Raise your hand if you love your mother-in-law! And if you don’t love her… you can scream!
Nah, seriously, my mother-in-law was my guest for the past three months. She is now on the interminable plane ride that will fly her across the ocean to her home 7000 miles away from mine!
When will her or our next visit be? Uncertainty looms over the subject.
I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed her visit. She cooked, baked, swept, mopped, grocery-shopped, babysat, dog-sat, mended, dish-washed, tidied, basically ‘made Pesach’ every day.
She spoiled me, spoiled the kids… and spoiled my husband most of all. She gave, gave, gave, gave, gave for three whole months! From the time the sun’s rays flowed gently through the window to later than the time my head hit the pillow, Rhonda was up and about, helping and caring.
I went through several stages during her long visit. At first, I was so grateful for all she did for us. She just stepped off the plane mid-August and took care of whatever needed tending to (which is a lot in a family of five sporty, growing sons)! Then, a month into her visit, I began feeling superfluous (and, dare I say, resentful).
Here I am, a 39-year-old woman who normally balances work and family so well, and my hyper-energetic sexagenarian mother-in-law proved that she could manage my home much more proficiently than myself! But what really struck me was her attitude. I know you want me to write that she was haughty, condescending and scornful. But none of that would be true. I was totally smitten by her grateful, positive, loving vibe- which was so unlike my begrudging, grumpy attitude of “How annoying!” “Why me?” “I’d much rather be in Hawaii than picking up socks and used tissues all day!”
But then it hit me.
“Grandma,” I asked her one day, well into her stay. For some reason I call her Grandma, just as my kids do. “You’re doing too much! Please go relax, watch a movie, read a book, take a nap, whatever. Really, I’m starting to feel uncomfortable about all the slack you’re picking up.” Rhonda, who was tackling a pot of chulent in the sink, stopped, straightened herself to her full 5’1”, looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes and gave voice to her emotions, “I’m doing all this because my heart is so full of love for you guys.”
Oh.
Uh-huh.
I see.
Well, that sure shut me up!
I, who spends hours each day giving and giving to my home all the while muttering and bemoaning my fate, have perhaps learnt a tremendous lesson from a woman who also gives and gives, but out of love. Getting is not her primary concern; giving, loving and nurturing is.
Giving is a huge topic these days, what with Thanksgiving around the corner and all… Do I over-give? Under-give? Give too much? Lose myself in the giving? What am I getting in return?
What about me? These are all topics I’ve seen written about in popular parenting/homemaking blogs and magazines.
In my opinion, Grandma Rhonda beat all the sophisticated theorizing in her one heartfelt sentence.
