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November 5, 2014

Hanukkah Surprises

When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make lavish Hanukkah parties complete with sumptuous meal, homemade doughnuts and potato latkes. No disposables here, the table sparkled with silver tableware, crystal goblets and linen napkins as my dignified grandparents presided over the family table.

First there was a solemn Menorah lighting ceremony, then the meal, and for us kids (maybe the grownups too) the high point of the evening, the exchange of gifts between all of us. This had been preceded by weeks of intense shopping and feverish consultations so that we should get it just right and give each recipient just the item they wanted. I will never forget my brother and sister in law giving me a complete Beatles album, heaven to a 16 year old.

They knew that I was constantly fiddling with radio channels trying to hear my favorite songs and would be delighted to spend hours listening to my favorite foursome on headphones, as my parents did not share my taste in music or choice of volume. I would come home from school, get over with my homework as quickly as possible and then spend hours in a vicarious psychedelic world which was quite distanced from the reality of my life. I just relaxed, enjoyed and blessed my brother and his wife who had glimpsed into the soul of a teenager and enriched it with just the right gift.

As time went on, families grew and moved away, we tried to keep the tradition going, making parties which still included homemade latkes, though the menu changed to the more casual bagel and lox platters eaten on disposables. It became impossible to keep up with the personal gifts, though, so my parents gave out small envelopes with Hanukkah gelt. Don’t get me wrong, money is great and I’ll always have what to do with it but I missed MY present, with all the love and thought that went into it. A small place inside of me yearned for the gift that had been personally picked just for me, after much thought and attention.

Now that I’m making my Hanukkah parties for the next two generations, I think I’ve found the perfect solution. For the grownups an envelope with money and a small gift such as decorated Hanukkah matchboxes and for the kids I prepare a small fancy shopping bag with gifts that I’ve bought with just them in mind. A different present for each one, and some Hanukkah money too. I start shopping about a month in advance and have a great time picking the perfect gifts for each kid. Talk about nourishing your inner child! The kids clutch their bags tightly all evening, and before they leave, there is a scramble to make sure everyone has THEIR bags, containing all my love and thoughts.

Happy Hanukkah to all!

 

To see more unique Hanukia same as seen above, you can visit Hanukkah Surprises Read More »

6 notes about Jews, Israel and the midterms, some of them controversial

A note to Israelis

Israelis don’t generally read Rosner’s Domain. Except for a few Anglos, those Israelis who want to read me get it in Hebrew through Maariv. I pledge here that my message to Israelis will be delivered in Hebrew as bluntly as it is delivered here. Here it goes:

As much as it is tempting for some Israelis to think that they won an election yesterday – they did not. As much as it is convenient for Israelis to think that the vote of revolt against President Obama has something to do with Israel – it did not. Americans did not go to the polls to tell Obama that pressuring Israel is an offence serious enough for his party to lose an election. A few of them maybe also thought about Israel when they were thinking about the President’s lack of success as a world leader. But it would be a mistake to overplay this factor – a mistake that Israelis are susceptible to making because of their own unhappiness with Obama and his policies.

It would also be a mistake to base Israel’s policy for the next two years on the assumption that a Republican majority in Congress is going to save Israel from Obama. And it would be a mistake for two reasons.

First, as I wrote a couple of days ago, I am not at all convinced that the Republican majority would want to clash with the President over some of the issues that Israel cares about – most notably Iran. Second – because for Israel to rely on the Republican Party to the extent that it does (or to be seen as relying of Republican support as many Democrats suspect it does – see my conversation with Congressman John Yarmuth) carries a price. Of course, there are some pressing matters regarding which Israel would have to rely on whomever is ready to give it support. Yet Israel is walking a very fine and sensitive line and is risking the further alienation of an American constituency with which it already has problems.

Naturally, there is a chicken and the egg problem here. If the support of Democrats is not as strong, Israel has no other option but to rely on Republican support, thus further weakening Democratic support, and further having to rely on Republican friends.

A note to Jewish Democrats

The number of Jews in Congress has consistently been going down for several election cycles now. This might mean nothing, and merely be the result of the gain made by Republicans – the party with less Jews. Or it might mean that less Jews are interested in politics.

If less Jews are interested in politics, it might once again be of no interest – maybe it is no longer important to have “Jewish” representation in Congress as Jews are fully integrated in America and have no reason to worry about having their “own kind” serving in large numbers. Or it might be of interest because of one of two reasons:

Because the fact that Jews are no longer running says something troubling about Jews’ competitiveness and drive.

Or because having Jews in Congress is still relevant to the community.

Since the Democratic Party is the party of most Jews, the burden of considering the above-mentioned questions and then – if you conclude that there is a problem – suggesting new ideas to answer them falls mainly on your shoulders.

A note to Jewish Republicans

Congratulations (but there is still only one Jewish Republican in the House – see the note to Democratic Jews above).

Also: True, most Israelis believe that your party is much better on Israel, and are very suspicious of President Obama. They also understand and respect the fact that there is a political battle going on in which you are participating. And yet, Israelis who have even minimal understanding of the Washington-Jerusalem relationship would urge you to think twice before you make it even more difficult for Israel to properly communicate with the administration and the Democratic Party.

A note to all Jews

There is no shame in taking policy toward Israel into account as you vote for your congressman, senator, and, in the future, president. In recent years many studies and polls have proved time and again that Jews in America don’t place the issue of “Israel” high on their agenda as they go to the polls. In most cases these numbers have served to advance the argument that insisting on a “pro Israel” message when speaking to Jewish voters was not as necessary and as beneficial as some observers might think.

Point taken – Israel doesn’t much matter in American elections. But that doesn’t have to be the end of the discussion. It is reasonable to ask if this reluctance to prioritize Israel is healthy for the American Jewish community. It is, no doubt, not healthy for Israel. But when it comes to American elections, Israel is a bystander, not a real player.

American voters are the ones who have to set their agenda straight and decide what’s important to them and what isn’t. And while I know this will ignite the ire of some readers, I’d still urge American Jews to prioritize Israel. Of course, “prioritize” does not mean that they should put Israel at the top of their agenda, and surely not as the only item on their agenda. It also does not necessarily mean a certain vote for a certain party. I advocate for prioritization not to serve a political cause but rather to serve a communal cause.

For Jews to prioritize Israel is a way of saying that they are a community of people with an agenda that has components unique to them. Having an agenda that is unique to them is what makes Jews a community. It is as simple as that.  

A note to the Media

This was the eighth American election that I covered, and in order to assist future generations of foreign writers that are crazy enough to invest their energy in understanding the intricacies of Kentucky politics, I twitted 12 “Midterm rules for foreign writers”. A friend suggested I list them all together, and here they are:

Midterm rules for foreign writers 1: you don't cover the midterms from Washington.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 2: you don't cover the midterms from New York City.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 3: the midterms are not about your country (not even if you're from Israel).

Midterm rules for foreign writers 4: America doesn't have a parliamentary system – the President stays.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 5: you are probably more interested in the race than most Americans are.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 6: save energy, they have those every two years.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 7: if you are serious about your work, you know much more than the home crowd wants to hear. Beware.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 8: search for parallels, however ridiculous (Arkansas=the American city of Afula).

Midterm rules for foreign writers 9: no, they don't (and have no reason to) remember that Kansas is west of Missouri.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 10: immerse yourself in the beliefs of elected officials who barely know there is a world outside.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 11: shamelessly use the only angle that might work – how this impacts 2016.

Midterm rules for foreign writers 12: remember, this is exciting, but your country is busy with something else and is barely noticing.

A note to myself

At one time or another I probably broke all of the above-mentioned rules (except that I never covered American elections from Washington, New York or, for that matter, Tel Aviv).

Please accept my apology.

6 notes about Jews, Israel and the midterms, some of them controversial Read More »

Palestinian man kills one in Jerusalem car attack

A Palestinian rammed his car into pedestrians in central Jerusalem on Wednesday in the second attack of its kind in two weeks, killing one person and fuelling concerns of another Palestinian uprising.

The driver, who was shot dead by police, was identified by an Israeli security official as Ibrahim Akari from East Jerusalem, and the militant Islamist group Hamas claimed responsibility for what it termed “the heroic running-over operation”.

With tensions soaring in Jerusalem over access to a compound housing Islam's third-holiest site, where biblical Jewish temples once stood, Jordan denounced what it described as Israel's violations in the city and said it was recalling its ambassador from Tel Aviv.

A Facebook page that appeared to be Akari's included praise for a Palestinian shooting a week ago that wounded an Israeli activist who advocates lifting a de facto Israeli ban on Jewish prayer at the sensitive site revered by Jews as Temple Mount and by Muslims as the Noble Sanctuary.

Palestinians accuse Israel of trying to change the delicate status quo at the compound, which houses al-Aqsa mosque and the Dome of the Rock shrine, and have mounted daily stone-throwing protests at the site.

Jordan oversees religious administration at the site. Its state news agency said the decision to withdraw the ambassador was taken “in protest at the increasing and unprecedented Israeli escalation in the Noble Sanctuary”.

The move comes days after the two countries marked the 20th anniversary of a landmark peace accord.

The road rampage was the second in two weeks in Jerusalem, and the target was again a stop along its light railway, which links Arab and Jewish areas in what Israel has portrayed as a symbol of unity in its contested capital.

Police and witnesses said the driver slammed his white van into three paramilitary border policemen crossing a street straddling a Palestinian neighborhood and an ultra-Orthodox Jewish area and then into people at the railway stop.

Crashing to a halt at a nearby junction, he emerged from the van and began striking at pedestrians with a metal pipe.

“A border policeman, taking the initiative, drew his weapon and eliminated the terrorist,” Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat told reporters at the scene.

Medical officials said one person later died in hospital and about a dozen people were injured.

In Gaza, Fawzi Barhoum, a Hamas spokesman, said the attack was a response to “continued Zionist crimes” against al-Aqsa.

On Oct. 22, a Palestinian motorist drove through a nearby train station, killing a baby girl and a woman before he was shot dead by Israeli police.

Violence has been mounting in Jerusalem since a Palestinian teenager was burned alive in July by accused Jewish attackers avenging the killing of three Israeli youngsters in the West Bank.

There have been daily Palestinian street protests in East Jerusalem, raising Israeli concern of a new Intifada, or uprising, after the collapse of U.S.-brokered statehood talks last April and nearly a decade after a previous revolt ended.

Hours before the road attack, Israeli security forces hurling stun grenades clashed with Palestinian stone-throwers at al-Aqsa mosque – a confrontation that has played out frequently over the past several weeks.

Additional reporting by Dan Williams and Ari Rabinovitch in Jerusalem, Noah Browning in Ramallah and Nidal al-Mughrabi in Gaza; Editing by Jeffrey Heller and Sonya Hepinstall

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Tough road ahead for Obama after Republicans seize U.S. Senate

Republicans rode a wave of voter discontent to seize control of the U.S. Senate on Tuesday, dealing a punishing blow to President Barack Obama that will limit his legislative agenda and may force him to make a course correction for his last two years in office.

The Republican rout was wide and deep in what was bound to be seen as a sharp rebuke to Obama, who has lurched from crisis to crisis all year and whose unpopularity made him unwelcome to Democratic candidates in many contested states.

The Republicans also strengthened their grip on the House of Representatives. When the new Congress takes power in January, they will be in charge of both chambers of Congress for the first time since elections in 2006.

The Republican takeover in the Senate will force Obama to scale back his ambitions to either executive actions that do not require legislative approval, or items that might gain bipartisan support, such as trade agreements and tax reform.

It will also test his ability to compromise with newly empowered political opponents who have been resisting his legislative agenda since he was first elected. And it could prompt some White House staff turnover as some exhausted members of his team consider departing in favor of fresh legs.

Obama, first elected in 2008 and again in 2012, called Democratic and Republican leaders of Congress to the White House on Friday to take stock of the new political landscape.

He watched election returns from the White House, and saw little to warm his spirits.

Before the election results, the White House had signaled no major changes for Obama. Officials said Obama would seek common ground with Congress on areas like trade and infrastructure.

“The president is going to continue to look for partners on Capitol Hill, Democrats or Republicans, who are willing to work with him on policies that benefit middle-class families,” White House spokesman Josh Earnest said on Tuesday.

Obama, a one-term senator before he became president, has often been faulted for not developing closer relations with lawmakers.

He will find one familiar face in a powerful new position. Republican Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, who won a tough re-election battle against Democrat Alison Lundergan Grimes, will replace Democrat Harry Reid as Senate majority leader. Reid has been one of Obama's top political allies and helped him steer the president's signature healthcare law through the Senate in 2010.

“Some things don't change after tonight. I don't expect the president to wake up tomorrow and view the world any differently than he did when he woke up this morning. He knows I won't either. But we do have an obligation to work together on issues where we can agree,” McConnell said in his victory speech in Louisville.

TOSS-UPS BECOME REPUBLICAN WINS

In Tuesday's comprehensive rout, Republicans won in places where Democrats were favored, taking a Senate race in North Carolina, pulled out victories where the going was tough, like a Senate battle in Kansas, and swept a number of governors' races in states where Democrats were favored, including Obama's home state of Illinois.

Of eight to 10 Senate seats that were considered toss-ups, Republicans won nearly all of them. They needed six seats to win control of the 100-member Senate, and by late evening they had seven.

The winning margin came when Iowa Republican Joni Ernst was declared the winner over Democrat Bruce Braley and Republican Thom Tillis defeated incumbent Democratic Senator Kay Hagan in North Carolina.

The Iowa race was particularly indicative of Republican fortunes. Ernst came from behind and surged in recent weeks despite herculean efforts by powerful Democratic figures to save Braley, including a campaign visit by Obama's wife, Michelle.

Republican Senate candidates also picked up Democratic seats in Montana, Colorado, West Virginia, South Dakota and Arkansas.

'RESPONSIBILITY … TO LEAD'

Once the euphoria of their victory ebbs, Republicans will be under pressure to show Americans they are capable of governing after drawing scorn a year ago for shutting down the government in a budget fight. That will be a factor in their ambitions to take back the White House in 2016.

Republican Senator Ted Cruz, a conservative firebrand who may run in 2016, told CNN: “The American people, they're frustrated with what's happening in Washington, but now the responsibility falls on us to lead.”

While there was talk of conciliation, no major breakthrough in Washington's chilly climate is expected soon.

Partisan battles could erupt over immigration reform, with Obama poised to issue executive actions by year's end to defer deportations of some undocumented immigrants, and over energy policy, as Republican press the president to approve the Keystone XL pipeline carrying oil from Canada.

Jay Carney, Obama's former spokesman, said he expects Obama to make an “all-out push” on his priorities regardless of the makeup of Congress.

Whatever the case, Obama will face pressure to make changes at the White House. A Reuters/Ipsos poll showed 75 percent of respondents believe the administration needs to “rethink” how it approaches major issues facing the United States (bit.ly/1ph8sLs). Sixty-four percent said Obama should replace some of his senior staff after the election (bit.ly/1rTVVbb).

The Republican victory had been widely predicted ahead of Tuesday's voting to elect 36 senators, 36 state governors and all 435 members of the House of Representatives.

Obama and other White House officials blamed the electoral map – noting that many key Senate races took place in conservative states that Obama lost in 2012.

Election Day polling by Reuters/Ipsos found a dour mood among the electorate with less than one-third of voters believing the country is headed in the right direction.

Roughly 40 percent of voters said they approved of the job Obama is doing as president, though they were split over whether they expected the economy to improve or worsen in the coming year.

In a consolation for Democrats, Jeanne Shaheen won re-election over Republican Scott Brown in New Hampshire in what polls had forecast as a tight race.

In Virginia, heavily favored Democratic incumbent Senator Mark Warner found himself in a surprisingly close fight against Republican challenger Ed Gillespie, with much of the vote counted. By late evening, he claimed victory but Gillespie had not yet conceded.

In the most closely watched governors' races, Florida's Republican Governor Rick Scott edged out Democrat Charlie Crist, and Republican Scott Walker survived a challenge from Democrat Mary Burke in Wisconsin.

Additional reporting by Jeff Mason, Susan Heavey, Tim Ryan and Ian Simpson in Washington; Marti Maguire in Raleigh, North Carolina; David Beasley in Atlanta; Steve Bittenbender in Louisville, Kentucky; Barbara Liston in Orlando, Bill Cotterell in Tallahassee and Zachary Fagenson in Miami Beach; Colleen Jenkins in Winston-Salem, North Carolina; Jonathan Kaminsky in New Orleans; Editing by Frances Kerry

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Trust Games

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trust. How many things a day depend on basic trust.

For instance, I trust that I will wake up, in the bed I slept in, and with some stability, walk myself over to the bathroom. Or toward the kitchen, where I trust my need for something hot to drink will be quickly alleviated. My kids trust that I be waiting there as they stumble in so that they can readily disagree with whatever breakfast I have attempted to prepare.

We trust our clocks, our cars, the drivers in our paths (yikes!), those who paved the roads for us, and on and on the list goes…

I know these are just some of the basic fundamentals and that when you start on the game of trust you can loose yourself in a foggy, frantic maze of anxiety over the “what if’s” of any situation. It can be en endless parade of debilitating possibilities, only made more difficult by the daily new’s feeds.

This is not how I want to live though. I want to keep an educated balance between blind faith and earned trust, a balance I tend to notice most acutely when I am in new work situations. I am constantly amazed by how many people it takes, doing exactly what they’re hired to do, to get things off the ground and then actually RUN. Each person has a spot and a task and yes, money is promised as incentive on a job, but still, trust for the follow-through of each individual is first and foremost. The little invented family expands and fortifies itself as members in the trust game we call life.

My early morning yoga practices these last few days in a new elevated city, has offered me some space for this perspective. I hope we can share this kind of daily pause, and perhaps renew our perspectives towards trust.
See you on your mats soon I hope, as our schedule remains in tact until Thanksgiving (I think!)

In gratitude,
Michelle

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Restraining orders on gun possession may be a new way to stop the killing

Two more young people are dead from another school shooting at Marysville-Pilchuck High School in Washington this week.  In California we had a mass near-school shooting in Isla Vista only recently.  But there is a new law in California that can help us prevent more shootings like those that took place in recent years and it is critically important that all Californians be aware of this law and how it works. Nancy Skinner and Williams’ Assembly Bill 1014 was signed by Governor Brown just a few weeks ago. It gives us the ability to prevent a psychologically unstable person from killing others or themselves by removing guns from their possession for as long as necessary. AB1014 allows anyone to seek a restraining order to remove firearms from a person who appears to be a threat to himself or others. We need to educate our networks about the new law so that parents, counselors, teachers, and friends of those who possess guns and are seemingly mentally ill will start using it.

Over 1,000 people a day are directly affected by gun violence in the United States.  87 people a day are killed by homicide, suicide, or by an unintentional shooting. Hundreds more are shot and injured, or are victims of assault and armed robbery. 

October was Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and a time to remember that more than two-thirds of those murdered by their spouses between 1980 and 2008 were killed with guns. By implementing smart gun laws, we can reduce the number of domestic violence incidents that end in firearm-related deaths or injuries. 

The new California bill can save many lives.  It can affect you if you are a parent or friend worried about a young person, if you are someone feeling that your own mental illness, fear, or aggression are causing you to have thoughts about harming others or yourself.      

In California, the law was inspired by the Isla Vista killings, in which a 22 year-old man, Elliot Rodger, killed six people and himself. His parents had tried over and over to seek help for their son. His mother had noticed that he was becoming more agitated and was making threats of violence. Sheriff’s deputies did not check on his gun ownership.  The man himself later stated that if they had checked his room, they might have found his guns. The new law will empower both parents and law enforcement officials to take action to remove guns from dangerous individuals. Often family members or law enforcement do realize the danger ahead of time, and this would enable them to prevent the slaughter.

Many gun owners claim that laws like AB 1014 will not reduce school shootings and that the main issue to deal with is mental illness, not gun ownership. However, statistics show that gun ownership plays a huge role in determining who perpetrates gun violence.  A 2001 UC San Diego study looked specifically at 34 adolescent mass murderers, all male. 70 percent were described as loners, 61.5 percent had problems with substance abuse, 48 percent had preoccupations with weapons, and 43.5 percent had been victims of bullying. Only 23 percent had a documented psychiatric history of any kind―which means three out of four did not. But all carried out their crimes with guns. With AB 1014, even those who do not have a history of documented mental illness can be prevented from harming others as those who know the person can now take effective actions to prevent gun violence.        

AB1014 is a balanced law. It provides protections for the rights of the person against whom the restraining order is sought. The person seeking the restraining order must sign an affidavit under oath.  There must be a hearing within two weeks, at which the gun owner could defend himself. And the restraining order only lasts for a year. If necessary, after that, the process could begin again.

As long as guns are so widely available, and at the same time our mental health system is so porous, there are going to be situations where someone with guns shows signs of using them irrationally, perhaps even planning a massacre. Up to now, parents who saw a danger looming, even parents who called the police to report the danger, were powerless, and so were the police.  But this new law makes it possible to take action, and prevent a tragedy.  Hopefully word will spread, in the mental health community, and among friends and relatives of those who are struggling to maintain their hold on reality.

Laws similar to AB1014 have been passed in three other states, and New York and Washington DC are considering them too.  The rights of gun owners  are not compromised by our being vigilant and using our awareness of danger to prevent gun violence.  Our legislature and governor have given us this new tool, and now it is up to us to use it. Your life and those of your loved ones may depend on it. 


Jane Hirsch is a member of the Gun Violence Prevention Working Group of the National Council of Jewish Women/Los Angeles.

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Crowdfunding a Jewish education

I remember walking into the kindergarten room of Solomon Schechter Day School in Chicago when I was 4.  The first thing asked of me was to put on my kippah. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the request. I remember reading Torah for my first time in 2nd grade.  We split up into groups of 3 and had group readings.  While this was likely for logistical reasons of scheduling, it also gave us a sense of teamwork and micro-community, leaning on each other during a very scary 10-minutes. I remember our first class trip to The Ark, an organization in Chicago aiding low-income Jewish families with everything from help finding jobs to clothing and food for Shabbat dinners.

Many of the memories I have come from this education I received at a private Jewish day school.  The values I have instilled in me were born there, fostered at home and practiced through life.  The understanding I gained about the history of the Jewish people, the Hebrew language and what it means to be an American Jew in todays world – all a direct impact of my formidable 9-years of Judaic elementary and junior high school.

My son is now 4 ½ years old.  Jonah is happy, funny, smart and incredibly curious about the world.  He comes home from his Jewish preschool on Fridays telling us about drinking grape juice and making challah.  He is so excited that he learns how to count to 10 in Hebrew. 

The education I received growing up is the one I want to provide to him.  The catch?  A Jewish day school education is now 4-times the cost as it was when I was a kid.

I am at a discouraging crossroad in my life where I have to weigh the decision of providing my son a Jewish education or saving for college – because the financial burden of doing both is not an option.  So I started thinking, is it one parent’s responsibility to fully pay for a solid Jewish education our kids can carry through life?  Or is it a community responsibility? 

On one hand, kids are the responsibility of parents.  When a kid is hurt or needs clothing and toys, it is solely up to the parent to handle this. The outcome is highly personal and, for lack of a better word, selfish.  Getting some new clothes or toys will not bring value to the world or community; it will keep the child warm and happy. 

But is education another thing all together? 

How can the Jewish people continue to pass down traditions, understanding and learnings to the next generation if our children are not provided the knowledge to continue passing down?  This education is less of a selfish act, but one more geared towards long-term preservation of a whole group of people.  So is providing Jewish education a community responsibility, as it impacts the greater good?  I’m starting to think it might just be.

What I’ve found in my research of financing Jewish education is that there is a definite lack of community resources – the scholarships are more geared towards Jewish students entering college. So where do parent’s turn when they can’t afford an $18,000 a year tuition bill? I’m putting my pride aside and trying something a little untraditional.  I am going to directly to the Jewish community and attempt to crowdfund my son’s Jewish education at www.gofund.me/jewisheducation.

I’m not trying to raise 9-years worth of school here, I’m just trying to see if I can get enough help to get him through the first year and lay that foundation for him.  My hope is this turns into something much larger, a “pay it forward” movement where parents within the Jewish community can begin helping each other provide the increasingly expensive Judaic education our people need to survive. 

I know that with every dollar I raise, I will one day give it all back to people who are in the same boat, it’s a promise I am making to myself and anyone who is facing the same dilemma.  Let’s all band together and help each other out, one dollar at a time.

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Chaotic Coexistence

By Baila Drucker


I I just returned from a short visit to Israel.

I spent the entire week and a half in Jerusalem; doing little and just being. Jerusalem has always been more of a character and less of a place to me. She beats to the rhythm of my soul, and there, somehow, in her frenetic, restless embrace, my pulse slows to her steady, centering pace.

Being there is restorative; not so much in the relaxing sense, but more in that it reorients me. Urges me to new levels of clarity and circles me back to the truth at the center of it all.

I love walking down the streets of my beautiful city, imbibing with all of my senses the multihued richness of her spirit. It’s such a magnificently cacophonous mash-up of sounds and smells, old and new, cultures and times, sacred and profane.

It’s inexplicable really. The way Jerusalem manages to encompass so many seemingly conflicting realities. A place so utterly peaceful while so overtly militaristic. Steeped in tradition and history and simultaneously right at the cutting edge of modernity. In the shadow of death, yet burgeoning with life. Diehard, religious zealotry side by side with passionate secularism. Opulence alongside destitution.

It is this quality about Jerusalem that most draws me to her, for I too contain so many apparently conflicting parts. I am absolutely enchanted by the esoteric yet seduced by the earthly. I am incessantly driven to action and also constantly drawn to sloth. An undeniably social creature and a loner. Tough as nails and remarkably tender. Rebellious and traditional.

Just recently an old friend commented on my paradoxical nature, in the gentle way that only good friends can. He reflected, “Y'know, you're so weird. One minute, you're rock 'n roll-Baila, and the next minute you're mommy-Baila.”

Living with these parts has generated a lot of distress for me over my lifetime as I endeavored to resolve the conflict by choosing between the two opposing forces. I've made many life changes in an effort to eliminate the conflict by positioning myself closer to one extreme or the other.

What I've learned, to paraphrase Jon Kabat-Zinn, is that wherever I go, there I am. I, like my city Jerusalem, am by nature, in conflict. Perhaps my work is not to resolve and eliminate the conflict, but to embrace and accept it and try to live in peaceful, or maybe more appropriately, chaotic coexistence.

I am reminded of a bizarre parable that is cited in the Talmud in tractate Bava Batra. The scholar Rabba bar bar Chana depicts an entity that is positioned atop two mules, each of whom is on opposite banks of a river. The entity is hopping back and forth between the two mules as it pours wine from a goblet in one hand to a goblet in the other.

Shrouded as it is in clouds of figurative speech and metaphor, I do not presume to understand the true meaning of the parable. My visceral perception of its message, however, is that it portrays an individual's desperate, flailing attempt to cope and live with opposing and conflicting inclinations and tendencies. And it is indeed a crazy, hectic dance and a constant effort to maintain balance, center and integrity.

I believe this is my path to redemption. Marsha Linehan would call it the dialectic, holding opposing ideas. Not to resolve, but instead to dwell right within the precarious paradoxes.
 

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Beginning My Chevrah Kadisha Journey

My mother died in May, 1990. The impact of her death was suffocating; I didn’t know how to move through her death, through my mourning, or towards the next chapter. 

My mother’s life was a challenge; she suffered with each and every breath in the 24 years that I was challenged to know her. Somehow in her last months, I was able to find a place for our relationship to exist with a semblance of a connection. While my mother’s illness rendered her incapable of parenting in a healthy way, she was still the woman who birthed me. I wanted and was blessed to find a brief moment of a relationship during her lifetime; it was something I yearned for and received. Simply put, whether living or not, my mother has impacted every day of my life.

Mourning for me began 6 months earlier when I was sitting in her hospital room addressing invitations to my upcoming wedding. As I was focused on my penmanship, my mother’s doctor called my brother and me into the hospital corridor to let us know that she wouldn’t be around for more than 6 months. True to his word, Mom died 5 months after my wedding.

When my father called me to let me know that ‘it was all over’, I howled like a baby. I was instantly lost and devastated. With my mother’s death came the reality that there was no chance of ever having ‘a healthy mother’; that chapter of my life was slammed shut. There would be no second chances, no tomorrows.

With my mother’s life over, it came time to plan her funeral. At first, my father told me that we could do everything as I wanted it to be done. So we went to the Jewish Funeral Home in my hometown and I asked that the funeral be as traditional as possible. I was always connected with Judaism even if I had no idea what went into the actual funeral, but I knew I wanted to follow Jewish law. 

All the pieces of my mother’s funeral were coming together until my aunt walked into the funeral home and said that “Marilyn needed to be buried in her favorite robe with her hair and nails done for the occasion.” My aunt also suggested that we bury her television remote with her. Sigh. My father didn’t want to argue with my mother’s sister.  So that is the way my mom’s funeral went – exactly as her sister requested. 

From the moment, that my mother’s funeral plans changed, I knew that I needed to do something with my disdain for the process. I needed an outlet. Initially, I moved through the traditional periods of mourning in the best way I knew how. We had the funeral, I sat shiva*and went to shul* nearly every day to say the kaddish, memorial prayer. I also took on reading everything I could about death and dying, Jewish rituals on death and dying, and anything that would accelerate my healing journey.

Ultimately, I decided that while I couldn’t do anything to help my mother’s funeral process, I could join those who were already taking care of people who were dying or had passed.

Fortunately, I lived in a fabulous community that had a strong Chevrah Kadisha. The women in the group taught me how to do a taharah, prepare a body before their burial. From the first taharah until the ones I do still to this day, I am grateful for my ability to care for the body of someone before they go to their final resting place.  Nearly each and every time, I feel  a warm sense of ‘rightness’ that I can make a difference for good. 

Today, I sometimes sit with people as they are taking their last breath. I also help people who are in mourning in any way that I can. As part of the any Chevrah Kadisha, I do whatever I can to make the dying process, death, and mourning process a little easier for all involved.

Perhaps I wasn’t able to affect my mother’s funeral process, but I can make a difference now.  

 

Glossary

Shiva – mourning week following a Jewish burial,

Shul – synagogue

Chevrah Kadisha – Burial Society

Taharah – ritual preparation for burial
 

As a mother of two sons, a Jewish educator, a writer and a friend, Chava Gal-Or thrives on the connections she makes with all living creatures, as well as through her weaving of words.  Her workshops and writing both focus on embracing a life filled with conscious living, sustainability, simplicity, and on a sacred space within Judaism.  

Chava loves both children and adults and has been a Jewish Educator for nearly 30 years; she is currently living in Tucson, but heading back to the East Coast in the near future. 

Feel free to follow her blog,  


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Survivor: Jack Nierob

It was a beautiful winter’s night in early 1944 when Jack (then Icek) Nierob, 19, left his night-shift job in the steam room of Skarzysko’s Camp C to use the latrine, an outdoor shack near the labor camp’s barbed-wire fence. On his way back, a Ukrainian guard shouted for him to halt and accused him of trying to run away. He hit Jack with his gun, stuck the gun’s cleaning rod up his nose and ordered him to return to the fence. “You can shoot me here,” Jack said, refusing to move. Instead, the guard smacked him so hard across the head with his gun that Jack fainted, falling headfirst into the snow. When he awoke, the guard was gone, and he returned to work. Later, as daylight broke, Jack saw the guard enter the steam room and he began shaking. The guard just smiled at him. “You’re lucky I didn’t kill you,” he said. 

Jack was born in Plock, Poland, on Jan. 1, 1925, to Abraham and Regina Nierob. He and his twin sister, Teresa, were the fourth and fifth of eight siblings; Teresa died when she was just 1.

Abraham was a tailor, and the family, which was quite poor, lived in a two-bedroom apartment, along with Jack’s very devout maternal grandmother, Fajga Pencherek.  

Jack attended a public school for Jewish students. But more than academics, he adored sports, particularly soccer.

When Jack was 12, his mother died. He still remembers lying on her breast while she scratched his head. “I never could forget that feeling,” he said. A year later, in 1938, his father remarried. 

In early September 1939, when Germany attacked Poland, most of Plock’s 10,000 Jews fled the city. Jack and his family walked to Gombim, his stepmother’s hometown, a 12-mile trek through the forest. There, the family, now numbering 11, including Jack’s brother-in-law and baby niece, lived in one small room.

About a week later, after the Luftwaffe bombed Gombim, Jack bicycled back to Plock to get food for the family. On his return trip, the Polish military stopped him, charging him with being a German spy. Jack cried as they placed him against a tree, preparing to shoot him. Finally, after proving to the soldiers that he had been circumcised, they released him. 

After a month, the family returned to Plock. The Germans controlled the city, confiscating Jewish businesses and valuables and terrorizing Jewish residents on a daily basis with roundups, torture and even death, especially for the sick and elderly. A ghetto was established.

Work became mandatory for men and women. Although Jack was too young to be required to work, he often substituted for his father.

On one work detail, German soldiers ordered Jack and three others to dig graves, “their own graves,” they said. When the prisoners finished digging, they were told to walk up a nearby hill where they watched the soldiers bring out two political prisoners and formally execute them. The Jewish prisoners were then called back to bury them. 

On March 1, 1941, in the second and last deportation from Plock, Jack’s family and about 3,000 other Jews were lined up and loaded onto trucks. Jack, then 16, was in charge of helping his grandmother, Fajga, who was 93 but who disguised her age by wearing a wig over her gray hair.

The group arrived at Dzialdowo, a transit camp. As Jack held on to his grandmother, a German soldier wielding a bullwhip tipped with lead balls began striking her. Fajga, who talked to God every day, looked up at the sky with an angry face. She then put her finger in her mouth, as if regretting having said something disrespectful.

After three days, the prisoners were transferred to Bodzentyn, where they lived in an open ghetto with the village’s small and indigent Chasidic population. Again, Jack’s family shared one room. 

Food was scarce. To help feed his family, Jack found work living on a Polish farm, taking care of the cows. But when the illiterate farmers suspected he was Jewish, because he was reading the newspapers to them, Jack bolted and returned to Bodzentyn. 

Then one night in June or July 1941, Polish police who were working for the Germans entered the Nierobs’ room. “You’re coming with us,” they ordered Jack and his brother-in-law, Moshe Blumert. They were placed in an open truck and driven to Skaryzsko, though Moshe, who had a wife and child, bribed his way back to Bodzentyn.

Jack and the other prisoners lived in preliminary barracks, working long days cutting down trees for the permanent barracks, which were built in three separate factory camps run by HASAG, a German company. Camps A and B produced ammunition. Camp C manufactured ammunition powder, which required prisoners to work with a toxic powder that usually killed them within three months. 

After the permanent barracks were built, Jack was sent to Camp C. But he was assigned to assist two Polish plumbers, digging ditches and carrying their tools and supplies. 

After working with the plumbers for more than two years, Jack was moved to the steam plant, to shovel coal into the three furnaces. 

Around Aug. 1, 1944, the camp was evacuated. Jack’s group was sent by cattle car to Sulejow, a labor camp in central Poland, where they dug trenches for fortification against the approaching Russian tanks. 

Conditions were terrible, with little water and heavy dust, and Jack didn’t know if he could survive. One night, he sneaked into a nearby camp for Christian Poles. He fit in seamlessly with his blond hair and fluent Polish, working with them and fortifying himself with rations of soup and bread. But after three days of listening to their anti-Semitic rants and delight in the torture and murder of Jews, he returned to his Jewish barracks, convinced it would be better to die there. 

Three days later, in late December 1944, Jack, along with other prisoners, was relocated to Czestochowa, where HASAG operated two labor camps. He repaired damaged tanks and other machinery.

Then, on Jan. 17, 1945, as the Russian army advanced, thousands of Czestochowa prisoners were loaded into cattle cars and taken to concentration camps. 

Jack’s group arrived at Buchenwald, where he was processed and assigned to a barracks. During the day, he and other prisoners were taken into the nearby city of Weimar, where they cleaned up debris caused by Allied bombing.

On the morning of April 11, 1945, Jack watched as German SS guards fled from their posts in the watchtowers. Later that afternoon, American troops liberated the camp. Jack was 20.

Jack remained in Buchenwald for about 10 days as relief organizations arrived. He then moved to Weimar, where he met Sidney Berger, an American soldier from New York. Jack told Sidney about his mother’s brother, Abraham Pencherek, who was a furrier in New York. Sidney’s father was also a furrier, and Sidney promised to write him.

Jack moved to Frankfurt and then to the nearby Zeilsheim displaced persons camp. 

In 1946, Jack met a friend from Plock who informed him that the entire Nierob family had perished in Treblinka. He also received news that Sidney’s father had located his uncle, who was sending him visa papers. 

Finally, in April 1949, Jack boarded the hospital ship Mercy in Bremerhaven and sailed to Boston. He traveled by train to New York, where he lived with an aunt.

Jack moved to Los Angeles in early 1951. There, he met Henrietta (Kate) Hirshfield, a widow with a 3-year-old daughter, and they married on Feb. 6, 1954. Their daughter, Renee, was born in January 1956, and son Alan in June 1957. 

In 1959, after apprenticing for four years at a plumbing company and earning his contractor’s license, Jack opened his own business, Jack Nierob Plumbing. 

Kate died on Jan. 1, 2003. Less than three years later, on Oct. 23, 2005, Renee was murdered. Jack retired in 2008.

Now almost 90, Jack walks every day. He takes great joy in his family, including five grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. 

“What saved me?” Jack still wonders. “Is it luck, destiny or faith?” He has asked these questions of rabbis, priests and other educated people over the years. “Nobody can give an answer,” he said.

Survivor: Jack Nierob Read More »