fbpx
Thursday, October 1, 2020

God Laughs?

My girlfriend "E" was the first to declare what others had been observing for a while.

"God sure is having a good laugh," she said. "You write a column called ‘A Woman’s Voice.’ And yet you have no voice."

The irony had crossed my mind.

Lance Armstrong, the bicyclist, had testicular cancer. Beverly Sills, the opera singer, has two daughters who are deaf. Is there "meaning" in the fact that I, who have for some years traveled the country public speaking, and whose professional identity is hung up on the moniker of this column, cannot be heard?

I haven’t had a speaking voice in more than a month. I whisper, a frog croaking through the bulrushes.

My right vocal cord is paralyzed. While speaking, which I assure you doesn’t hurt, I puff like I’m running a marathon. I take an hour to eat scrambled eggs.

Still, if you ask me, God has nothing to do with it.

The loss of a voice carries a surprising spiritual threat: friends act as if some crucial part of me were gone. Inside my head, I still yammer away, brilliant on the topics of WorldCom, ImClone and Israel. But when I open my mouth, I become like Hannah before the Tabernacle. My every chortle and grimace is subject to misinterpretation.

The phone rings. The caller is disoriented: Who am I? I rush to reassure them: I’m OK. I feel fine. When I had chemotherapy, I continued to sound like myself. I would call my parents in New York right after treatment ended. Sitting tall, I was convincingly strong and congruent.

These days, without a voice, identity is not so much gone as taken on faith. I have faith that the situation is only temporary. My community has faith that I’ll be restored to myself, New York accent and all.

We are known by how we sound. Sound — our laugh, our cry, the song we hum — is the beginning of identity.

We know that God stands watch at night by the natural and unnatural sounds of the universe: the roar of the wind, the bray of the ass, the bark of a dog, the sound of a baby’s cry.

I listen for God’s comfort at night, and offer the silence of praise.

But is God laughing?

Judaism has struggled since the Holocaust to remove God from the nation’s "Most Wanted" list — the "intervening punisher God" with a wicked sense of humor.

As for you and me, the good people that bad things happen to, we’re our own worst enemy: we keep asking "Why?" as if there’s an answer. We remain committed to a God who can’t wait to pull the tablecloth out from under us.

We seek out "God the sadistic entertainer" when all other explanations fail. Lacking all other reasons, we fall back to a punitive concept, that we deserve punishment; that perhaps God never liked us to begin with.

But illness has shown me another God, one of comfort. The "loathsome trickster God" offers nothing, not even to say, "I don’t know."

There is no reason why this has happened. Life is inherently unpredictable. Diseases, like lung cancer, have more ups and downs than a soap opera. Like "Anna Karenina" you laugh or cry, and sometimes both.

It’s funny, at least to me, that since losing my voice, I can’t interrupt anyone, not even to tell a joke. I have learned to listen to news reports rather than comment on the haircut of the newscaster. Now that I listen to conversation, I’m no longer the smartest person in any room, so far as you could tell.

The condition won’t last forever. Soon, I’ll have a silicon implant that has nothing to do with breast enhancement. I’m told it will smooth out my vocal cord will restore my voice to normal. I’m saving my best repartee until then.

"Man plans and God laughs," is what we say in difficult times, as if God were Henny Youngman.

If so, God can find me right here.

Did you enjoy this article?

You'll love our roundtable.

Select list(s) to subscribe to


By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Jewish Journal, 3250 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA, 90010, http://www.jewishjournal.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact
Previous articleBlame It on the Dummy
Next article7 Days In Arts

Enjoyed this article?

You'll love our roundtable.

Select list(s) to subscribe to


By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Jewish Journal, 3250 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA, 90010, http://www.jewishjournal.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact

Latest Articles

An Adventurous Rosh Hashanah for the Books

Sometimes it’s possible to show up with an open mind, not knowing what you’ll find, and to discover exactly what you need. 

Democrats’ Proposals Are the Latest Threat to Checks and Balances

The genius of our Constitution is the concept of checks and balances. The President, the Supreme Court, and Congress each limits the power of the other.

1 in 5 British Universities Have Adopted IHRA Definition of Anti-Semitism, Survey Says

Eighty universities said they weren't going to adopt it.

Barrett’s Nomination Tests Both Sides

Who will be more motivated in the closing weeks of a presidential campaign taking place with the backdrop of a historic Supreme Court nomination debate?

StandWithUs Files Brief Supporting Fordham University’s Decision Not to Recognize SJP

A court had ruled against Fordham in August 2019.

Jewish High School Students in Northern California Ask District to Take Action Against Anti-Semitism

An Instagram account had called on its followers to provide list of all the Jewish students at a Marin County high school.

20 Years After the Second Intifada

Since the Second Intifada, many Israelis no longer see peace with the Palestinians as a realistic goal.

AJU’S Brandeis-Bardin Campus Provides Weekend Getaways for Sukkot

As Jews continue to navigate celebrating the holidays, American Jewish University (AJU) is creating unique, family-friendly, socially distanced getaways.

Nefesh Community Explores How to Become an Anti-Racist

Organizers say this is part of an ongoing dialogue about anti-racism, in tandem with the Tikkun Collective, the wing of the Nefesh community working with other organizations around specific campaigns and social issues.

Culture

AJU’S Brandeis-Bardin Campus Provides Weekend Getaways for Sukkot

As Jews continue to navigate celebrating the holidays, American Jewish University (AJU) is creating unique, family-friendly, socially distanced getaways.

Nefesh Community Explores How to Become an Anti-Racist

Organizers say this is part of an ongoing dialogue about anti-racism, in tandem with the Tikkun Collective, the wing of the Nefesh community working with other organizations around specific campaigns and social issues.

My Not-so-Typical Jewish Mother

My mother was not adept in the kitchen. There was always a ruckus of noise before dinnertime — a cacophony of clanking and clattering. I remember...

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, ‘Veep’ Cast to Host Biden Fundraiser

Julia Louis-Dreyfus and her castmates are reuniting to help former Vice President Joe Biden win the White House with a fundraiser for the Democratic Party of Wisconsin.

Sacha Baron Cohen to Unleash ‘Borat’ Sequel Before Election Day

A secretly-shot sequel to “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” will premiere on Amazon Prime, just days before the Presidential election. 

Latest Articles
Latest

An Adventurous Rosh Hashanah for the Books

Sometimes it’s possible to show up with an open mind, not knowing what you’ll find, and to discover exactly what you need. 

Democrats’ Proposals Are the Latest Threat to Checks and Balances

The genius of our Constitution is the concept of checks and balances. The President, the Supreme Court, and Congress each limits the power of the other.

1 in 5 British Universities Have Adopted IHRA Definition of Anti-Semitism, Survey Says

Eighty universities said they weren't going to adopt it.

Barrett’s Nomination Tests Both Sides

Who will be more motivated in the closing weeks of a presidential campaign taking place with the backdrop of a historic Supreme Court nomination debate?

Hollywood

‘Dirty Dancing’ Sequel Starring Jennifer Grey Announced

It’s official: A “Dirty Dancing” sequel is coming, and it’s starring Jewish actress Jennifer Grey, who played Frances “Baby” Houseman in the 1987 original.

Roy Moore’s Lawsuit Against Sacha Baron Cohen Over Being Pranked Can Proceed, Judge Rules

By the time the episode aired, it was widely known that Cohen was punking public figures.

Podcasts

Pandemic Times Episode 91: Gaining Strength During Holidays

New David Suissa Podcast Every Tuesday and Friday. How Jewish holidays offer ideal "timeouts" for healing and growth. How do we manage our lives during the...

Pandemic Times Episode 90: Yom Kippur in a Pandemic Can Be Our Most Meaningful

New David Suissa Podcast Every Tuesday and Friday. Reflections from Rabbi Mordecai Finley on going deep on Judaism's holiest day. How do we manage our lives...

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.

Select list(s) to subscribe to


By submitting this form, you are consenting to receive marketing emails from: Jewish Journal, 3250 Wilshire Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA, 90010, http://www.jewishjournal.com. You can revoke your consent to receive emails at any time by using the SafeUnsubscribe® link, found at the bottom of every email. Emails are serviced by Constant Contact

x