Advice From Your Moms
In honor of Mother’s Day I anonymously interviewed a handful of America’s finest matriarchs. Before we begin, a humble shout out to the mothers we have lost whose advice on these topics would have no doubt assisted women everywhere in living on their wilder side, including but not limited to the fabulous Kathy Blane, Sherry Millard, and the many others who shaped the better of our generation. You are missed.
Without further ado, The Wisdom of Your Moms:
Advice to a virgin:
It might not be great the first time.
Lubricate yourself.
Go for it!
Hold on to it, it’s not going anywhere.
Get birth control – you never know when children will happen.
Advice to a woman who can’t come:
This is if there isn’t some medical or other serious reason she can’t:
Relax.
Have a drink.
Get a sex toy online so you don’t have to deal with any hassle. And then just teach yourself how to do it.
Bedroom advice for men:
Slow down, take your time, listen.
This is not a race to the finish.
Secret sexual knowledge:
Be sexy.
Be open to try new things.
Know what your guy wants.
How do you know what he wants?
Men don’t verbalize normally, but they do try to lead the way and you just have to trust and go for it.
How do you know if there is more to him as a lover than what he says he wants?
Show him.
Push his limits.
Be totally open.
Follow the moment.
Advice to a woman with many lovers:
Stop.
Get rid of most of them. Pare it down and simplify your life.
Advice to a woman with a cheating partner:
Get rid of him – unless you have a child. And even then, I don’t think I could deal with it, but some people can.
Advice for finding a husband:
Don’t try to find it – they will come to you.I was asked by four men for their hand in marriage but it wasn’t something that I wanted to do. The fifth was the man I married. Sometimes women scare men away because they so need to get married.
There’s a difference between declarative intention, ie, I will find a good man, and needy desperation to transform a lover into a husband.
Guys take their own time. The more you push, the more they move away from you.
Demand to be treated with respect.
No man is going to want you if you don’t have self-respect. If you expect respect, you will get respect.
Don’t give it away for free.
Pursue your interests and have a good time.
Advice to a newlywed:
You have to stop thinking about yourself. Even in this age of equality, it’s compromise. You have to go 60/40 in a marriage to make it work.
The real thing is, you have to compromise, but you also have to be yourself. Deal with who you are and the other things will fall into place.
Be sure that before you get married, you know who you are marrying. People don’t change. A lot of women expect that marriage will transform their husband into a new and better person. What you got dating him, you will get after the wedding. After marriage he will still be him, so be sure you like that person.
The party is over. The work is here.
There is always a downside after the performance of a wedding, relax, you will get through it.
Sometimes women are so focused on the wedding that they forget there is a marriage that happens after it. Marriage does happen.
Talk to your spouse.Enjoy it now, it’s never going to be as simple as it is at that moment. It will get better, richer and more complex, but never as simple and wonderful as those first few months.
Advice on good living:
Just be happy.
Don’t have crazy expectations and don’t push people.
Don’t wear yourself out.
Shore some of the responsibility, let others be there for you.
Don’t try to do everything.
Do everything.
And finally, to my own mom, the invincible: I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day from Your 28-Year-Old Yenta!!!
Ask Yenta! E-mail a question to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com directly, or using “> This year, for the first time in my life, we are “counting the Omer”, the 49-day period between Passover and Shavuot, which is traditionally considered to be a period of spiritual elevation and self-fulfillment. Every morning, Danny takes a marble from a large container and moves it to a small container and we say the bracha together. We consider this part of his “functional math skills”. Each of the seven weeks of the Omer is given a separate emotional attribute that we are supposed to really focus in on. As it happed, Danny’s annual IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting at LAUSD fell on Day 15 of counting the Omer, which begins a week of “Tiferet”, translated as “harmony” or “compassion”. For those of you lucky enough to have missed the experience of an IEP meeting, it’s kind of like a cross between a very grueling job interview and a parent-teacher conference. There are usually many representatives of the school district, including the special education teacher, special education administrator, general education administrator, and the various specialists such as speech therapists, occupational therapists and physical therapists. The stated goal of the meeting is to “design an educational plan to meet your child’s individuals needs” but invariably, there are attempts to remove or shorten services provided by the specialists, and we spend most of our energy as parents trying to keep the services we have. As it turned out this year, the IEP team was a good one, with everyone providing mostly positive reports and suggestions, but when it came to the specialized services, it was all about cutting back services. The speech therapist said he was looking for a more flexible approach than once-a-week 60 minutes and proposed 30 minutes of consultation in the classroom. We were fine with being more flexible in how the speech therapy was provided, but pushed it back up to 45 minutes. Then the occupational therapist wanted to cut her once a week session from 30 minutes to 25 minutes. We said no way. Everyone present on the “team” knew that the real reasons for the proposed cuts was the state budget, but wasn’t allowed to say that, so we all did a delicate dance around the real issue of public education funding, or lack thereof. Every one present was professional and kind, and showed a genuine interest in Danny’s education. We walked out feeling a sense of compassion, even if the money counting is the subtext for all of the other assessing and quantifying. Counting the Omer and our annual IEP Read More » Sunday afternoon at the Kohan home is one of those classic portraits of familial bliss: Children are screaming, singing and scurrying about, clamoring for attention, eager to play, while the adults assembled in the kitchen are trying to have a coherent conversation. Clearly, a tall order. “Chris backed up an off ramp!” Jenji Kohan exclaims as she bursts into the kitchen 20 minutes late for the interview, in jeans and a T-shirt, her two sons in tow. “There was an accident in front of us, and we would have literally been on another hour, and so he backed up the off ramp.” Charlie, 11, is ecstatic at his father’s heroics: “My brother and sister were like, ‘Yeah, go Dad!’ ” This being the Kohan household, an ordeal on the freeway is nothing if it begets a good story. Jenji and Co.’s arrival brings a swirl of energy into the room —Charlie wants to perform his latest magic trick (he’s telepathic), and Oscar, a playful, teasing 5-year-old, is hungry. “Have some cheese and crackers,” his grandmother, Rhea, directs with classic motherly insistence. “Would you like some cereal? Some raisins?” Jenji and David, Rhea’s two writer offspring (son Jono is a music entrepreneur and day trader) have gathered today at The Journal’s behest to talk about their mother in honor of Mother’s Day. A novelist by profession, among her notable accomplishments is the fact that she managed to raise three well-adjusted, unpretentious children in Beverly Hills. “Sorry, is this disrupting?” Jenji asks. Well, yes, but the chaos of different characters all descending upon the family kitchen is where this family’s story begins. And even though the Kohan children — twins Jono and David, 47, and Jenji, 41, are all grown up with sizable homes of their own, their parents’ home is still family ground zero. It is here, amid a blend of California modern and deco interiors, that their talents were incubated and nurtured — the original writers’ room. In fact, the drama that unfolded within these walls launched four enviable Hollywood careers: Buz Kohan, the family patriarch, is a television writer for variety shows and specials with 13 Emmys to his credit; Rhea is an author of three novels and a screenplay; David is the creator of the eight-season hit sitcom “Will & Grace”; and Jenji is the brain behind Showtime’s wickedly subversive comedy “Weeds.” A mere 10 minutes in their midst and it becomes obvious why so much of David and Jenji’s success flows from family spectacle, literally and creatively: Both modeled their career choice on their parents’ vocation, and both have found endless inspiration filtering their own refracted experience of family and turning it into entertainment. Read the rest here: No one spits in her kids’ kasha Rhea Kohan: The Hollywood Mother behind ‘Weeds’ and ‘Will and Grace’ Read More » Since the NBA isn’t loaded with players the annual TGR award in the NBA goes to anyone involved in the organization. Last’s winner was Omri Casspi for obvious reasons. He had a solid rookie season and participated in two parts of NBA All Star weekend. But this year neither Casspi or Jordan Farmar were overly impressive so we look to some owners for this year’s winner. Below are the TGR 2011 nominees for NBA Sportsman of the Year. And Let Us Say…Amen. -Jeremy Fine 2011 NBA Sportsman of the Year Read More »
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY AND MAY THE TILES BE WITH YOU… TRIBUTE TO MY READERS Read More »
Advice From Your Moms Read More » Counting the Omer and our annual IEP
Rhea Kohan: The Hollywood Mother behind ‘Weeds’ and ‘Will and Grace’
2011 NBA Sportsman of the Year
TRIBUTE TO MY READERS
TO ALL MOMS
(EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT A MOM)
