A Blossoming Love Story

Being a road comic I’ve probably stayed in more hotels than Conrad and Paris Hilton combined. Well, maybe not Paris. 

I’ve stayed in some of the best and the worst. 

In Ottawa, I stayed in the Eastview Motel. I checked in on an ice-cold snowy afternoon. The lobby door was missing. Someone had kicked it in.  At the reservation desk was a guy wearing a parka, mittens, and a Muskrat Shearling trapper hat. 

Another winner, instead of cotton towels they had disposable three-foot-long brown paper towels to dry off with after a shower. 

In Dallas, when I asked for someone to come clean my room they said the woman that was supposed to clean it stabbed someone and they were short-staffed. Glad I never asked her for extra shampoo. 

My favorite was when I entered my hotel room I saw a guy sitting on the toilet. Quite nonchalantly he said, “I’ll be done in a minute.”

Then there are the good ones. At a Ritz, the manager greeted me at my car then handed me my keys then escorted me to my room. Some places leave expensive chocolates on your pillow. Tiny lavender atomizer sprays for the sheets.  Nice, but far less memorable than an electrician on my toilet. 

But recently I stayed in a place the likes I’ve never stayed before. A place where there was a blossoming love story. I spent a glorious Shabbat with my newly married son Noah and daughter-in-law Chloe in their Manhattan apartment. 

Usually, when I’m leaving town my wife kisses me and says I love you. Occasionally she’ll toss in be safe. This time she said, “no throwing towels on the floor, and easy with the passing gas.” You’d think she was sending an orangutan. 

She then reminded me even though these were our kids I was a guest in their home. And even though they made me feel totally comfortable I never forgot I was a guest. 

They even bought bananas for me. My wife must have told them she was sending an Orangutan.

The funny thing is our three boys lived with us for about 20 years and never once acted like they were guests. Sometimes they acted like it was their house and we were encroaching on them. There was even a 15-year run where we gave them an allowance every week for eating all our food. 

So here I am in their Upper East Side apartment spending Shabbat with them. Friday night Chloe’s parents joined us for dinner. On the table were two homemade loaves of challah she baked. It was just the five of us singing, talking, and a bisl Torah. Enjoying Shabbat and each other’s company. It was beautiful.

I recommend that if you can, spend a few days living with your married kids. It’s a real eye opener. You get to see closeup how they do their relationship. 

I recommend that if you can, spend a few days living with your married kids. It’s a real eye opener. You get to see closeup how they do their relationship. And though there are similarities in many relationships, every relationship has a uniqueness all their own.  I’ve always brought Shabbat flowers, every week. My son Noah brings his wife flowers. I guess I did something right. Eventually I had to realize that not me but my wife runs our home. And does a masterful job. Noah seems to understand he also has to step it up and at times step aside. 

But what really impressed me most was how much they seemed to really like and love each other. It was a fantastic thing to see. To watch your kids doing well and happily married gives you a great sense of well-being and naches. It’s truly a breath of fresh air. 

Yes, we dressed and schooled them. Taught them some manners and hopefully implanted some morals. Then with any luck sent some nice people into the world. 

No matter how much we’ve done for them, they ultimately spotted the diamond in each other. They are the ones that locked eyes and saw through into each other’s hearts. 

When I was checking out and thanking them for having me as a guest I said, “you’re both going to be very sorry that you treated me so well.” 

They smiled and said “anytime.” Then gave me a banana for the plane ride home.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and host of the ‘You Don’t Know Schiff’ podcast.