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December 23, 2013

Reflections on Christmas

The barista working the Groundworks coffee shop in Santa Monica is a 20 something-year-old, with brown, curly hair, casual, skateboard-y clothes and black-rimmed Buddy Holly glasses. He is explaining to one of his customers, who is a tall and dark, handsome European, how his Jewish family spends Christmas.

Every year on Christmas Eve, his family has made of tradition of ordering Chinese food for dinner, he says. Fidgeting as he plays with the knobs on the espresso machine, the barista is stuttering his words as he explains that he is Jewish, how this tradition of ordering Chinese food on Christmas was started by his family—which includes his parents, and his siblings—as a joke.

“It has sort of became a tradition,” he says, “and now we do it every year.”

The European, who, with the dark features of Joaquin Phoenix and the height –and accent—of Lakers’ Paul Gasol, is about as Jewish as the Pop, nods, unsure.

Is he offended? Is he put off by the barista’s family tradition of ordering egg rolls and wonton soup on the night of Dec. 24?

It is too difficult to tell how the Euro-stud feels, but it is clear, uncomfortably so, that as our Jewish coffee man is revealing how his family spends Christmas—whether he knows it or not, ordering Chinese food during the holiday is a way that many, many Jews celebrate it; call it Christmas counter-programming, if you will—he is simultaneously apologizing for it.

We want to uphold our principals. I am 27-years-old, of the so-called Millennial generation. One principal that Millennials have is being a person who is open to people from different backgrounds, whether of a different ethnicity, sexuality, religion, etc.

Millennials also value authenticity. We don’t like being fake, dishonest. We don’t want to be poseurs. 

Being anti-Christmas, pretending the holiday isn’t happening, runs contrary to our desire to be open.

But it also feels dishonest – thus, unpleasant – to embrace Christmas.

Whether we are aware of it or not, as Jews living in a predominately Christian country, this tribalism-versus-universalism dilemma is something we all cope with, at all times of the year.

Christmas time can make universalistic-inclined Millennial Jews want to resort to tribalism. The only remedy to this is for non-Jews to be as open as possible when us Jews explain the weird idiosyncratic ways we mark the holiday.

Whenever we turn the page—or press the iPhone button—on our calendars to December, it is impossible to evade a conversation about religion.

Those conversations might be with other Jews, and they might be about how the rising phoenix of Christmas decorations around the city this month reminds us that we are the minority here (or make us want to be Christian).

These dialogues might occur with non-Jews, consisting of people of opposing faiths explaining their traditions, respectively.

In the case of the latter, what is important is not what we say but how we respond to the other. We should never make the person of the other religion feel like he or she needs to apologize for how they celebrate – Euro-stud, if you are reading this, I am not saying that this is what you were doing when talking with our affable Jewish barista.

When we find ourselves in these conversations, it is good to err on the side of understanding. Let us all be aware that our personal traditions around Christmas time are personal. We all want to share about how we spend the holidays, and we need the people listening to be as open minded as humanly possible when doing that listening.

Otherwise, the sharing will stop, and likewise will the question of tribalism and universalism, because there won’t even be an option anymore. Tribalism will be something we have to choose, because universalism was always hurting too much.

 

Let us remember that Christmas is a holiday that means something to all of us, even to those of us who don’t celebrate it.

Reflections on Christmas Read More »

Partnership Minyanim: Let’s Live and Let Live

I might be wrong, and hope that I am. But I have a growing sense that a full-scale assault on Partnership Minyanim is brewing, the goal of which is to define these Minyanim as being “over the red line”, outside the pale of Orthodoxy.  I do understand what might motivate such an effort, and I recognize the religious sincerity and constructive intentions of colleagues who might feel it’s an important thing to do.  And at the same time, I am absolutely positive that doing this would constitute a terrible, even tragic mistake. And I would plead that they reconsider.

The reason that it would be a terrible and tragic mistake is that it would have precisely the opposite effect than the one intended. The move to write Partnership Minyanim, and the Orthodox Jews who daven in them, out of Orthodoxy is animated by the desire to prevent a slide toward (non-Halachik) egalitarianism. But the reality is that Partnership Minyanim are precisely the greatest bulwark against exactly that slide.

Contrary to common assumption, people who choose to daven in Partnership Minyanim are not doing so because they are seeking to evade or erode Halacha. They are choosing to daven in Partnership Minyanim davka because they are seeking to live within Halacha. Partnership Minyanim are the one and only way that these Orthodox Jews can simultaneously affirm their commitment to Halacha, and be true to their deeply held ideals concerning the religious dignity of both men and women. The Minyan is a lifeline. 

But is the Halachik argument which supports Partnership Minyanim correct? This is the subject of passionate debate, with many Orthodox rabbis having written in opposition to it, and a small number having written in support. When determining our communal policy however, the pertinent question is not whether the halachik argument supporting Partnership Minyanim is correct. It is rather whether the Halachik argument supporting Partnership Minyanim is viable, is defensible.  Because this determines whether these Minyanim are a threat to – or a safeguard of – people’s Halachik commitment.

And the answer to the question of Halachik viability is a firm “yes”. The Halachik argument is built upon a viable, defensible reading of the Talmud in Megilla, which in principle includes women among the public readers of the Torah. And it is built upon ample evidence that the concern for the “dignity of the congregation”, on which basis the Talmud rejects the inclusion of women as Torah readers, is a concern that is subject to change. Numerous Halachik sources in a variety of other contexts support the idea that a congregation may decide that its dignity is not compromised, despite the Talmud’s concern. There are, of course, other ways to interpret these sources. But the salient points here are that Partnership Minyanim conform with a viable reading of the Halachik sources, and that they are deliberately and thoughtfully conceived, designed and brought to life within a commitment to the Halachik framework. One may disagree with the interpretation of the sources. But one cannot deny the conscious Orthodox quality of the endeavor.

As such, Partnership Minyanim are clearly serving as the place within the Orthodox tent where people are able to remain faithful both to Halacha and to their commitment to the spiritual and ethical value of equal dignity.  Take these Minyanim away, and you create a new and forbidding landscape in which young people raised with these twin passions are left with nowhere in the Orthodox world to turn. And even more tragically these young people will conclude, with justification, that the Orthodox rabbinate knowingly denied and suppressed viable halachik readings in order to bar women from greater participation in Jewish ritual life. 

In 1956, Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l expressed his opposition to Bat Mitzvah celebrations, and ruled that it is forbidden to mark a Bat Mitzvah in shul. We must count ourselves fortunate that Rav Moshe didn’t go so far as to draw a “red line” and categorize any shul in which a Bat Mitzvah ceremony took place as being “not Orthodox”. It’s hard to imagine the kind of hemorrhaging from Orthodoxy that such a decision would have caused over the ensuing decades.

We all need to be responsible and realistic about the consequences of our actions. The vocal opponents of Partnership Minyanim should of course, for the sake of Heaven, express their opposition, and explain their halachik objections. But I urge with all my soul that they resist the calls to draw a “red line”. Nothing good will come of it, and a huge amount of damage would certainly be done.

Partnership Minyanim: Let’s Live and Let Live Read More »