YULA Campus The Jewish way is not to pretend that people should never make mistakes. Our Talmudic tradition recognizes the reality that human beings will always mess up. It is in how we handle these inevitable stumbles where Judaism really shines.
A recent episode involving students at YULA Boys High School gave me a chance to consider this principle. In a poor attempt at Purim humor, some YULA students made fun of their fellow students at Shalhevet High School, an Orthodox co-ed school that has a more “liberal” reputation than the more traditionally Orthodox YULA, which has a separate campus for boys and girls.
This is hardly the first instance of such mocking. For many Orthodox Jews, a co-ed Orthodox school feels like an oxymoron. I’ve had kids at both YULA and Shalhevet. I’ve spoken at both schools. Both schools are dynamic and terrific. They each serve a purpose; they both enrich the community.
I’ve had kids at both YULA and Shalhevet. I’ve spoken at both schools. Both schools are dynamic and terrific. They each serve a purpose; they both enrich the community.
All this to say that it was highly inappropriate for the YULA boys to mock Shalhevet. In our new world of social media, these blunders can quickly spread and take on a life of their own. Next thing you know, you have thousands of people in the community breathlessly talking about “the terrible thing that happened.” I’ve received several emails imploring me to go negative and cover the episode as if we were a tabloid. This only furthers the gossip and leshon harah. It’s the junk food of conversation—tastes great but leaves plenty of indigestion.
What I find more useful and interesting is the courageous response yesterday from the head of school at YULA Boys, Rabbi Arye Sufrin.
Instead of getting defensive, he fessed up to the “highly inappropriate and insensitive behavior” and explained how it violated the school’s standards and principles.
“I am deeply saddened to have to write this letter to the YULA community,” he wrote. “Today, our pillars, especially that of character development, was compromised by highly inappropriate and insensitive behavior that was unfortunately disguised as a poor attempt at humor. These actions are not a reflection of our school’s mission and views, and they constituted a Chillul Hashem.”
His letter goes on about using the episode “to reflect, introspect, and educate our Yeshiva.” Sufrin takes pride in that “we, at YULA, hold ourselves to the highest standard,” while admitting that “today YULA did not live up to that expectation,” and for that, he adds, he is “truly sorry.” His message “applies to everyone, whether they are students or staff, or whether they were involved or not.”
In short, a Jewish leader sees an embarrassing mistake from people under his wing, takes responsibility and uses the experience as a teaching and learning opportunity. Isn’t that the Jewish way?
A Jewish leader sees an embarrassing mistake from people under his wing, takes responsibility and uses the experience as a teaching and learning opportunity. Isn’t that the Jewish way?
Meanwhile, over at Shalhevet, head of school Rabbi David Block also took the high road. Writing to his own community, he advised that “we don’t respond to grossness with grossness. We’re menches, ALWAYS.” Block expressed pride in “who we are – our values, our conversations/dialogue, and especially our LOVE and support of every single student/Jew/person.”
We should all be proud as a community that, confronted with a difficult situation, two leaders rose to the occasion and set a very Jewish example. Now it’s up to the community of both schools to take the lead of their leaders and, instead of settling for anger and leshon harah, find constructive and unifying ways forward.
“Purim is a Chag known for coming together for simcha and celebration,” Rabbi Sufrin wrote at the end of his letter. “So it is especially sad and disheartening that today’s events occurred. The actions of members in our community have caused pain and anger, at a time when our community should be most unified. A central tenet of Teshuva is charata, remorse and regret. It quickly moves, however, to a determination to rectify wrongs and to never allow the same situation to repeat itself. We are full of regret and remorse; in the coming days, weeks and months, we will get to the hard work of building character to ensure our behavior is equal to our values.”
Ensuring that our behavior is equal to our values is a good message for all Jews in all places.
Chag sameach.
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