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June 22, 2016

A new dawn, happier end for character in ‘Wiener-Dog’

“I grew up with a number of dogs, but none of them lasted very long,” Todd Solondz, one of independent cinema’s most persistent provocateurs, said during a phone conversation from New York.

The canines would die or run away or simply disappear, courtesy of his parents, only to be replaced by a new (and perhaps less challenging) pooch. “The result, for a child, is that mortality impresses itself upon you and shapes your experience,” Solondz said. “And this is rooted in the inspiration for my new film.”

In Solondz’s new movie, “Wiener-Dog,” the doomed, titular dachshund is passed from owner to owner, forming a series of four vignettes that spotlight the human preoccupation with death. The pooch first lands in the home of a loving boy, Remi, who is recovering from a serious illness, as his parents bicker and resent caring for the canine. When the dog becomes severely ill, Remi’s parents seek to euthanize it, but instead, it is stolen and adopted by a compassionate veterinary technician, Dawn Wiener (Greta Gerwig), an adult version of the mercilessly bullied child protagonist of Solondz’s searing 1995 film, “Welcome to the Dollhouse.” 

Eventually the dog comes to be owned by Dave Schmerz (Danny DeVito), a failed independent filmmaker and professor with ultimately violent inclinations, and then, finally, by a bitter elderly woman (Ellen Burstyn) whose granddaughter (Zosia Mamet) comes to visit, seeking cash.

Solondz grew up in a kosher home in New Jersey and attended an Orthodox yeshiva, but he eventually became, in his words, a “devout atheist.” His branch of Judaism, as well, taught that there was no heaven or hell: “I’ve lived my life knowing that this is the one life, so you want to do the best you can with what you have, as opposed to making a ‘down payment’ on what comes in an afterlife,” he said.

Now 56, he said he has been pondering his own demise — as well as taking advantage of senior citizen discounts he is routinely offered at the movies, he quipped.

Mortality has also become a topic of discussion with his 7-year-old son, who “is always interested in how people die and when they die,” Solondz said. “It’s almost something of an obsession. It’s certainly a presence that he’s very aware of, and the fear that accompanies it is certainly something I can see shaping him.”

Solondz’s response to his son’s questions has been, in part, to emphasize that “death is a part of life, and something that defines us in the way that we live.”

In “Wiener-Dog,” the fictional Remi’s mother (Julie Delpy) tells her son as much — and that “all we can do is love each other.”

“But the paradox is that love is the deficit in her own family,” Solondz said. “She is part of a brittle marriage that cannot sustain a family in the way that a child needs.”

Solondz perhaps relates to the misunderstood character of Schmerz, who sees life passing him by (and whose name means “pain” in German), as a filmmaker who has often been reviled as misanthropic.

Solondz’s 1998 movie, “Happiness,” revolved around a suburban father who is a pedophile; his 2001 film, “Storytelling,” included a section in which a Jewish mother mouths platitudes about the Holocaust in order to fundraise, while mistreating her Latina housekeeper. Eventually, the maid turns on the household’s oven and gasses the Jewish family to death.  

Solondz’s darkly comic “Dollhouse” was inspired, in part, by his fraught experiences at a private middle school where he was one of only a few Jewish students.

“My films aren’t for everyone, especially for people who like them,” Solondz has often said.

His idea for “Wiener-Dog” began some years ago as he was contemplating his childhood experiences with dogs, and also Robert Bresson’s 1966 film “Au Hasard Balthazar,” which follows the travails of an abused young woman and an even more abused donkey as they encounter the cruelties of the world.  

Solondz decided that his movie would focus, rather, on a dachshund, or wiener dog, since that was the nickname given to the bullied Dawn Wiener in his “Welcome to the Dollhouse.” “ ‘Balthazar’ is filtered in the way my dog meets her end, and the way in which the world can [literally] be crushing,” Solondz said. “Humans are so anthropocentric that it’s hard not to anthropomorphize animals,” he added. “So often they become a vessel for our own human hopes and yearnings.”

Solondz emphasizes that the character of Dawn, played by Heather Matarazzo in “Dollhouse,” was never a victim: “I see life as a struggle,” he said. “And Dawn is someone who struggles with her plight. It’s that struggle that engages us and make us feel for her as opposed to simply pitying her.”

Matarazzo told Solondz she would never again portray Dawn, since she preferred to remember the character in her hopeful outlook at the end of “Dollhouse.” Solondz killed off the character in his 2004 film, “Palindromes,” but decided to revive her (played by Gerwig) in “Wiener-Dog.”

“I had always wanted to offer an alternative trajectory for Dawn, because it was never my intent to make ‘Palindromes’ the defining end of Dawn Wiener’s life,” he said. “That felt too cynical. So I wanted to create something more hopeful and even romantic for her.”

Even though Solondz is an atheist, he is sending his son to a Chabad Hebrew school in order to learn about his heritage. “He loves all things Jewish,” the filmmaker said. “He just seems to lap it up. It’s not anything he learns at home, but something about it has made my little son very happy to be a Jew.”

“Wiener-Dog” opens in theaters June 24 in Los Angeles.

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Calendar: June 24-30, 2016

FRI | JUNE 24

“BEAUTIFUL: THE CAROLE KING MUSICAL”

This Tony Award-winning musical shares the early life and career of legendary singer-songwriter Carole King. “Beautiful” tells the inspiring true story of King’s rise to stardom. Originally Carol Klein from Brooklyn, she fought her way to become one of the most successful solo acts in popular music history. However, as you will see on this red carpet night, it wasn’t until her personal life began to fall apart that she finally found her true voice. 8 p.m. $29 and up. Pantages Theatre, 6233 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles. (323) 468-1770. SAT | JUNE 25

UNA NOCHE: ARGENTINA TANGO NIGHT

Experience the sights, sounds and steps of Buenos Aires right here in Los Angeles! Join JDC Entwine — the young leadership platform of the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee — and Russian-speaking Jewish young professionals as you learn about Argentina’s Jewish community (and a trip for Russian-speaking Jews to South America), sip wine and dance the night away. 5:30 p.m. Free. Register at eventbrite.com. 3rd Street Dance Studio, 8558 W. Third Street, Los Angeles. ” target=”_blank”>whitefiretheatre.com.

SUN | JUNE 26

BOOK AND BAGELS

Join author and Jewish Journal columnist Gina Nahai for a reading, eating and schmoozing event. She will be signing her book “The Luminous Heart of Jonah S.” You can purchase the book at the event or bring your own copy. 10:30 a.m. $15 (includes light brunch). The Braid, 2912 Colorado Ave., Suite 102, Santa Monica. (310) 315-1400. ” target=”_blank”>yala.org.

MADE IN L.A.: DAVID ULIN AND PAUL KOLSBY

David Ulin and Paul Kolsby, authors of “Ear to the Ground,” will discuss their new book, originally published as a serial in the L.A. Reader. The Los Angeles-based novel shows the intersection of pop culture and high culture. A shadowy new agency, the Center for Earthquake Studies, seems more interested in the entertainment potential of large quakes than in the scientific study of them. The book, which features an earthquake disaster film, demanding stars, an irrational director, and an inexperienced and insufferable screenwriter, shows how fame and Hollywood leverage can become more important than hard science. 2 p.m. Free. RSVP. Central Library, Mark Taper Auditorium, 650 W. Fifth Street, Los Angeles. (213) 228-7388. ” target=”_blank”>interfaithfamily.com.

OPEN READING

Three area synagogues present partial readings of two plays: “Sister Africa,” about Jewish outreach efforts in the Congo, and “Daughter of My People,” a one-woman show about Henrietta Szold, founder of Hadassah. The music is scored by world music artist RebbeSoul. Playwright and cast will be available for discussion after the presentation. 7:30 p.m. Free. Temple B’nai Hayim, 4302 Van Nuys Blvd., Sherman Oaks. (818) 995-6628.

BDS EXPOSED: HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVIST BASSEM EID SPEAKS OUT

Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in America (CAMERA) invites you to an evening with Andrea Levin, president of CAMERA; and Bassem Eid, Palestinian human rights activist and critic of the Palestinian Authority, Hamas and the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) movement. As the founder and director of the Palestinian Human Rights Monitoring Group, Eid believes that the Palestinian Authority needs to acknowledge the Jewish State of Israel, and he promotes the development of a secular and democratic Palestinian government. 7:30 p.m. dessert reception; 8 p.m. program. $95. Private residence in Beverly Hills; address provided upon registration. (323) 394-1281 or (323) 424-7228. MON | JUNE 27

NATASHA LEGGERO and MOSHE KASHER PRESENT “THE HONEYMOON TOUR”

Newlyweds Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher share the inappropriate details of their romance during their current “Honeymoon Tour.” The two were married last year, appearing in Comedy Central’s “Another Period” and on Leggero’s hot-tub talk show on YouTube, “Tubbin’ With Tash.” Their stand-up will be full of marital and relationship advice, which you may or may not want to take. 7 p.m. $30. Largo at the Coronet, 366 N. La Cienega Blvd., Los Angeles. (310) 855-0350. THURS | JUNE 30

LOAVES OF LOVE

Come for a girls’ night out hosted by Young Jewish Professionals and learn how to make your very own challah! You’ll be able to take one home to share with friends and family. 7:30 p.m. wine and small bites; 8 p.m. workshop. $18. Private residence in Hancock Park; address will be provided upon registration. admin@yjplosangeles.com. ” target=”_blank”>badjewsinhollywood.com.

Calendar: June 24-30, 2016 Read More »

Israel-German Congress aims to ensure support for Jewish state

A year after the 50th anniversary celebrations of Israeli-German diplomatic relations, Israel advocates held the fourth Israel-German Congress in Frankfurt on June 19, expressing concern that Germany’s proclamations of support for Israel are becoming disingenuous. 

Germany’s recent vote singling out Israel for health rights abuses at the World Health Organization assembly at the United Nations, German ministers’ rush to forge ties with Iran in the wake of last year’s nuclear agreement and the influx of migrants from Muslim countries were cited as signs Germany may be sliding backward in its historic support of Israel. 

The weekend event attracted 3,000 participants, a 350 percent increase from the first Congress held in 2010. It is the largest pro-Israel conference in Western Europe, indicating Germany remains a safe haven for Israel supporters who hope to stem what they see as troubling developments. 

“You have the German declarations in the government to stand up for Israel’s security — that’s more theory than practice,” said Sacha Stawski, the congress’ founder and president of the pro-Israel lobby and media-watchdog group Honestly Concerned and the Israel advocacy group I Like Israel. 

Mathias Döpfner, CEO of the Axel Springer media group, whose newspapers and magazines generally counter anti-Israel bias common to German media, also expressed concern over the disparity between the German government’s words and actions. Support for Israel’s right to exist is built into Axel Springer’s platform.

“Many positive things have been said in the diplomatic arena in both directions, but when considering the German-Israel relationship nowadays, I think the love is kind of lopsided,” Döpfner told the audience after receiving the Arno-Lustiger Prize for his efforts in building German-Israel relations. He cited a recent survey indicating that 70 percent of Israelis view modern Germany positively, while an equal number of Germans view Israel as a world threat, ahead of North Korea. “They are of the opinion that Israel is involved in escalation of [conflict in] the Middle East.”

With the participation of Jewish and Christian leaders, as well as local and federal German politicians and Israeli embassy officials and politicians — including former Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz, Member of Knesset (MK) Nachman Shai (Zionist Union), Druze MK Ayoob Kara (Likud) and MK Robert Ilatov (Yisrael Biteinu) — the event exhibited a united front for Israel. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and President Reuven Rivlin appeared via video.

But Eldad Beck, a conference speaker and the author of “Germany at Odds,” a book skeptical of Germany’s reconciliation with its past, noted the absence of German government ministers.

“The most interesting thing about this conference is the fact that the political level keeps on snubbing it,” he told the Journal.

Last year, salutations from Chancellor Angela Merkel were included in the program. She declined the invitation to attend this year, and no salutations appeared, because, Stawski said, they weren’t requested. Despite concerns with the current German Chancellery, Stawski fears a post-Merkel era and also what he perceives as the ascendance of an anti-Semitic right.

According to professor Gerald Steinberg, president of NGO Monitor and a conference presenter, anti-Israel nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) that promote anti-Israel and “lawfare” campaigns, and which are recipients of German federal funding, are increasing in influence.

“Germany is part of Europe, and it’s really a virus that’s growing inside of Europe. In the past, Germany has largely stood up against that, but that’s no longer the case. The barriers are breaking down,” Steinberg told the Journal. 

American-born Deidre Berger, director of the Berlin office of American Jewish Committee (AJC), moderated a panel that featured debate about the influence of the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) movement in Germany. She noted that Jews in Germany don’t face the kind of anti-Israel harassment seen at California college campuses, but that BDS-oriented ideologies are nevertheless prevalent at German universities. 

“It’s not organized here,” she said. “There’s not campus life in the same way. They don’t have that field of operation, but, that said, I’m not sure the attitudes of professors here vary that much from those in the U.S.”

The AJC is lobbying to implement, at the German legislative level, the European Parliament Working Group on Anti-Semitism’s Working Definition of Anti-Semitism, which includes the demonization of Israel. 

On the surface, the congress was marked by optimism. Booths dedicated to Israel and Jewish programming dominated two floors of the conference center. A DJ played Israeli pop music at a Tel Aviv-style “chill-out” area, while shops sold Israeli goods. 

On the previous night, hundreds gathered at the Leonardo Royal Hotel for dancing to Mizrahi hits and a performance by Nadav Guedj, Israel’s “Golden Boy” act at last year’s Eurovision Song Contest. Under the conference banner of “Building Partnerships,” a delegation of Kurds waved Kurdish and Israeli flags, expressing solidarity for Israel as they battle ISIS and fight for independence. 

“If we build more on the business side and more on the cultural side, and other issues uniting Germany and Israel at this point in time — if there is enough pressure there — we could influence the political side of things,” Stawski said.

Shifting Israel-German discourse away from the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the Holocaust and toward the countries’ common values and interests emerged as a new strategy for Israel advocacy at a time when third-generation offspring of the World War II era are distancing themselves from Nazi crimes.

“I think it needs to be rebuilt so that young Germans understand in coming decades that this relationship is important not only because of history, but because Israel is the only reliable democratic partner in the Middle East,” Berger said.

Volker Beck, a pro-Israel member of Germany’s parliament and critic of the current Israeli government, nevertheless favorably compared Netanyahu’s resolute condemnation of Islamic terror in the wake of the Orlando terror attack on a gay nightclub to what he saw as a wishy-washy statement from Merkel. 

“Israel is an open, vivid, civil society,” Beck said, “and we could all learn from them.”

Döpfner closed his remarks at the conference with a similar sentiment: “We have unbelievable vital interest to support Israel and its right to exist. So if we don’t do it for altruistic reasons, let’s at least do it for egoistic reasons.” 

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Egyptian peace plan looks to engage ‘most extreme elements in Israel’

Last year’s Egyptian television series for Ramadan “Harat al Yehud” (Jewish Quarter) displayed nuance and nostalgia toward Egypt’s mid-century “Israelites.”

This holiday season’s “Alqayasar” (The Kingpin) reveals a full-frontal hardening of attitudes toward the Muslim Brotherhood and the Palestinians of Gaza.

“Alqayasar” portrays the evil deeds and shady alliances of a terror cell leader who uses tunnels near Rafa to commute between his hideouts in the Nile Delta and the Gaza headquarters of Islamist groups, where he also meets up with Palestinian mafia dons and hatches a series of plots against the Egyptian homeland.

Much of the action takes place in the North Sinai, where Egyptian forces are in the third phase of a struggle against the local branch of ISIS, dubbed Operation Martyr’s Right by the army chiefs in Cairo. 

Both the Ramadan holiday and the “Alqayasar” series have several more weeks to go, but it’s a foregone conclusion that the show’s virtuous and now digitally savvy Egyptian army will ensnare the fictional kingpin by the time the country celebrates Eid al-Fitr, marking the end of the month of fasting.

Less certain, however, is the outcome of efforts by real-life Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, commonly known as Sisi, to quell a Sinai insurgency and motivate the Israelis to conclude a statehood deal with the Palestinians.

Both items are linked in Egyptian strategic thinking. 

One year ago, Sisi told a visiting delegation from the American Jewish Committee that resolving the Israeli-Palestinian dispute “will eliminate one of the most important reasons relied upon by terrorists to attract people to join their cause.”

Last month, the Egyptian president said his country is willing to exert all possible efforts to make a final peace deal work between Israel and the Palestinians.

Sisi made a direct appeal on Israeli TV channels pledging that, once an agreement is reached, both peoples will be able to overcome the layers of animosity currently separating them, “just as the Egyptians and Israelis have.”

While Cairo and Jerusalem now enjoy unprecedented levels of security cooperation, neither the Egyptian military nor its diplomats have ever reconciled themselves with Israel’s 2004 unilateral withdrawal from Gaza. 

At the time, the army expressed fears of the consolidation of a Hamas-controlled entity on the edge of the Sinai and fretted over the possibility that an Islamist Gaza would militarize the Muslim Brotherhood.

The political echelon saw the move as a deviation from the Bush roadmap, which in part reflected the 2002 Saudi Arab Peace initiative. 

As far as Cairo is concerned, events since the withdrawal have proven these pessimistic forecasts accurate. 

Saeed Okasha, in-house Israeli affairs analyst for the quasi-governmental Al-Ahram Center for Political and Strategic Studies, said Sisi’s new initiative is connected to the rise of ISIS militancy — the radical Islamist group claimed responsibility for the October explosion of a Russian passenger jet over the Sinai and is believed by many Egyptians to be the likely culprit behind the downing of the EgyptAir flight from Paris in May — and, as importantly, the emergent threats posed by Iran to the Sunni Arab states.

“The IS presence in the Sinai, the provision of weapons to the Muslim Brotherhood from Gaza and the lack of a breakthrough on Palestinian statehood are related problems for us,” Okasha said in an interview with the Journal. 

“But now we are facing [a] new reality where both the Arabs and Israelis don’t trust the Americans to coordinate a peace effort, and the Saudis have joined us in an effort find to a solution that frees us to confront Iran.”

A poll released by the by the Institute for Policy and Strategy at the IDC Herzliya on the eve of its annual conference seems to demonstrate that public opinion in Egypt and the Gulf is aligned with Sisi and Saudi King Salman.  

More Saudis (41.6 percent) and Egyptians (32.1 percent) think the next U.S. president should get behind a regional agreement, rather than force direct Israeli-Palestinian talks, which garnered only 18.9 percent approval in the Saudi kingdom and 25.5 percent from Egyptians. 

Both Egypt’s and Jordan’s ambassadors to Israel participated in this year’s Herzliya conference.

“It’s time to activate the Arab Peace Initiative,” said Egypt’s ambassador, Hazem Khairat, referring to the regional framework conceived by the Saudis under the rubric of all Arab states fully recognizing Israel, in return for an independent Palestinian territory resembling something close to the 1967 borders.

“The two-state solution is the only way to end this conflict. There is not much time left, and there is no other alternative,” Khairat said.

Eran Lerman, a senior research associate at Bar-Ilan University’s Begin-Sadat Center, thinks regional realities in 2016 have generated positive changes in the Israeli-Egyptian relationship. 

“Both face the same threats to their security — Iran, Islamic State and the Muslim Brotherhood — even if the Egyptian order of priorities is the reverse of the Israeli.”

The Al-Ahram Center’s Okasha says Egypt won’t even let Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s appointment of Avigdor Lieberman as Israel’s Defense Minister deter efforts to broker a deal. 

“We think Israeli public opinion will be more convinced by an agreement backed by someone like Lieberman. If you want real peace, you have to do it with the most extreme elements in Israel,” Okasha said.

“And that is what [Anwar] Sadat achieved with Menachem Begin.” 

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Alternative rituals for girls’ naming ceremonies

It’s a girl!

Now what?

While Jewish tradition is clear about the ceremony for welcoming a baby boy, there is no set ritual for welcoming a baby girl. In more traditional communities, the father of the baby takes an aliyah to the Torah on the first Torah-reading day after the birth. A prayer for well-being is recited for the mother and the child, and the baby girl receives her name. Often the rabbi or parents speak about the name.

In more progressive communities, this naming might occur on a Shabbat during the first few months of the baby’s life, and the mother, and other family members, might receive an aliyah, as well.

Beyond these basics of naming a daughter, many families also are developing new rituals that, much like a baby boy’s circumcision, symbolize a daughter’s entry into the Jewish covenant.

Rituals Involving Water

The most common of these new rituals involve water — either dipping the baby’s feet or other body parts into water, often a mikveh, or pouring water over her feet. Other families choose to fully immerse the baby girl (one should check with a pediatrician before doing so). These rituals are sometimes called Brit Mikveh (covenant of the ritual bath) or Brit Rehitzah (covenant of washing).

At a Women’s Rabbinical Alliance Conference in the early 1980s, nine progressive women rabbis developed the idea of a washing ritual for daughters, and they hoped families would adapt it to meet their own needs. Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, dean of the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies at American Jewish University, said he likes to recommend a feet-washing ritual for reasons both spiritual and practical: The ritual evokes biblical imagery, it is performed on the baby girl’s body, and it can take place even if the baby is crying.

Water rituals are meaningful and symbolic in a number of ways.

Covenant: Rain water — and especially rainbows — recall God’s covenant with all of humanity, which followed the biblical story of Noah and the flood. In Exodus, the splitting of the Red Sea is a powerful water scene that leads the Israelites to freedom and the start of a new, covenantal life. The Meiri, a 13th-century French commentator, spells out the water-as-covenant connection when he writes that the forefathers entered into the covenant with God through circumcision, and the foremothers entered this covenant through immersion in the mikveh.

Creation/New Beginnings: Water holds powerful symbolism as the source of life. It figures prominently in the creation story in Genesis, when it is separated first from the heavens and then from the land to initiate the creation of all living things, and is an appropriate medium for celebrating new life.

Feminine Connection: Biblical women have a special connection to water. Sarah brings water to the three guests who visit her and Abraham in the desert, Rebecca is found at a well while giving water to both people and animals, and Miriam is associated with wells. Rabbinic Judaism legislates monthly visits to the mikveh for married women, strengthening the women and water connection.

Immersion: Besides sitting in a sukkah, mikveh is the only mitzvah whose observance fully surrounds those observing it. For babies, immersion mimics the safe and protective environment of the womb from which they emerged.

Welcoming: In the Bible, Abraham washes the feet of the three guests who visit him in the desert as a welcoming gesture (Genesis 18:1-4). Parents can wash the feet of their newborn daughter to welcome her to the world and to the Jewish community.

Rituals That Parallel the Wedding Ceremony

Some parents circle their baby daughter seven times to symbolically bring her into the covenant. This mimics the traditional practice at a wedding ceremony, when the bride circles the groom seven times as they join together in covenant with God.

Anita Diamant, author of “The New Jewish Baby Book” and a pioneer in innovative Jewish ritual, explains that elements of the Jewish wedding ceremony can be resonant at a welcoming ritual for a daughter, since both life events are about creating a covenant, and both mark a new beginning for a family. She outlines a number of ways to incorporate wedding liturgy and imagery into welcoming ceremonies for daughters. (More ideas can be found at ritualwell.org and itim.org.)

For example, families may recite seven blessings to welcome their daughter, parallel to the seven blessings (Sheva Brachot) which sanctify a Jewish wedding. These birth ritual blessings often include the blessing over wine and the Shehecheyanu blessing (which marks any new occasion), and sometimes more innovative blessings created by the family for the moment.

Some parents modify the wedding blessing over “the One who causes bride and groom to rejoice together,” changing the language to bless “the One who causes parents and children to rejoice together.” Since six of the seven blessings in the Jewish wedding ceremony focus on creation, they are relevant when welcoming a child — a time that the power and importance of creation are particularly apparent.

Also, in keeping with the wedding theme, some parents hold their daughter’s welcoming ceremony under the chuppah (marriage canopy) that they used at their own wedding.

Other Rituals

Parents have developed many other rituals that speak to their own personal connection with Judaism. This includes wrapping the baby in a family tallit or touching a klaf (sacred scroll, often a mezuzah scroll) to the baby’s lips. Some families use the various senses to welcome their daughters — touching wine to the baby’s lips and having her smell spices or herbs.

Other families anoint their daughter with gentle oil, which evokes the biblical practice of anointing kings and priests. Anointing a baby can represent a blessing for plenty, in keeping with the verse from Ecclesiastes, “Let your clothes always be freshly washed and your head never lacking ointment,” and the famous Psalm 23, “You anoint my head with oil, my drink is abundant.” Anointing is also associated with love in Song of Songs, “Your ointments yield a sweet fragrance, your name is like finest oil, therefore do maidens love you.”

All of these rituals can include the baby’s older siblings, extended family members and friends, who can help wrap the baby in a tallit, help wash the baby, circle the baby or recite a blessing, poem or reading.

This article was reprinted with permission from Kveller.com, a fast-growing website for smart, savvy moms looking for a Jewish twist on parenting. Follow Kveller on Facebook and sign up for daily digests here.

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Students connecting with growing B’nai Mitzvah Revolution

A revolution doesn’t happen overnight — especially when it involves centuries-old rituals.

But members of the Union for Reform Judaism’s B’nai Mitzvah Revolution have spent the last few years trying to bring relatively quick and drastic change to b’nai mitzvah preparation and the ceremony itself.

Fourteen local synagogues have joined the national effort since it started in 2012 — although some are no longer participating — and a $70,000 grant from The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles announced earlier this month will enable the program to continue its work and bring three other congregations into the fold.

The problem at the heart of the initiative: a journey that for many young adults feels overwhelming and rushed. An education that doesn’t sink in and which often stops as soon as the party is over.

Isa Aron, a professor of Jewish education at Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in Los Angeles, is co-director of the B’nai Mitzvah Revolution. She and her team want religious schools and families to see the bar and bat mitzvah as a much longer and deeper process. 

“It’s not just about memorizing Torah portions,” she said. “Families should understand what bar and bat mitzvahs are and why they are important.”

When a nationwide pilot program started, Temple Isaiah and Stephen Wise Temple represented Los Angeles. A grant of $85,000 from Federation enabled eight more synagogues to get involved, and up until now Federation has contributed a total of more than $275,000, Aron said. The newest grant, pushing the total even higher, will add Temple Judea in Tarzana, Temple Beth Hillel in Valley Village and University of Synagogue in Brentwood. 

Overall, there are about 150 congregations taking part in the B’nai Mitzvah Revolution nationally. Beginning in July, 11 of them will be in Los Angeles, Aron said.

Although Aron originally worked with only Reform congregations, after she received funding from Federation, she took on Conservative and Reconstructionist ones, as well. “It’s our hope to have input in all the movements,” she said. 

Those congregations that have instituted changes already are reporting positive results. At Temple Emanuel, Cantor Lizzie Weiss said the B’nai Mitzvah Revolution project has helped ramp up excitement from students as well as foster friendships among families.

“We talk about Torah and focus on trying to build a community among the parents and the children that come to these seminars,” she said. “By the time they get to the bar and bat mitzvah, all of the students are much more community-driven.”  

As part of the program, Weiss and her staff created 52 laminated posters depicting each Torah portion. They set it up in a room and invite fourth-graders and their families to find the parsha corresponding with their bar and bat mitzvah birthdays. Students can choose a portion based on that date or on which portions resonated with them the most.

In the fifth grade, students go through an orientation on what a mitzvah project is and ultimately choose what they’d like to do for it — meaning whatever they pursue is done over the long haul. 

As Weiss said, “At the bimah they can say, ‘I’ve dedicated two years to this project.’ They can take ownership of something they dedicated their lives to instead of just doing it because it was required of them.”  

One parent, Melissa Greenspan, is among those meeting with the families and staff a few times each year to prepare for her fourth-grader’s bat mitzvah. In one of the gatherings, the kids talked about how they were anxious about reading from the Torah, while parents discussed how they were going to pay for the celebration. She said so far, B’nai Mitzvah Revolution is “an in-depth buildup to the bat mitzvah experience. … When my daughter is 12 or 13, she will have a deep understanding on what the Ten Commandments are all about.”

The B’nai Mitzvah Revolution provides direction for synagogues and schools to help guide their teachings and workshops. It also shows what other synagogues are doing in order to generate ideas. 

For example, Kol Tikvah in Woodland Hills does “Taking the Torah Home.” The night before a bar or bat mitzvah, the student literally takes home the Torah scroll. He or she also will have a private meeting with the rabbi and learn about the importance of the Torah and its relation to the Jewish community.

At Temple Israel of Hollywood, which formerly participated in the project, Rabbi John Rosove said the B’nai Mitzvah Revolution helped the rabbinic staff and lay education leaders focus more clearly on engaging both parents and children.

“Each family investigated, beginning in the fifth grade, in our three educational programs (day school; traditional Sunday religious school; Shabbaton with families), on the child’s family tree and personal connection with generations in their families in a project of interviewing and writing a favorite older person in the bar/bat mitzvah family not only about their early Jewish memories, but on their own grandparents and the history of the family,” he said. “This was linked to the history of the Jewish people, the history of each Torah scroll in our congregation, the role that Torah plays in the life of the Jewish people through the millennia.

“Each family took on other study projects on a voluntary basis as directed by Rabbi Jocee Hudson, our rabbinic educator. Studying as a family together, committing to practice Judaism together in specific holiday, ritual and life cycle activities enhanced the experience of the bar/bat mitzvah as part of a Jewish family.”

At Kehillat Israel, a Reconstructionist synagogue in Pacific Palisades, Rabbi Carrie Vogel, director of the Jewish Experience Center, puts emphasis on teaching Hebrew early. This way, she said, students won’t feel pressured in their learning. 

“For most of them, it’s so paralyzing,” Vogel said. “We made a lot of changes. We give more support early on. We want them to feel like they’re coasting in sixth grade and not like they have to cram. This makes it easier. It allows parents to relax and enjoy the process.”

Amy Bersch, a member of Kehillat Israel, has one son who became a bar mitzvah over a year ago, as well as a daughter who will go up to the bimah in a year and a half, allowing her to experience the process with and without the help of the B’nai Mitzvah Revolution. For her daughter, she’s taken part in a Shabbat dinner with the other fifth-grade families and learned that her daughter will receive 20 one-on-one Hebrew sessions.

“There are changes since my son was bar mitzvahed, like more of a focus on Hebrew and set milestones,” she said. “I already see a difference in how much my daughter has prepared for her bat mitzvah. I anticipate that she will be prepared for it.” 

Students connecting with growing B’nai Mitzvah Revolution Read More »

Hollywood’s reform Rabbi takes on a top American zionist role

The Israeli Reform movement is a shadow of its American counterpart. Look no further than a recent Pew Research Center poll: Whereas 30 percent of American Jews identify as Reform, merely 3 percent of Israeli Jews say the same.

Yet Reform Judaism is far from irrelevant in Israel.

Sitting in his wood-paneled office at Temple Israel of Hollywood, Rabbi John Rosove rattled off a list of issues for which he thinks the American Reform movement can provide much-needed support in Israel, from African immigration to the Israeli-Palestinian peace process.

Earlier this month, Rosove assumed the position of board chairman for the Association of Reform Zionists of America (ARZA), the Zionist wing of the national Reform movement. The position puts him among the most prominent figures in American Zionism.

Already, he said, Israeli Reform leaders have been central in the struggle to wrest power from the ultra-Orthodox Chief Rabbinate on issues such as civil marriage, egalitarian prayer at the Western Wall Plaza and conversion to Judaism — a religious insurgency that Rosove said draws on traditions of American Reform.

“That’s the nature of the American Reform movement: We are on the cutting edge,” he said.

Rosove, 66, assumed the head post at Temple Israel nearly three decades ago but was active in the Reform movement long before, dating from his youth at the Leo Baeck Temple in the Sepulveda Pass.

He described himself as a lifelong advocate for Israel and said he has been involved with ARZA for the majority of its three-decade history. (He also happens to be a second cousin of the Israel’s president, Reuven Rivlin.)

In an interview with the Jewish Journal, Rosove discussed ARZA’s role in the broader picture of American Zionism and the civil liberties battles it fights in Israel. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Jewish Journal: What is ARZA’s goal or mission?

John Rosove: It’s simply first to organize and expand the reach of Zionism in the Reform movement in America, to educate and to stimulate activism on behalf of the State of Israel, to get people there on congregational trips and also to support the Israel Movement for Progressive Judaism, which is the Reform movement there. There are 45 Reform congregations in Israel; there are many, many social justice projects; there are two kibbutzim in the south, there’s the Leo Baeck school in Haifa; there are a number of ganim [kindergartens] in synagogues all over the place. … There’s also the Israel Reform Action Center, which is the most prominent social justice organization in Israel arguing before the Knesset and the courts on diversity issues and rights for all citizens of the state.

JJ: ARZA asks Americans to “take ownership” over Israel. Where do Americans get that right? Why do we deserve a say in what goes on in Israel?

JR:  We won’t be telling the government what to do. I don’t believe we have that right. What I do believe personally, and this is very personal, is that we are partners with Israel — secondary partners. Israeli citizens are the ones who have to make the decision. Their government makes the decision. They’re the ones who pay the taxes and go into the army. We support them as a statement of love. … There’s Klal Yisrael, there’s Am Yisrael, there’s Eretz Yisrael, and there’s Medinat Yisrael [the community of Israel, the nation of Israel, the land of Israel and the State of Israel]. We have to distinguish what we’re talking about here. For us, it’s all of them. It’s all of them together. We have a stake in what Israel is and becomes and does. Our security here is dependent on that.

JJ: You served as a regional co-chair of J Street, an organization that is often critical of the Israeli government. A lot of people don’t think of J Street as a Zionist organization, so I would be remiss if I did not ask you to square the circle for those people.

JR: All you have to do is look at the J Street website. It is a pro-Israel Zionist organization that’s on the middle-left with regard to the two-state solution. Those who say it’s not pro-Zionist have a very narrow definition of what Zionism is, and I just beg to differ. I think it’s unfair and it’s wrong and it’s exclusionary. What we’ve seen happen is that the fastest growing element of J Street is on college campuses — J Street U — those students are the first line of defense against BDS [the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement against Israel]. Everybody recognizes it. Those are the kids who are eloquently and with strength standing up against BDS on college campuses around the country. … So those who say it’s not a pro-Zionist organization, they’re just flat wrong.

JJ: Does ARZA or the Reform movement more generally have a position on the peace process or the two-state solution?

JR: Yes. A two-state solution is the only way that Israel can remain democratic and Jewish. The Union for Reform Judaism is on record with resolutions, ARZA is on record — it is a Reform movement position. But we are also a very strong pro-Israel community.

JJ: How can ARZA change or help or move the conversation on the Western Wall Plaza, allowing egalitarian prayer, which is so deadlocked in Israel right now, and so contentious?

JR: The agreement that was made was so carefully struggled for, any change will mean it will collapse. And now, what [Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu wants] — because he’s gotten pressure from the religious parties — is he wants to go back and renegotiate it. It won’t work. And so our position has been, the Reform movement and the Conservative movement, that you have an agreement, that’s the agreement, and that’s it. And if you renege on this agreement, Mr. Prime Minister, you will be basically — what’s the right word? — you will go back on a promise and on a commitment to Diaspora Jewry. If you follow it through, you’ll be a hero on this issue. It’s that simple. Either you violate a vow and a commitment, or you become a hero, and it’s your choice. And we’re not negotiating anymore. The negotiations have taken place. This is the line — we’ve gone as far as we’re going to go.

JJ: Despite the best efforts of Reform leaders, their movement hasn’t caught on in Israel. Why is that, and how you can change that?

JR: Surveys have been done that indicate that 30 percent of Israelis would go to a Reform or Conservative synagogue if there were one near them. They’ve been exposed to a different kind of Judaism, in Orthodoxy, which they won’t touch with a 10-foot pole. There’s a hunger for liberal Judaism in Israel, as there is in the United States. 

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A Moment in Time: Do we Make Time to just Be?

Dear all,

I looked at my calendar recently and realized that I was booked back to back the entire day.  It was gratifying in that I was doing important things.  But it was also scary…  Why?  Because I hadn't set a priority for perhaps the most important meeting – a meeting with my soul.

A meeting with the soul should be fixed on all our calendars.  It's not about finding the time.  Rather, it's about making the time.

     It could be a one hour walk or bike ride.

     It could be twenty minutes reading an article or listening to music.

     It could be five mintues to stretch our bodies.

     It could be even just a moment in time to concentrate on mindfulness and breathing.

Making time to be is not consumptive.  It is grounding.  The Hebrew name of God derives from the verb “To Be.”  And as we are in God's image, the very act of just being allows us to connect with the Eternal when we allow ourselves to stop.

 

With love and shalom,

 

Rabbi Zach Shapiro

A Moment in Time: Do we Make Time to just Be? Read More »

The high school struggle

As parents place more and more importance on their children’s education, it is paramount they make sure to choose an educational path for their children that best fits their kids’ personality, strengths and life goals.

While some parents place all the emphasis on making sure their children get into college, they bypass the influential years of high school. High school is often viewed as just a pit-stop before college, but it can serve as the most transformative years of a child’s life by shaping their social, cultural and religious ideologies.

As a recent high school graduate, I constantly reflect on the past four years. Through the good and bad, the highs and lows, I was happy with my high school decision because I was able to work in tandem with my parents to find the right school.

Parents can no longer coerce their kids and must be on the same page when choosing a high school. When choosing a high school in eighth grade, my parents and I visited several high schools’ open houses, took admission tests, and interviewed with various school administrations in order to determine which would be the best fit.

Communication is key and is imperative to determining collective goals, not only for high school, but also for all major decisions. If a student has decided that they want to take the GED, drop out of high school and start working (while the parents want their child to attend a four-year university) the two must work out their differences in order to create an educational environment that is cohesive fulfilling and not counterproductive.

Kids will often choose a high school based on a flashy mascot or promise of a new gym, when they should choose a high school based on education, personalized attention and preparation for their future after high school. Children lack the perception that parents have gained from years of experience and from knowing the true tendencies of their kids. Parents can often see beyond the initial flash and delve into the true nature of the school’s culture and what it values.

Despite the active role parents should play in a high school decision, they must also allow their child to have some influence in order for them to feel involved and important. After all, they are the ones spending the next four years at the school.

When parents take too much of an authoritarian role in the decision, there are usually two outcomes: children either adapt to the high school chosen for them, or they rebel against their parents' every decree.

Two things can happen when parents try to coddle their child. Parents can either remove their child’s independence, creating a mold for the child to try and fit into, or the child will try to reject that mold, creating a distance between the child and the parents.

The same outcome can happen when parents take too much of a lax role, allowing their children to decide their own academic path without guidance. Children will often take their independence as a cue that they are allowed to walk over their parents and make decisions without asking permission. Instead of ‘illegal’ rebellion against strict authoritarian parents, kids will legally rebel and simply toy with their parents’ lack of will.

As mentioned before, the best way to choose a high school is by utilizing authoritative parenting. By working together with their child while still maintaining clear control, parents can come up with a fair compromise that will produce the best results for their children. Since this approach encourages parents to treat their children like adults, children will learn to respect their parent's opinions. Children will also seek their parents’ guidance in the future and will refrain from making hasty decisions.

Personally, my high school experience was a success because my parents employed authoritative parenting that taught me respect with reason.  After coming to a logical decision about which high school to attend, I enrolled, only to be disappointed in my freshman year. I had thought that the school was going to take a more college preparatory  direction, allowing for student involvement in creating clubs, sports teams and extracurriculars, while the school seemed to be stagnating in development my freshman year.

I vented my frustrations to my parents, who told me to write them a formal essay detailing my complaints about the school and if I thought the problems could be solved without switching schools. After writing the letter, I realized most of the problems could be worked out with a couple meetings with the very reasonable administration. My parents still allowed me to apply to another high school, which I thought would solve my issues; I was even allowed to spend a day at the school to see if I really liked it. My parents were highly supportive–allowing me to air out my complaints without making any rash decisions.

After meeting with the principal, we cleared up my complaints as he pledged to try to make the school more appealing with more college-preparatory classes and clubs. I left the meeting feeling that a compromise was achieved because my principal respected my opinion while still keeping the school’s ideologies intact. The principal followed through on his promise. During the following school year, new clubs, sports teams and elective classes were introduced. Other students followed the initiative and were able to create clubs and other activities that reflected their interests. Most importantly, the changes brought about a new school-wide atmosphere.

There was now an attitude that students could get into top colleges and that students would get in under the school’s new dedication to college preparatory.  I credit the application of authoritative parenting to all facets of education as contributing to my enhanced high school experience and maturity.

The purpose of a high school — to mold a child into an adult — can only be accomplished when parents treat their children like adults.

The high school struggle Read More »

Empty nest decorating: Ideas for your grown kids’ old bedrooms

After more than two decades of occupying space in your house, your kids have finally graduated from college and landed their first jobs. (We’re thinking optimistically here.) Although it’s sad to see them move out to start life on their own, you can take solace knowing one thing: You can have their rooms!

Now that you have all that extra square footage of prime real estate, here are some ideas for what you can do with it beyond creating the obvious home office or guest room. And if you have more than one kid who has moved out, you can try several of these — you deserve it.

Home gym

It’s a lot easier to get to the gym when it’s just down the hall. The key to actually working out in it is to make it a comfortable place where you will want to spend time. Quite often, home gyms are assembled haphazardly, with, say, a treadmill and a few dumbbells stored in the corner of a room. That’s not a motivating place to exercise. Start refreshing the room with a bright coat of paint, like a vibrant orange or a bold shade of blue, to energize you. For storage, purchase lockers or cubbies. Have a mini fridge stocked with water, apples and wet, eucalyptus-scented rolled towels for instant refreshment. And make sure there’s a television. Running on the treadmill is so much more bearable when you’re watching the Food Network.

Yoga room

If it’s peace, tranquility and impossible body poses you want, set up your own yoga studio. Having an in-home yoga space reduces your stress immediately, just by eliminating the need to drive to a yoga studio, find parking and fight for a prime position in a class. For wall colors, choose hues predominant in nature, such as soft greens and blues. Set the mood with calm lighting by installing dimmer switches and avoiding harsh overhead can or track lighting, opting instead for ambient lamps or sconces. Accessorize with aromatherapy candles, potted orchids and a sound machine. And if you like to do yoga with DVDs or online classes, you’ll also want to find space for a television monitor. 

Media room

Since I’ve mentioned a television in the first two ideas already, the obvious next option is a room devoted entirely to watching television. I actually like having a dedicated media room, because it gets the television out of the living room or bedroom. While seating furniture should be comfortable, make sure it also provides enough support for your back and neck to withstand a Netflix marathon. Also choose stain-resistant, non-white fabrics, so you don’t have to worry about spilling drinks. Have enough side tables to rest your plates and glasses. And select media storage that has doors to keep your equipment and DVDs out of sight.

Craft room

For anyone into crafts and DIY projects, you know that all those supplies take up a lot of space. That’s why smart organization is so important for a craft room. Countertops and cabinets — of the sort used in a kitchen or a garage — provide a valuable work surface as well as storage. Storage on wheels, such as utility carts with multiple tiers, will help you move your stash around the room. And old furniture, like armoires and trunks, can be repurposed for creative organizing. Also, select a tall, counter-height table as your central workspace so you can stand while you work, rather than be hunched over. Most important, a craft room should inspire you, so fill it with things that spark your creativity — vision boards, artwork, past projects, even family photos.

Snore room

One of the biggest trends in making use of extra bedrooms is the “snore room.” It’s for couples who might go to bed together but opt to separate during the night because one or both of them snores. Instead of going into the living room to sleep on the sofa, one person can retire to a peaceful night in the snore room. This room is also perfect for those who enjoy late-night reading or television watching. Decorate your snore room as you would a guest bedroom, but make the bed especially comfortable, so sleeping in it does not feel like a sacrifice. In fact, furnish the room with a bed identical to the one in your master bedroom, with similar bedding, and it will feel like you’re sleeping together — in spirit. 

Walk-in closet

The ultimate fantasy for many homeowners is not a swimming pool or a game room, but a walk-in closet and dressing room. And by converting an extra bedroom, you can have a haven for your clothes that Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City” would envy. Plan what closet components you will want against your walls by using an online closet design tool (there are many of these, just do an online search), and you can purchase the elements at stores like The Container Store, Lowe’s or Target and install them yourself. If you’re not the DIY type, a handyperson, independent contractor or a professional closet company can do the work for you. Also, think about how boutiques display clothing — using freestanding racks, bookcases, armoires and tables in the middle of the store to feature items. Of course, have a full-length mirror. And don’t forget the mannequin or dress form to model your outfit of the day.


Jonathan Fong is the author of “Walls That Wow,” “Flowers That Wow” and “Parties That Wow,” and host of “Style With a Smile” on YouTube. You can see more of his do-it-yourself projects at Empty nest decorating: Ideas for your grown kids’ old bedrooms Read More »