During Elul, we think about the ways to return to each other, especially the relationships that are most fraught. Teshuvah is the process we engage in—returning to our best selves, returning to our loved ones, and returning to God.
But what happens when the other person isn’t ready to return to you? You keep reaching out. You try to call. You text. Repeatedly, you have shown up. But they haven’t responded. How does teshuvah work then?
Heartbreakingly, this kind of reconciliation needs a reframe. Not every return means a reunification. Instead, healing has to come from elsewhere; a healing in knowing you said you’re sorry and that you extended your hand. There is nothing more you can do.
And in that realization, give your soul the permission to settle, to relax—to engage with other angles of life because your soul has otherwise been consumed. Find comforts in areas you have yet to discover. It’s not about giving up. It’s making space for your own life to continue forward while the other person determines what is best for them.
The philosopher Maimonides explains that if someone asks you for forgiveness, you should be open to their heartfelt apology. But this isn’t always realistic. Even without their forgiveness, return is still possible: A return to an improved, growing soul that learns how to stretch and fall and get back up.
A soul that most of all, chooses to live.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
