Satirical Semite: Unjected

Things don’t last for long. Speaker of the House of Representatives Kevin McCarthy has been ousted, and Nancy Pelosi was evicted from her office. Last year U.K. newspapers ran “lettuce watch” stories, to see whether the British Prime Minister Liz Truss would last longer in office than a wet lettuce. The lettuce beat the English politician. American produce would have been better, since there is a long-lasting tenacity to the vegetables that continue to fill the bowls of VP Kamala Harris’s word salads.

The only thing that needs replacing more regularly than freshly-cut garden greens is this sentence: “The dating world has just become more crazy.” Demands on dating app profiles now include the statement that “you can only date me if you have NOT been vaccinated.” The belief is that the COVID vaccine decreases fertility. I had tried to be a good citizen and had my two jabs and a booster shot, but when it comes to dating, it’s turned out to be more of a jab-jab-knockout. 

The no-vax dating preference has become a point of unity in America, since it’s become favored in both the liberal and conservative states, albeit for different reasons. Some liberals see it as a fertility issue, whilst some conservatives see it as a “don’t tell us what to inject in our body,” issue. It was strange that during the pandemic we would see Pfizer adverts sponsoring news channels like CNN, who would show a Pfizer ad and then follow it with a news broadcast promoting the Pfizer vaccine. This was definitely, probably, possibly a complete coincidence.

Unjected’s tagline is that “serious men pay the bill,” and caters to women who are sick of the phrase ‘toxic masculinity,’ and want men to be men, with a healthy masculine outlook. 

There is now a dedicated dating site called Unjected, which is based in the Red state heartlands of Boca Raton, Florida, and only open to people who have not had the COVID vaccine. It is completely free for women to join, but charges men a sign-up fee of $69 (seriously.) Unjected’s tagline is that “serious men pay the bill,” and caters to women who are sick of the phrase ‘toxic masculinity,’ and want men to be men, with a healthy masculine outlook. They guarantee that “we verify [birth] gender, so you can be confident that Unjected women … are women.” As a nod to the aftermath of the Dylan Mulvaney/Bud Light trans-PR-fiasco, Unjected.com adds that “If finding your woman isn’t worth $69, then enjoy your Bud Light.” L’Chaim. 

Meanwhile, in the blue state of Virginia, 25-year-old housewife Estee Williams recently became an internet sensation with her “Tradwife” videos on TikTok that even got featured on “Good Day LA.” Williams’ approach embraces and promotes the concept of being a “traditional wife,” and her homemaking videos share how she cleans, launders, irons, ensures her makeup is on and she looks great for him, and has dinner ready when he gets home from work. She has a distinctly nonfeminist approach to life, and the couple seem to be happily married. It must be some kind of cult.

Elsewhere on the web there is a growing wave of female Gen Z and younger Millennial conservative commentators, including Billie Rae Brandt, Isabel Brown and Brett Cooper, all of whom lean towards traditional values. Meanwhile the infamous “Whatever” podcast, recorded in Isla Vista, California, features twice-weekly conversations discussing morality and relationships with guests who appear on OnlyFans.com and are often engaged in sex work. People discuss their “body count,” i.e. how many people they have slept with, and often lament on how hard it is to find a life partner. Maybe the OnlyFans workers would find more direction at a site like OnlyRabbis.com (the URL is still available).

It feels like the moral landscape is in chaos right now, although the good news for single people is there is a big enough population on all sides for everyone to find a possible match. Whether you’re injected, unjected or dejected, just make your move quickly; the only guarantee is that things are going to keep changing.

Marcus J Freed is an actor, writer, author, teacher and marketing consultant. www.marcusjfreed.com, www.freedthinking.com and on social @marcusjfreed