An Open Letter to American Jewish Parents: The Kids Are (Going to Be) Alright

Dear American Jewish Parents, 

Let’s face it: Worrying about our kids is just part of our collective DNA. It is an integral part of who we are. But this anxiety has reached new levels since Oct. 7. 

For centuries, blacksmiths would forge metal to make things that were stronger and more durable. The process is deliberate, uncomfortable, and very effective. People too, were put through their own “forging” process – through wars, famines and pandemics. Our children today are being forged by rampant Jew-hatred. 

The question facing every Jewish parent in America today is not “Where do we go so we can protect our children?” The question is: “How do we ensure that our kids can withstand their own forging?” This is our sobering reality.

As much as we stress over current events, this is still the best time to be a Jew. Raise your hand if you’d rather be a Jew in 1920. 1800s? 1500? 11th century? Exactly. Not only do we have a Jewish state and a Jewish army, but Diaspora Jews have full rights. We are completely integrated in the societies where we reside and have freedoms even our grandparents could not have dreamed about. 

But I digress — let’s get back to our anxiety-inducing reality. 

Recently, a Jewish mother expressed disbelief when her daughter’s school refused to take action after her instructor wore a keffiyeh while teaching – a “symbol of resistance” for the pro-Hamas mobs after Oct. 7. 

Her daughter had the courage to bring the matter to the attention of the administration. Instead of taking action against the teacher, they gave the Jewish student suggestions on how to “manage her feelings.” Imagine if a school gave suggestions to an African-American student on how to “manage their feelings” after seeing a teacher with a KKK tattoo. 

Rutgers University freshman orientation got interrupted last week by pro-jihadists, criminals who were yelling and distributing flyers. And this is not just happening in higher education. Children all across the U.S. educational system – even as early as preschool – are facing anti-Jewish rhetoric. Just as disturbing, Jewish individuals are being targeted as well as Jewish institutions. The proverbial excrement is hitting a very real fan, and no one is left untouched. 

With school starting in just a few weeks, it’s understandable that we’re all feeling anxious. 

However, my experience as a Jewish mother of a 10-year-old and 27-year-old and as a Jewish professional working with teenagers over the past decade has taught me that there is another side to this coin. By teaching kids individual empowerment – allowing teens to speak up and have a voice – and communal leadership – the understanding that we are working on training the leaders of our Jewish community – students are more likely to feel secure in who they are, where they belong and how to handle themselves. 

We need to stop putting a ridiculous expectation on our teenagers to “speak out and stand up for Israel” without first inspiring them to speak out and stand up for themselves. We must teach them how to expect and demand respect from authority figures – as Jews!

We are not asking for anything more, and we won’t accept anything less. Only when our children see themselves as Jews, as makers of Jewish history, as future matriarchs and patriarchs of their own Jewish families, only then will they understand the honor, the privilege and the blessing of the current times. 

This is our mission and yours. Just as metal is forged through a process of stress, pressure and heat to become something even stronger, Jewish teens are being put to the test every day. I believe that the pressure our kids are under has the potential to transform them into grown adults with vision, courage and confidence. Into leaders, who will create a hopeful and resilient future for us all.  

As part of my ongoing passion for Zionism and Israel, I speak to Jewish high school and college students who spend time learning and gaining the necessary skills to confront this reality, and it is with confidence and out of this direct experience that I tell you: They are not afraid. Quite the opposite. Looking at these kids, it’s clear that we are the strongest we’ve been in 2,000 years. How? Because they are confident in who they are, proud of their Jewish identity, secure in their place in the Jewish story, and strengthened by their connection to one another. 

A teen who was looking forward to his freshman year at an Ivy League school shared with the group, “We don’t find ourselves in that fight. We fight because we found ourselves.” 

And indeed, when encountering this fight, our children are no longer deers-in-headlights. They stand up and take action:

A high school student in New York recently identified numerous inaccuracies and anti-Israel bias in Princeton Review’s AP World History Prep book. She penned a letter to the organization, detailing and disproving every false claim: “Princeton Review should hold itself to the highest standards of accuracy. It is deeply concerning that millions of students have been exposed to this skewed material. I look forward to your response in ensuring these inaccuracies are corrected for the next edition.” (She has not yet received a response.) 

Another group of teens recently addressed a school-wide faculty meeting with 200 people to discuss the antisemitism they and other Jewish students have experienced for years, and especially since Oct. 7. Though they were about to graduate high school, they wanted to speak up for those students who remain voiceless and lay the groundwork for change, explaining that “we’re here to make sure we leave [this school] a safer and better environment for other Jewish students.”

Jewish kids who received strong, unapologetic, and nuanced Israel education and advocacy training continue to empower and engage on college campuses, like the remarkable students at UNC-Chapel Hill who stood united in protecting the U.S. flag from being removed by pro-Hamas protesters. 

Where do these Jewish students gather the strength to take such actions? It is a combination of their education, an empowered sense of identity, and one of the most important factors – which means the world to me as a mother, as I am sure to you – THEY ARE NOT ALONE. NEVER ALONE. 

These teens have shown that adversity gives them strength and the opportunity to build an identity. It provides them with the unique perspective that they are living through Jewish history, standing on the shoulders of giants who came before them. 

My fellow Jewish parents, I understand these are unprecedented times. But take a breath. Look at our history. Then look at your kids. Have they been prepared? Do they know who they are and what people they belong to? If you are not sure, here is your call to get busy. 

Make Israel and being Jewish a part of your everyday lives. Don’t assume that your Hebrew school, Jewish high school or Jewish summer camp can do it. Of course, all of the institutions are trying their very best. But you cannot outsource identity building to someone else. That one is on you. And once you know you’ve raised a strong Jew, then you will know with certainty that they will rise to this challenge and prevail, just as our ancestors have done for thousands of years.

When we give them the tools they need and the inspiration they crave, when we have their backs no matter what, they can become the most glorious generation we’ll see in our lifetime.

Our kids will be alright. No. Better than alright. When we give them the tools they need and the inspiration they crave, when we have their backs no matter what, they can become the most glorious generation we’ll see in our lifetime.

Masha Merkulova is the Chief Zionist Officer of Club Z, an unapologetically proud Jewish Zionist space for teens to connect to each other, Jewish history, and Zionism.