During the assembly, Harkham Hillel Academy students asked the soldiers how often they got to see their families, what food is like on base, what they do for fun and if they were nervous when they first joined the army. 

Shira Razi, 13, later said she was inspired by the soldiers’ visit. “I didn’t know they were so passionate about their jobs and so happy in protecting Israel,” she said.

Young friends of the IDF Read More »

Jewish student press group convenes in L.A.

Leave a Comment / California /

More than two dozen Jewish high school student journalists from Los Angeles, New York and San Francisco gathered on Oct. 24 for a four-day convention and Shabbaton that aimed to build students’ practical journalism skills while addressing the intersection of news reporting and Jewish ethics.

The inaugural convention of the newly formed Jewish Scholastic Press Association (JSPA), held at B’nai David-Judea Congregation in Pico-Robertson, included workshops and lectures that covered issues such as Jewish journalism ethics, Israel coverage in the college press, freedom of the press in religious high schools, copyright law, photojournalism, layout techniques and more.

The conference was co-sponsored by Shalhevet, a Modern Orthodox school on Fairfax Avenue, and the American Jewish Press Association. It was organized by Joelle Keene, adviser to Shalhevet’s prize-winning newspaper, The Boiling Point. A total of 28 students — all but seven from Los Angeles — attended.

On Thursday, the conference’s first afternoon, students chose among several workshops. One was led by Los Angeles-based New York Times national correspondent Jennifer Medina, who is an Orthodox Jew. She gave students a glimpse into life as an observant Jewish journalist at The New York Times.

“The most difficult thing for me is Shabbat,” Medina said to a group of about 20 students in B’nai David’s beit midrash. “We work in a news system that goes on 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

“It’s quite unusual for any journalist to say, ‘There’s going to be 25 hours in a week where, not only will I not work, I won’t check e-mail or answer my phone,” Medina continued.

Students asked Medina questions ranging from her coverage of Israel during her brief stint as the paper’s Jerusalem correspondent to whether she has had to compromise her Jewish and halachic values as a journalist.

After Medina’s talk, Ricki Heicklen, a senior at the Modern Orthodox SAR High School in Riverdale, N.Y., told the Journal she learned how her religiosity is “going to shape my life later on” if she pursues a career in journalism. Heicklen is the editor-in-chief of her school’s newspaper, The Buzz. 

Students from out of town stayed at local families’ homes and attended B’nai David for Shabbat meals and services. They also had an opportunity to sample the various kosher restaurants lining Pico Boulevard.

The event’s keynote was given by Dana Erlich, Israeli consul for culture, media and public diplomacy in Los Angeles. 

In one session, journalist Kathleen Neumeyer, the adviser of the student newspaper at L.A.’s Harvard-Westlake School, addressed the issue of covering controversial news within one’s own community. She discussed the balance needed in reporting significant news while trying to not unfairly hurt anyone. 

“What are stories that maybe you could tell, but maybe they could be harmful to somebody?” she asked the students.

Adam Rokah, a junior at Shalhevet and the arts editor for the school’s newspaper, The Boiling Point, said that Neumeyer’s workshop gave him insights into “what names you can use and what has to be anonymous.”

Gary Rosenblatt, editor and publisher of the Jewish Week of New York, was among others who participated in the conference, along with several representatives from TRIBE Media Corp., the parent company of the Jewish Journal. They included Rob Eshman, publisher and editor-in-chief; David Suissa, president; and Susan Freudenheim, executive editor.

Deena Nerwen, a student at SAR, was awarded the JSPA’s inaugural prize for Jewish scholastic journalism for her story on the Tav HaYosher, an Orthodox initiative in New York that aims to improve working conditions in kosher restaurants.

Jewish student press group convenes in L.A. Read More »

‘One Wish’ creators making the world a better place

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The concept of the viral YouTube video “One Wish for Iran, Love Israel” was simple: Ask folks on the streets of Jerusalem what they want the people of Iran to know in anticipation of Hassan Rouhani’s inauguration this past summer as the nation’s president.

Creator and Angeleno Joseph Shamash said the idea was “to show the Iranian people a different message than what they’re used to getting in the media from Israel, which is: We want to bomb you.”

In response, the video posted in early August by a collective of young filmmakers known as the One Wish Project has racked up more than 90,000 hits. 

And there’s the potential for more success: Shamash was just accepted Oct. 25 as a PresenTenseLA Fellow to take the One Wish Project and make it into an educational tool. PresenTenseLA is a social entrepreneurship incubator program of The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles that provides business and venture development assistance.

Shamash identifies as a Persian Jew; his family hails from Isfahan, Iran, although they emigrated permanently in December 1978. Growing up in Dallas in the 1980s, though, Shamash had no interest in either facet of his identity. 

His family moved to Los Angeles when Joseph was 11, and in eighth grade he got himself kicked out of Hillel Hebrew Academy for lighting a fire behind a teacher’s turned back. 

“At that point, I didn’t want anything to do with Judaism,” he explains now. “My parents wanted me to go to [the Modern Orthodox high school] YULA, and I sabotaged my entrance exams.”

His collaborators’ stories are less dramatic, but they all follow a similar vein. Jeffrey Handel, One Wish’s producer and cinematographer, says his West Los Angeles childhood was “as unaffiliated and unreligious as one could be, with the exception of spending Shabbos dinner and the occasional seder with observant cousins.” Raphael Sisa, who serves as their producer, was raised in Brentwood by Turkish Jews, recent immigrants from Istanbul who attended High Holy Days services but didn’t insist on any kind of formal Jewish education for their two sons.