Civility Starts With Humility

As Israel was burning in rage last week over the judicial overhaul and as 500,000 Israelis hit the streets after the firing of the defense minister, it struck me that all of that trauma could have been avoided by a few members of Knesset saying: “OK, enough. We can’t afford a civil war. The government should just pause the overhaul and negotiate.“

Why did it take them so long to utter those simple words? Because for 13 long weeks, their minds were flooded with one thought: They were 100% sure that they were 100% right.

We all go through that in our lives — the feeling of certainty about one issue or another. But we’re not in charge of a government. Our actions don’t impact the lives of millions.

What triggered the most intense civil strife in Israeli history was a few political leaders who were 100% sure that their plan to overhaul Israel’s judicial system was 100% correct. This feeling of certainty was so intoxicating that for three long months, it made them ignore the raging fire that had engulfed their society.

It never occurred to them that winning an election does not necessarily give a party the right to draft a constitution that gives that party maximum power—and then ram it through without any debate. They were so sure of themselves that anyone who disagreed with that view was 100% wrong. There was no middle ground.  

 But let’s grant, for the sake of discussion, that those pro-overhaul voices were indeed 100% right, which is why they dug in their heels despite the demonstrations. That would be like seeing your children in a horrible fight and instead of calling for a ceasefire, you escalate the fight by taking sides based on who you think “is right.” What kind of victory would that give you?

In the middle of an ugly family fight that is spinning out of control, who the hell cares who’s right and who’s wrong? Confronted by such human destruction, all one should care about is calming things down and reminding both sides that they’re still one family.

Let’s not kid ourselves: the Jews of Israel, just like the Jews of America, have never acted like one big family. We’ve been fighting and arguing for as long as I can remember.

 What is happening in Israel, however, is not just fighting and arguing. The provocative judicial overhaul is the equivalent of writing a new legal system for the whole country that establishes the fundamental rules of how power will be shared. The governing coalition decided that a slim majority in the Knesset gave them the power to do all that.

 In the face of such a revolution, a significant segment of the population rose up and demanded to be heard. This included President Isaac Herzog, who advanced a good-faith proposal to negotiate a fair compromise and was rejected out of hand.

 But let’s go back to my key point: Let’s grant that Herzog was 100% wrong and those pushing for the overhaul were 100% right. Were those supporters happy to see Israeli society tear itself apart? As they watched their country burn, were they comforted by the feeling of being right?

The harrowing events of the past few months in Israel have demonstrated the price we pay for the absence of humility. I don’t know about you, but when I see my brethren in Israel at each other’s throats, I find zero consolation in “being right.”

It was only when things got so bad after Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu fired Defense Minister Yoav Gallant, and hundreds of thousands of enraged Israelis hit the streets, that the “100% right” crowd in the coalition were shocked into the realization that maybe they went too far.

By the time Bibi finally announced a delay, I imagine this thought crossed his mind: “It doesn’t matter if I think my side is right, if it leads to a civil war.”

Instead of ending up on the brink of a civil war, a little humility three months earlier might have led to a civil and constructive debate on the hugely important issue of Israel’s legal system and how best to reform it. 

Instead of ending up on the brink of a civil war, a little humility three months earlier might have led to a civil and constructive debate on the hugely important issue of Israel’s judicial system and how best to reform it. 

As Karen Lehrman Bloch writes in this week’s cover story, “civil discourse is essential for a functioning democracy. It’s not icing on the cake: it’s part of the cake itself. And when civility is lost, so is a part of our humanity.”

As we enter the days of Passover, when we commemorate our ancestors’ liberation from slavery to freedom, it’s good to remember that we can also be enslaved by certainty. 

As we enter the festival of Passover, when we commemorate our ancestors’ liberation from slavery to freedom, it’s good to remember that we can also be enslaved by certainty. When that certainty alienates us from others, a little humility and civility can liberate us and bring out our best selves.