April 23, 2019

Top ten Jewish things about The Twilight Saga’s ‘Eclipse’

It has been argued before that the concept of the undead is decidedly un-Jewish, but when it comes to “The Twilight Saga” we disagree. Here are the top ten reasons why we think “Eclipse” is the most Jewish movie since “Exodus.” 

1. Vampires practice their own version of “tzniut”- those ancient Jewish modesty laws governing dress. You won’t catch Edward Cullen sunbathing at the beach—his sparkly vampire skin would be a dead giveaway.

2. Nikki Reed, the blonde bombshell that plays Rosalie is a member of the tribe; her father is a Jewish set designer and her mother a Cherokee-Italian.

3. Check out Rob Pattinson’s sexy sideburns – they’re practically payot.

4. While Edward is not quite “shomer negiah” (the law forbidding touch) he refuses his beloved Bella’s lustful advances and insists she marry him first.

5. The Cullens adhere to the Jewish concept of “Kedoshim Tihiyu,” literally, “You should be separate”—have you seen the way they sit at lunch?

6. The Cullen family patriarch Carlisle is a doctor

7. “Twilight Saga” screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg is a Jew

8. Twilight’s vamps are ‘kosher’: they refuse human blood in favor of a “vegetarian” diet…of animals. Their kashrut is almost as sensible as the ban on shellfish.

9. Eclipse has already grossed $92.7 million in ticket sales—a pre-weekend record—and Jews like a big box office.

10. Let’s face it: “Eclipse” is about a territorial dispute between two ancient tribes with claims to the same land. Sound familiar?