“Hope, Inspiration, New Delights”: The First Heshbon HaNefesh Poetry Retreat

By Julia Knobloch and Dr. Joshua Krug

This month, we ran the first of hopefully many Heshbon HaNefesh poetry retreats, in an adobe house near Twentynine Palms, in the Mojave wilderness of southern California. Our goal was to establish a new Jewish poetry community.

The awe-inspiring beauty of the desert, with 108 degree Fahrenheit days and ruach-filled nights under a canopy of galaxies, served as backdrop for a weekend that explored Jewish liturgical and midrashic poetry, artistic connections to prayer and prophecy, and how—and why—empty spaces can open our souls.

What poetic (prophetic?) messages do we receive in the desert? How do we carry on toward the promised land despite fears and vulnerabilities? How much do we rely on traditional sources in the poetic rendering of our existential seeking? What does it mean to be Jewish poets?

These and other questions informed the program schedule of the retreat that ran from Friday afternoon to noon on Sunday and was made possible by an AJU Bruce Geller Memorial Prize from the Institute for Jewish Creativity and supported by the budding learning initiative Opening Doors, founded in LA.

Post-Pandemic Momentum, Resetting, Community-Building

The opportunity to escape daily environments in order to explore a special subject of the heart has always been a popular staple in community-building. Now, after the long quarantine year, the desire to gather with like-minded peers in person and foster bonds over a shared passion is even stronger, the need almost imperative.

The opportunity to escape daily environments in order to explore a special subject of the heart has always been a popular staple in community-building.

We felt this need acutely in an area about which we care deeply: contemporary midrashic practice and Jewish liturgical poetry. We were not alone in experiencing this hunger, as reflections from attendees revealed. We have recounted these reflections throughout this essay.

“The convening was necessary and a very nourishing part of reopening the world after COVID.”

Our ten spots filled up quickly, with a few people on the waitlist. The fast response was all the more remarkable, as attending the retreat involved driving three hours one-way and sharing a beautiful yet small gem of an AirBnB that didn’t allow for much privacy indoors. Participants were largely LA-based and included a mix of published poets, writers who wanted to (re-)connect with their lyrical selves, and liturgists re-interpreting the siddur. Each one was an artsy seeker of wisdom, a faithful and unconventional miner of Jewish texts.

“(I gained) the permission to interrupt the rigid liturgy with the magmic eruption of Divine inspiration, to see spontaneous poetry as prayer and my typical prayer practice as poetry brought alive, like star shine, never the same.”

What is the Heshbon HaNefesh Poetry Project?

Joshua is a Jewish educator and scholar and Julia is a non-profit professional turned rabbi-in-training, and both of us are poets and have collaborated in various Jewish learning settings.

When March 11, 2021 was on the horizon—the date that marked one year since the WHO declared the Coronavirus outbreak a pandemic—the idea emerged for a pop-up event that would take an accounting of the quarantine year and how it had affected fellow poets’ souls: a Heshbon HaNefesh, in traditional Jewish language.

We reached out to a diverse set of Jewish poets and curated poetry readings on Zoom that were attended by 100+ people from across the States, Europe, and Israel. We then took ensuing conversations and poetry readings on that subject onto the Clubhouse stage, the domain where Opening Doors is predominantly active, with a reach of 1500+ followers.

With the momentum that was generated, we were eager to create new content. We invited the acclaimed Bible scholar and Yehuda Amichai expert, Professor Robert Alter, for a conversation about Amichai’s relationship with and lyrical rendering of time, on the anniversary of the Israeli poet’s birthday in early May.

The next step was to be a retreat: Julia had long envisioned running a poetry beit midrash, and Joshua’s Opening Doors had been looking to establish a Jewish retreat series—a serendipitous alignment and overlap of passions and goals that finally came to fruition in the barren, flourishing landscape of the desert.

“I loved it. I take away how much poets have in common, a deeper appreciation of multi-directionality of time, sacred time, preciousness of trees and water.”

What Was Special About the Heshbon HaNefesh Poetry Retreat?

Perhaps the most special feature of the retreat was something outside of our hands: the dynamic among the members of the cohort. Retreat attendees formed a sacred collective in almost no time and turned the little house deep in the desert into a peaceful and safe artists’ oasis, for which we are incredibly grateful.

“A unique Jewish community of a kind I have never quite experienced!”

On a practical level, we walked the line between workshop and Shabbaton: As advocates for inclusive, cross-denominational Jewish spaces, we invited participants to follow their observance, yet offered sessions entailing writing prompts exclusively before and after Shabbat.

Our Saturday sessions focused on reading, reflecting, and oral sharing of inspiration. Prior to the weekend, we had asked participants to send us excerpts from poems and prayers that are meaningful to them as expressions of secular and sacred art. We taped copies of the passages on the walls in the communal spaces and invited people for a morning gallery-walk, before coming back together as a group.

“I feel more informed about and connected to Jewish sources, and I find myself thinking more expansively on how to read, interpret, and relate to these sources.”

In the afternoon, we explored elements of Parshat Korach. The title character’s rebellion in the wilderness provided an almost uncanny prompt for considering what moves us in our writing: How might we interpret “to fall on one’s face” as poets? What does that mean for our artistic exploration—and transformation—of Jewish texts? How and why do we write for the sake of heaven?

“We are mortal, but the world is not. I am curious to learn more about the connection between light and time.”

The program was rounded out with Kabbalat Shabbat and Havdalah rituals; partaking in home-cooked meals (most of them prepared pre-Shabbat in Pico-Robertson and transported to the desert); yoga and meditation offerings by participants; as well as ample time for individual contemplation, for which the term “heat-bodedut” was aptly coined.

“We breathe and become the DNA of the environment we belong to.”

Looking Ahead: What Have We Learned?

The retreat was successful, as it contributed to Jewish spiritual growth of individuals and the development of a sacred arts community.

“I am taking away new friendships, a sense of belonging to a community of Jewish poets, and more courage to live and create from my poetic center.”

There is a deep desire to be creative in person again, fueled by an exuberant curiosity for new soul connections. The boundaries between art and spirituality have become even more permeable than before the pandemic. Jewish poets seem more thirsty than ever to mine traditional texts for existential meaning. While our retreat was but one small addition to the solid palette of offerings at the intersection of Judaism and poetry in our region, we feel fortunate to have facilitated an experience for which participants had been yearning: an unconventional grassroots framework, the hope and inspiration that come with a new cohort, the delightful excitement of new beginnings in post-pandemic freedom.

There is a deep desire to be creative in person again, fueled by an exuberant curiosity for new soul connections.

We are committed to growing this community, to watering the seeds that were sown in the arid desert. Post-retreat, we gathered for Havdalah in one of the participant’s backyards, and plan to host readings and workshops; to compile a collection with poems inspired by the retreat; to convene a Sukkot gathering; and to facilitate the next Heshbon HaNefesh retreat sometime in the late fall.

To learn more about and register for the next Heshbon HaNefesh poetry workshop, click here. To get in touch with Julia Knobloch and Joshua Krug: heshbonhanefeshpoetry@gmail.com 

Dr. Joshua Krug is an aspiring mensch and Director of Jewish Life and Learning at Kehillah Jewish High School. He composed the chapbook, “Let Us Remember the Empty Slogans We Often Say,” and founded Opening Doors.

A student at the Ziegler School for Rabbinic Studies, Julia Knobloch published her debut poetry collection “Do Not Return” with Broadstone Books and has her new chapbook “Book of Failed Salvation” forthcoming with Ben Yehuda Press.