The Punchless Punchline

Let’s say I’m an architect and my latest creation is finished and in public view. Then someone walks by and hates it. Even worse, they say they are offended by it. Should I never work again and should I be publicly vilified? According to some, the answer is yes.  

I am a stand-up comedian. I deliver punchlines. They call them punchlines because they are supposed to pack a punch. As you know, a punch can hurt. But today, that is no longer acceptable to many people, mostly the young and well-educated.    

For more than 40 years, I’ve performed in some of the nicest theatres including in front of the Chagall windows at the Knesset. I even performed one night at the foot of the bed of a dying man. I am a road-dog clean comic. Early on, I did curse and talk more explicitly about things, but I found I didn’t like doing that and the audience agreed.  

Both on stage and off, I try not to offend or demean any person or group. I try. I don’t always succeed. (I’m waiting for my wife to sue me because of my wife jokes). And except for one occasion, I have never ever asked another comic to stop saying anything even though I have been repulsed by many things I’ve heard. 

Back in Cleveland in the 1980s, a comedian who performed before me launched into a full-on racist act, with one “N-joke” after another. And if that wasn’t bad enough, much of the audience was clapping and laughing. In many cases, stupid breeds stupid. I complained to the club owner, and he fired me. 

Next time, if you don’t like one of our jokes, instead of cutting the brake lining on our cars, do the world a favor and stay home and knit some earmuffs.

The audience has always been in control of what a comic keeps in or throws out of their act. The audience controls the act simply by the laughs they give or don’t give. The audience is our barometer. But these days, it’s not only about them laughing or not laughing. It’s about power and control. If someone thinks you offended them, they want you to stop. If you don’t, they often decide it is because you are a bad person and you need to be publicly punished. 

Some people will get right in your face. They act as if you’re trying to inject them with rodenticides. In gentler times, it was enough of a statement to simply walk out of a show. Now those who don’t appreciate the humor feel the need to get more personal. 

Thirty years ago, I used the word “retarded” as in “that was a retarded thing to do.” After my show, a woman politely approached me and asked if I could find a different word to use. She said her son had Down Syndrome and that the word “retarded” hurt. I never used that word again. She didn’t try to cancel me. She just said it caused her pain and I understood.

Those gentler, more civil days are long gone. We now live in an age where groups tell us what we can and can’t say. And if someone doesn’t follow those rules, that person must be banished. And the punishments by these know-it-alls are severe. Everything from getting someone fired to marching outside a person’s show or home to internet shaming to death threats. These people are what I call “Self-Proclaimed Parents of the Universe.” These were the tattletales and the old bullies when I was growing up. These chronic whiners, who have never written a joke, cause more pain than almost any word I or anyone I know might utter. They are the fly you can’t get out of your house.

This is new behavior. Until recently the comedy audience had one job and only one job. That was to come and laugh. Comics are laughter merchants. Most of us just want to make people happy. And in turn, that makes us happy. Next time, if you don’t like one of our jokes, instead of cutting the brake lining on our cars, do the world a favor and stay home and knit some earmuffs.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer.