Advice for Becoming a Jewish Father from New-ish Jewish Fathers

There’s plenty of literature, blog posts and unsolicited advice on what to expect when you’re about to become a new father.

They all have some form of the following: Don’t fret about changing diapers — it’ll become second nature fast. Get a baby book for first time parents and learn the basics. Read and sing to your baby. Connect with other fathers about fathering. Find ways to continue to nurture your relationship with your significant other. Maintain a list of questions to ask the doctor. Keep your cool. And remember that yes, the early days of parenthood can be a stressful adjustment— but they go by fast.

So in recognition of Father’s Day, the Journal asked Jewish fathers to share their reflections on the early days of fatherhood. We spoke with two attorneys, an actor, a comedian, an Israel advocate, and a writer who preferred to remain anonymous.

1) When you find out one of your good friends is expecting their first child, what’s the first thing you advise them?

“Get your sleep now and grab a father-focused baby book, especially one with ways to help out mom during the pregnancy.”

-Max Gad, attorney

“I’d just tell him not to worry, it’s a lot more fun than they ever let you know it is. If you watch TV and movies, it looks like being a parent is going to be a drag, but that couldn’t be any further from the truth. Becoming a father is the greatest gig I’ve ever had, I enjoy every single moment of it. It’s the most fun you can possibly have!”

-Daniel Lobell, comedian and podcast producer

“If the friend is a woman, the first thing I do is tell her to text my wife, who has become very much a Mom Whisperer in our circle — she’ll fill out your baby registry, advise you on hospital care, prep you for the dark moments — she’s really an amazing resource for so many women. If the friend is a man, I send them ‘We’re Pregnant!,’ a very digestible idiot’s guide on what the dad should expect when your wife becomes pregnant — mostly as it pertains to the needs of the woman, because as I’ll also say, your primary job throughout pregnancy and early infancy is really to support the mother. There’s only so much we dads can do for the baby in the pre- and early days, so really our job is to make life as comfortable and safe for the mama as we can!”

-Jonah Platt, actor

“There’s an enormous amount of information out there about babies from authoritative medical sources, best-selling authors, and popular social media accounts. It can be very overwhelming for new parents. Try to take some of the advice with a grain of salt and ask your doctor about what is actually backed up by the most up-to-date research.”

-Siamak Kordestani, West Coast Director of Friends of ELNET, the European Leadership Network

“The thing that surprised me most about being a new father was how joyful it is, even in the challenging early months. Most people emphasize the lack of sleep and free time, which is all true, but it left me fearing the arrival of our baby rather than being excited for it. So I was pleasantly surprised that for all the sleeplessness, the early months are still an amazingly joyful time.”

-Anonymous

2) What’s been a helpful piece of advice you received during your early years as a father?

“To treat every part of it like it’s fun — from changing diapers to cleaning up the high chair. If your perspective on it is that it’s enjoyable, then it will become enjoyable. It worked!”

-Daniel Lobell

“For some people this might be a no-brainer, but it was a total game-changer for me — use the diaper as the first wipe!”

-Jonah Platt

“Never be too proud to ask for help. It truly does take a village. I’m so grateful for my mother-in-law, parents, and even friends who have offered to help. Being able to go out on dates while someone watches the baby helped us unwind, especially during the first few stressful months.”

-Max Gad

“To be patient when life with a baby gets stressful and know that it will get much better with time, and to support your wife as much as possible.”

-Siamak Kordestani

3) In what ways has the Jewish community/Judaism enriched your journey as a father so far?

“Community is key to enriching all aspects of life. It makes the journey less lonely every step of the way. In fact, it makes it the opposite of lonely!”

-Daniel Lobell

“I have found that my parenting is at its best when my marriage is at its best.  The best marriage advice I have ever read was from our modern Jewish prophet, the Notorious R.B.G., Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who once advised in a New York Times op-ed, “ In every good marriage, it helps to be a little deaf.”

-Sam Yebri, nonprofit leader and attorney

“Being a father has really brought my Jewish identity to the fore and truly enhanced my experience of being a member of the Jewish people. In deciding how we’d go about raising Jewish children with a strong Jewish identity, my wife and I have made a lot of choices geared towards creating this beautiful innate sense of Jewishness. From how we named our kids and expressed those meanings at their bris and Simchat bat, to sending our son to Jewish day school, to reading each month’s PJ Library book (which is just the greatest gift!), to blessing my kids every Shabbat (not something we did in my house growing up), centering our Jewish experience around our children has enriched our lives in so many wonderful ways.”

-Jonah Platt

“My daughter’s Jewish baby naming was a surprisingly emotional experience. We put a lot of thought into her naming and felt a sense of pride to see her become part of the Jewish community in that way. Her stuffed Torah toy quickly became one of her favorite toys.”

-Max Gad

“I honestly don’t remember a specific piece of advice other than several people told me to cherish the early months and years because they go by fast, which is generic but also true.”

-Anonymous