I try not to convey anything that has any emotional range by text, email, carrier pigeon, Twitter, or Instagram. I’ve done it, and it’s almost always been a disaster. Like your new spatula? Instagram it. Canceling lunch because of a leaky toilet? Tap away. Occasionally, I’ll even text I love you to my housekeeper. If I don’t, she might burn my shorts while ironing. But if it’s about your life, dreams, hopes, and aspirations? Talk to me.
Why do I think talk matters?
Inflections and nuances are a big part of the human voice that only speech can impart. We hear a person’s feelings in their voice. Are they being evasive? Critical? Happy? This stuff gets lost in writing.
The Torah was written down on stone and parchment. Yet God almost always tells Moses to speak to the Jewish people. Inflections and nuances are a big part of the human voice that only speech can impart. We hear a person’s feelings in their voice. Are they being evasive? Critical? Happy? This stuff gets lost in writing. Writing isn’t even a close second.
So you try to call, but no one picks up. I’m old school. Leave a voicemail. I’ve left such funny voicemails that I have friends that play them back for other people. I have a recording from Rodney Dangerfield that he left on my answering machine decades ago. It is a blazing riot. Read his jokes, and then watch his videos. You tell me what’s better. Just like Rodney’s voice was special, your voice is also special.
If I fell down a well and left a voicemail on any of my kid’s phones, I’d drown before they listened to my cry for help. My kids have told me point-blank that they do not listen to voicemails. I agree that some people don’t know when to stop talking and they leave excruciating long, painful, empty, and vacant voicemails. They ruin it for us pros that deserve to be heard. My generation was so much more civil.
But the voice is the person. The voice is a big part of who we are. The voice comes from our soul. It’s the one God gave us to go through life with. So why silence that?
Both my parents are gone. I’ve watched videos of them. There is nothing like hearing them. It’s like touching their soul again. My friend recently lost her mom. I had spent time with her mom. Her mom was a terrific lady. I had to call and tell her how much I liked her mom. When we did speak, she said she had forgotten the times I spent with her mom. She thanked me for reminding her. All that would have been lost with a text.
Making the call always makes me feel better than a text or Facebook post. If you call me to share something, I may also be moved by this human interaction. I might even say something that helps you.
Recently my son brought over a girl for us to meet. This was the first time he ever did that. The next day I called him and told him that I liked her and thought she was nice. He seemed to appreciate the call. He heard in my voice I meant what I was saying. Then we talked about other things. All that would be lost in Messenger.
Actual conversation leads to other actual conversations. And conversations give room for detail and sharing. We can talk about stuff more deeply. If someone you love passes away in a hospital, do you want a phone call or a text, “He died at 9:08?” I want to know what happened. I want to hear them say that they did everything they could have done.
So, if you have something important going on, give me something with sound to it. Something that has tonality when speaking of how hard your life is or how well your children are doing. Don’t text me that you are crushed because your house burnt down, or your sister lost an eye playing darts. Talk to me.
I know we’re all busy. I know making the call takes longer. But the call is important.
Start by replacing one text with one call each week. If you have my number make mine the first.
Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and host of the ‘You Don’t Know Schiff’ podcast. His new book is “Why Not? Lessons on Comedy, Courage and Chutzpah.”
