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In Honor of Israel’s Birthday, I Talked to Israeli Grandmothers

Those wonderful, lovable, resilient women who hold a lifetime of pain, joy, complaints (all of them valid) and wisdom.
[additional-authors]
April 20, 2023
Dan Kenyon/Getty Images

Growing up in America, whenever there was news of terrorism in Israel, I found comfort in speaking with my Jerusalem-based grandmother, who escaped Iran in the 1980s. Somehow, hearing her voice offered me a sense of continuity; life was resuming in Israel, despite the devastating loss of life. 

I can no longer speak with my grandmother, who passed away over a decade ago, but in contemplating my tribute to Israel on her 75th birthday (and especially in light of recent terrorist attacks), I instinctively knew to whom I would dedicate this column: Israeli grandmothers. Those wonderful, lovable, resilient women who hold a lifetime of pain, joy, complaints (all of them valid) and wisdom.

The first interview was simultaneously translated from Russian to English; the second was conducted in Persian. This is part one of a two-part column devoted to Israeli grandmothers. I’m grateful to friends who connected with the following women, most of whom wondered why an LA-based writer wanted to interview them and not, in the words of one grandmother, “people who are more interesting.” To me, these women are more than interesting; they’re eternal. 

“B”

Name: “B”

Based in: Ramat Gan

Age: 66

JJ: Your daughter informed me that you arrived in Israel with your family in 1992, after leaving Russia. What was that experience like for you?

B: I came here with my husband and three children. They were very small. I felt happy to finally be out of Russia, but also sad because my parents stayed there. I had a hard time getting used to Israel. 

JJ: In what sense?

B: I didn’t feel as Jewish as a lot of other people here. In Russia, my family was completely secular. When I came to Israel, I knew I was Jewish, but I felt like I was learning about someone else’s customs when I learned more about Judaism. 

JJ: Do you feel more connected to Judaism now?

B: Yes, definitely. But I still feel like I stand out, especially with my family.

JJ: Why?

B: Two of my daughters became “dati” (“Orthodox”). I love them very much, but sometimes, I feel like the evil grandmother! Don’t go to Grandma’s because she has a TV. She’ll corrupt you! [“B” laughs heartily.]

JJ: Are you concerned about the proposed judicial reforms in Israel that have sparked mass protests?

B: I don’t trust any government, not even democracies. I’m from Russia. Whoever has power over you will always try to exercise that power. The only way I’d be free is if I was Prime Minister. 

JJ: I bet you’d be tough, but fair. What would be your first priority as PM?

B: The cheese here is too expensive. Why is it so expensive? Why can’t these leaders make cheese fair-priced?

JJ: Do you enjoy cooking?

B: With cheese?

JJ: In general. [“B” laughs heartily again.]

“You can’t see me over the phone, but I’m a happily chunky person. I love to cook. I love flavors. My son tried to get me on a diet. I yelled at him, ‘I didn’t escape Russia to eat celery for the rest of my life!'” 

B: You can’t see me over the phone, but I’m a happily chunky person. I love to cook. I love flavors. My son tried to get me on a diet. I yelled at him, “I didn’t escape Russia to eat celery for the rest of my life!” [“B” erupts in laughter. So do I.]

JJ: What’s your best dish, the one everyone loves?

B: When my kids were little, they loved my carp. And I used to make pastries out of, how do you call them in English, berries of ducks? 

JJ: Are they a type of berry or a type of duck? [After a while, we finally realize “B” means gooseberries.] 

JJ: Do you enjoy staying up to date with current events?

B: I can’t tolerate hearing about terrorist attacks anymore. I feel very guilty.

JJ: Why is that?

B: I’m old, but I’m still here. But these beautiful, young people who were taken from us … they weren’t old. I’ve lived my life and they didn’t get to live theirs. 

“Esther”

Name: Ehteram (also known as “Esther”)

Based in: She would rather not say

Age: 93

JJ: How old were you when you arrived in Israel, and what year did you arrive?

E: I was 49 years old. It was 1979 or 1980. My [adult] children made me come here. I wanted to stay in Iran.

JJ: Why did you want to stay?

E: Those fanatics had come to power during the [Iranian] revolution, but I thought they wouldn’t last. Iran was my soil, my land. I was almost 50. I didn’t even speak Hebrew. Can you imagine how hard it was for me, at that age, to start everything all over in a new country?

JJ: Yes, I can imagine because my family and I experienced starting lives anew as well. 

E: Oh? Where are you from?

JJ: Tehran.

E: Tehran is nice, but you’ll be run over by a car there. Shiraz is really something. 

JJ: Do you enjoy living in Israel?

E: No.

JJ: No? You don’t like living in Israel?

E: Did you ask if I like living in Israel or if I like the people who live in Israel?

JJ: Well, do you like the people who live in Israel?

E: No.

JJ: No? 

E: I don’t like the people in my [apartment] building. They’re mostly the people I see all day. They keep to themselves. A long time ago, I knew all of my neighbors [in Israel]. But now, people have forgotten how to be human. I try to smile at them when I take my walks, but they don’t smile back. I used to invite my younger neighbors to come over to see me. None of them came. 

Since you asked, I’m fine with other people in Israel, but the ultrareligious take things too far and the ultrasecular have forgotten they’re Jews. My grandson tattooed his entire leg. I told him, “I’m so glad your great-grandfather (my father), who was very pious, never saw you like this.” But he’s a good boy. 

JJ: How old is your grandson?

E: I think he’s almost 50.

JJ: He sounds like a nice boy!

JJ: Are you glad you came to Israel?

E: Of course. My bones belonged to Iran, but when I came here, I knew that my soul belonged to Israel.

JJ: Is it painful to have witnessed the enmity and violence that Iran has displayed against Israel in the last 44 years since the [Islamic] revolution?

E: I don’t even recognize Iran anymore. I stopped recognizing it 40 years ago. Iranians never hated Israel, even the non-Jewish ones. 

JJ: You seem very up to date with the news. Do you—

E: My [late] husband made me interested in the news. I have a radio in every room in the apartment. 

JJ: Does it worry you that Iran has been trying to obtain nuclear weapons for several decades?

E: The mullahs want “bomb-eh-atomi” (“a nuclear bomb”)? I remember I heard about that on the radio. Who would give those mullahs a nuclear bomb? They’re really trying to get a bomb?

JJ: I’m afraid so. 

B: It’s like leaving a butcher in the same room with a lamb, isn’t it?

JJ: That’s a good way of—

E: You know that my grandchildren all served in the army? At first, I didn’t want them to, but then I changed my mind. 

JJ: Why was that?

E: If we had stayed in Iran, they would have had to serve in the Iranian army. If you’re going to do army service, it might as well be for Israel, rather than for those mullahs.

JJ: It’s beautiful that you were born a Persian Jew whose Hebrew name is Esther, and later, you found yourself redeemed in Israel. 

E: That’s part of Israel’s secret weapon.

JJ: Pardon?

“I tell people I’m like [Queen] Esther. If Iran threatens to destroy Israel, I’m the secret weapon. I’m very old, but they [the Iranians] would have to get through me to get to this country.”

E: I tell people I’m like [Queen] Esther. If Iran threatens to destroy Israel, I’m the secret weapon. I’m very old, but they [the Iranians] would have to get through me to get to this country. 

JJ: Do you know that Crown Prince Reza Pahlavi just visited Israel for the first time?

E: Of course. The radio said it. “Fadash-sham!” (“I would sacrifice myself for him!”).

Happy 75th Birthday, Israel.


Tabby Refael is an award-winning weekly columnist for The Jewish Journal, and an LA-based speaker and civic action activist. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @TabbyRefael.

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