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A Moment in Time: How do we Explain Death to Toddlers?

[additional-authors]
April 21, 2022

Dear all,

Earlier this week Ron and I observed the yahrzeit (anniversary of the death) of his mother. As we planned our visit to the cemetery, we discussed whether or not to bring our toddlers with us. “How do you explain death to a 2.5 year old?” we asked one another. “How do you explain that there is a body that is buried?”

As we asked these questions, we came to realize…. It’s not that we were seeking the words to explain death to our children. Rather – we couldn’t figure out how to explain death to ourselves. It was a harsh emotional confrontation.

Once we absorbed this reality, we told Maya and Eli, “We are going to the cemetery to visit Savta (grandma).” And while we said it to them, we were saying it to ourselves.

Did we explain death? No. But in that moment in time, we acknowledged that we can’t hide from death and we can’t run from death. But we can allow those who have died to be connected with those who are living, no matter the age.

And so we all went. Our kids participated by placing stones on the grave. And then they giggle and ran around the cemetery, embracing life.

And I am certain that Savta enjoyed hearing them!

With love and Shalom,

Rabbi Zach Shapiro
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