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November 15, 2012

LA leaders find inspiration at innovative special needs programs for adults in Israel

Eliza Wilson’s holy moment in Israel didn’t come at the Western Wall. Sure, the 21-year-old with autism was honored and moved to place a note in the Wall on behalf of the 40 people traveling with her on a mission to learn about Israel’s programs for adults with special needs.

But Wilson’s most intense inspiration came at Beit Issie Shapiro, an innovative nonprofit promoting disability inclusion programs for children and adults in Israel. There, Wilson visited the Snoezelen room, a multisensory Mecca of lights, textures, sounds and aromas meant to both calm and stimulate those with developmental disabilities.

“When the lights went on, it was like being at Disneyland. It was amazing. I was blown away by it,” Wilson said.

She spoke about the July mission at a meeting Nov. 5 at The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles for 140 parents, advocates and professionals who came to hear what members of the Federation-sponsored trip learned in Israel, and what could apply to Los Angeles’ rapidly growing population of young adults with special needs.

“I know that a lot of you were thinking we were going to come back and we were going to build a kibbutz over here in West L.A. — and we did think about that while on the trip,” said Judy Mark, an activist who co-chaired the trip.

But, she said, while the group saw many examples of innovative programs, what became most apparent was the need for a force to benefit the entire emerging field.

Mark and others on the mission outlined a list of goals centered around funding, advocacy, research and collaboration, and said they hoped to mobilize working groups quickly.

At the same time, the Federation has invited the mission’s leaders, as well as a targeted group of Jewish professionals and lay activists in the field, to a planning meeting at the end of this month to chart a comprehensive communal approach for adults with developmental and intellectual disabilities.

“This has become a priority for the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles, and we are very proud to partner with so many of you in this room and to see how we can go forward and make a difference and meet the needs,” Lori Klein, the Federation’s senior vice president in charge of Caring for Jews in Need, told the meeting.

The move toward comprehensive planning comes at time of heightened focus on helping adults, and not just children, with developmental disabilities. In addition to the Israel mission, lay activists locally are working on creating a pooled trust, so that parents can set up communally monitored private accounts to fund long-term care for their adult children. Etta Israel, an advocacy and service program for individuals with special needs, has just merged with Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services, a social service organization in New York, raising its profile and programming expectations. Various parent groups are experimenting with independent living models, and Bet Tzedek legal services is spearheading a task force focused on the elderly with disabilities.

Federation and Jewish Family Service of Los Angeles together run HaMercaz, an information clearinghouse and communal umbrella group for families of children with special needs. But HaMercaz is not yet equipped to meet the exploding needs of adults with special needs. 

In the next few years, the population of adults with autism is expected to rise by 500 percent. Parents need to plan for the long term by finding not only stable living situations, but programs that will enable their children to have meaningful daily activities, friends, jobs and romance, said Michelle Wolf, who co-chaired the mission to Israel. 

The goal was to bring home ideas from successful Israeli programs.

At the Nov. 5 meeting, a film showed highlights of the trip and members of the group described visiting Kibbutz Harduf, where residents with developmental disabilities grow their own organic food and serve it in a cafe they run, and where they create pottery and handmade paper. The film showed Kishorit, a village where residents live mostly in private quarters and participate in the village’s industries — making toys, breeding champion dogs and raising horses, goats and free-range chickens.

The group also visited other models, where those living in private apartments in the community receive enough support services and job opportunities to live independently. 

They visited inclusive playgrounds that are being replicated across the world and a deaf/blind theater ensemble.

“It exemplified how they are bringing out the best in each person,” said Elaine Hall, director of Vista Del Mar’s Vista Inspire programs, which bring art and spirituality to children with developmental disabilities. “We can do the impossible because it’s being done every day in Israel.”

While Israel still has some work toward becoming a fully inclusive society, mission-goers were inspired by a man with Down syndrome who works at an army base, and by parent advocates who work to bring together government and private funding to get their needs met.

Mark said the group was most inspired by the collaborative model at Beit Issie Shapiro, a model she can see replicating in Los Angeles, and, she said, Beit Issie Shapiro is committed to helping Los Angeles lay the groundwork.

While Beit Issie Shapiro creates programs, facilities and therapies, Mark said she is more interested in the advocacy aspect of its work, which supports widespread innovation and brings different groups together. 

“I see at least a half-dozen of you sitting here today who are building something of some sort, and most of you don’t know each other. One of the best things we as a group can do is to introduce you to each other,” Mark said. 

That collaboration is one of six goals Mark and others outlined at the meeting. In addition to bringing cooperation and communication where before there was competition, they hope to raise inclusion awareness, advocate for more government and private funding and provide families with thorough, accessible information. They also hope to fund research into quality of life issues, and then to use that research to fund the most effective programs. 

While expressing gratitude for Federation support, Mark cautioned that the needs of the community are too urgent for bureaucratic slow down.

“I think we have to figure out the balance between being inclusive and getting as many voices as possible heard, and moving forward as quickly as we can, because we’re in an urgent situation,” Mark said. 

Klein responded that the understandable sense of urgency has made this process evolve faster than anticipated, and Federation is eager to organize the various strands.

“We are not holding this up for the sake of holding it up, but there are things to consider. Every time we have a conversation, everyone has their own priorities, whether it’s about housing or a resource center or a pooled trust. Everyone has what they want, and we believe it is our role to say we’re going to take the lead on this and figure out what are all of the communal needs, and how are we going to prioritize those,” Klein said.

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‘La Rafle’ recalls Vichy sins

The biblical book of Exodus begins the ominous story of the Israelites’ descent into slavery with the following words: “A new generation arose” in Egypt that did not know Joseph. Well, a new generation has arisen in France, and they, unlike their parents and certainly their grandparents, are willing to remember and to confront the past.

There is a paradox in the Holocaust: The innocent feel guilty and the guilty feel innocent. There is a vast literature of survivor guilt, but a scant literature of perpetrator guilt. In France, the new generation may not feel guilty — they have no reason to feel guilty — but they certainly feel a responsibility to confront the French past.

“La Rafle” (“The Round Up”), a film by Roselyne Bosch that stars Jean Reno and Melanie Laurent, won the audience award for best film when it had its L.A. premier at the 2011 Los Angeles Jewish Film Festival. The film begins with the statement that the events portrayed happened. And so they did.

A word of historiography: In the aftermath of World War II, France developed two comforting myths, the myth of résistance and the myth that Charles De Gaulle and his forces actually liberated France. The truth was rather different: French police had rounded up Jews, deported them to transit camps and from there to death camps — it was French police, not the Germans. And French men and women collaborated, participating in both the persecution of the Jews and their roundup. French leadership in collaborationist Vichy France, headed by World War I hero Marshal Henri-Philippe Petain, were willing collaborators with the German regime and not, as they had been depicted, reluctant participants in the murder of their Jews.

The myth of résistance collapsed, in part, when the full history of former French President François Mitterrand was revealed; the trials of Klaus Barbie and Maurice Papon made French collaboration undeniable.

This set the stage for the moving new film “La Rafle,” which depicts the Parisian roundup of Jews on July 16 and 17, 1942, and their confinement in the Vel d’Hiv, a French sports stadium, before their deportation to a transit camp and from there to the “East.” The specific death camp remains unmentioned, but the destination — death by gassing — is an ever-present shadow throughout.

Like the best of French films, the work is textured. We get a wonderful feel for life in Paris, and an even better sense of Jewish life under German occupation. Jewish children become the dramatic center of the film, and their lives in the early days of occupation are portrayed in school, at home and in the street through a series of small vignettes, showing them seemingly oblivious to their new and constricted circumstances. The texture of the film is also reflected in the response of the French population, first to the persecution and later to the deportation. Even within the Vel d’Hiv, we don’t have a one-dimensional portrayal of the French. Some French men and women internalize Nazi anti-Semitism and use the occupation as a welcome opportunity to express their own anti-Semitism without restraint. Others are protective of their Jews — some effectively so, most ineffectively.

Sensitively portrayed by Laurent, the heroine of the story is a French non-Jewish nurse who comes into the Vel d’Hiv to treat the Jews. She is first introduced to us at the early stages of the film when the dean of the nursing school instructs her students to allow the Jews to escape should the Germans enter the premises. She volunteers to work  in the Vel d’Hiv, and it is through her innocent eyes that we encounter the inhumanity of the French confinement of the Jews.

We are taken inside the roller rink, where Jews are hungry and dirty, their nerves at the cracking point. Children play, parents fret, the pious pray and study and the thousands of Jewish prisoners swing between despair and hope, resignation and lethargy, defiance and self-help. For a moment, the peace of Shabbat descends on the Vel d’Hiv, as some Jewish women light their candles, but one can transcend such impossible conditions only for a moment. Some French firemen give water to the parched Jews; their fire chief covers for them and allows them to call in sick so that they can distribute the last notes of the desperate Jews who have trusted them to carry their messages forth. Their calls for help go unheeded.

And while there are heroes and villains, there is also what students of Holocaust literature and historians call the “gray zone.” A collaborationist policeman, who previously was enthusiastic at the deportation and tried to force himself on an aristocratic beautiful young Jewish woman, shades his eye as she seeks to escape the stadium.

“La Rafle” does not shade the painful truth of the experience. The conditions in the Vel d’Hiv are horrific; the mood of the Jews swings wildly, and we witness firsthand the filth and violence of their condition as they wait for the ordeal to end. Their deportation to the transit camp appears a welcome relief, as the Jews think that they have survived the worst, only to encounter more horrific conditions in the camp.

“La Rafle” avoids giving the audience a simple love story. The nurse is infatuated with an older Jewish doctor (played by Reno) who struggles valiantly but in vain to provide medical care to the prisoners. There is no time for love; admiration, affection and a joint sense of mission must suffice. She volunteers to go to the transit camp; he will not permit her to go to the death camp. She is gentile and can live; he is Jewish and will die.

And the children whom we have seen before in the Jewish quarter and in the Vel d’Hiv come center stage in the camps, as first their mothers are deported, and then their fathers. When they are left behind, because French leaders do not want to have it perceived that they kill children, the children form a supportive community among themselves.

We go with these Jews to the transit camps, with their own set of horrific conditions. We witness the separation of husbands from wives, the confinement of children in separate barracks and, ultimately, the shipping out of women followed by men and, only later, by children, which the French officials describe as a humanitarian gesture that will unite mother and child — albeit in the ovens of Auschwitz.

French officialdom is seen in its glorious vanity looking for a way to cast off responsibility, precisely as they are not just compliant, but cooperative, in the murder of their own Jews. 

While all the details of the film may not be precisely historically accurate, the true ethos of their acts and the nature of their pretense is brought to life on the screen.

The film does not take us inside the gates of Auschwitz, for it is there that French history ends and German history begins — and Bosch is interested in French history, French actions, French hypocrisy — but she does take us to postwar Paris and the desperate search by survivors for someone of their past, and by Jewish children for some knowledge of who they were and where they came from, even their true names. 

The drama of reunion is not played up, as it might be in an American film, as a moment of triumph, because we see that, for every reunion, there are thousands who did not return. There is a deep and subtle power to the film; characters are developed and then we return to them, themes are presented and then refined. Each scene is striking; no moment seems superfluous, none inauthentic. But there is no subtlety to what is presented — the horror is layered, the intensity builds from scene to scene. And in the end, we have a powerful film that presents the truth of how the French treated their Jews.

Roselyne Bosch has done her job. It is a film not to be missed.


Michael Berenbaum is professor of Jewish studies and director of the Sigi Ziering Center for the Study of the Holocaust and Ethics at American Jewish University. Find his A Jew blog at jewishjournal.com/a_jew.

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It Was A Safer World

By BTS Prevention

“Is it safe?”—This oft-quoted line from Marathon Man is one that is being issued not by Nazi Doctor Christian Szell, but by parents throughout the country.  Our fear-based society propagates the containment of middle and upper-class children into a bubble of safety.  Safety is the number one concern of parents—rightfully so—but it is often espoused even at the expense of our children’s identities.

Kids can’t play catch with their friends because a kidnapper might be lurking behind the residential bushes.  Sons and daughters can’t hang out at the mall because of 20/20’s exposé on food-court peril.  Parents test their children’s Halloween candy, throwing away the poison-susceptible jujubes.

This is creating a world of trapped children.  On one hand, they are told that when they grow up they can be whatever they want to be.  On the other hand, they are told that they can’t go anywhere without a tracking device.  Eventually, children must leave the bubble and venture off into the world by themselves.  And they are not prepared.  Kids call from college cafeterias to ask their mom what kind of salad dressing they should put on their chopped salad.  They don’t know how to take the bus (note: you put money in the machine and sit down until you get to your stop).  And they don’t know how to deal with the world on their own.

The parental reasoning for their child’s imprisonment is typically a nostalgic, “The world is more dangerous than it was when I was a kid.” In our media saturated world, where kidnappings are live-streamed and terrorist threats are given the colors of a Crayola crayon box, the representation that our world is more dangerous is quickly accepted as fact.  But the containment of children can be more dangerous than the real or imagined fears that exist outside of a home’s locked and alarmed doors.

Yes, the world is dangerous.  Yes, terrorism is real.  Yes, random kidnappings occur throughout the country.  But protecting children from these threats often precludes them from the beauty of living. Perhaps Szell’s line “Is it safe?” should be reframed.  Maybe it is safer to let your child take the bus and play in the street than it is to keep them inside of a bubble.

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France’s Hollande contacts Netanyahu to end Gaza fighting

French President Francois Hollande has made contact with the leaders of Israel and Egypt to try to prevent an escalation of fighting in the Gaza Strip, Prime Minister Jean-Francois Ayrault said on Thursday.

The killing of a Hamas militant commander in an Israeli air strike on Wednesday has sparked a wave of reciprocal attacks between Israel and the Islamist Hamas, which rules Gaza. A total of 16 Palestinians and three Israelis have been killed.

“It's time to stop this escalation, which is dangerous for the security of Israel and its people and for that of the Palestinian people,” Ayrault told reporters during a visit to Berlin.

France had made “direct contact” with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Egyptian President Mohamed Mursi, he added. “France will do everything it can to avoid an escalation of the violence.”

Mursi on Thursday condemned Israeli air strikes on Gaza as unacceptable aggression and ordered Egypt's prime minister to visit the neighbouring enclave in a show of support for the Palestinians.

Two rockets fired from Gaza on Thursday targeted Tel Aviv in the first attack on Israel's commercial capital in 20 years, raising the stakes in the showdown between Israel and Palestinian militants. No casualties or damage were reported.

Israeli warplanes bombed targets in and around Gaza city for a second day, shaking tall buildings. In a sign of possible escalation, Israel's armed forces spokesman said it had received the green light to call in up to 30,000 reserve troops.

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JCC: New Jew breaks ground

Months after the former JCC at Milken closed its doors at the Bernard Milken Campus in West Hills, officials representing the property’s new owners — New Community Jewish High School (NCJHS) — organized a ceremonial groundbreaking for its new campus.

“A lot of us have been working on this for many, many years,” said Harold Masor, past president and current finance chair at NCJHS. “We’re pretty darn excited about it. The biggest thing is having our own permanent home. That’s a real big plus for us.”

The event planned for Nov. 15 was meant to mark the official start of renovations to the school’s campus, slated to open in fall 2013. Two years after its 2002 inception at the Bernard Milken Campus, NCJHS moved to its current home at the Shomrei Torah Synagogue campus.

The development of the $36 million project will take place in phases, with science and technology taking precedence in terms of scheduling and funds, Masor said. In fact, an entire wing of the school’s campus — set up to accommodate wireless Internet — will be dedicated to the sciences.

Interior walls will be reconfigured to create new offices, including a large, collaborative teacher workspace and approximately 35 learning spaces for students. A renovation of the gymnasium’s basketball floor was finished in August.

In spite of the numerous renovations planned inside, there will not be any exterior structural changes to the building, located on the four-acre site of the Bernard Milken Campus on Vanowen Street. NCJHS purchased it from The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles in late 2010, and the JCC at Milken, which had been located there, closed June 30. 

Gensler, a global architecture and design, firm, is designing the project.

So far, Masor said, the school has raised $13 million in cash and pledges. Two million dollars has gone toward the down payment owed to the Federation, and NCJHS must pay $9 million more to the organization in the form of a loan.

Additionally, the school has committed to raise $4 million in order to receive approximately $2.2 million from the Jim Joseph Foundation, a grant-making organization that supports the education of Jewish youth and youth adults. That money will be used to fund tuition assistance for middle class families who would not normally qualify for assistance, Masor said.

There is more that officials would like to do if they can find the money. Ideas include building a “heart of the community”— a large space that would be used for assemblies, Jewish learning and which would accommodate a beit midrash (house of study). The construction of an arts wing also remains on the wish list.

When the school opens, everybody will happy with the result, Masor promised.

“It’s going to be beautiful. Kids and parents are going to be in awe when they see the property when we finish.”

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Camp Alonim receives grant from JCamp180

JCamp180, a project of the Harold Grinspoon Foundation that aims to enhance long-term effectiveness in Jewish nonprofit overnight camps, has announced that it will begin working with Camp Alonim, one of Southern California’s largest Jewish overnight camps. Alonim will receive fundraising support, matching grants and other services.

Effective immediately, JCamp180, formerly the Grinspoon Institute for Jewish Philanthropy, will assist Alonim in becoming more strategic and self-sustaining, and will offer coaching and consulting services, along with technology assistance, board development and matching-grant assistance.

“Alonim is a pretty effective and efficient camp the way [it is], but every camp could use a fresh look from the outside,” said Mark Gold, director of JCamp180.

A program of American Jewish University’s Brandeis-Bardin campus, Camp Alonim’s activities focus on teaching Jewish culture, tradition and community through art, music, Israeli folk dance, sports, nature and drama programs.

For approximately the next 15 months, Alonim’s staff will receive guidance and mentoring from JCamp180 to garner pledges from donors for capital improvements, scholarships and annual operations. Once Alonim receives the funds, JCamp180 will match the monies for capital improvements and to leverage further philanthropic support for the camp.

Over the past six years, JCamp180-affiliated camps report having raised more than $175 million. In that time, JCamp180 and the Harold Grinspoon Foundation have provided more than $11 million in matching grants.

JCamp180 announced its affiliation with Alonim in October and formalized it during the JCamp180 annual camp conference, which took place Nov. 4-5 in Springfield, Mass.

JCamp180’s 180 overnight-camp affiliates in Southern California also include Camp Ramah in Ojai, Camp JCA Shalom in Malibu, the Wilshire Boulevard Temple Camps, and Habonim Dror Camp Gilboa. The November conference also marked the renaming of the Grinspoon Institute for Jewish Philanthropy, founded in 2004, to JCamp180.

JCamp180 is one of four programs of the Harold Grinspoon Foundation, a philanthropic organization dedicated to charitable giving in the Jewish world. Harold Grinspoon, who made his fortune in real estate, has focused on Jewish camps in part because of research that the overnight-camp experience is one of the most effective formats for ensuring life-long Jewish identity, Gold explained.

“Fundamentally, Harold Grinspoon, his background is real estate, and he believes that a camp that has a sound physical plant, has strong fundraising, will make for a better, more attractive camp and, therefore, give children a better Jewish experience.”

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Teach your children well: Parashat Toldot (Genesis 25:19-28:9)

As I am the father of twin sons, this parasha, where we learn of the birth of twins Jacob and Esau, has a special place in my soul. Esau sells his birthright, and Rivka helps her favored son, Jacob, “trick” Isaac into a blessing. The portion ends with Jacob fleeing from his brother in fear for his life. Not exactly the ideal relationship that a parent wants between his children. Whenever I study this portion, I have the question that most parents have asked at some point: “Why doesn’t parenting come with a manual?”

When my boys were born, I asked that exact question of a friend. He suggested looking at Pirkei Avot, where it tells us “at 5 years the age is reached for studying the Bible, at 10 for studying the Mishnah, at 13 for fulfilling the mitzvot” and so on (Avot 5:21). But while that may tell me what their religious school curriculum needs to be, it really didn’t help. So I started to study what our tradition teaches us for parenting and found that, in fact, we do have a “parenting manual”: our sages, both ancient and modern.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch expounds on a verse from Proverbs to understand why Esau and Jacob had so many problems. “Educate the child according to his way” (Proverbs 22:6). Jacob and Esau had inherently different personality traits and qualities, and they shouldn’t have been educated in identical ways. We need to encourage the natural qualities of each of our children, and not try to raise them exactly the same. We must see each child as an individual, each as a unique reflection of the Divine that needs to be nurtured differently. Talmud teaches us, “A man should never single out one son among his other sons” (Shabbat 10b). I empathize with Isaac and Rivka: It’s a great challenge, particularly with twins, to not single out one child over the other, especially when they excel at something. But this is clearly one of the primary teachings in the “Jewish parenting manual,” and it is good advice for not just parents, but teachers of all sorts.

There are other pieces of advice for parents, including the Ve-ahavta, with the famous phrase that we should teach our children diligently the words of Torah. But while I found our traditional texts helpful, I found the words that most resonated with me not in our ancient texts, but in the writings of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, who said: “Living involves responsible understanding of one’s role in relation to all other beings.” 

If Jacob and Esau had been taught this insight by their parents, maybe things would have played out differently. When a person consciously recognizes and embraces his or her relationship with others, then all aspects of the person’s life are more in harmony. This is not just a “Jewish” teaching, but consonant with other cultures around the world. The Lakota people enter their ceremonies with the words “aho mitakuye oyasin,” which literally translates as “all my relations”; many tribes of both America and Africa have similar phrases. When we are aware of our relationship with the rest of life, when we recognize the Divinity that is part of everything and everyone, then we walk through life with more grace and joy — something that all parents wish for their children.

Like many teachers, I often say that I learn more from my students than they learn from me. I also agree with the many parents I have heard say that their children are their greatest teachers. In teaching ethical behavior (and teaching, by definition, must involve teaching by example, not just words), we learn how to live more ethically. In guiding our children into a relationship of faith and love with God, we deepen our own spirituality. This may be one of the deeper lessons we can learn from this parasha: to really learn the teachings that we would like to inculcate into our children.

Parenting can be challenging work, as is teaching of any sort. But it’s not just for our children. As Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young remind us, the children teach the parents, too. It’s hard work to allow ourselves to not only teach children, but to be willing to learn from them. Ultimately, however, it may be the most important work we can do in order to create peace and harmony in this troubled world.

“According to the labor is the reward” (Avot 5:23). May we all be blessed to see the results of our labor in our own lives, and in the lives of our children.


Rabbi Michael Barclay is the spiritual leader of The New Shul (TNSConejo.org), and author of the forthcoming book “Sacred Relationships” (Liturgical Press: February 2013). He can be reached at RabbiBarclay@aol.com.

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My Single Peeps: Shmush S.

How do you grow up one of 12 kids in a house full of people, with a congregational rabbi father who hosts strangers for weekly Shabbat meals at home, and still feel ill-equipped talking to women? You grow up in an ultra-Orthodox house, attend a yeshiva — where you’re taught that touching any woman other than your immediate family is forbidden — and, upon graduation, continue your studies so you can become a rabbi by the age of 21. Shmush, 26, did just that. But he never wanted to work as a rabbi — “It’s just something that our Chabad families do. It’s just another year of learning. I didn’t really want to rely on other people for income.”

“I wish I’d be better at the social cues with girls, but I’m definitely missing a few,” he said. I’ve known Shmush for some time; he’s pretty social. But I can see his blind spot. Still, he’s learning quickly. 

“Being religious used to be a big part of my life, and I’ve kind of taken a break from that. I’m doing what’s right for me now. I don’t feel every person is the same. I think different things work for different people. I like Judaism, but not all of it makes sense for everyone. It’s a time in my life when I’m thinking for myself. For right now, this is good for me.”

Shmush — he goes by his nickname — makes his living as a health-insurance broker specializing in supplemental Medicare coverage. “It’s really exciting. It’s not something I thought would fit with me. At the end of the day, it’s a sales job, and I didn’t think of myself as a sales guy, but I get to talk to old people — I’m good at talking — they’re patient, I’m helping them out, doing a mitzvah, I guess, but at the same time making a living from it. I went somewhere last week, and the people were thanking me. Medicare is basically covering everything, but I’m the expert on which plan is best for them. We make sure we’re doing it kosher and people are happy with their plan.”

When he’s not working, he keeps in shape with Krav Maga, and he plays guitar in his band. “My youngest brother, Koby, is the singer. It’s fun for me. And it’s at the same time something else that’s a big part of my life.”

“What do you want in a woman?” I ask. 

“I’m looking for somebody fun. I hate being bored. My No. 1 pet peeve is not doing anything. Somebody who’s not scared to go out on adventures. Obviously smart, sexy, put together. … I guess someone who’s as immature or mature as me — depends on how you look at it. Kind, for sure. Real. L.A.’s cool — I have met girls here. But I feel that people from the East Coast have more authenticity. I also like feminine girls. I’m not really into the tomboy type of girl. 

“I want marriage, [and] I want kids. I’m looking for a meaningful relationship — something that adds meaning and satisfaction to my life. I guess that’s why people get married — companionship and a best friend. I’ve never had someone I was totally into. I know it’s a possibility — some of my friends have that, some don’t — and it looks like their quality of life is just substantially better than my other friends. They say you just need that chemistry. I’ve dated a girl that people have said was perfect for me, and I was totally shocked how there was no connection there at all. Sometimes it’s just being with that person. I’m definitely not an expert.”


Seth Menachem is an actor and writer living in Los Angeles with his wife and two children. You can see more of his work on his Web site, sethmenachem.com, and meet even more single peeps at mysinglepeeps.com.

 

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Frum women find a place

When “Rivky,” a Charedi, or ultra-Orthodox, woman with “a very large family” — she declined to say how large, fearful of tempting fate — opened a woman’s clothing shop in the basement of her Jerusalem home 40 years ago, advertising her business was easy.

“There was only one newspaper serving the ‘frum oylom,’ ” she recalled, referring to the “religious world” in Yiddish-accented English.

Today, the grandmother said, the Charedi community “is fragmented.”

“There are four daily papers and 15 100-page circulars published every week, and you get the feeling you have to advertise everywhere. You’re spending all your money on advertising even before you’ve earned anything.”

Eager to discuss the situation with others, Rivky, who like many Charedi women declined to share her real name or be photographed for reasons of religious modesty, decided to attend the third annual Kishor Conference for religious businesswomen.  

From the modest way the participants dressed, the strollers several pushed, and the types of seminars being offered, it was clear this was no ordinary business conference. 

Although the 400 attendees, who ranged from Modern Orthodox to Charedi, were treated to the kinds of networking and entrepreneurial pep talks any business conference would offer, the summer event also featured remarks — and some warnings — by a prominent rabbi and a workshop titled “Eshet Chayil [A Woman of Valor] — Not Superwoman, Keeping Our Priorities Straight.”

There was also a seminar on Internet marketing, despite the admonitions of some Charedi rabbis to stay offline.  

The conference’s theme, “Homemaker, Business Builder,” reflected the attendees’ feelings of responsibility to their families, and the belief that, with the proper training and guidance, the same skills they use to smoothly run a home with six to 15 children can be used in the business world.       

The gathering was an outgrowth of the Kishor Women’s Professional Network, which was established in 2008 (under a different name) to provide a monthly forum for meeting, educating and supporting religious businesswomen or those aspiring to be one.

The conference took place at a time when a few thousand Charedim, both male and female, are pursuing advanced degrees or intensive job training, many in programs tailored to them.

Thanks to the secular subjects they study in school, Charedi young women are more prepared for a career than their male counterparts, who study only religious subjects in the higher grades.  

While Charedi women have always held jobs as teachers or worked in shops, the need to be the breadwinner while their husbands learn in kollel (Hebrew for “house of study”), the reduction in government child allowances and greater contact with mainstream society, is motivating them to reach further.

Many Charedi rabbis do not object to the community’s women establishing their own businesses if it enables their husbands to learn full time, and as long as the women work according to the precepts of Jewish law.

The rabbis understand that their insular lifestyle is under threat as a growing number of Israelis demand that Charedim, who have the most children and lowest workplace participation, earn a living and serve in the army. 

Founded by Sarah Lipman, a Charedi high-tech entrepreneur, the Kishor network was a way to provide Charedi women with the tools and support non-Charedi businesspeople usually take for granted — in a religious framework.  

Lipman noted that advertisements for mainstream business events are posted in media that are not seen by the Charedi community and that networking events are mixed (men and women) and therefore uncomfortable socially. She said that business programs and events are costly or held at hours that children are home from school.

As in previous years, the conference was sponsored by Temech, an organization that promotes religious women’s participation in the workforce. Signaling greater society’s determination to help Charedi families escape the cycle of poverty, it was co-sponsored by Bituach Leumi (Israel’s National Insurance Institute), the Jerusalem Development Authority and the MATI Jerusalem Business Development, with assistance from private companies.

The conference is especially important, some of the participants said, because women aren’t welcome at the annual Management Forum, the premier, all-male Charedi economic conference in Israel.

Among the Kishor participants were store owners, accountants, architects, high-tech entrepreneurs, a doula, graphic designers, a massage therapist and the manufacturer of a line of modest swimwear.

Exactly how many Charedi women run businesses in Israel isn’t clear, presumably because the community is so insular and also because many enterprises are run off the books.

“This hidden economy makes it difficult for the government and NGOs [nongovernment organizations] to reach this population and accelerate their economic growth with the kinds of educational and capital support extended in general,” Lipman said. 

Temech director Shaindy Babad noted that her organization, which is funded by American philanthropists, offers basic computer training courses in cooperation with the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee and Microsoft; another program, facilitated by Temech and Bituach Leumi, offers workplace readiness and one-on-one mentoring.   

“One of our goals is to reduce social gaps through work integration of at-risk populations,” Brenda Morginstin, a Bituach Leumi official, said of the Charedi population, which, along with the Arab sector, has the lowest workplace participation in Israel.

“We want them to reach their potential, despite their shortage of work skills, large families and family attitudes,” Morginstin said.  

The successful Charedi mentors who spoke during the conference’s final event shared their experiences and know-how with a roomful of eager participants.

“If I’m sitting here, anyone can,” said Elisheva Kligsberg, who related how she came up with the idea to open a school to train event planners during the year-and-a-half she was bedridden following a car accident.

Devorah Zaks, whose company employs 20 other Charedi women, said that when her children were small, “I worked mornings and nights” in order to be with the kids when they arrived home from school. When teenagers arrived home just before dinnertime, she shifted her schedule accordingly.

“Having the flexibility to make your own hours is one of the reasons to go into business,” Babad said. 

Another reason, participants said, is the fact that many non-Charedi employers won’t hire religious women, believing they will go on paid maternity leave every other year. Still another reason: plain prejudice against Charedi Jews.  

Chana Malka Landau, a clothing designer with shops in virtually every Charedi neighborhood, described how an acrimonious relationship with her main distributor led to her decision to open her own stores. 

While the speakers talked business fundamentals, they also emphasized their community’s values.

“It’s important that the time you spend on your businesses won’t hurt your husband’s or sons’ studies,” Landau told the audience.     

“Never forget why you are working: to help your husband do his work, whether he is learning or working,” Landau agreed.

While advice like this may sound old-fashioned to nonreligious women, “It’s what I needed to hear,” said one participant.

Another participant, Marci Rapp, the creator of MarSea Modest Swimwear, said she was attending the conference “for networking and reinforcement.”

“I want to expand my business, which is, thank God, growing, and this is a good start,” Rapp said.

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