Torah portion: We all stood at Sinai

Bruchim habayim b’shem Adonai

Blessed are those who come in God’s name

You are ALL invited to a wedding …

Judaism is based on the belief that all of the Jewish people — past, present and future — were present at the marriage of God and the children of Israel. We all stood at Sinai. 

It was an agonizingly long courtship. On their first date, God promises Abram, “I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you” (Genesis 12:2). When those first doubts appear, God admits, “Your offspring shall be …  enslaved and oppressed for four hundred years” (Genesis 15:13), but declares the sincerity of His intentions: Trust me, Sweetheart, we don’t see time in the same way, but we can work this out.

Time takes its toll on any relationship, and love is a dim memory when God appears to Moses out of the burning bush and says, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob” (Exodus 3:6). “Who?” Moses asks. “What shall I say is your name?”

Launching into suitor mode, God impresses His beloved, and His rival Pharaoh, with demonstrations of miraculous strength and power. Plagues fall, seas split and Israelites are safely gathered on the opposite shore. While the Israelites and God have been living together ever since they marked their doorposts with blood of the paschal lamb, the time had come to consummate the marriage.

God’s marriage proposal is clear: “If you will obey Me faithfully and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all the peoples … a kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exodus 19:5-6). In a moment of prenuptial bliss, the Israelites reply, “Na’aseh v’nishma, All that the Lord has spoken we will do!”

But before Moses, representing the Jewish people, can sign the ketubah, he must have that serious talk with his own flesh-and-blood father-in-law. Yitro cautions: Before I bless this wedding, you must do something about your work habits. “You will surely wear yourself out and these people as well” (Exodus 18:18). Wisely, Moses heeds his father-in law, and the wedding date is set: Sivan 6, ad infinitum.

The rest of the wedding looks pretty much like all Jewish weddings, just with a better light and sound show. Of course, before the wedding, the bride must go to the mikveh: “Moses came down from the mountain and warned the people to stay pure, and they washed their clothes” (Exodus 19:14). There is to be no sex for three days. 

 “On the third day, as morning dawned, there was thunder, and lightning, and a dense cloud upon the mountain, and a very loud blast of the horn, and all the people who were in the camp trembled. Now Mount Sinai was all in smoke … Moses led the people out of the camp toward God, and they took their places at the foot of the mountain” (Exodus 19:16-17).

God comes down onto the mountain in an array of fire and smoke, accompanied by the blare of the horn. Moses, the gender-bending bride who represents all Israel, ascends. Bride and Groom stand together under a spectacular chuppah of sky streaked with all colors of creation. The cacophony is so deafening that sight and sound become one.  

God speaks the first vow: “Anochi. I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt” (Exodus 20:2). The moment is so overwhelming that the people below can only hear the guttural sound of the “aleph,” that movement in the throat before sound becomes speech. Time stops. 

 “How long will this wedding ceremony last, rabbi?” every groom asks. “Twenty to 30 minutes,” I reply. But if both bride and groom are truly present, the wedding ceremony takes an instant, and an eternity. No one under the chuppah really hears more than the beginning aleph. The thundering in the heart is deafening. 

Only Moses hears the details of married life in 10 utterances. No other idols. Faithfulness. Respectful language. Shabbat rest, together. Thou shalt not murder. (Remember to say to your spouse, “That is an interesting point of view,” when you would really like to say, “I could kill you.”) Be honest. Don’t steal. Don’t even bother looking at your neighbor’s wife!

As in any marriage, it takes a lifetime to understand the import of our wedding vows. Our eyes will wander, our spouses will become ill, there will even be messy toothpaste, but in the best of circumstances the bride and groom will remain bound by vows that they did not fully comprehend. 

 “I will betroth you to me forever,” we say at the first Kiddush of the wedding ceremony. Forever? Centuries after Sinai, God admits  “For a little while I forsook you / But with vast love I will take you back”(Isaiah 54:7). We break a glass at a wedding not only to commemorate the tragedies of the Jewish people, but as a foretaste of the challenges to come. 

The Sheva Brachot, the seven marriage blessings that seal all Jewish weddings, link every wedding couple not only to the marriage at Sinai, but also to all couples who have ever been created. “May you be as happy as Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden”(sixth blessing). 

Harei at m’kudeshet li. With this ring, you are made holy and sacred unto me. Our time and God’s time become one. We take our place in the eternal chain. We all stand at Sinai.

Mazel tov.

Rabbi Judith HaLevy is the rabbi of the Malibu Jewish Center & Synagogue and a past president of the Board of Rabbis of Southern California.