Stepping Out

Time does move on.

When Irwin Greenfield’s wife died 16 years ago, he figured he had two choices: either stay alone behind closed doors curled up on his couch or get out and mingle with the rest of the world. He chose the latter, and he hasn’t looked back.

After checking out a few singles groups, Greenfield, who lives in Fountain Valley, discovered a newspaper ad for Harbor Jewish Singles, one of Orange County’s only groups for older Jewish singles. It has proved an enriching experience for Greenfield, 70, a seven-year member. “I knew that I had to make an effort to get out after my wife died, so I pushed myself to get up and go,” said Greenfield, who was married for 26 years. “I think as we get older, it’s harder and harder to meet people because we’re not at a college or a place where lots of people the same age congregate.”

Harbor Jewish Singles, established 15 years ago, is an independent group for those 55 and older that meets weekly for a variety of activities ranging from evening walks around Balboa Island to attending a local playhouse production.

In a era when many Americans are outliving their spouses, more seniors are finding a need for groups such as Harbor Jewish Singles to develop new relationships, platonic and otherwise. Federal statistics show that one in eight Americans (35 million) are 65 or older. And the older population itself is getting older. In 2000, the very elderly, those 85 and older, stand at 4.2 million, 34 times greater than at the turn of the 20th century.

Susie Forer-Dehrey, the associate executive director of Jewish Family Service in Los Angeles, noted that today’s seniors want to remain active. “These aren’t just the ‘golden years’ anymore,” she said. “They have become the years when seniors can take charge and perhaps do some of the things that they missed when they were younger.”

Greenfield, like many other members of the Harbor Jewish Singles group, defies the stereotype of a senior citizen who spends his day feet up, watching television.

“I think the common misperception about seniors is that we’re are old, cranky and just sit around,” said Greenfield, who is vice president of the group and works in sales at JCPenney in the Westminster Mall. “This group is anything but. We go to all sorts of places, and we always seem to have something going on. For me, I’ve met a lot of really good friends that I can count on.”

Another member, Shirley Serota, 75, of Huntington Beach, the former president of the Harbor Jewish Singles, said she has developed numerous friendships through the group over the years. “I always tell the women that if they are looking for a mate, they will be disappointed; it’s about one man to 15 women,” she said. “When you’re married, you usually hang out with a group of people who are couples. But when your mate dies, you become a fifth wheel; I decided that I didn’t want to be a fifth wheel.”

Today, Serota enjoys participating in the group’s activities but she is equally appreciative, like Greenfield, of the relationships she’s developed that she believes will be long lasting.

“What this club did for me and continues to do for me and others is open a door for recreation and meeting other individuals who are in the same situation. I’m not saying that you’ll like everyone or be friendly with everyone, but it’s a lot like when you’re in grade school, you’re in a class of 26 — maybe you’ll become good friends with two or three. We’re a strong group that likes to get out and do things; we’re go-getters; social animals.”

Current president, Carol Cooperman, a 70-something widow from Fountain Valley, mirrored Serota’s view about friendships and the delight she takes in her six-year membership in the group.

“I’m not a typical senior, nor are the people who are in the group,” she stressed. “I usually jump right into the center of things — being the president and part of this group has been great for me. I’ve always felt that being on the fringes of something wasn’t good enough, you must jump in if you want to be a part of something and make a change.”

The former teacher said she met her present “significant other” through Harbor Jewish Singles more than a year ago. “It’s a very fulfilling group that’s highly educated and has a take-charge attitude,” she said. “I’ve met so many people who share the same interests with me…. Without the group, I don’t think I would have ever had a social life after my husband passed on.”

Cooperman said some of the more popular activities include jaunts to museums, short trips and special events including a trip to Huntington Beach’s Chrysanthemum Festival last month. “The best part of the group is that there is always a variety of things going on,” she said. “If you want to keep busy, the Harbor Jewish Singles group is for you.”

A general planning meeting for Harbor Jewish Singles is held at 10 a.m. on the first Sunday of each month at Jewish Community Center of Orange County, 250 E. Baker St. Suite C, Costa Mesa. Membership is $20 annually and includes a monthly bulletin as well as discounted fees for many activities. For more information, call Irwin Greenfield at (714) 842-7846.

Debbie L. Sklar is an Orange County-based journalist who
writes for many local and national publications. She can be reached at Debbiesklar@hotmail.com .