Satirical Semite: DatingGPT

Dating is a labor-intensive activity, and is demanding. Apart from meeting the increasing amount of current demands in dating profiles—about your height, finances, levels of religiosity and vacation preferences—there is the sheer time commitment. As such, I’ve outsourced my dating communications to ChatGPT-4. I’ll use VALL-E to simulate my voice, DALL-E will create my photo, and I’ll use Synesthia.io to design my AI avatar for video calls. What can possibly go wrong? Let’s get started:

MJF: Write my dating profile for the Hinge app. I am Jewish, creative, an actor, filmmaker and marketing consultant. I like learning Torah and Kabbalah, write an understated hilarious, intelligent, witty, brilliant column for the Los Angeles Jewish Journal.

ChatGPT: Jewish creative soul🎭✡️ Actor, filmmaker, marketing consultant🎬💼 Learning Torah & Kabbalah📖 Columnist for LA Jewish Journal📰 Witty brilliance in every word✍️Seeking a partner to laugh, learn & create lifelong memories🌟 Let’s write our own love story💕 #ActorLife #SpiritualJourney

So far so good, albeit a little Gen-Z emoji-happy. On we go. 

MJF: Write a response to a dating profile. Be warm, light, cordial.

ChatGPT: Dear [Name], I hope this message finds you well. I stumbled upon your dating profile and was immediately drawn in by your warmth and charm. Your photos showcase not only your beauty, but also your unique personality and interests, which is a rare find these days. I can’t help but feel excited about the possibility of getting to know you better and sharing new experiences together.

MJF: OMG. Purleese. That sounds creepy. Try again. Don’t be creepy.

ChatGPT: Hi! Your profile radiates warmth and positivity, which I find truly refreshing! I’m drawn to your unique interests and would love to chat more about our shared passions. Take care! 😊🌻

MJF: That sounds generic and bland, but let’s move on. Write an SMS message asking her out on a date

ChatGPT: Hey [Name], would you be interested in grabbing dinner at that new Italian place next Friday? Let me know!

MJF: Not bad, except I am Sabbath-observant and can’t go out on Friday nights, unless you are referring to Shabbat dinner at the new Italian Chabad Rabbi who just moved to town?

ChatGPT: Sorry, I don’t understand. Please can you clarify.

MJF: Never mind. Please write a message to her after our first date

ChatGPT: Thanks for a great time last night, [Name]! Your sense of humor and intelligence were truly impressive. Can’t wait to do it again soon.

MJF. Great. Just in case it doesn’t work out, please write a heartfelt break-up letter to her, explaining why we can’t be together, even though I love her

ChatGPT: Dear [Your Name],

I have spent a long time writing this letter, and it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. 

I never thought I would have to say goodbye to you, but the reality is, our relationship has come to an end. I’ve been struggling with this decision for a long time now and it has been weighing heavily on my heart. I love you deeply, but I know in my heart that we can’t be together. 

I will always cherish the memories we have made together. You have been a constant source of happiness in my life, and I will never forget the love we’ve shared. I’m so sorry for any pain or hurt I may have caused you through this.

This goodbye is not a reflection of my love for you, but rather an acknowledgment that we have grown apart and that it’s time for us to move on.

I hope that we can both find peace and closure in this difficult time and that our paths will cross again in the future, as friends.

Take care of yourself, [Your Name]. You will always have a special place in my heart.

With love,

[Your Name]

Perfect. And finally:

MJF: Write a closing paragraph for my column about using ChatGPT to write my communications for dating.

ChatGPT: In conclusion, leveraging the power of ChatGPT to write your dating communications can be a game-changer. With its language expertise, you can impress and connect with potential partners more effectively.

Perfect. I couldn’t have not written it better myself. 

[Your Name] is a writer, filmmaker and marketing consultant. www.marcusjfreed.com and on social @marcusjfreed.