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April 8, 2024

How Larry David Curbed Our Conversations

Some of you may know I have a longtime love affair with “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” Larry David’s famously popular HBO comedy that ended Sunday night after a 25-year, 12-season run.

My problem now is that I’m trying to figure out what I can say to honor the show, without repeating what others have written.

Many of the essays I’ve read (besides those that comment on the Seinfeld connection in the ending) are sophisticated commentaries on the societal impact of the show, including one in particular by philosophy professor Mark Ralkowski, who calls Larry David our “Philosopher King.”

“[Larry David] stands as an underappreciated philosopher of our everyday lives,” Ralkowsky wrote in The New York Times. “He has taught us important truths about both how we live our lives and how we should live our lives. Most important, he’s been our foremost critic of the social rules that govern the way we interact, offering an enticing vision of social freedom that we’d be foolish to ignore.”

As I read that, I thought: OK, but what important truth has Larry David taught me?

When David, for example, asked a customer at an ice cream shop not to “abuse sampling privileges,” or when he called out someone who cut into a buffet line via the “cut and chat,” or when he talked about “middlers” who must know how to carry dinner conversation because they’re seated in the middle, among hundreds of other such examples, what truth was I learning?

This is where it’s tempting to riff about the societal impact of the show, what Ralkowsky calls the “societal strictures that might otherwise go unspoken.” But the stricture I’m most interested in is conversation itself. Indeed, this is what I learned after watching 12 seasons of “Curb”: The show, more than anything, is about what we choose to talk about.

Come with me to a Shabbat table where I was recently invited for a wonderful lunch. I noticed that after the blessing over the bread, the couple who hosted us took turns cutting the challah, and cutting the challah, and cutting the challah. Because I was seated with a perfect view of the cutting, entranced by the sight of a sharp knife cutting endlessly back and forth, I blurted out some silly comment about how I had never seen such an elongated challah cut.

I said it with some trepidation, as I was meeting this family for the first time. You see, my comment was personal. It was not about a safe subject like the rise in antisemitism. It was about what a specific person was doing at that specific moment. I was channeling Larry David.

I confess that I’ve been risking these conversational faux pas since my youth in Montreal, which is where I picked up this pesky habit: talking about stuff that happens in the moment.

When my buddies and I would sit down at a pizza joint at 1a.m. on a cold Saturday night, we were on a mission. We had to laugh. What was our favorite topic to get those laughs? More often than not, it was personal; it was about things we were observing in the moment; about teasing each other relentlessly.

We didn’t tease each other because we were mean but because it was great material. Whoever was the butt of a joke didn’t mind– as long as it was funny. And we didn’t laugh by telling regular jokes. These set jokes came from the outside. They weren’t as hilarious or hair-raising as the immediate and personal stuff that lived in the moment.

Since so much of the good material came from improvised moments and personal quirks, we ended up becoming pretty, pretty sharp observers (it helped that we weren’t distracted by a digital universe in our hands).

That helps explain my love affair with “Curb.” It confirmed a truth I’ve long appreciated: The funniest stuff comes directly from us—from what we do and what we say and how we react to the countless everyday moments we encounter. That’s true at a Shabbat table or at a Lakers game.

“Curb,” in short, gave us advice on what to talk about to get serious laughs, with the caveat that it’s preferable to only tease people who won’t call security on you. Of course, David routinely took this personal stuff to absurd limits that made us cringe– and laugh and laugh as we cringed.

As for those members of the tribe who may think Larry David’s zaniness is not a good look for Jews (I’ve met a few), all I can tell you is that few things are more endearing than someone who can poke fun at themselves in the service of laughter. Jewish comics have been doing that since they landed on these shores, and America is still laughing.

Yes, there’s more to life than laughter. It’s certainly more intellectually stimulating to talk about a great new book or the Torah portion of the week. I like to do that, too.

But when I need a few good laughs (which is often), I don’t mind planting myself in the middle of a table and keeping an eye out for anything interesting—like someone trying to beat the record for the world’s longest challah cut.

In case you were wondering, yes, he laughed, but not immediately.

How Larry David Curbed Our Conversations Read More »

An Urgent Message to President Biden from a Concerned Jew

When the President made his first speech about Israel after the October 7th massacres, he spoke with moral clarity and courage about the “pure unadulterated evil” of Hamas, Israel’s right to wage a war of self-defense, and the imperative to ensure Israel’s safety and bring its hostages home. It was reminiscent of his denunciation of Charlottesville extremists “chanting the same antisemitic bile heard across Europe in the 30s” and his forceful rejection of attempts to assert “moral equivalence between those spreading hate and those with the moral courage to stand against it.”

The vast majority of the voting public understands that everything the President said about the Charlottesville right is also true of the pro-Hamas left. But we are not nearly as vocal as the small minority who try to obscure that truth. Perhaps our assumption that we could rely on the President’s moral compass rather than our own self-advocacy was a mistake. Now it appears that the Administration is pandering to a small segment of Michigan Democrats at our expense.

It began when Secretary Blinken warned Israel not to use October 7 and the hostage crisis as a “license to dehumanize others” — a libelous accusation he apparently still believes, given his most recent abhorrent statement implying that events in Gaza put even Jews in the United States at imminent risk of losing “what distinguishes us from terrorists like Hamas,” and “If we lose that reverence for human life, we risk becoming indistinguishable from those we confront.” (So much for the Administration rejecting arguments of “moral equivalence between those spreading hate and those with the moral courage to stand against it.”)

Let’s pretend for a moment that Blinken’s statement was not an instance of defamatory disinformation (which it is), and that the IDF had in fact lost their reverence for human life (which they have not). It is an antisemitic assumption that the moral failures of the IDF can be blamed on Jews everywhere — even if he pretends to include himself. There is a reason that every time Israel has responded militarily to Hamas there has been a spike in antisemitic hate crimes in the United States.

Then there was Senator Schumer’s highly inappropriate speech calling for the democratically elected government of Israel to be undemocratically overturned — which only put Netanyahu’s opposition in the position of publicly defending him. More recently, it was revealed that, in contrast to the President’s assertion that “we have stood by your side ever since [1948], and we’re going to stand by your side now,” Deputy National Security Advisor Jon Finer sees America’s support for Israel after the worst atrocity since the Holocaust as a “misstep.”

This Administration appears to be surrounded by what we call “as a Jew” Jews: those who claim their Jewishness while dehumanizing Jews and defaming and undermining Israel.

One must assume that is how the President ended up with a State of the Union address that sensitively and appropriately devoted paragraphs of empathy for Palestinians, while insensitively and inappropriately dedicating fewer than 200 words of empathy and support for the people of Israel.

In that same speech, the President parroted Hamas casualty propaganda without even acknowledging that the number came from a U.S. designated terrorist organization — let alone that the number is almost certainly inflated and includes those killed by Hamas.

And despite an unprecedented increase in violence against Jews in the U.S., there was not one word of condemnation in that address for violent demonstrators who harass and attack Jews, or for those who regularly call for the annihilation of Jews and Israel. At a time when American Jews are now hiding the symbols of our Jewish identity for the first time in over 50 years, remarkably, there was no mention of antisemitism at all.

Why has the President not condemned these rabid antisemitic demonstrators the way he condemned those in Charlottesville and on January 6th? “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” means precisely the same thing as “Jews will not replace us.” The only differences are the identities of the people chanting and where they want Jews to “go back” to.

The next betrayal of the Jewish people came with the failure to veto a UN ceasefire resolution that failed to condition the ceasefire on the return of the 134 hostages, including Americans. But it was the President’s outrageous statement regarding the deaths of World Central Kitchen workers that finally made it nearly impossible to believe that the White House is staffed by anyone with a functioning moral compass.

This Administration cannot possibly be unaware of the IDF’s unparalleled, extremely low estimated civilian to combatant casualty ratio. Or that Israel does more than any army in the history of war to protect civilians and facilitate the distribution of aid. Or that the death of innocent Palestinians is a devastating tragedy to almost every Jew and Israeli — but not to Hamas, the Palestinian Islamic “resistance,” for whom every Palestinian civilian death is a PR victory. This Administration cannot possibly be unaware that Hamas not only puts Palestinian civilians in harm’s way by operating from mosques, schools, offices, and residences, but steals, hoards, and sells truckloads of humanitarian aid, while doing everything they can to prevent civilians from accessing it.

The slanderous accusation that Israel has not only “not done enough” to protect aid workers and civilians, but has been impeding humanitarian efforts, is an affront to every mother — including American — whose child in uniform puts his or her own life at risk, or is even killed, in an effort to protect Palestinian civilians while attempting to rescue hostages — including Americans — and eliminate Hamas.

Mistakes happen in the fog of war. It is utter hypocrisy to use this one as a reason to call for an unconditional ceasefire and withdraw support for Israel’s just war against a genocidal enemy. The U.S. missile accident in Kabul killed as many children as the number of adults killed in Israel’s recent accident. The Kunduz hospital airstrike killed six times more and injured 30. Instead of giving Israel the same benefit of the doubt the U.S. expected after those mistakes, this Administration is holding Israel to a standard both higher than that of the U.S. military and impossible to achieve under the circumstances.

And astonishingly, the sole mention of Hamas in that statement was the surreal claim that Israel should “deconflict their military operations against Hamas with humanitarian operations” rather than a strenuous condemnation of Hamas for making it impossible to do so. (What happened to “If Hamas diverts or steals the assistance, they will have demonstrated once again that they have no concern for the welfare of the Palestinian people” and “it will stop the international community from being able to provide this aid”?)

Such expressions of hostility toward Israel coming from the White House are not merely insensitive to Jews experiencing anti-Zionist antisemitism in the U.S., they serve to increase it, making Jews everywhere less safe.

Expressions of hostility toward Israel coming from the White House are not merely insensitive to Jews experiencing anti-Zionist antisemitism in the U.S., they serve to increase it, making Jews everywhere less safe. 

There are hostages who need this Administration to forcefully condemn Hamas and reject any ceasefire that does not require their release. Instead, we’ve seen statements of condemnation that are directed solely at Israel. And in the State of the Union address and elsewhere, the President even declared that Israel’s first priority should be neither the return of the hostages nor the elimination of the threat of Hamas, but should instead be humanitarian assistance for Palestinian civilians.

What happened to “there is no higher priority than the release and safe return of all these hostages”? What happened to “Israel must again be a safe place for the Jewish people” and “I promise you: We’re going to do everything in our power to make sure that it will be”?

No other country in history has been expected to prioritize a neighboring civilian population over its own. Yet, this is the only way the Administration could possibly support the obscene and outrageous call for Israel to institute an immediate and unconditional ceasefire. The message from this Administration is that Jewish and Israeli lives — whether held hostage in Gaza or attacked in the United States — not only matter less than Palestinian lives, but should also matter less even to Jews and Israelis.

This is not merely unreasonable and morally unacceptable, it empowers terrorist groups like Hamas; it paves the way for Hamas tactics to become the basis on which to prevent Israel and any other country faced with an enemy willing to sacrifice its own civilians from ever winning a war.

Failing to provide Israel with both material and rhetorical support not only weakens Israel’s ability to defend itself against its murderous neighbors, it exacerbates exactly the internal Israeli political situation that this Administration is trying to prevent. 

Failing to provide Israel with both material and rhetorical support not only weakens Israel’s ability to defend itself against its murderous neighbors, it exacerbates exactly the internal Israeli political situation that this Administration is trying to prevent. And it drives sane, moral liberals in the U.S. away from the Democratic party, as we watch its members ignore — and even support — evil rather than demonstrating the moral courage to stand against it.

At the beginning of this war, President Biden led America and the world with moral clarity when he said, “As long as the United States stands — and we will stand forever — we will not let [Israel] ever be alone.” Those were the finest moments of his career and should be the foundation of his legacy.

Where is that President now? Both Israel and America need him.


A social psychologist with a clinical background, Dr. Paresky serves as Senior Advisor to the Open Therapy Institute and Advisor to the Mindful Education Lab at New York University. In addition to The Jewish Journal, her work appears in Psychology TodayThe GuardianPoliticoSapir, The New York Times, and elsewhere. She has taught at Johns Hopkins, the University of Chicago, and the United States Air Force Academy, and writes the Habits of a Free Mind newsletter. Follow her on Twitter at @PamelaParesky

An Urgent Message to President Biden from a Concerned Jew Read More »

The Ghost of the Goldstone Report

A United Nations fact-finding mission, charged with investigating Israel’s war against Hamas, concluded in a widely disseminated and exploited report that the Israeli Defense Forces deliberately target Palestinian civilians.

Not surprisingly, the report failed to condemn Hamas for sacrificing its own people as human shields, and for indiscriminately launching rockets at Israeli civilian population centers—both indisputable war crimes and violations of international humanitarian law.

No, you didn’t miss the news about this report, although the feeling of deja vu is unavoidable. The investigation, known as the Goldstone Report, dates back to 2009, after an earlier war in which Israel was forced to enter the moral morass of Hamas’ war strategy, where there can be no victory without large numbers of dead Palestinians.

The UN’s Human Rights Council ordered the investigation and selected a former South African high court judge, and war crimes prosecutor, Richard Goldstone, to head the mission.

Goldstone is Jewish, which no doubt added moral weight to the report’s scandalous accusations against the Jewish state. Several years later, however, after analyzing Israel’s own exhaustive inquiry, Goldstone recanted the most damning factual conclusions about the IDF. He acknowledged that he may have rushed to judgment on the charge of targeting civilians. Perhaps it was a bad idea to rely on Hamas’ word, alone.

Of course, the damage had already been done. People still remember the Goldstone Report. The Goldstone Recantation never caught on.

Years later, when one of Goldstone’s grandchildren was having his bar mitzvah in Jerusalem, Goldstone was denied entry into the country—probably the only Jew for whom aliyah no longer applied.

I hope the same thing happens one day to Bernie Sanders and Chuck Schumer.

A tragic military mistake occurred this week when seven humanitarian aid workers were accidentally killed by Israeli airstrikes. Drone operatives believed that a three-car convoy was carrying a Hamas commander. No such high-valued target was in any of the vehicles, regrettably.

Israel already has a major PR problem. These were American civilians with no terrorists in sight. The targets were not tunnels or command centers, either.

Feeling the political pressure, President Biden read the Riot Act to Prime Minister Netanyahu—specifically, be more precise in your targets, use the right weapons package, allow for more humanitarian aid, or we’ll stop rearming you.

Israel got the message, but it didn’t need the public scolding. Jews are usually hard enough on themselves. A quick internal investigation followed (a more complete one is underway). Both Israel’s prime minister and IDF chief of staff apologized and took full responsibility. Two senior IDF officers were dismissed; three others were reprimanded. Investigations will continue, and criminal charges might be pursued.

Meanwhile, over 100 hostages sit in Gaza without the protections guaranteed by the Geneva Convention. Has Hamas apologized for beheading Israeli infants and gang-raping teenagers? Have they ever investigated their own “military” conduct?

Both Israel’s prime minister and IDF chief of staff apologized and took full responsibility. … Meanwhile, over 100 hostages sit in Gaza without the protections guaranteed by the Geneva Convention. Has Hamas apologized for beheading Israeli infants and gang-raping teenagers? Have they ever investigated their own “military” conduct?

Forget remorse. How about rewards for barbarism? Palestinians who commit acts of terror receive lavish monthly stipends and a guaranteed government job if they are ever released from prison. Should they die a martyr, their parents receive death benefits for steering their children toward terrorism as a career path. Public parks and street signs are named in their memory.

Israel made a mistake and instantly acknowledged it and took legal and remedial steps. Extreme acts of violence by Islamists, however, are always excused. Nothing is ever asked of them. Talk about moral equivocation.

But let’s take a closer look at the accident. Three cars were driving through the most densely dangerous battlefield on Earth—at night! These aid workers were exceptionally brave, and most certainly not risk averse. Civilians die in war—not just locals, but humanitarian groups and media personnel. Gaza is no ordinary battlefield. It’s a minefield where no one is wearing a uniform, and everyone is potentially carrying a weapon. In this instance, Israeli operatives, and their legal advisors, made the wrong call.

Nevertheless, don’t be surprised if a Goldstone Report sequel is already underway, and that its conclusions blame Israel entirely. For two millennia, blood libels provided an easy excuse to demonize, pillage and murder Jews. Passover is soon upon us. All over the world, antisemites once propagated the rumor that Jews kidnap and kill Christian children and use their blood as the special ingredient to make matzoh. (It doesn’t taste bad enough without the secret sauce?)

Those days of superstitious aspersions are long gone, but the latest blood libel against Jews centers on Israel’s army. Israelis kill Palestinian children. When not killing them, they deliberately stunt their growth. The IDF harvests their organs. You can actually find college professors who spew this nonsense.

Back in 2009, the world seethed at the disproportionate body count, otherwise known as collateral damage. Today “collateral damage” isn’t damning enough. The same casualties of war, now, are designated victims of “genocide.”

Israel is at war with Hamas. Hamas instigates these wars, and then wages them among its own people. In each of these encounters, the number of dead civilians is actually unknown. Gaza’s Health Ministry is notorious for inflating the overall numbers, and discounting the number of terrorists among the dead. To Hamas, everyone Israel kills is a civilian. We are taking the word of terrorists, not accountants, over our democratic ally.

To Hamas, everyone Israel kills is a civilian. We are taking the word of terrorists, not accountants, over our democratic ally.

To call this a genocide when the overall Palestinian population has more than doubled since 1967 is an insult to all peoples decimated by actual genocides. It is yet another blood libel against Jews.

And Biden is buying it— with consequences to Israel. Ayatollahs who just threatened the Jewish state are sitting pretty on their Persian rugs, knowing that Israel was browbeaten by its American patron.

President Biden made an impossible war zone even more unmanageable by making demands it would never impose on itself. Israel is forced to justify every action. Compelled to place more of its own solders at risk. Told to ignore the principles of military necessity. These are the demands of an American president seeking to placate the Muslims of Michigan and Minnesota who might otherwise not vote for him,.

No army—especially not one that goes to such great lengths to provide warnings, reveal targets and create humanitarian corridors—has ever been expected to endure this kind of armchair quarterbacking. This is not the same United States that on October 8 blamed anticipated civilian casualties on Hamas and happily resupplied Israel’s military stockpile.

This is an America without moral clarity, interfering with the military judgment of generals who know the moral logic of the Middle East better than anyone. Most everyone agrees that the world is better off without Hamas. Step aside then, and allow Israel to finish the job.

 


Thane Rosenbaum is a novelist, essayist, law professor and Distinguished University Professor at Touro University, where he directs the Forum on Life, Culture & Society. He is the legal analyst for CBS News Radio. His most recent book is titled “Saving Free Speech … From Itself.” 

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