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July 26, 2015

Sunday Reads: Jews and Israel, Israel and America, Orthodox, Conservative and Reform

The end of last week was a very busy time for me, in which many of the things I was working on in recent weeks were simultaneously ready. Since I can safely assume you did not have the time to follow all of these things, I will use the format of our Sunday reads to give you another opportunity to take a look at those of them you might find interesting (and I promise to return next week to our usual, less-narcissistic format of Sunday reads).

1.

My article in The New York Times argued that Ally, Michael Oren’s book, is controversial for reasons different than what most people assume:

Mr. Orens book is controversial because he had the chutzpah to hint that a vague definition of the alliance so vague that it allows one ally to make deals that infringe on the other allys ability to defend itself is not truly an alliance.

He had the audacity to propose that when something as grave as the agreement with Iran is on the line, the facade that all pro-Israel positions are the same becomes dangerous. It gives individuals and institutions the luxury of holding on to the pro-Israel label while promoting policies that are highly damaging to it.

Read it here.

2.

A major study by JPPI, of which I am a senior fellow (I am the author of the study, and co-head of the project with Brig. General Mike Herzog), was released at the end of the week. The report is about “Jewish values and Israel’s use of force in armed conflict”.

The Times of Israel had the story:

While most Jews sympathize with Israels needs to wage war in self-defense and believe that its army acts according to high moral standards, there is growing discomfort with some Israeli policies they believe unnecessarily perpetuate conflict, according to the 100-page report by the JPPI, which was made available to The Times of Israel.

The full report is available online here.

Here are a couple of paragraphs:

JPPIs 2015 Dialogue was characterized by severe dissonance.

On one hand, the discussions held indicate that, by and large, Jews in communities around the world understand and accept Israels need to use force in its dangerous and hostile surroundings, identify with the modes of action that Israel employs, accept Israels contention that it does its best to avoid harming civilians and to wage war as ethically as possible, agree that the criticism to which Israels actions are subjected in international forums and the international media are exaggerated and biased, and affirm that Israel suffers from unjustified discrimination compared to other countries.

On the other hand, the discussions also revealed a certain amount of distress. They called attention to a growing difficulty that many Jews have understanding Israels long-term policy which they see as contributing to, if not actually creating, the need to engage in repeated violent confrontations with its neighbors. They also evinced a rising tendency among Diaspora Jews to regard their ties to Israel as a

disruptive factor in their personal and communal lives. Although they are not the ones who have to fight none of the participants was confused on that point they, nevertheless, at times feel that they are positioned on a certain kind of frontline where they would rather not be.

3.

The Jewish Journal poll that revealed there are more American Jews who support the deal with Iran than American Jews who oppose it was also published on Thursday. Prof. Steven Cohen has the numbers for you. I wrote an analysis that you are invited to read here.

4.

As a JPPI fellow I was also the partner of the office of the President of Israel, Reuven Rivlin, in organizing a special event last week. At this event, timed for three days before Tisha BeAv, the president hosted for the first time a joint study session in which all major Jewish denominations were represented. I had the pleasure of working with all the participants in the weeks leading to this event, and on Thursday I had the pleasure of hearing them all speak.

You can read a short news story about this event here. You can see the President speak here. And I urge you to read the President’s speech. Here is the English translation:

The Talmud tells us (Baba-Metziah) in the name of Rabbi Yohanan, that “Jerusalem was destroyed only because the judges ruled in accordance with the strict letter of the law”. Those who compiled the Talmud, themselves asked the question, how exactly should judgments have been taken in Jerusalem if not according to the letter of the law? How and why did adherence to the laws of the Torah lead to the destruction of Jerusalem. To which the Talmud answers, “They ruled according to the strict letter of the law, as opposed to ruling beyond the letter of the law (i.e. with leniency)”. And so we say, Jerusalem was destroyed because it was ruled solely by the letter of the law, without the inclusion of any degree of goodness or honesty, or of moral or ethical norms.

This Talmudic proclamation must be considered fully. Does the Torah in Deuteronomy (16:20) not say, “Justice, Justice shall you pursue.” Did Isaiah (1:27) not prophesize, “Zion shall be redeemed with justice”? Are not law and order foundations upon which the world stands? Yes, the world does stand upon justice and the law, though not upon them alone. The judicial system is vitally important to the building of a just society. It enables contracts and agreements to be made. The law enables cooperation and partnership – even when there is no personal connection, even when there is no trust. It is the vital contract for the building of society. Yet, society cannot exist without moral and ethical accepted norms, components of mutual trust and unity. Gestures which are based not only in the law, but also on the leniency of the law. Solidarity, or as the Hebrew word denotes, 'brotherhood', is found in its most natural form in the family unit. Brotherhood or unity is the deep commitment which bonds families together. It is not a prerequisite for written contracts, but just like a family, a society requires solidarity, brotherhood, unity. A society without this as the Talmud teaches us is destined for destruction. The notion of family is intrinsic to a healthy society. In a healthy society there exists unity and ethics, leniency on the law alongside the letter of the law, and the letter of the law as its social and substantive base. Or in the words of the Ethics of the Fathers, “Upon three things the world stands: law, truth, and peace. As is stated (Zachariah 8:16), 'Truth, and a judgment of peace, you should administer at your gates'.” We must remember and ensure the existence of unity, of the simple 'love of Israel' within us, within the Jewish people. The communities represented and gathered here, are communities which are brimming with a love for Israel, and with a deep commitment to the future of the Jewish people, and to the character of the State of Israel.

One could disagree with the positions and opinions of members of the Reform or Conservative movements, but one could not deny their dedication, or the clear voice with which they speak in support of the State of Israel, here and around the world. One could debate with the Religious Zionist community, or with the Kibbutz movement, but one could not deny the contribution of these movements to the building of the State of Israel, to its wellbeing and security. We must not forget for a moment, that fierce debates are the sincere and genuine expression of a concern for us all Orthodox, Reform, Conservative, and Secularist for the present day, and for the future of the Jewish people.

There are disputes within our family. These differences relate to the very nature of faith, the status of revelation and religious law, and the implementation of Jewish identity within the in the modern world. The dispute between these positions runs deep. We cannot deny them and we cannot paper over their depth or difficulties. However, I am of the opinion that we should not want to blur these differences in the name of a false unity. We need to learn, not how to agree with each other, but how to disagree with each other. We must disagree with each other with respect, fairness, with firmness, but without foregoing the other person's Jewish identity. We cannot predetermine that one opinion or another has no right to exist within contemporary Jewish discourse. Rabbinic Judaism – which was founded in Yavneh following the destruction of the Temple – witnessed firsthand the horrific danger of sectarianism. Thus the Rabbis understood that social and faith-based conflicts, important as they may be, cannot be decided by a total negation of the other. The greatness of the Torah teachings and learning of Yavneh became a major part in our common Judaism through its ability to turn debate itself into part of the core of Jewish law. The Jewish cultural debate does not erase the words of the minority or the opposing side – but gives it a place within the canon itself.

Within Israeli society the President's Office stands as an axis of peace, as an 'ex gratia' foundation. The President's Office, as the home of the entire Israeli society, is committed to be the home of us all. This office is not a place for struggles and wars, but rather a home for discourse and a place that enables the diversity of opinions. This is certainly not an easy task – specifically because the grave disagreements between us also concern the question of who is entitled to be represented and where. And yet, this is a mission in which I am determined to succeed, out of the understanding that the pursuit of unity without blurring opinions, of creating solidarity without deleting identities, and of striving to develop a common language even for disagreements – is the task of this office and is my task. This event, which was not easy to build and put together, is being attended by authentic representatives of all factions who have expressed willingness to participate in this important debate. I thank you, Rabbi Azari, Rabbi Benny Lau, and Rabbi Rowen-Baker. As well as Dr. Motti Zeira, who agreed to participate in this study session and speak to us about practical ways of conducting a dialogue out of respect.

I want to end my notes with a personal family story. When my wise grandfather Rabbi Yoshua Rivlin built the first synagogue outside the walls of the Old City of Jerusalem, a question arose as to which version of prayers would be adopted – Spanish, Ashkenazi, or the Eastern version. At the time, the struggle over the versions of prayers tore families and communities apart. Even the Turkish and British authorities were involved at times in the attempt to decide between conflicting traditions. My grandfather, together with his friends, decided that payers in the first synagogue outside the walls would be conducted according to a unified version. His reasoning was: 'a united prayer version' in Gematria (assigning numerical value and meaning to a word or phrase) was equal to the phrase 'rebuilding Jerusalem'. To this Moshe Sharett once said: 'Jerusalem has Ashkenazim and Sephardim as well as the Rivlins'.

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Curacao Cyber Security Training Project Now Schedule for August 13 and 14

Willemstad, Curacao; – The previously postponed Cyber Security and Ethical Hackers training project that was scheduled to be held in Curacao (Netherlands Antilles) last June, is now slated to be held on the 13 and 14 August, 2015 in Willemstad.

According to a report in the ” target=”_blank”>http://www.cyberwatchdog.net/curacao.html

The Curacao training event is said to be part of a Caribbean Wide project, with material support from Curacao Cyber Security Training Project Now Schedule for August 13 and 14 Read More »

Why bad things happen to good people

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” is a question as old as mankind and human memory. Though widely addressed through the ages by religious and secular scholars alike, the cause of this obviously unfair situation has remained shrouded in mystery. That is, until now — I think I've found a clue.

It may all begin in childhood, early socialization, and a kid's first moral lesson: Be fair. Indignant shouts of “That's not fair!” are heard daily in every preschool and among siblings in every family. The outrage may involve nothing more earth-shattering than who got the biggest slice of cake, or more time on PlayStation. But if one party feels slighted in any way, the sense of unfairness sits heavy on his or her young soul, far outweighing any real need or desire.

So it should come as no surprise that the absence of fairness in life should be the number one complaint voiced by moral adults who have acted honorably … and expect their just rewards in the here and now (and not only in the hereafter).

When “acts of god” such as natural disasters or epidemics come to wipe out entire populations — the good, the bad, and the morally ambiguous — all equally and together, there is less reason to complain. Sh*t happens. It's only fair that everyone suffer the same.

Then there are random instances of bad luck. This, too, can be seen as occurring to good and bad people in equal measure — with no divine hand guiding who “deserved” the cancer, the car crash, the death of a loved one. Some are just born “luckier” than others, people say. That's the way the dice rolls.

But there are instances, far too many, when bad things happen to good people in greater proportion (than the general population) specifically because of their “goodness.” The naive belief that others are as good and pure-hearted as they are makes them easy targets for ne’er-do-wells, and more susceptible to being taken advantage of. Because of their unsuspecting good nature, they may even be hurt and misled by those who don't start out with evil intentions. Nowhere is this more evident than when it comes to affairs of the heart.

This past week, I've been in a position to hear two attractive and sweet-tempered young women in their early 30s express anger, dismay, and general unhappiness with the state of their lives. (It's easy to lend a sympathetic ear for half an hour or more whilst undergoing a dental cleaning or receiving laser therapy to help heal a formerly fractured wrist.) And I came to realize that, to a large degree, the bad things that happened to my dental hygienist and physical therapist were the result of their good, trusting natures.

Seven years after the fact, my hygienist is still angry with her cheating ex-husband whom she'd caught in an adulterous affair with the married (and mother of three) next-door neighbor. Their first-born son was only three months old at the time. He'd then had the chutzpah to ask her to sign annulment papers so he could go on to marry this woman in the Catholic Church. (Yeah, this makes no sense to me either, on so many levels.) She's also angry at being stuck with joint custody because, as she explained, “nowadays mothers no longer automatically get the kids.”

I tried to find the one positive in her situation, which she acknowledges. Her son was so young at the time, he never knew a different lifestyle, and is doing fine. But seven years later, mom is still having a hard time moving on from the hurt and betrayal. (She told me they were high school sweethearts who'd been together for 12 years — and happily married for six — before she got pregnant. She's still trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.)

I wish I could tell her to ignore the past and just move on; but realize it's hard when you are continually in touch with your ex while raising a child together. I do think her life would have been a lot easier had she not continued to be “so nice.”

When she first discovered her husband's infidelity, she fled with the baby to her mother's. I can see not wanting to live next door to the cheaters, but then her house was put up for sale in the divorce settlement and she received only half. I also wish she'd told her adulterer husband who'd sent annulment papers for her signature (complete with an insert stating new papal rulings no longer consider the child of an annulled marriage a bastard) to go take a hike.

You can only swallow so much b.s. in the name of religion. His selfish request now also left her angry and disillusioned with what should have been a source of solace in hard times, the church of her faith. Anyone with half a brain knows annulment means no intercourse took place, and what could be greater proof to the lie than their baby boy? I would have advised her to respond with, “Fine, the child is all mine then. You can get your annulment after you relinquish your parental rights!”

As it's obvious this would not be acceptable to a father petitioning for joint custody, she could then have used his “request” as a bargaining chip for limited visitation and more support. In hindsight, I feel she would have been better served by a meaner and craftier lawyer, if only to match her ex's representation. Why should he, the instigator, come out of the divorce with all his wishes met, a new family ready to embrace him on his own terms, and no regrets? No wonder she's still hurt … and angry.

Women are taken advantage of far too easily when their husbands leave them, for whatever reason. Especially good women who've been conditioned to blame themselves for everything that doesn't go right in their lives, and so rightly or not (and most often not) feel it's their fault their marriage failed.

A friend of mine, a warm and generally positive woman in her late 60s who was divorced 20 years ago, admits she still resents her ex. She especially can't stand the idea that her fantasy retirement was co-opted by her former husband and his new honey. She'd always been a good wife and mother, she says, and feels it's simply unfair how now they are enjoying “her” dream house in the country while she can barely afford rent on a tiny studio atop a garage. She might have purchased a condo, but at the time of the divorce, her ex convinced her donate her portion of the settlement to help finance a nice home for their newlywed son. Soon after, she was laid off from her clerk's job, and now resorts to cleaning houses for cash.

I feel my friend's ex played the “mom” card during their divorce so that he wouldn't be asked to help their two grown children financially… And then took off to enjoy his golden years with nary a care in the world. At the time, she'd been way too nice and accommodating, and has paid for this selfless motherly act by remaining embittered (and just like the young mother in her 30s, soured on men) for far too long. (She never remarried.)

My physical therapist shared that she suffers from PMDD (a severe form of premenstrual syndrome), but can no longer afford the monthly birth control pills that used to provide some relief. Her preferred contraceptive brand (the one with least side effects) costs a whopping $150 a month! While a large portion of this cost was covered last year by government-sponsored health insurance, this year, she could only find part-time work and so no longer qualified. (Florida does not offer its own plans and has refused to expand the state's Medicaid program. She now numbers among the 669,000 — or 18% of Floridians — who fall into this insurance gap.)

Sadly, this young woman, in her innocence and sense of fairness, had assumed that because she now only works part-time and so earns less, the Obamacare benefit would definitely be there to help. Our government does bad things to good people, too.

For some reason, she saw fit to assure me that her need for “the pill” had nothing to do with sex, as she wasn't having any. I didn't pry, but have a feeling she, too, has been hurt by a man or men, and is now gun-shy when it comes to exploring new relationships. Hopefully, she'll at least take my advice to visit Planned Parenthood for more affordable contraception. They don't offer her brand, but might deliver something to keep the worst of her PMDD symptoms in check.

As I've got at least several more sessions of therapy coming up to get my wrist back in shape, I'm also hoping we'll chat some more, and she'll let me convince her to stick up for herself while not giving up on love altogether. All these wonderful single women have so much to offer some lucky, nice guy. If they could only let go of past resentments, find inner peace, and allow hope, once again, to enter their hearts. I want to tell them it's worth taking a chance. They can make it as a couple  — with a new and improved partner, of course.

I'm also beginning to think bad things happen to good people because they are not savvy or suspicious enough. They expect people and institutions to do what they say they will, and to work properly. Some people simply sail through life unscathed despite their innocence … or have more crafty people looking out for them. But they are the lucky few.

I used to be one of those innocents myself. When my ex and I finally divorced after splitting up and trying again for about ten years (I had married young and naively at age  20, but that's a whole nother story), I agreed to meet him in the Lower East Side of Manhattan to see a rabbi about a get.

On the street, right outside the rav's door, he suddenly presented me with a paper to sign stating I would not pursue any financial compensation from him then — or anytime in the future. It was obvious blackmail (all the more shocking because I had never asked him for anything). It did, however, reinforce my decision to be rid, once and for all, of this selfish s.o.b. I wanted the get, so I signed. We had no children; a no-fault divorce was already in the works (orchestrated by his paralegal sister) that ended up faulting me for “abandonment.” (Whatever, I thought, at least it was over.) Still, as he well knew, I coveted this Jewish divorce in order to please my Orthodox parents.  

In hindsight, and as I've often been told by friends, I was crazy to sign this document.  Hadn't I stopped my own education after getting my teacher's degree to support him financially through graduate school — and even written some of his papers and most of his doctoral thesis?

Of course a good lawyer would have seen to it that my years of support were reimbursed out of my ex-husband's future professional employment. But, like I said, we had no kids (he hadn't wanted any, and so it was real easy for me to convince the rabbi to issue that get). And, this being in the days before social-media stalking, I was truly able to have nothing to do with him ever again … and never look back. Only a year later, despite my trepidation, I allowed myself to fall in love once more — this time with my “forever husband.” September will mark our 33rd anniversary.

So my best advice to everyone with anger issues about their exes and the perceived unfairness of their “living the good life” after they left you, is to simply turn a blind eye. Your relationship is over. Sure they were idiots and they were wrong and you were right. And perhaps you were screwed over in more ways than one. You need not forgive, just forget a little and move on. Please, please, for your own mental health, ignore enough of the past to get on with your life and become whole again.

Now is the time to discover the best version of yourself. Don't let their former bad actions define and influence who you are today. Who you'll become. Learn from your mistakes; then use that knowledge to become wiser and more discerning. But do still allow yourself to take the leap of faith that lands on true love. Even if it's not forever (for who can predict the future?), it's still worth taking that chance for as long as love lasts … and makes your good heart sing.

© 2015 Mindy Leaf

Follow Mindy's essays of biting social commentary at: “>https://askmamaglass.wordpress.com

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Federation: Take it back

In the hours immediately following the announcement of the Iran nuclear deal, the Jewish community fell victim to a rare and unbecoming phenomenon:  groupthink.

The word went out from Zion, when Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu castigated the deal before it had even been released.  Israeli opposition leaders joined in, and former Ambassador Michael Oren told a reporter that he Iran deal is a rare case of millions of Jews, one opinion: against the deal.

[MORE: The Iran deal survey]

Never mind that soon after the Israeli leaders made their proclamations, very serious, dissenting voices began to make themselves heard, especially among current and former Israeli security, intelligence and nuclear experts.  “What we have here is a non-dialogue between people who don't want to listen. The agreement is not bad at all, it’s even good for Israel,” wrote, for example, Professor Isaac Ben-Israel, the head of the Interdisciplinary Cyber Research Center at Tel Aviv University, an expert on the Iranian research program and its significance for Israel.  “The United States president said that the deal distances Iran from a nuclear bomb for a decade or two, and he is correct. It distances the threat for a long time, it averts an atom bomb for 15 years, and that’s not bad at all.”

But by then groupthink had spread to American Jewry, or at least its institutions.  AIPAC made the historic decision to oppose the deal and lobby for its demise.  The Boston and Miami Jewish Federations joined in. Mass rallies were quickly organized and held—one in Los Angeles this Sunday, July 26.   And then, last week, the Los Angeles Federation did a “me too,” and sent out a press release urging Los Angeles Jews to lobby their representatives and Senators to oppose the deal. Presumably the Federation wants Congress to block the deal and force the president to negotiate a better one.

Now, in the scheme of things, the Federation’s action is not the biggest issue. The real issue is the Iran deal itself.  It is complex, existential, and open to serious debate.

And that’s exactly why the Los Angeles Federation made a wholly unnecessary but completely reparable mistake by urging its members to defeat the Iran deal. In doing so, it misrepresented the people it purports to represent, alienated a good chunk of them, and clouded, rather than clarified, the Iran deal debate. 

Last week, just as the Federation released its letter, the Jewish Journal published the results  of a national survey we conducted of American and American Jewish opinion regarding the Iran deal.   The poll found that 54 percent of American Jews want Congress to approve the deal and 35 oppose Congressional approval.  Jews support the deal itself 48 percent to 28 percent, while all Americans are only 28 to 24 percent in favor of the deal. How, then, could any Jewish organization opposing the deal claim to be speaking for the majority of American Jews?   

You could argue that on issues of great urgency, a Federation must lead, not follow.  Perhaps. But educating, building consensus and incorporating dissent on controversial issues are the hallmarks of leadership—and nothing close to that has happened.  This is an ongoing, political and– here's that word again– complex issue that cannot be dispensed with via press release.  Read the starkly opposing opinions of the deal that the Jewish Journal has published over the past month, some pro-deal, some anti, some conflicted.  Pay attention to Rabbi John Rosove’s thoughtful public dissent. Listen to the speakers at the passionate anti-deal rally on Juy 26  Attend the upcoming August 2 community debate at Beth Jacob Congregation, with brilliant speakers on all sides of the issue, which the Federation will co-sponsor.  There is a real debate going on over this issue.  If the Federation wants to lead on this issue, wonderful—but first, listen. 

As a broad-based community organization Federation could use its substantial resources and reach to provide detailed information on the deal and its consequences.  It could convene meetings with experts offering differing points of view.  It could channel the feedback of various and undoubtedly conflicting constituencies back to congressional representatives, to help them arrive at their decision.   In so doing, it would become a more inclusive and open organization, for Jews across the political spectrum.

More importantly, it can still do all those things.

The Federation leaders can fix their mistake with one simple step: take it back.   Send out a second letter saying that on further consideration, it is more important to lead the community in open, civil and thoughtful debate over this issue.  That way, all Jews can get informed and engaged, and act on whatever conclusions they reach.   

As our reporter Jared Sichel uncovered, 14 members of a 20-member executive committee made this decision without consulting the larger 45-person Federation board or, of course, the community at large.  Now that we have been heard from, it’s time for a do-over.  Impossible?  Of course not. If the Federation can’t “renegotiate” a press release, how does it expect the United States, five nations and Iran to renegotiate  a nuclear deal?

Rob Eshman is publisher and editor-in-chief of TRIBE Media Corp./Jewish Journal. Email him at robe@jewishjournal.com. You can follow him on Twitter and Instagram @foodaism.

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