Real Housewives of New York City Week 14 Recap


Typos are lovingly provided by Vicodin and my Dentist.

I had dental work done yesterday and fell asleep before I posted the blog. When I got up this morning, I awoke to gibberish. We can thank painkillers and my dentist. I am now watching the episode again, not quite as drugged up, but still swollen and medicated. In the interest of time I may go back and forth between a proper blog and bullet points. Note to self, no dentist on Housewive’s day

We start with Bethenny who is pulling together the Mexico trip that was cancelled last year when she was bleeding to death and homeless. She wants it to be an amazing trip that impresses the ladies and reminds them of how rich she is. Bethenny planned the tequila trip but didn’t know there was an actual place called Tequila? Ugh. I cannot stand the scripted and totally fake bullshit.

Bethenny has not yet invited Ramona, but [plans on having her come a few days later than everyone else with Luann. Cut to Ramona wo tells Luann she is not yet invited, but it is a group trip and of course she will be included. Back to Bethenny, she is with Carole, who is oddly entertaining this season. Carole and Ramona have both been contacted by Ramona, whose thirst is very real.

Bethenny is over Ramona and wants nothing to do with her. Ramona has no comprehension of what she said and thinks she didn’t do anything that was unforgiveable. Ramona is really quite dumb. Bless her. I am totally bored by this entire storyline. Ramona is going, deal with it and move on. Bethenny says Ramona can come to Mexico, but is not invited to the day in Tequila.

Meanwhile Sonja is getting a Brazilian wax. Sonja is perfection and fantastic television. She is much funnier on her own than she is with Ramona. Ramona needs to go. Ten minutes of Sonja describing her vagina is about nine and a half minutes too long. Bless her. Sonja says she misses Frenchy and I can’t help but wonder if he were in NYC would he have gone to her waxing appointment?

 Time for dinner and Dorinda arrives first with the goal of everyone finding a happy place and getting along. Carole gets there next and sits next to Dorinda, followed by the “blondes”. Tinsley next to Carole, Sonja next to Dorinda, with Ramona on her other side. Carole is setting Tinsley up on a date. Ugh. The thought of following Tinsley’s dating life is more than I can manage after a root canal.

Bethenny arrives and sits next to Tinsley, with Luann rounding it out between Bethenny and Ramona. Ramona is staring at Bethenny is totally creepy way. It is actually freaking me out. Bethenny has gotten her hair cut and has decided Ramona is invisible, just we all have. Luann is obsessed with whether or not Ramona is invited to Mexico and I think it is weird they‘re talking about Mexico.

Ramona is just sitting there and I almost feel bad for her. They talk about rooms and Bethenny says they can pull straws so there is not a situation, and Tinsley points out that Ramona and Sonja will share a room. Bethenny changes the subject because it is awkward, then Luann says she is coming for the whole trip, not just a couple days as she had told Bethenny previously. Who writes this shit?

Bethenny tells Lu she doesn’t want to talk about it in front of Ramona and Lu tells her everyone has talked about Mexico to Ramona and she is assuming she is coming, Meanwhile Ramona is still staring at Bethenny with her lithium eyes and maybe it is my painkiller, but it is totally freaking me out. Bethenny says if she comes she is not invited to the day of tequila tasting, but Luann does not like that.

Lu explains to Bethenny she can’t exclude her for an entire day, then Ramona turns to Luann Sonja and tells her Bethenny is ignoring her and not inviting her. Ramona makes my lower back spasm. Tinsley announces she is moving into a hotel for 2 months while she gets her shit together. She says she always wanted to be Eloise, but I assure you, Tinsley is not moving into The Plaza. Not buying it.

Sonja and Tinsley are doing their weird bickering thing and it is stupid. Sonja is being Sonja, but Tinsley is being a bitch. Not a fan of her at all. Plus, she speaks out of her nasal cavity, which makes my right eye twitch. This storyline is fake and stupid. Sidebar: Tinsley, needs to be a one season girl. There is simply nothing to watch with her and she is sucking the joy out of the show. Enough already.

Bethenny says she is going to talk to Ramona and for everyone at the table to ignore them. Really? They are all listening, like we are, waiting to see how it plays out. Bethenny is clearly tense and says as much, then lashes out at Tinsley for listening to the conversation happening right next to her, ON CAMERA. Dear Lord. Bethenny tells Ramona she is not happy with how she has treated her.

Bethenny gives Ramona a couple of examples of what she has said, but Ramona denies any wrong doing.  Ramona tells Bethenny she has been just as mean to her, and Bethenny invites her to give examples, which Ramona cannot do. Ramona then loses her shit and tells Bethenny she ended her marriage and lost her money after investing 30 years, and Bethenny was married 2 and has no idea about anything.

Ramona is mental. Now, there may be some truth in what she is saying, but her delivery is all wrong and painfully unfunny. Ramona yells at Bethenny to have more respect and sympathy for her, then Bethenny says she changed her mind and Ramona is actually not invited to Mexico. Oh. My. God. This is so good. Ramona tells Bethenny it is a group trip and too bad, she is coming. Ramona is not well.

Sidebar: I black out when Tinsley talks about moving out and how hard her life is. I don’t care. I don’t think her living with Sonja is real or entertaining. She is following in the footsteps of Jules and needs to walk off this show as quickly as she walked on. Seriously, am I missing something here? Does anyone think she makes sense on this show? I do not get why she is here. She is a bore.

Bethenny is so calm that I have nothing but respect for her at this exact moment. No yelling, no raised voice, just calm and facts. Everyone else is commenting on how dumb Ramona is, but poor Ramona is too dumb to get she is being dumb. It would be so great if Ramona were actually excluded from the trip. That would be a great dose of reality. Never going to happen, but a girl can dream.

  • Ramona working out is stupid
  • They are milking the Mexico storyline
  • Ramona thinks she was invited to Mexico
  • She wasn’t
  • Carole is on a double date with Tinsley
  • Adam doesn’t look good
  • Carole is cute
  • Adam doesn’t get Carole
  • She needs someone older
  • And smarter
  • Tinsley arrives to the date drunk
  • She clearly has a drinking problem
  • The date likes Tinsley
  • Tinsley is sloppy
  • She is also wearing fishnet stocking
  • Um, no
  • Honestly, Tinsley is tanked
  • She keeps talking about her ex
  • Never good
  • Carole is a great wingman
  • Tinsley is getting more wasted
  • She is slurring her words
  • She’s going in for a kiss any minute
  • Tinsley is an alcoholic
  • Yikes
  • Booze makes her feel like herself
  • Red flag
  • Carole takes Tinsley on a break
  • Oy vey
  • Poor guy on the date
  • This is sad
  • But more funny
  • Tinsley takes off her wedding ring
  • On the date!
  • I can’t
  • Tinsley is now making out with her date
  • In front of Carole and Adam

Cut to everyone packing for Mexico, which will be a shit show of reality television gold. I love this show and am surprised by how much I am digging Carole and Bethenny. I cannot wait to see the effects of tequila on this group. It is going to be a fabulous trip and I can’t wait. I will be joined next week by my boyfriend, Jose Cuervo. We will be here, getting sloshed, and keeping it real.

 

 

 

 

 

Real Housewives of New York City Week 5 Recap


 

Typos are lovingly provided by Jose Cuervo.

It’s time for Carole’s election party. Ugh. I wonder what she will try to make her storyline for the rest of the season. Will we just watch her cry? Talk about shacking up? Carole is here because of Bethenny, and while Bethenny is bringing this season back to life, as she did last season, I’m not sure that is worth having to watch Carole. The good news is that I am taking a shot every time Carole chews with her mouth open and talks with her mouth full. Let the intoxication begin.

We start with Carole going to work on the election with her mother, who is only 18 yeas older than her. Her mother seems lovely, but I can’t. There is simply nothing interesting about Carole. Not one damn thing, including her Cookie Monster coat. Bless her. Cut to Ramona, she is having some face work done. More face work. She looks amazing for 60 so good for her. She is annoying, and a horrible friend, but there are no surprises here. Ramona is always simply Ramona.

Back to Carole, she is dropping the Kennedy name again and I am laughing. At her. Dear Lord. Carole needs to move on. She is bitching about Adam, trying again to make it sound like no big deal to be shacking up. Blah, blah, blah. Carole says she has no regrets in not having kids and also has no burning desire to introduce Adam to her parents. Carole is weird. Sidebar: I could watch the commercial for the finale of the RHOA reunion over and over again. So excited!

Time for time with Sonja. She is on a date with a man who is clearly into her. He is who she dates, not who she sleeps with. She has someone else for that. Oy vey. Sonja is fabulous and I love her. She should stop sleeping the child she is hooking up with, and marry Rocco. Enough already. Sonja mentions Tinsley didn’t bother to get her a birthday card. That is shitty since she’s staying with her. Even though that shacking up is scripted bullshit, she should’ve got a card.

Speaking of scripted bullshit, Dorinda and Luann meet to do some shopping for Tom. Lu has already bought Tom a Rolex for the wedding, but thinks he needs a tie too. Luann is blinded by love. Translation: she is a fool. Dorinda is planning a surprise birthday party for Ramona. It is election day and while some are blowing off Carole’s party, she is there and very high strung. It is funny to watch as we know how it all ended. She is clearly just a tad too invested.

Bethenny is out with friends who she will take with her to Carole’s. Bethenny is a good friend because she knows Carole is being mental, but supports her anyway. Bethenny is the exact opposite kind of friend to what Ramona is. I wouldn’t want to be fake lost at sea with Bethenny, but she is a good friend. Bath at Carole’s party, Heather Thomas is there and looks great. The numbers are coming in and Carole appears to be short of breath and it is very early. Hilarious.

Bethenny lets Dorinda know she is not going to Ramona’s birthday. Bravo. I wouldn’t go if I were her either. I would however give her a signed DVD of my “soft porn” film. Trump is projected to win and Carole leaves her own party. Cut to the morning and Trump has won. Carole is heartbroken and confused. Much like how all smart and educated people were on the morning after the election. Carole is crying and I feel for her because I cried the same day. Trump is garbage.

In another useless bit of scripted bullshit, Carole is shopping with Ramona. Come on! Ramona wants to talk about Bethenny, Carole doesn’t want to get involved, then talks about it. Whatever. Carole blows Dorinda’s surprise party, Ramona plays dumb, because she is dumb, and that is that. We are halfway through and I feel like I’m wasting my time. Over to Sonja, she is with Tinsley, getting ready to go out to Ramona’s surprise party. I’m taking a shot to perk me up.

Dorinda is picking up Ramona, but Dorinda is running late so she leaves without her. She is a truly shitty person. Ramona arrives, pretends to be surprised, and the party begins. This is so lame. Harry is there and Sonja is annoyed. Oy vey. Sonja is somewhat tragic, Tinsley is a bitch, and Ramona is really loud. She reminds me of Kathy Lee Gifford. Sorry Kathy Lee. Ramona’s date George arrives to the party. Really? I’m not buying that for one second. Not happening.

Ramona is ignoring her fake date and it is hilarious. John is talking up Luann and he remains icky. Bless him. Ramona asks Dorinda if she invited Bethenny, and is told she declined the invitation. Ramona is clearly annoyed. Whatever. Ramona is drunk and chatting with Sonja about Bethenny not coming. Sonja is blindly supportive, which is lovely, but Ramona is crazy and Sonja says as much. Did Ramona say Brynn is 6 and sophisticated enough to talk about porn? Dumbass.

Sonja is so lovely. She knows Ramona is being an idiot, but also knows there is nothing she can do or say to make Ramona see she was wrong. Ramona is lucky to have Sonja because she certainly does not deserve her friendship or loyalty. Another week gone without anything particularly interesting happening. Not to worry because next week will be a Ramona/Bethenny face off, which looks fabulous. I’ll be back next week, with Jose, to keep it real.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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