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November 26, 2014

Receiving the Birthday Gift of Taharah

The first thing I did on my 55th birthday was to participate in my first Taharah (ritual purification).  I can’t think of a better birthday present.  Perhaps calling another person’s taharah one of my best birthday presents ever seemsas strange to you as it did to some of my friends.  Yet what better time than on your birthday to perform the ultimate selfless act on another’s behalf?  What better time to reflect on your coming into being and your life so far than when that contemplation is literally physically placed before the eventuality of your departure from this plane of existence?  Yet it is not your own actual departure, but rather, that of the met’s or meita’s (the deceased person), so it’s a safe distance, a way in but not too far in, for now.

The taharah team of five women including me with whom I worked from 9:00 to 10:30 pm on that Saturday night was wonderful:  focused, cooperative and communicative, and lovingly cared for the meita none of us knew.  The rosha (leader) was clear giving directions, deeply spiritual, and deeply caring for all six of us in the room.  When she reminded us that we should try not to walk behind the head of the meita because “Shechinah” [the feminine immanent aspect of the Divine] might be there, I felt such gratitude for the recognition that we were all being accompanied in our work by the Divine.  While we worked and prayed with our hands, our mouths and our hearts, we sensed the relaxing of the meita into our care. 

The next morning, I traveled home from Boston via car and boat, I arrived weary and in need of a nap.  When I awoke, I put laundry on the line, a spiritual act for me in many ways.  I studied Torah.  I worked a crossword.  My plans for canoeing in a gorgeous pond landscape or walking in a stunningly beautiful wildlife sanctuary seemed too large and ambitious after the previous night’s magnitude of holiness.  I stayed on my tiny little property appreciating the nasturtiums and parsley, the song birds’ songs and the insects’ chirping, the cat napping and my husband’s violin playing.  And it was perfect.  I’d already received the best birthday gift ever.

 

Lori D. Shaller is an ordained Mashpiah Ruhanit – Spiritual Director, and anticipates her Rabbinic Ordination in January, 2015 from the ALEPH:  Alliance for Jewish Renewal Rabbinic Ordination Program.  She is also an educator and curriculum writer in the fields of World History and English Language Arts.  Lori lives on the Island of Martha’s Vineyard, where she leads Clergy Spiritual Direction Groups and Spiritual Eldering Groups.  She is guest clergy at Jewish and Unitarian congregations and works as an Administrative Assistant for the Unitarian Universalist Society of Martha’s Vineyard. Lori is a student of the Gamliel Institute. She can be reached at lori_shaller@comcast.net.

 

 

 


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Kavod v'Nichum Conference!

Join us for an unforgettable time in beautiful Austin, Texas, Feb 22-24, 2015 for the 13th N. American Chevra Kadisha and Jewish Cemetery Conference. Regiser now! Visit the conference “>reserve a hotel room, and make your plans!


GAMLIEL INSTITUTE COURSES:

Starting in January: Chevrah Kadisha: Ritual Practice. Tuesdays, January 5th – March 24th 2015

Starting in January: Chevrah Kadisha: Taharah & Shmirah.  Thursdays, January 5th – March 26th 2015

Beginning in March: Chevrah Kadisha: International Perspectives. Open to Gamliel Students who have successfully completed the five prior courses. This course included the Travel/Study Mission to New York, Prague, and Israel that will take place in April-May. Registration is limited.

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Receiving the Birthday Gift of Taharah Read More »

Why the Jews of Miami are doing so great, and how I got it all wrong

Sometimes the news is just news – not good news or bad news – and still, the good-or-bad mentality of a reader is hard to overcome. So reading the new “2014 Greater Miami Jewish Federation Population Study” I could not resist the question: is it a carrier of good or bad news?

I promptly got one answer from a report by Chabad, and the answer seemed clear. “The Miami area is hotter than ever… Chabad-Lubavitch programs are simply booming there”, the Chabad website reported.

So Chabad can boast about how 26% of Miami Jews have “participated in Chabad activity”. Is this (26%) good or bad? – I still don't know. Some might say that the answer depends on ideology. Is it high or low? – I also don't know. “When I saw that number, my jaw dropped”, Prof. Ira Sheskin, Professor of Geography at the University of Miami and the author of the study, told the Chabad publication. Maybe he is just trying to be nice, I thought. I couldn’t see any other reason for jaw dropping. But Sheskin does. “We only asked about Chabad participation in one other study, the New Haven one, and the answer was 14%”, he told me. 26% is much more than 14%. Hence, the jaw dropping. On the other hand, the sample for comparison is pretty small.

I have no beef with Chabad, but we should remember that there is also no sure way for us to know if Chabad participation adds to the pool of overall participation in Jewish life, or just subtracts from the participation of Jews in non-Chabad activities. It is clear that participation in the Miami area in general is high, and we can take an educated guess about Chabad’s contribution to that fact: For some groups, Chabad is the main alternative to non-participation. This is especially true for Israeli Americans. They go to Chabad for three reasons. A. It is free – Israelis aren’t used to paying for religion. 2. It is Orthodox – Israelis are used to the Orthodox version of Judaism. 3. It is friendly to seculars – most US Israelis are secular.  So surely, Chabad participation has some connection to the unique composition of the Miami Jewish community, a notable feature of which is the number of Israelis living in the city area.

Is that it?

In looking at the Miami study I learned – and not for the first time – that educated guesses such as the one above are for suckers. Data is what counts, and Sheskin is the man with the data. So I shared with him my other unsubstantiated educated guess – another one that seemed plausible. Here is where it got me.

At the top of the summary of the Miami report the authors put a useful comparison between the Miami numbers and the ones of the Pew report on Jewish Americans. This neatly presented comparison gives one a whole basket of good news without fully explaining the reasons behind the numbers, some of which we don't know, because the report is just a summary, and some we do know, but they do not appear in a highlighted fashion at the top of the report.

Here's an example of the good news from Miami: While 63% of Jewish Americans (according to Pew) “Feel a Special Responsibility to Care for Jews in Need Around the World”, in Miami the percentage is 77%.

And another one: while “the Percentage of Married Couples Who Are Intermarried” among Jewish Americans is 61%, in Miami the percentage is only 16%.

But why? Why is the Miami Jewish community so much stronger in traveling to Israel, in marrying trends, in thinking that being Jewish is “important” (46% in the general population; 74% in Miami)? My educated guess was that two main reasons stand out.

86% of Jewish Americans – according to Pew – were born in the US. 14% were born elsewhere. In Miami, 33% of Jewish adults were born outside the US. There are more than 9000 Israelis in Miami. Israelis tend to have strong feelings about Israel – as we all learned two weeks ago. And 46% of the “foreign born” are Jews from Latin America. “Links and attachment to Israel have a central role in Jewish Latin American life”, explained a JPPI report not long ago. It is a well established fact that these Jews tend to have stronger feelings when it comes to “peoplehood”. So we shouldn’t be surprised that more Israeli and Latin Jews means more attachment to Israel.

Miami also has a community that is rather old. How old? 31% old. The study itself says that it is “much higher than the US older population of 13% and nearly twice the proportion in the US Jewish population of 16%.” In other words: you find less intermarriage in Miami because  1. The population comes from groups that don’t intermarry as much, and 2. The population married long ago, when intermarriage were not as common.

So we have two unique groups that are highly represented in Miami, and that makes it a unique and exciting community. Sounds about right? I thought it was. Sheskin also says that “until I collated the data, your hypotheses seemed reasonable”. Yet it doesn’t withstand Sheskin’s detailed scrutiny – the scrutiny that he generously shared with me.

I said: foreign born – Latino and Israeli – and age are the keys for Miami’s better (or different, if you prefer a non-judgmental term) performance. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

“If we take the non-Hispanic results and compare to Pew, the results are the same” for questions such as “proud to be Jewish” and “have a strong sense of belonging” to the Jewish people, Sheskin found (his table of numbers is at the bottom of this post). Hispanics are 15% of the population and “do not have much of an impact on the overall results”, he says.

What about Israelis? Sheskin’s verdict is just the same: “given that Israelis are only 9% of adults, they do not have much of an impact on the overall results and have no impact on ‘proud’. If we take the non-Israeli results and compare to Pew, the results are the same”.

With age it becomes even more interesting. If you assumed – as I did – that elderly Jews would feel more of a “Special Responsibility to Care for Jews in Need Around the World”, think again. “The result is the opposite of your hypothesis”, Sheskin says. 77% of Miami Jews feel “special responsibility”, but among the older Miamians it is just 70%. “Without the elderly, Miami would look even better compared to Pew!” The older population also has the same percentage of intermarriage as other age groups (16%), and age “makes no difference” in answering questions about “proud to be Jewish”. They score just a little bit higher (94% vs. 92%) on the question of “belonging”.

So if origin and age do not explain Miami’s special characteristics – what does? “Miami is attracting serious young and older Jews to its community”, Shaskin says.

Here is some elaboration from him: “Miami, with its large Jewish population and significant Jewish infrastructure, is going to attract “more serious” Jews than is the case for small cities with small Jewish populations and little Jewish infrastructure. The type of Jew who would move to places with Jewish communities of a few hundred or even a few thousand are less likely to be attached to their Jewish identity than those who choose a Miami, a Chicago, or a Detroit. I contend that this is the major reason for the difference between Pew and Miami. The lesson for the American Jewish community is a geographic one. What we need to do is keep Jews living in large Jewish communities where there are other serious Jews with whom they can interact and where the infrastructure exists”.

A large community with proper services (“significant infrastructure and a strong Federation”, Sheskin says) attended by many – that is the key. 88% of children who go to preschool go to a Jewish preschool. 76% of children who went to a day camp this past summer, went to a Jewish day camp.

                                 Why Does Miami Compare Favorably with Pew?

 

Special Responsibility to Care for Jews in Need Around the World (%Agree)

Feel a Strong Sense of Belonging to the Jewish People (% Agree)

Couples Intermarriage Rate

I am Proud to Be Jewish

I Feel Being Jewish Is Very Important

Miami Overall

77%

92%

16%

99%

74%

PEW

63%

75%

61%

94%

46%

Hispanic

88%

93%

13%

100%

79%

Non-Hispanic

75%

92%

17%

99%

73%

Israeli

93%

97%

7%

99%

91%

Non-Israeli

75%

91%

18%

99%

72%

Under 35

85%

93%

19%

100%

74%

35-49

83%

92%

25%

100%

72%

50-64

80%

86%

15%

98%

71%

65+

70%

94%

16%

99%

76%

 

Source: 2014 Greater Miami Jewish Federation Population Study, Main Report. This report should be available in early 2015 and will be about 1,200 pages. Note that due to sample sizes, I cannot test the hypothesis for the “Children Being Raised Jewish” question, so it is not included in the table.

Why the Jews of Miami are doing so great, and how I got it all wrong Read More »

Don’t Do It, Bibi. Please.

Here is a great Hebrew term to use around your Thanksgiving table, and it is bound to impress everyone who is there. Well, maybe some people. 

It's shlilat ha-golah — literally, the negation of the Diaspora. It is a common theme in Zionist history and thought — the idea that the re-institution of Jewish sovereignty in the land of Israel would, of necessity, mean the withering away of the Diaspora. It shows up from time to time in both elegant and not-so-elegant ways — most notably, in Hillel Halkin's magisterial and recently re-issued Letters To An American Jewish Friend.

I am not about to accuse the Netanyahu government of trafficing in shlilat ha-golah. But there have been times when I have wondered aloud whether this government actually cares all that much about what is going on in the Diaspora. To put it bluntly: I wonder, at times, whether the government of the state of Israel understands the meaning of the Israel-Diaspora partnership. We like to say that when our people hurt in Tel Aviv, we feel it in Tallahasse. This is true — but there is another dimension as well. Whatever the state of Israel does has serious ramifications in the Diaspora. 

I do not mean that Israel should always and in every situation take the complex feelings of American Jews into consideration. Neither do I believe that Israel exists for the maintenance of American Jewish fantasies and dreams, a kind of Jewish Disneyworld. Israel is a real state with real issues and with its own security situation to consider, and it must do so, unfettered by the failed sense of “what will the goyim say?”

And yet, when the government of Israel engages in what can only be called a PR Masada move, it behooves Diaspora Jews to speak out. 

For more, click  Don’t Do It, Bibi. Please. Read More »

Gratitude – Gratitude – Gratitude

As so much in our country and world is torn and ugly (e.g. Middle East, Congo, Sudan, Ukraine, North Korea, Iran, American politics, fundamentalist religious and nationalist extremism, Ferguson, prejudice, suspicion, hatred, racism, anti-Semitism, mental illness, societal polarization, etc.), Thanksgiving comes to Americans this week and we ask ourselves – 'For what are we grateful?'

At our synagogue’s Nursery School Thanksgiving celebration earlier this week, I asked two questions of our children, their parents and grandparents: “Do you wake up each morning feeling mostly ‘grumpy’ or mostly happy?” It's much easier to be grateful if we are happy as opposed to being grumpy.

Two-thirds said they awake happy, refreshed and raring to go, and the other third said ‘grumpy,’ many (I suspect) with the caveat that it takes them a bit longer to wake up and get into the flow of the day – then, maybe, they feel happy – but maybe not!

I am one who awakens happy, especially after I’ve had my double espresso – my little ‘resurrection’ each morning. Though I awake happy most days, I’m not naïve. I am particularly conscious of the world’s troubles, and in my role as a rabbi and pastor, every day people seek me out for counsel, comfort, support, and love. I do the best I can in response, and offer whatever support and comfort I am able. Many, of course, continue to suffer (some for good reason) and they are joined by many in our community and around the world who live in difficult circumstances. When feeling this way, it is  difficult to feel gratitude for anything.

Indeed, most of us are confronted with life-challenges large and small. My question of our Nursery School children, parents and grandparents revealed that, at least, in this group gratitude comes naturally to most even when we feel that we’ve been dealt a bad hand. Little children inspire that kind of joy, love and gratitude.

How we approach the world determines not just whether we are grateful for our many gifts, but also whether we exhibit the virtue of humility, and whether we are generous people or tight-fisted including what we give of ourselves and resources to others. In this way, the virtues of gratitude, humility and generosity are inter-related. If these virtues are highly developed, people discover deeper meaning and happiness in their lives.

What follows are thoughts on the virtue of gratitude as drawn from Jewish tradition and world literature. You might consider sharing these quotations around the Thanksgiving table this year as you share with each other, as my family does annually, what we feel gratitude for in our lives.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

“How strange we are in the world, and how presumptuous our doings! Only one response can maintain us: gratefulness for witnessing the wonder, for the gift of our unearned right to serve, to adore, and to fulfill. It is gratefulness which makes the soul great.”

-Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, 20th century philosopher, theologian, activist

“I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.”

-William Shakespeare

“If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘Thank you,’ that will suffice.”

-Meister Echkart, 13th century German theologian and philosopher

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

-William Arthur Ward, 20th century pastor and teacher

“Gratitude, not understanding, is the secret to joy and equanimity.”

-Anne Lamott, writer

“Ingratitude to a human being is ingratitude to God.”

-Rabbi Shmuel Hanagid, 10th century Spanish sage

“When you arise in the morning give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.”

-Native American Prayer – Tecumseh Tribe

“I offer thanks to You, Sovereign Source and Sustainer of life, Who returns to me my soul each morning faithfully and with gracious love.”

-Morning Liturgy

“Thank everyone who calls out your faults, your anger, your impatience, your egotism; do this consciously, voluntarily.”

-Jean Toomer, 20th century American poet and novelist

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”

– Marcus Tillius Cicero, 1st Century BCE Roman Philosopher

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.”

-Melodie Beattie, contemporary author

“We don’t express gratitude in order to repay debts or balance ledgers but rather to strengthen relationships (learned from Sara Algoe)….feelings of gratitude make us want to praise the other person publicly, to bring him or her honor.”

-Jonathan Haidt, social psychologist and Professor of Ethical Leadership, NYU

“What have you done for me lately is the ingrate’s question.”

-Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, lecturer and author

“If you have done a big kindness for your neighbor, let it be in your eyes a small matter. If your friend did you a small favor, let it be in your eyes a big favor.”

-Avot d’Rabbi Nathan 41:11, 9th century CE, Babylonia

“A person must be grateful to a place [e.g. synagogue, school, college, hospital, etc.] where he derived some benefit.”

-B’reishit Rabbah 79:6, 5th Century CE, Palestine

“If you cannot be grateful for what you have received, then be thankful for what you have been spared.”

-Yiddish proverb

“The highest tribute to the dead is not grief, but gratitude.”

-Thorton Wilder, 20th century playwrite and novelist

Gratitude – Gratitude – Gratitude Read More »

Grateful for an Imperfect World.

“Did you know teenage smoking is at all time low?”  My ten-year-old daughter announced unexpectedly.

Imagine a tiny tear in a magnificent painting.  Most eyes naturally shift to the defect, bypassing the masterpiece.  We seek perfection.  We wish to mend.

The news, from riots and unruly people to mishaps in The White House, from conniving viruses to surgeries gone awry, from killings in the name of religion to starvation in developing countries, all exploit our tunnel vision.

They show us the tear and hide the canvas!  

The fact is that we live in a wonderful world.  Despite our desire to reminisce about yesteryears, our world is better than that of our parents and grandparents.

The world is imperfect.  We are charged with the task of fixing what remains wrong.   In mending the broken, let’s not shatter the whole.  Dissatisfaction is the engine that pushes us forward, but should not become our personality. 

People act badly and break the law.  But, they are the few, and crime rates have seen huge declines.  People still die young.  But, human life expectancy is at all time high.  Infant mortality is at all time low.  Maternal mortality is at all time low.  Poverty levels in the world are at all time low.  Vaccination for preventable diseases is at all time high.  Access to water and sanitation is at all time high.  Communicable and infectious diseases that used to kill the masses in their thirties are under control.

In an imperfect world, live imperfect people.  We need each other to become perfect.  We must seek out those who complement us and those who complete us.   We join those who strengthen us and those who bring out our best qualities, so that we can fix this imperfect world. 
And all that sounds perfect to me!

This Thanksgiving, let’s take our eyes off the tear, look and see the masterpiece anew, and bask in the glory of the goodness that surrounds us.

Grateful for an Imperfect World. Read More »

Synagogue Slaughter Aforethought

Last Tuesday morning: five Jewish men head to synagogue in Har Nof—to pray for peace. Same morning: two Palestinians head to same synagogue—to murder them. It has been only one week since the tragic day. In fewer than 48 hours, supporters of the Har Nof community rallied online and raised over $65,000 for the families who lost loved ones in the attack. Personally, this day still haunts my thoughts and perceptions of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

To me, it represents an blatant indication that the recent Israeli-Palestinian conflict has long-surpassed politics. This is not about being soldiers or occupiers. This is about the mere existence of the Jewish people and our prayers for a peaceful coexistance. According to the Times of Israel, “Yaakov Amos had just finished calling silently on God to grant peace everywhere, goodness and blessing; grace, loving kindness and mercy.” These peaceful prayers were met with a blood bath when the Palestinians entered the synagogue with a pistol, knives, and axes, shooting and stabbing the worshipers. Amos witnessed the terrorists shooting the victims, clad in prayer shawls, at point blank range into their heads. Among those killed were one British and three American citizens as well as a Druze Israeli.

As the State of Israel mourned the five dead and others wounded, Hamas called for additional “revenge” attacks, claiming on Al-Aksa TV that the attack was “a reaction to the crimes of the occupation.” Less than two weeks prior, a Palestinian Authority official, Mahmoud Habbash, also called for Jihad against every Israeli as a civil duty for “any Muslim from America to Japan.” On the day of this synagogue rampage, PA's Facebook page extolled the murderers for their “blessed operation.”

A good friend of mine who used to live a couple doors down from this attack wrote me an email last week, lamenting, “The terrorism is painful, heartbreaking, and frightening. But the truth is, there is something far more painful, heartbreaking, and frightening out there than these senseless acts of murder. That thing is not floating about here in Israel, but where you are, out in the rest of the world. While our people are fighting for their lives and desperately trying to protect their people, the rest of the world looks down on us and blames us for this war. There is far too much hate and ignorance thrown at us, and all we are doing is trying to save our own lives. We are being bombed, run over by vans like bowling pins, and murdered in cold blood. Age makes no difference to them, they've taken our children and even recently a small infant. And what is our crime? Do we not do what any other sensible person or nation would do? Stand up to those who are harming us. […] The world around us skews the media and this is more terrifying than any of this terrorism I am living with.”

The headlines? CNN reported “4 Israelis, 2 Palestinians killed in attack in Jerusalem synagogue;” “Deadly attack on Jerusalem Mosque;” and “Police shot, killed 2 Palestinians.” Al Jazeera reported “clashes after attack on Jerusalem synagogue.” On the day of the attack, the Emory (University) Wheel posted an article by Anusha Ravi and Ben Crais arguing that many fewer Israelis have died in this summer's conflict compared to Palestinians, insinuating that this smaller number affirms Israeli immorality. Clearly, for Ravi and Crais, the murder of more Jews in the name of the conflict merely evens the score. Their article makes no mention of the attack that occurred that very day. Also omitted is any reference to the Palestinians’ documented use of human shields to raise their death toll, exploiting the IDF’s morality to malign Israel. They make no attempt to dispel the inference that terrorist slaughter of innocent civilians is morally equivalent to self-defense. And neither does the mainstream media. 

Every such incident breaks our collective Jewish heart. Yet there still exists some hope that it may be THIS attack, THIS innocent life that was taken so that the world will finally wake up and realize that this is not a political fight. This was not an attack on an IDF soldier. This was not even an attack on a resident of a settlement. This was an attack on holy men who were praying for peace. The men killed were never in the army. The never killed a Palestinian. They were simply Jewish individuals practicing their Judaism in the Jewish State. And to Hamas and other Palestinian terrorist organizations, that was their crime, punishable by death in the name of Jihad.

While the fundraising campaign for the mourning families is over and the pro-Israel community has refocused its energy on Iran, let us never forget last week’s attack.

Synagogue Slaughter Aforethought Read More »

The Chabad secret

When people try to figure out the secret to Chabad’s phenomenal success, they usually mention the movement’s unconditional love toward their fellow Jews. I can see why. Go to any of the thousands of Chabad centers around the world and you’ll be welcomed with open arms. A Chabad emissary sees holiness in every Jew—it’s as simple and powerful as that.

But when I had dinner the other night with close to 5,000 Chabad emissaries from around the globe at their annual convention in Brooklyn, I discovered another key to their success– something less obvious.

It came to me during one of several speeches during the night. A senior emissary from England was telling the story of a woman who had just lost her husband, and who was adamant that she wanted a non-religious ceremony with the body cremated. Of course, the rabbi tried to gently convince her to do a proper Jewish burial, but the woman wouldn’t budge. So, they negotiated. The rabbi was flexible on things that were not absolutely mandated by Jewish law, but he couldn’t compromise on cremation, which is a serious no-no in traditional Judaism.

As he recounted the story in minute detail, I looked around at the faces of the emissaries around me. I could see a yearning in their eyes. I could feel this collective sentiment throughout the giant hall—thousands of men in beards and black hats, listening attentively to every word, yearning for a happy ending.

When the rabbi got to the end of his story, with the woman finally relenting and saying, “OK, rabbi, fill out that green burial form before I change my mind,” it was as if he had announced a $100 million gift to Chabad. The place exploded with joy. There was a thrill of victory in the air. What was that victory? A Jewish man would be buried according to Jewish law.

That anecdote tells you much of what you need to know about arguably the most successful movement in Jewish history— a movement obsessed with observing God’s commandments.

What is so extraordinary about this obsession is that it flies in the face of modern-day wisdom about how to attract people to the Jewish tradition: “Don’t obsess with all the rules and commandments! You’ll just turn people off.”

Clearly, Chabad didn’t get the memo. Every Chabadnik I’ve ever met has been obsessed with the commandments, or, as they like call them, the mitzvot: Did you put on tefilin this morning? Did you make a bracha in the succah? Do you need lulav and etrog? Did you listen to the megilla? Did you light the Chanukkah candles? Do you have shmurra matzah for your seder? Do you need Shabbat candles? Do you have mezuzzas in your office? Can you come to a Torah class tomorrow? What are you doing Friday night?

Every day and every minute in over 70 countries, Chabad emissaries ask those very questions. They don’t discuss five-year plans or try to sell you on memberships. Instead of a long-term commitment, they ask you to do a mitzvah. It may be a little uncomfortable for someone who’s not into it, but there’s something disarming and innocent about asking someone to do a good deed.

This is the great enigma of the Chabad movement—how an ultra-Orthodox sect obsessed with observing the commandments became so mainstream and popular. It’s too easy to explain it by saying, “Oh, they’re so warm and loving that it breaks down all barriers.”

That is certainly true—their warmth and love moves people. But what drives the movement itself is a deep, mystical attachment to the mitzvah. Take away the mitzvah and the “love of our fellow Jews” becomes an abstract and passive idea. The mitzvah is what turns their love into a verb. It’s what makes them express this love in the deepest possible way, by sharing something they cherish—the holy act of following God’s commandments.

This transcendent attachment to the mitzvah is what binds the movement and keeps the emissaries charging ahead. They have complete faith in the power of the mitzvah to change the world. If a focus group tells them not to bother people in public, they ignore it.  They don’t agonize over the Pew study. They don’t wallow in creative tension or theological ambiguities. They have one global model, and it has no ambiguity. It’s called “We want you to do a mitzvah. The world needs it.”

How do you beat that for clarity of purpose?

Their faith in God, in Torah, in their fellow Jews and in humanity are all wrapped up in their faith in the mitzvah. They're not live and let live– they're do and help do. That is the essential lesson they learned from their beloved Rebbe: Helping a Jew do a mitzvah is the best way to say, “I love you.”

The Chabad secret Read More »

“Boom Chicka Boom” and building community with ETTA

The teens and adults were dressed in their Shabbat-best clothes enjoying the last of their roasted chicken, rice and veggies. when Josh Taff, Director of Outreach and Jewish Life, of ETTA, stood up in the social hall of Young Israel of Century City (YICC) and yelled out in a chant : “Repeat after me!”

Wide smiles broke out among all the participants with special needs and their teen volunteers, and everyone roared back, “Repeat after me!” followed up a joyous round of the summer-camp favorite, “I said a boom chicka boom!” with each particpant having a turn leading the cheers and chants. Our son, Danny, beamed with pride when it was his turn to be the songleader.

This was the 79th (!) ETTA Shabbaton for teens and adults held at various Orthodox synagogues around town. YICC was the very first venue when this program started many years ago, and we found the congregation very warm and welcoming in many ways, large and small. ETTA's mission is to help people with developmental disabilities, and the families who love them, to live fully enriched and active lives as members of the Los Angeles [Jewish] community.

Teenage and young adults with special needs stay overnight at the homes of the hosts, within walking distance from the shul, and together with the teen volunteers, attend Friday night and Saturday morning prayer services, and eat meals together, plus a lot of singing, dancing, cheers and games. By having fun and being silly together, friendships were forged and the ostensible differences fell away, replaced by hugs and holding hands. Thanks to the hard work of Leah  Schachter, Summer Camp Coordiantor, who oversaw the Shabbaton, everyone felt included and respected for who they are.

We orginally planned just to attend the Friday night service and dinner at YICC, since its a pretty long walk from our house, but when Danny woke up Saturday morning, the first word out of his mouth was “YICC” so off we went, to join in the fun, and another round of “Boom Chicka Boom”.

“Boom Chicka Boom” and building community with ETTA Read More »

Show God You Care: Haftarat Va-yetze, Hosea 12:13-14:10

Hosea is the prophet of pathos. Not his own; God’s. Hosea’s God is angry at Israel, but the divine emotion that runs most profoundly through his prophecy is anguish. The book relies upon an extended metaphor – God as betrayed lover – that assumes even more power because God commands Hosea to take the metaphor literally, ordering the prophet to marry a harlot.

Haftarat Va-yetze and the Haphtarah Va-yishlach (for next week) force us to consider this prophet in greater depth, for both of them come from Hosea. (Sephardic custom, which will be considered in another cycle, takes next week’s prophecy from Obadiah). That means taking pathos seriously. This God is really hurt:

Only I the Lord have been your God
Ever since the land of Egypt
You have never known a [true] God but Me,
You have never had a helper other than Me.
I looked after you in the desert,
In a thirsty land.
When they grazed, they were sated;
When they were sated, they grew haughty;
And so they forgot Me….
Like a bear robbed of her young I attack them
And rip open the casing of their hearts.

Divine pathos generates an odd theology, because it seems to turn God into something of a human being. Abraham Joshua Heschel, who first emphasized God’s pathos, attempted to forestall such a comparison. He had to concede, however, that “the language the prophets employed to describe God’s supreme concern was an anthropomorphism to end all anthropomorphisms.”

Let us put theoretical questions aside for now, and consider the theology’s implications: how should God’s anguish affect our spiritual lives and practices? Let us imagine God not as the terrible Holy One of Blessing, but rather as the Great Friend whom we have wronged and hurt. How would we repair our relationship with our Friend?

Showing Up

If someone feels I have abandoned them, then the first thing I need to do is be with them. Sometimes, 90% of compassion is just showing up. I need to think about ways in which God can be present in my life. But in particular it means establishing the appropriate context. In which situations can I feel spiritual and close to God? Are there ways in which I can generate those situations?

This will obviously mean different things to different people. For some, it will be traditional prayer attendance. For others, it will be solitude. Others will see their spiritual life in connection with another activity, such as being with their children or performing charity. I often find that a physical location is crucial — the right exterior space can make an enormous difference in welcoming God to my interior space. But the point is to make time for this spiritual activity. If you care about someone, you will make time for them. Why would it be any different with God?

Kavvanah

There is being present and being present. If we seek closeness with others (or even the Other), then we need to have intention, or kavvanah. The rabbis firmly (and rightly) rejected the notion that prayer does not “count” without the proper kavvanah – sometimes, we are simply not in the prayer space, and holding otherwise opens up disquieting possibilities of religious thought police. Still, if we are trying to care for others, we obviously would want to be as present as possible for them.

So what best generates intention in our prayer life? Perhaps it means praying more intensively on fewer words. Benedictine monks developed a practice known as “>Serenity Prayer forms the perfect template, but the more we meditate on what we are truly longing for, the more we can develop our own petitionary prayers that express deeper feelings.

In this sense, then, petitionary prayer is not so much asking God for something as opening ourselves to God, releasing and confessing our vulnerabilities to God. And that is the way to show God that we have not forgotten, that God means something to us because we rely on God so much.

Can we do all of this? I know I can’t. But I can try. I can reach out. If Hosea’s prophecy rings true, God will forgive my failings. And nothing can rekindle a relationship better than true and deep forgiveness.

Show God You Care: Haftarat Va-yetze, Hosea 12:13-14:10 Read More »

Thank You Very Much

Tomorrow I expect to sit with my extended family at my sister’s house and consume copious quantities of yummy food. After that, my and her kids will destroy her house in cute ways that will delight the grandparents. Good times.

That in itself is a reason for gratitude. Given the fact that most humans who have ever lived spent every winter nearly starving to death, the abundance of food and material comfort at our disposal is nothing short of miraculous. And the fact that we’re all healthy enough to get together to celebrate is a true blessing.

But I would be remiss if I headed off to celebrate without thanking you.

To my readers: I’m grateful for all your feedback, for pointing me to interesting stories, and for forwarding my posts on social media. It’s largely because of you that my posts have appeared on ” target=”_blank”>American College of Physicians Internist blog Thank You Very Much Read More »