Whether you are living together with your significant other, or married, the coronavirus pandemic can put a strain on even the best of relationships. If your relationship had been tenuous before the crisis, the stress humanity is under at this given time in history can cause even further friction in your relationship and accelerate the pace to a separation or divorce. Many couples have already decided to split but cannot do so until the crisis ends either because of financial reasons or practical ones due to the quarantine.
Here are some tools to help you and your partner navigate living together through the crisis:
- Don’t make any rash or spontaneous decisions right now. None of us know how long this will last and you may regret it when normalcy returns. For those of you who started the divorce process, this is a good time for you to pause and reflect if divorce is really what you want.
- Listen and communicate to your partner. If possible, set aside a time each day when you can each express any feelings you have. It may be the fear of contacting the virus or concerns you have about your finances or children. Be sensitive and empathetic to each other’s feelings.
- Divide responsibilities whether taking care of the children, doing housework or paying bills so they are more balanced while you are both at home and one party is not harboring resentment against the other for doing what he or she perceives as more than the other.
- Give each other space. Whether living together in a small apartment or a large house, designate a space for each to be in and the hours he or she will be in that space. For example, one may work in the study or bedroom and the other in the kitchen.
- Take breaks when needed. Go for a walk, read, listen to music, take an online class, do a puzzle, meditate, play a game or watch a television show. There are endless possibilities.
- Limit your intake of the news online and on television. It will escalate your anxiety levels with all the bad news being reported.
- If you’ve already made a definitive decision to separate after the crisis, use this time to plan your future after the crisis. Will you each get your own attorney, hire a mediator or do your own divorce? How will you divide the property and debts? What will be the custody arrangements for the children? Who will stay in the house? The more you can do before you hire professionals, the more cost effective it will be later.
- If you cannot get along or work together during this time, or need imminent help, consider having an online session with a therapist or family law mediator to work out pressing issues that arise. If you need help dealing with your children’s emotional needs or how to break the news of your impending separation, consult a child psychologist or therapist.
- This is temporary. Remind yourself that this crisis will pass and you can move forward with your plans to separate or divorce when it is over.
Deborah L. Graboff, Esq. is a family law attorney and mediator with the Law Offices of Rosaline L. Zukerman. Her practice includes negotiating and drafting cohabitation, prenuptial and postnuptial agreements and helping couples resolve their support, custody and financial issues. She is on the board of the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles where she co-chairs the Legal Network and Community Leadership Institute.
