Next time, I’ll try the pre-nup
Separated is a vague and unpleasant term.
It’s the state of being in flux — the gray area between no longer married but not yet divorced. A divorce decree gives you back your life as a single person, but being separated keeps you in love limbo.
Many guys I’ve gone out with since I separated from my husband have asked about it. They want to know if the ex is really an “ex.” And despite their interest, most of them never bothered to ask me out a second time.
Until Ted.
Mutual friends fixed us up. Ted divorced nine years ago, has a kid and recently made partner at his firm. We talked on the phone several times and exchanged photos via e-mail. He had a dynamic voice and I enjoyed our conversations, so I agreed to a date.
We met for dinner at the Urth Cafe one chilly Friday evening. While seated on the patio, we explored our similarities (age, height, taste in music) and talked about our kids, including what it’s like to have youngsters who were becoming teenagers.
When we moved inside to sit by the fireplace, we leaned in closer as we talked and held hands. The conversation grew more personal by the hour, and before long he asked me what was the biggest lesson I had taken from my marriage.
“I would have gotten a prenup,” I said.
When I asked him the same question, he said he would have never stopped communicating.
With kids at home and a baby sitter on the clock, I told Ted I was nearing my midnight curfew. And like two nervous teenagers, our date ended with a hug goodbye and a short kiss.
In the run-up to our next date he sent me endearing text messages and we talked on the phone daily. During one conversation he casually but directly asked, “When will your divorce be final?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. The dissolution papers were being prepared, but hadn’t been filed yet.
“Hopefully soon,” I responded after a long pause on my end. I immediately filed for divorce, hoping to truly begin the next chapter of my life.
Ted and I began dating exclusively and we seemed to be at the beginning of a beautiful relationship. We hit the hot spots, he introduced me to his entire family and I attended his daughter’s bat mitzvah. We were even there for each other in the off times — I kept him company while he had oral surgery, and he gave advice on handling a problematic house leak.
One weekend, Ted and I went to Catalina as a special treat. As we strolled hand-in-hand along Crescent Avenue, newlyweds in a golf cart honked as they passed us. Ted caught sight of the words “just married” on the cart, stopped in his tracks, dropped my hand and said, “You’re still married.”
My heart skipped a beat. I had no idea it bothered him so deeply.
“Only on paper,” I said, a knot forming in my stomach.
Ted implied that he was looking to get married — and fast.
As we continued to date, he would bring up my pending divorce and separation at odd times. He’d ask about the court hearings and then declare that delays were bound to crop up. He insisted my divorce would take longer than six months.
I agonized over how long the divorce was taking.
Ted eventually told me about his time frame for relationships. He said he generally gave women a six-month window, but because I was “separated” he was willing to “extend” it for me.
A time frame? Six months?
I asked Ted if he could just enjoy our time together and let our relationship blossom. While he got my hopes up when he said yes, his actions told a different story. I discovered he was actively pursuing other women behind my back.
Ted’s intense marriage pressure might have been honest or it might have been a cover. My pending divorce could have been a convenient excuse, a way to keep a good thing going for a while. Whatever the reason, he wasn’t discussing his true feelings with me. It all seemed to boil down to his relationship Achilles’ heel — communication.
While I cursed it in the beginning, I thank the California court system for my “separated” status. The cooling-off period that follows a divorce filing kept me levelheaded enough to eventually recognize what was happening. What if I had been single and available? I cringe at the thought of what would have happened had Ted and I actually married.
I should have known better.
I should have seen the red flags, which rarely ever change color. My heart didn’t hear what my head was trying to tell me.
Next time I’m taking my own advice: I need a relationship prenup.
I plan to lay out all the issues and clearly define boundaries before dating reaches the relationship stage, let alone before there’s any talk of marriage.
Unromantic? Maybe. But there is nothing quite as ugly as love turned to acrimony. The more candid each person is, the fewer surprises there will be down the road. Be honest and tell me what you want. After that, time, circumstance and intuition will guide the rest.
Now please initial here, here and here, and sign on the dotted line.
Heather Moss is a corporate communications professional and the mother of three children. She can be reached at writeonforever@gmail.com.
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The stress-less Cote d’Azur
Everyone loves the idea of the South of France. But the reality? The crowds, the traffic, the high prices, the attitude? Not so much.
But with the summer reopening of Club Med Opio in Provence — after a $40 million renovation — it’s possible to avoid every one of those hassles. Within an hour of my arrival, I felt totally blessed rather than stressed. Call it the kinder, gentler Cote d’Azur.
Club Med Opio is a great base for exploring the famous hill towns of Grasse, St. Paul de Vence, Mougins and others. Cannes is down below at the seaside, just 10 miles away, with Nice and Monaco farther up the coast. The Club’s excursion desk organizes sightseeing trips and also works with guests to plan custom sorties.
With three pools to choose from, there’s never a shortage of lounge chairs. With multiple bars and cafes, chilly drinks are always at hand. Carefully hired and impeccably trained, the staff (employees are still known as gentils organisateurs, or GOs) is fully bilingual, young and infectiously friendly.
The 435 rooms are pristine, with cool stone floors, puffy white duvets and shiny red armoires that provide more than enough storage. (Rooms range from standard to balcony to suite.) Bathrooms have creamy stone sinks and showers big enough for two. A plasma TV picks up a few English channels and the air-conditioning blows stronger than the legendary mistral. My “Club Room” was small but filled with conveniences, such as twisty halogen spots for reading in bed, powerful hairdryers and plenty of electrical outlets (converters and adaptors are available but it’s best to bring your own).
But the Club Med concept has never been about rooms; it’s about hanging out with people from all over the world, enjoying the surroundings and public spaces, learning new skills and sports and chilling with family and friends. Communal areas are large and comfortable, with plenty of space for quiet or conversation, for curling up to read, for cool drinks in the shade. Club Med Opio offers tennis, golf, archery, trapeze, 4×4 treks, guided hikes, painting classes and other activities, either free or for a small fee. There’s a lovely spa, a well-equipped gym and a few exercise classes each day. A small but smart shop sells sparkly cover-ups, floaty linens for men and women, sunglasses and other resort essentials.
At the legendary buffet, the strategy is to blend local specialties with “safer” international cuisine, pleasing foodies and non-foodies alike. The choices were so extensive, in fact, it would be hard to imagine even the pickiest eater going hungry. While not glatt kosher, the buffet features a vareity of fish and vegetarian options. Local wines are placed on every table; beer, coffee, juice and soda you serve yourself. A second restaurant, at the golf course, offers table service and an a la carte menu.
Club Med’s all-inclusive policy is a particular treat when local restaurants are crowded. And with the dollar at its current low, the savings can be substantial: in this part of France it’s common to pay 3.50 euros for a cafe au lait and 50 euros per person for a mediocre bistro meal. The no-tipping policy is a convenience as well, as the “How much should I tip?” issue simply never comes up. Lock your wallet in your in-room safe and relax.
Club Med Opio has comprehensive facilities and activities for babies (four months and up), toddlers and teens. There’s a children’s restaurant, a circus school for kids, a baby-food buffet and more. Opio beautifully illustrates the company’s ongoing commitment to the upscale family market (seven-night all-inclusive packages start at $1,068 per person, land only).
Companywide, Club Med is in the midst of a $530 million restructuring, letting go of less desirable clubs, renovating others and building new ones from the ground up. Club Med Albion, which recently opened in Mauritius, is the first to be rated five tridents, the company’s highest rating. Three more new Clubs will open in the next two to three years.
If you’re thinking that a stay at Club Med Opio means giving up any of the pleasures of a French country vacation, that’s simply not the case. After a long day of hiking, I felt totally pampered as I kicked back on a deep terrace couch, Pastis in hand, and watched the sun set over the valley. The scent of lavender, rosemary, jasmine and pine perfumed the early evening breeze. A handsome GO played guitar while I eavesdropped on the conversations (in Dutch, Italian, French, Spanish and British English) around me. If there was anything less-than-perfect happening here, I wasn’t going to be the one to find it.
Julie Mautner is an American food and travel writer living most of the year in the South of France. Her work appears in Conde Nast Traveller UK, Food & Wine, Epicurious.com, American Way, Wine Spectator and many other publications.
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Good employment practices a sign for Israeli tourists
Israeli restaurant owners are well accustomed to the question, “Do you have a teudah?” referring to the official certificate deeming all food and food preparation to be kosher in accordance with rabbinical guidelines.
Yet, as a result of the efforts of Bema’aglei Tzedek, a Jerusalem-based nonprofit organization, consumers are now on the lookout for a second type of certificate indicating that the restaurant conforms to a completely separate set of kosher guidelines — good employment practices and accessibility for the disabled.
Called the Social Seal or tav chevrati in Hebrew, the certificate is now being prominently displayed in more than 300 Israeli eateries from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv and in various other locales. It was introduced by Bema’aglei Tzedek to combat what the organization’s director, Asaf Banner, calls “an all too often ignored, yet deeply troubling, aspect of Israeli society.”
Banner, who was among the organization’s founders in 2004 said, “The way that tens of thousands of workers all over Israel are being treated without regard to their most basic human rights was a situation that demanded to be addressed. We saw that the Social Seal was a great way of bringing attention to this issue.”
While the campaign began locally in Jerusalem with organization representatives using the seal as a means to promote the good labor practices of shop owners, it has quickly gained steam and spread across the country.
Roey Zisman, who manages the popular Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Jaffa Road in downtown Jerusalem, believes that the seal is something many of his customers greatly value, as well as acting as a motivating factor for employers to improve worker conditions.
“The Social Seal is very important in our relationship with our workers,” Zisman said. “I hear many people coming in and asking about it, and we feel that there is a large clientele that comes to eat with us because of it.”
Since its founding, Bema’aglei Tzedek has been active within the Israeli school system and in the country’s numerous youth movements. According to Marla Haruni, a New York native and Jerusalem resident, it was her children who taught her about the seal, and since that time, the family will only visit eateries that have received the organization’s approval.
“My children have really come to view the Social Seal with the same level of importance as the kosher dietary certification,” the mother of four said. “I think it’s crucial that people recognize that a restaurant being truly kosher requires that they act in accordance with all Jewish values beyond just ensuring that the food is prepared properly.”
In order for an eatery to receive the seal, representatives of the organization visit the restaurant and observe overall conditions, as well as speak with the workers. According to Banner, several seals have been revoked after it was reported that workers’ rights were being repeatedly violated. Violations include cases where workers are being denied breaks or being paid below the legal minimum wage or where the restaurant is lacking appropriate access for the handicapped.
The seal has also gained the attention of many members across the political spectrum in the Israeli Knesset.
Amir Peretz, who until recently served as Israel’s defense minister and was the longtime head of the Histadrut national union, said the seal is establishing a new standard of ethical practice in Israeli society, and that “highlighting the issue of workers’ rights will create a better future for the people of Israel.”
Zevulun Orlev, a member of the Mafdal Party, noted that the effort brings to the forefront an issue that is of critical nature to the national and Zionist cause. “In order for us to be a fair and just society,” he said, “it is necessary that workers have the assurance that they will receive the proper treatment and compensation they deserve.”
As one of the numerous events throughout the year advancing the cause, Bema’aglei Tzedek held a conference, Fighting the Exploitation of Custodial Workers, in July at Jerusalem’s Rose Garden, across from the Knesset. The conference attracted 1,500 people, according to police estimates.
Rabbi Shlomo Riskin, chief rabbi of Efratm, who addressed the conference, said that despite often being pushed to the side of the social agenda, workers’ rights is something that is deeply entrenched in Jewish values.
“The Torah teaches again and again that our ability to stay on this holy soil of Israel depends on our being a holy people, specifically in the realm of human relations – including those between employer and employee,” he said.
Rabbi Chaim Seidler-Feller, director of Hillel at UCLA, attended the conference. He said the lessons being conveyed by the organization were important ones for a younger generation that often could feel alienated by Jewish traditions.
“This effort serves to show the operationalization of Judaism by displaying how values are not just in the mind but need to be acted upon,” he said.
Banner believes that the Social Seal truly has the potential to change how an Israeli society, often ambivalent about these types of issues, views the question of how its workers are being treated.
“For every additional restaurant or cafe that joins the ranks of those bearing the Social Seal, we feel that we’re making that much more of a difference,” he said. “As more and more consumers become familiar with this seal, we know business owners across the country will begin to take notice, and at that point, anything is possible.”
Jeremy Wimpfheimer is a freelance journalist based in Beit Shemesh, Israel.
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People in glass houses shouldn’t throw … holiday cards?
It is not easy these days to be a satirist, particularly a political satirist. By the time you imagine a far-out scenario with fantastical dialogue, the morning paper reports your hilarious takeoff as straight news.
We owe the following report to B’nai B’rith Canada, which regularly disseminates a review of Canadian parliamentary proceedings of interest to its constituents.
Some of the remarks from the Oct. 17-18 proceedings have been compressed, to protect the dignity of the House of Commons.
Background note from B’nai B’rith Canada: Following the Prime Minister’s Speech from the Throne, the House of Commons returned for its second session. Amongst the very first issues raised was the prime minister having sent Rosh Hashanah greeting cards to Jewish Canadians.
Mrs. Susan Kadis (Thornhill, Liberal Party): Mr. Speaker, a number of my constituents were recipients of mysterious Rosh Hashanah greetings from the prime minister. It was a mystery because they had no idea they were on such a government mailing list. One constituent, Michelle Kofman, wants to know two things: how does the prime minister know her religious affiliation and how did his office get her personal information?
Hon. Jason Kennedy (secretary of state, multiculturalism and Canadian identity, Conservative Party): Mr. Speaker, all members of this House, I suspect, send holiday greetings around the time of Christmas to millions of Canadians on publicly available lists. We make no apology for doing the same thing with Canada’s Jewish community to celebrate their important High Holidays as well. We believe, unlike the Liberals, in multiculturalism and celebrating all of our cultural communities’ holidays and important dates.
Mrs. Kadis: Why is the government compiling lists of Canadians according to their religious and ethnic affiliation?
Mr. Kennedy: Mr. Speaker, I promise the member opposite that if she sends me a Christmas card, I am not going to launch an investigation.
Mrs. Kadis: My constituents, Mrs. Faulkner and Mrs. Donin, want an explanation. Both of their names mysteriously appeared on the PMO (Prime Minister’s Office) list to receive Rosh Hashanah greetings. But neither is Jewish. They want to know how they were identified with a religious affiliation they do not hold and why there is such a list.
Mr. Kennedy: I am sorry to hear that she did not enter into the happiness of the Rosh Hashanah new year…. Before she answers that, I would like her to tell us whether she has ever sent out Rosh Hashanah cards, or other Liberals have, to members of the Jewish community.
Mrs. Kadis: Mr. Speaker, Canadians expect their privacy to be protected, not exploited…. How did their names get placed on the list? The PMO could not have received their names from public lists as they are not constituents of the Jewish faith.
Mr. Kennedy: Mr. Speaker, I understand why the member (Mrs. Kadis) did not want to answer my question. Perhaps it is because I received an e-mail this morning from a constituent of hers, Mr. Arthur Burke, which says: “I received a Rosh Hashanah card from my MP, the MP for Thornhill (Mrs. Kadis). I don’t know from where she received my address or how she knew my religious affiliation…. We know that Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish new year, but it seems for that member it is the high holiday for hypocrisy.”
Hon. Garth Turner (Halton, Liberal): Mr. Speaker, the secretary of state for….
Some honorable Members: Oh, Oh!
The Speaker: Order, please. I know members on both sides seem to disagree on this point, but we have to have some order in the House so we can proceed with the discussion.
Mr. Turner: Mr. Speaker, we are here to represent people…. Conservative members of Parliament have a party database in which is entered the private information of individual Canadians.
Will the prime minister apologize for an unethical invasion of Canadians’ privacy?
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw … holiday cards? Read More »
Golems, schlemiels, reporter for a day
Things That Go Bump in the Night
We’re getting into the “spirit” of things this month. YeLAdim loves a good scary story, so we asked our friends at the Jewish Community Library of Los Angeles to suggest some of their favorites.
“Golem” by David Wisniewski (Clarion Books, 1996)
This book, which won the Caldecott Medal, tells the story of a rabbi in Prague who made a man from clay (think Frankenstein’s monster) to protect the people who lived in the ghetto. But what happens when the Golem comes to life? Lots of pictures help tell this story of good vs. evil. (Ages 4-8)
“Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins” by Eric Kimmel (Holiday House, 1994)
Every year, nasty hobgoblins ruin Chanukah for the villagers by blowing out the candles on the menorah, destroying dreidels and making a mess of the latkes. But Hershel of Ostropol has a plan to get rid of the little creatures. Find out what it is in this award-winning book full of warmth, humor and really cool illustrations. (Ages 4 to 8)
“Shlemiel Crooks” by Anna Olswanger (NewSouth Books, 2005)
Wonder what happened to Pharoah after the Israelites left Egypt? He moved to St. Louis. Well, sort of. His ghost tries to get two thieves to steal Reb Elias’ special Passover wine and ruin the holiday. Will Elijah come to the rescue? Yiddish humor, history, colorful pictures and a bit of magic make this a fun tale for the whole family. (Ages 9-12)
Off the Page
, Diane Levin Rauchwerger (“Dinosaur on Hanukkah”), Debbie Robins (“Where Peace Lives”), Sylvia Rouss (The “Sammy Spider” series), Joel Stern (“Jewish Holiday Origami”) and Judith Viorst (“Alexander and the Wonderful, Marvelous, Excellent, Terrific Ninety Days” — sequel to “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”).</p>
<p>
There are also tons of activities going on all day. You can see a puppet show with Mallory Lewis and Lamb Chop, clap along to the music of Ralph’s World, visit a life-size replica of the secret attic from the Anne Frank House, eat some yummy food and take a great adventure with a new book. $10 (adults), $5 (children). For more information on times and locations of readings and signings, visit http://celebrationofjewishbooks.com/children.asp.</p>
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<br />
<b>Reporter for a Day<br />
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All kids are invited to stop by The Jewish Journal’s booth during the Sunday Family Festival to pick up a “YeLAdim Press Pass.” Then put on your reporter hat and write about your day at the festival. What did you see? What did you do? What was your family’s favorite part? E-mail us your story at <a href=)
kids@jewishjournal.com and you could find your article on next month’s YeLAdim page.
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Birthright Britney — come to Israel! (new video from Orit in Israel)
Some people ask me how I can possibly compare Britney to Israel, as I did in my parody of Chris Crocker’s famous Leave Britney Alone YouTube plea. Britney and Israel have a lot more in common than you think.
History
Britney grew-up Kentwood, Louisiana with an inborn ambition to perform. She appeared on Star Search when she was ten years old, then moved on to star in the New Mickey Mouse club. But she broke out on her own at age 17 with her first hit: âHit Me Baby One More Time.â Her dreams came true even before her body came into its own.
After a 2,000 year ambition to live freely on their own land, the Jewish people founded Israel in 1948. Israel fought for its existence and made it. Then in 1967 the wildest dream of the Jewish people came true: Israel conquered the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. Israel was a worldwide star. Her dream came true even before its land came into its own.
Individualists
Overall (at least in their better years) Britney and Israel liked to do things alone. Britney gave up the chance to be in girl group because she needed the limelight for herself. Only until her less successful fourth album, In the Zone, when she was already on the decline, did she collaborate with artists other than Madonna or her ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. She was a pop star that dwelled alone.
Israel for a long time retained a friendly distance from other nations. Only America (the Madonna of nations) is considered Israelâs real best friend. Hopefully America wonât drop its alliance with Israel as Madonna did with Britney, despite their hot kiss. Overall, though, Israel is a people that dwells alone.
Icons
There is no denying that Britney is already an icon. The blonde from Lousiana has captured the imagination of millions of people for her beauty, her passion, her performing talent, and her fun, danceable pop songs. Okay, so sheâs no Celine Dionâbut take her at face value. She is the American Dream.
Israel too has become an icon. Sheâs a productive, beautiful stand-out in a region embroiled with dictatorship and strife. She has provided inspiration to millions of Jews and non-Jews around the world. She is the Jewish Dream.
Loved and Hated
People either love them or hate them. Israel and Britney have garnered both devout defenders and mean critics. But no one can remain apathetic for too long.
The Press: âGimme Moreâ
Both Britney and Israel have been relentlessly scrutinized and hounded by the press disproportionately to other pop stars and countries, respectively.
The press likes to build someone up, and then shoot them down. It gives them a special sense of power, since the press boasts no distinct accomplishments of their own other than covering the accomplishments (and failures) of others.
At the first sign of weakness, the press will start nitpicking every wrong or sour turn of any star. Britney and Israel have been constantly put under microscope, and soon enough, they started believing the mediaâs lies. They became the monsters the media and the critics made them out to be.
Self-Destruction
Israel and Britney grew-up too fast. They became so strong that they didnât know what to do with their own strength. Given their strength, they became so criticized that they didnât know how to cope with all the attention.
Just as Britney reached her peak, things started to go downhill. It started around her Onyx tour when she felt this great instinct to nest. She marries a childhood friend for 24 hours in Las Vegas. She cancels her tour, citing illness. Not long after she claims she wants to be normal, to raise a family like everyone else. She got married and had two kids.
Israel reached its peak during the Six Day War. Suddenly, Israel wasnât David against Goliath, but the Goliath itself. Israel was vilified as an Occupier. The Jews were no longer this weak people, but a strong force to be reckoned with. Israel felt this great instinct to nest: to give away the land it won and to be normal, just like everyone other democracy. Israel forcefully uprooted its own citizens from their homes in Gaza to fit in. Israel became so normal that it fought a bloody war in Lebanon completely unprepared.
Neither Israel nor Britney are truly âfessing up to their mistakes. And oopsâthey keep doing it again. They are trying to cover up their mistakes with parties and good times. They are getting stuck in the toxic relationships. Britney is drugging herself with alcohol, partying and who knows what else. Sheâs neglecting her children. Israel is drugging herself with an obsessed vision of peace, and neglecting the children of Israel.
Identity Crisis
What this all boils down to is that Israel and Britney suffer from lack of self-knowledge and self-pride. Who are they? What are they? Is Britney a pop star, a mother? Is Israel a liberal democracy, a Jewish State? Until they look deep inside themselves and discover the best of themâand be proud of thatâIâm afraid that both will continue on a terrifying path of suicide.
What has kept Britney going is her creative output. What has kept Israel going is its creative output (and not the government and the press). If they continue to create honestly and productively, maybe they will sustain. I anxiously await the redemption of both. Hit us baby one more time!
—Orit in Israel
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Iranian Jews’ delicious obsession with Gondi
“What are those delicious dumplings that look like matzah-balls?” an American rabbi inquired of me recently. “You’ve got to find me someone who has the recipe for this food, it’s one of the best I’ve ever had in my life!” The rabbi could not stop asking me questions about some mouth-watering “dumplings” he had recently eaten at the home an Iranian Jewish family. I immediately knew he was talking about the famous “Gondi” dumplings. He never had this special dish before because it is exclusively prepared by Iranian Jews in the home and rarely if ever offered in Persian restaurants.
Gondi, (pronounced go-n-dee) is perhaps the single most unique food to the Jews of Iran and is on the dinner table of most Iranian Jewish families for their Shabbat dinners. Prepared as dumplings that are cooked and served in chicken soup, Gondi is the traditional side dish or appetizer Iranian Jews enjoy along with a Middle Eastern bread as well as raw green vegetables including mint, watercress, and basil. It is typically served in a hot bowl of chicken soup with some families also adding in potatoes and a turkey leg. I’ve come to realize that the preparation of Gondi is not only a labor of love for Iranian Jewish mothers but enjoying the dish is always a time for families to gather and in a way reconnect with their past. Over the years, the vast majority of Iranian American Jews have informed me that Gondi first originated in the Jewish ghetto in Tehran many years ago—exactly when, no one knows. Now before any Jews coming from a city either than Tehran gets upset with me, I must mention the fact that Jews from the other Iranian cities also claim to be the first inventors of Gondi. In any case, it was a special food prepared only for Shabbat dinner because its main ingredient of ground lamb or chicken was expensive. While Iranian Jews have over the centuries eaten the same types of foods as other Iranians, Gondi has been one of their few culinary innovations that they can claim their own.
Now if you ask older Iranian Jewish women what the ingredients of Gondi are, they will give you almost 100 different variations of the same ingredients. To the best of my research the following is a recipe for a serving of eight Gondi dumplings:
4 medium onions, peeled and quartered
1½ pound skinless, boneless chicken breast
8 ounces or about 2¼ cups of ground chickpeas
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper,
1½ teaspoon cardamom
The preparation of Gondi can be tricky but first the onions are very finely minced by hand or thoroughly blended in a food processor. Then ground chickpeas or chickpea flour is added to the mixture and hand mixed with the onions. Next, chicken breasts or turkey breasts are blended or ground, to have the same texture as ground beef. Now some folks who prefer the taste of veal will use a combination of ground veal and ground chicken breasts. In any case, the ground chicken is added to the onions and oil, salt, pepper, and cardamom are added to the mixture. Some individuals will also add turmeric and cumin to the mixture.
Again all these ingredients should be hand mixed very well, then water should be added to make a dough-like mixture. The mixture should then be refrigerate until well-chilled for about two to three hours. Next, when the chilled mixture is removed, the chef preparing the dish should dip their hands in cold water and divide the mixture into small portions. Each portion is then fashioned into balls about two inches in diameter. Finally the dumplings should be gently added one by one to a chicken soup that has been brought to a boil. The pot cooking the dish should be covered and left to simmer for about 30 to 40 minutes.
Preparing Gondi is no easy task and more often than not, amateur cooks fail in their first several attempts. Nevertheless, practice makes perfect and overtime anyone who is able to prepare a delicious tasting Gondi dish is typically given high praise in any Iranian Jewish family. My only hope is that younger Iranian Jews living outside of Iran will continue cooking this amazing dish not only because it’s delicious, but because it’s a part of our heritage that needs to be kept alive. Unfortunately since Gondi is not widely available to the general public and not cooked in restaurants, the older generation of parents and grandparents have a responsibility to pass on the recipes and techniques of cooking Gondi.
I bid you happy eating and encourage you to ask your Iranian Jewish friends to indulge you with Gondi the next you visit them for Friday night dinner!
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Know Thine Enemy
The most important magazine article you’ve never read this year appeared Sep. 21 in The Chronicle Review, a publication of The Chronicle of Higher Education.
It’s about a librarian. Really.
The author, Raymond Ibrahim, describes how it is he came to translate the internal communiques and theological statements of the leaders of al-Qaeda, and what those leaders really say. Here’s a hint: It’s not what Israel’s new batch of best-selling critics say they say.
Ibrahim explains that prior to Sept. 11 he was sitting amid the stacks at California State Fresno, where he was researching his master’s thesis on an obscure seventh century battle between Christiandom and Islam.
After Sept. 11, Ibrahim, a fluent Arab speaker whose parents are Coptic Christians from Egypt, eventually landed a job as a researcher at the Near East Section of the African and Middle East Division of the Library of Congress.There he developed an intense fascination with the many Arabic books, articles and communiques dealing with al-Qaeda. And what Ibrahim noticed was that Osama bin Laden and the other leaders of al-Qaeda say one thing to the West, and another to themselves and their followers.
In their videotapes and communiques to the West, the leaders cite a laundry list of grievances as the reason for their “martydom operations:” United States support for Israel, U.S. military bases in Saudi Arabia, the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq and President George Bush’s refusal to sign the Kyoto Accords on global warming (really).
But Ibrahim discovered, or proved, that these reasons are strictly for Western consumption. They are, in short, lies.
What really motivates al-Qaeda is a narrow religious theology that cannot abide coexistence with non-Muslims. As Ibrahim writes: “It soon became clear why these particular documents had not been directed to the West. They were theological treatises, revolving around what Islam commands Muslims to do vis-a-vis non-Muslims. The documents rarely made mention of all those things — Zionism, Bush’s ‘Crusade,’ malnourished Iraqi children — that formed the core of Al-Qaeda’s messages to the West. Instead, they were filled with countless Quranic verses, hadiths [traditions attributed to the Prophet Muhammad], and the consensus and verdicts of Islam’s most authoritative voices. The temporal and emotive language directed at the West was exchanged for the eternal language of Islam when directed at Muslims.
Or, put another way, the language of ‘reciprocity’ was exchanged for that of intolerant religious fanaticism. There was, in fact, scant mention of the words ‘West,’ ‘U.S.’ or ‘Israel.’ All of those were encompassed by that one Arabic-Islamic word, kufr — ‘infidelity’ — the regrettable state of being non-Muslim that must always be fought through ‘tongue and teeth.'”
Ibrahim collected these writings and compiled them into a book, “The Al-Qaeda Reader,” which was published by Broadway Books in 2006.
Now, if the Jews really controlled the media — and at times like these, boy I wish they did — a book like Ibrahim’s would get all the attention and rake in all the sales that instead went to Jimmy Carter’s book on Israel or Stephen Walt and John Mearsheimer’s “The Israel Lobby.”
In the latter book, the authors repeatedly cite Bin Laden’s own words in blaming Israel and America’s support for Israel for the attack on the Twin Towers. Either because they assume the Muslim mind is not sufficiently complex enough to say one thing and mean another, or because they don’t believe reading first-hand source material is enlightening, or because they are on a tear against the Jewish state, Walt and Mearsheimer never reference Ibrahim’s by-now widely disseminated work.
But here is what Ibrahim told New Yorker writer Lawrence Wright in a C-SPAN interview:
Wright: How important is Israel to the theology of al-Qaeda?
Ibrahim: Even if Israel ceased to exist, based solely on theology, the Jews are still enemies. They have to be attacked until they are dhimmis, second-class citizens.
One is temporal, the other transcends time and space. It is a fixed commandment from God…. When al-Qaeda states it has a grievance because of Israel, and a lot of Muslims and non-Muslims would agree with that, does that mean that once Israel disappears, that that’s going to bring peace between a group like al-Qaeda radicals and the West? [Bin Laden] would imply yes, but these writings show otherwise.
Ibrahim’s book received positive reviews from two unusual sources — the left and the right. He has been a fixture on Fox News, where the idea of duplicitous evil Muslims is as welcome as a cup of joe on a foggy morning. But the book has also been lauded by Reza Aslan and by Wright, who references Ibrahim in his Pulitzer Prize-winning book on Sept. 11, “The Looming Towers.”
Opposing sides can disagree over our response to al-Qaeda’s attacks, over our approach to the numerous terrorist groups and governments out there — al-Qaeda is not the only or even central address — but it is hard to refute the evidence of Ibrahim’s translation.
All this doesn’t mean Israel and the West shouldn’t take note of and act on legitimate grievances in the Muslim world. There is no good reason to add to the pool of angry or disenfranchised Muslims willing to fall for bin Laden’s hellfire and brimstone.
But Ibrahim’s solid research should serve as a corrective to those demagogues who would have the world believe that terrorism begins and ends with Israel.
Radio talkshow host Frank Beckmen interviews Raymond Ibrahim and YouTube member Darth Prophet illustrates the interview in a mashup video