How to Choose a Jewish School for Your Child

The growth of Jewish day and high schools in America is testimony to their central role in Jewish continuity. Parents who are choosing Jewish day or high school for their family are making a momentous investment in their child’s Jewish future.

Choosing any school is a major decision, all the more so when your family’s Jewish life will be impacted for generations to come. What follows are some guidelines for making sure the program you choose comes closest to what your child needs — a Jewish education that will perpetuate and even deepen your family’s Jewish life.

Be Realistic

“I want a Modern Conservadox day school with yeshiva rabbis, a Montessori preschool with a Reggio Emilia art program, a process-oriented education that will still have my kid excelling on standardized tests; and a high school where my kid won’t feel stressed out but will get into Harvard, and where none of the kids abuse the Internet, party or drink.” No school can be everything. Religiously, look for elements that are consistent within the school and with your family’s Jewish life. Educationally, a school can’t possibly be both about how deep the education is and high standardized test scores, and no school can get your kid into a top university without stress. Every school comes with trade-offs, and every school has kids that do what you’re afraid of. Start by making a list of everything you want, what the trade-offs might be, and then prioritize. You will never get everything, but at least you know what you won’t compromise on.

Mission and Values

Can the school define itself? If the school is asking you what you want the school to be, or the school is trying to be everything to everyone, it may be a sign that the school or its board is having trouble making hard choices. No family wants to find out after a few years that a school has shifted direction. Also, a school’s mission and religious approach bring trade-offs: Community schools can embrace a wider spectrum of Jewish choices but may leave Orthodox students feeling unsupported. Modern Orthodox schools can also embrace a wider range than just Orthodox, but your child will need to follow Orthodox practice while at school. Think carefully about the trade-off and your priorities.

Orthodox Is Complicated

There is a wide spectrum of philosophies within Orthodoxy, from Charedi (ultra-Orthodox) to Modern, and figuring out what’s what can be complicated. Look for some indicators: What is the Judaic staff’s attitude to the sciences and the humanities? Do charitable and tikkun olam projects focus on the Jewish community or go beyond? What are the differences between the boys’ and girls’ Judaic studies curricula? Ask whether the school expects students to adhere to religious standards on weekends and outside of school, or if the school restricts boy-girl interaction, such as at youth groups or camps.

Look Beyond the Front Door

What does the school want its students to look like when they graduate? Don’t just ask the admissions director or principal; especially with early grades, it is very hard to see what comes later, so visit the older grades and see for yourself. If a black hat or pink tefillin are not right for your family, look at the older grades and see who the role models are and what the prayer services are like. Another good check: Ask to see the yearbooks of the last two graduating classes.

How Does It Feel?

Your child probably reflects you to a large extent so, to quote Sara Shapiro-Plevan from MyJewishLearning.com, choose the school that most resembles the elements you liked about your own Jewish education — and the one that least resembles the program that you disliked.

Read the Tea Leaves With Care

There is a fairly good matrix to evaluate the academic strength of the high school end product: standardized scores like ACTs, SATs and APs, college and gap-year yeshiva acceptances. Elementary schools, on the other hand, often rely on standardized tests designed for students in schools with less intense educational goals and a softer curriculum. When compared against these schools, our little Einsteins start to look the part, so be wary of statistics. In one school I worked in, 95 percent of sixth-graders scored as “post-high school.”

Keep Your Eye on the Prize
It’s not what your child looks like at graduation; it’s about what he or she will look like after college, graduate school and beyond. Look for how much a middle or high school encourages personal depth or presses for conformity, and how it handles rebellion. Look for a school that has the range of co- and extracurricular outlets that reflect Jewish values and will make what your child loves — literature, art, sports, Israel advocacy or tikkun olam — part of his Judaism. The real test of a school is whether your child graduates with the leadership skills, self-advocacy and strong enough religious self-esteem to handle an open college campus and the many other trying circumstances that late adolescence and early adulthood bring.

Listen to Your Child (But Not Too Much)

When it comes to middle or high school, forcing children into a school can lead them to — consciously or otherwise — sabotage their own success. All bets are off, however, if where they want to go will drive a wedge into the family’s religious cohesion. Remember: They only look like mini-adults; developmentally, they can’t understand the subtle calculus that goes into each family’s Jewish choices.

Know Each of Your Children

Each child is different. Your older child’s school may not be right for your younger child. If you have any doubts about how your younger child will fare, start the process over from the beginning.

Be Ready for Crises

Almost all children will experience key moments in their education that will help define — for better or for worse — who they are. Look for a school that has the professional support staff to help you and your child. Such staff includes a school social worker or psychologist, academic support and academic enrichment specialists, and teacher training in child development. Untrained rabbis and teachers are no substitute for a trained professional.

God Bless You

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not praise every parent and grandparent of a Jewish child for making the profound sacrifices in money and lifestyle to provide the next generation with a Jewish education. Beyond all of the considerations outlined here, only you know all of the other choices you must consider, and their costs.

Rabbi Elchanan J. Weinbach is head of school at Shalhevet, a preschool through 12th   grade Modern Orthodox high school in Los Angeles.