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January 27, 2011

Tribe Life Gathering: LA Jewish Home, USYers, New Jew, ADL, Chanukah


Rabbi Yisroel Levine of Chabad of Oak Park and “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” star Zachary Gordon lit a 12-foot Chanukah menorah at the Oak Park Shopping Center on Dec. 5. Photo by Bryan Beasley  



L.A. City Controller Wendy Greuel, far left, looked on as City Councilman Dennis Zine presented a $6,000 check to event chair Shelly Markman, second from left, and Home’s CEO-President Molly Forrest, far right, during the Los Angeles Jewish Home’s annual Walk of Ages. The 5K event drew 800 walkers and runners on Dec. 5 and raised $300,000 to support the Home’s services and programs for seniors.   



Buddha the cow enjoyed some TLC from Aaron Moxness, Clare Williams, Sarah Brownlee and Rabbi Paul Kipnes from Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas. Families from the synagogue’s Mishpacha Family Alternative Learning program recently volunteered at The Gentle Barn, a nonprofit animal rescue, rehabilitation and educational organization/farm in Santa Clarita.   



New Community Jewish High School students performed Oscar Wilde’s “The Importance of Being Earnest” for the school’s fall drama production. The play was produced and directed by W. Ellen Fleischmann and starred students Daniel York, Dylan Marker, Ann Fogler, Caitlin Fein, Amanda Fein, Daniella Margotta, David Abramovici, Megan Feldman, Josh Kleinberg, Sarah Bergenfeld and Brianna Moldovan.   



About 30 USY students joined together for a Social Action and Tikkun Olam Day with Jewish World Watch at Valley Beth Shalom on Dec. 12. The students learned about the crisis in Congo, discussed different relief projects, made signs for the Walk to End Genocide, recorded video messages to electronics companies urging them to go conflict-free and did other advocacy projects in support of the people in Congo. 



The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) and El Caballero Country Club in Tarzana teamed up to celebrate the 27th annual ADL/El Caballero Golf Tournament on Nov. 17. More than 130 golfers participated and 300 guests attended the dinner to support the honorees and raise more than $215,000 for the ADL. From left: Jonathan and Faith Cookler, honorary co-chairs; honorees Don and Claire Marks; co-chairs Mitch Dunitz and Ron Salter; and Amanda Susskind, ADL’s Pacific Southwest regional director. Photo by Robert Lurie


Tribe Life Gathering: LA Jewish Home, USYers, New Jew, ADL, Chanukah Read More »

High Steaks Dining

In the dining history of the last century, the American steakhouse was the place for special occasions — dark, plush, vaguely English, manly and old- fashioned, with limited menu choices and unpredictable quality. It was where families went to mark an occasion.

Bocca Steakhouse, on Ventura Boulevard in Encino, was conceived as a special place, but with a decidedly different take. Four years ago, the space was transformed from a popular hummus and falafel spot called Tempo into a spacious, elegant dining room where the observant Jewish community could enjoy the pleasures of a fusion-oriented steakhouse with the security of Glatt Kosher certification. Owner Harry Seltzer chose muted gold and earth tones for the walls, added a new skylight and created a clean, elegant style using chic simple china and linens. There are tables outdoors, private dining rooms and a neat, super-civilized bar near the entrance. Beautiful red and gold artworks throughout proclaim — some in English, some in Hebrew — harmony, blessing, love. 

On a recent Tuesday night the room is, not surprisingly, quiet. A family arrives carrying bags of gifts for some lucky person’s birthday, and they gather happily at a large table near the back. At a more intimate table in the central room, a husband and wife lean in to talk, apparently on one of those delicious evenings out alone that married people savor. At a booth on the other side of the room, two well-dressed young couples share a lively conversation that continues long after the coffee and dessert. A few people at the bar chat amiably about music and keep one eye on a game playing on the flat screen above the array of bottles. The mashgiach, attentive to issues of kashrut, hurries by on his way to the kitchen.

The menu is large and reasonably varied, including several fish dishes and salads, along with the steaks. Although tandoori chicken also is offered as a main dish, the fusion influence is most evident among the appetizers, including a much-touted house avocado roll in a won-ton wrapper and intriguing-sounding brisket tacos as well as lamb Moroccan cigars. The wait staff is serious and attentive and interested in the food. A diner undecided about a glass of wine receives a suggestion and a tasting glass. Specials are described carefully. Recommendations are thoughtful. 

Of course, this is first and foremost a steakhouse, and it does not disappoint. Kosher rib eye and tournedos come to the table tender and flavorful, along with a generous serving of fresh steamed and lightly sauced vegetables. Tasty cubed, herbed potatoes replace the standard baked or mashed, and the whole is attractively presented on square, stark white plates. Bocca’s chef, Moti Chemelinker, is Israeli, an expert on working out the requirements of kashrut and fine dining.

Chemelinker also oversees a parve dessert menu worth sampling, including a flaky, brightly flavored apple strudel topped with luscious, creamy vanilla gelato.  There are also two chocolate choices, a tempting lemon delight and an irresistible-sounding gelato with espresso syrup.

On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, Bocca’s young wait staff start folding up tablecloths at 10 p.m., but on Thursdays, live music begins at 9 p.m. and can go on until 2 a.m.  The performers come from the traditions of the community — Israeli, Persian and Mediterranean — and customers dance on the cleared area in front of the small bandstand, and, as the evening gets going, between and around the tables.

Recently, Bocca expanded its hours to include lunch. Neighborhood business people can now find seats at quiet tables indoors or at the outdoor tables thoughtfully shielded from the sidewalk and street by a glass partition. A new buffet will offer all the specials Bocca is known for, and, for the Don Drapers among us, the full bar is open. (The selection of wines by the glass, as well as by the bottle, includes interesting new Israeli offerings.) 

On Friday afternoons, Bocca offers takeout and closes early. As explained on its menu and Web site: “Shabbat is a time of peace and joy all over the world, and involves prayer, food and relaxation. It begins Friday night at sunset and ends when there are three stars visible in the sky Saturday evening.”

And so, on Saturday evening, once those three stars appear, the restaurant reopens for another special evening. Depending somewhat on the season and how late it is when the stars appear, Bocca fills up anew with diners, music and dancing as the patrons take a little of the sweetness, the specialness of the seventh day with them into the new week.

High Steaks Dining Read More »

Appetizing oscar night

It will be a night of glitz and glamour, surprises and speeches. From red carpet hits and misses to backstage interviews with the winners, the Academy Awards is Hollywood’s biggest night. Celebrate the 83rd Oscars on Feb. 27 with an award-worthy viewing party.

Whether you invite 10, 20 or 30 guests, the real key to any fabulous event is to have a great mix of friends and delicious foods. Feel like a star chef by keeping your Oscar party food simple — serve a variety of hors d’oeuvres and movie snacks.

While at lunch with chef Bruce Marder, owner of Capo, Cora’s, Brentwood and House restaurants, he mentioned that he was planning a comfortable Oscar party at home this year with his wife and eight friends. The Marders have a family area with a large television screen adjoining the kitchen, where guests can watch the Oscars and sample an assortment of delicious food.

His menu of favorite finger food includes a Yogurt Dip served with spears of Persian cucumbers, Blue Fin Tuna Ceviche Crostini and a panini filled with cheese and green onions that is grilled until the cheese is oozing out the sides.

Chef Jason Ivener, owner of Artful Foods Catering, also shares two of his favorite crostini recipes, which would be perfect for an Oscar party. The first, Mushroom Crostini, features a combination of button and oyster mushrooms sautéed and spooned onto slices of French baguette, which is then topped with cheese and heated in the oven. The other, Charred Vegetable Crostini, is a mixture of charred vegetables accented with balsamic vinegar, currants and sun-dried tomatoes.

Two of my favorite appetizers are: Tiropita, a filo dough pastry filled with Monterey Jack and Swiss cheeses, and Gougère, light pastries made with gruyere cheese. (Both can be prepared in advance and stored in the freezer on baking sheets. Simply defrost and bake just before serving.)

Nothing says “the movies” quite like popcorn. Savory Popcorn tossed with grated Parmesan cheese and homemade Caramel Popcorn are the perfect munchies for Oscar night. They’re simple to make, going together in minutes.

Also, be sure to set up an open bar area, where guests can select from white or red wine, a large pitcher of champagne punch and soft drinks.

GOUGÈRE

From Judy Zeidler

1 cup milk
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper
1 teaspoon Dijon-style mustard
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
1 cup flour
4 eggs
1 1/4 cups finely shredded Gruyere or Swiss cheese

Place milk in a heavy saucepan over medium heat and scald.

In a medium bowl, knead butter, salt, pepper and mustards together. Add to milk, and blend with a wooden spoon. Bring to a rolling boil. Add flour all at once, stirring vigorously, until the mixture forms a ball and leaves the sides of the pan clean.

Transfer the mixture to the bowl of an electric mixer and add eggs, one at a time, blending well after each addition. Blend until the dough is shiny and smooth. Add 1 cup shredded cheese; blend well.

Spoon into a pastry bag fitted with the plain round tip. Place a silicone mat onto a baking sheet and pipe gougère in mounds 1/4 to 1/2 inch apart. Sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup cheese and a few drops of milk. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until ready to bake.

Bake in a preheated 400 F oven for 35 to 45 minutes or until well puffed and golden brown.  Serve immediately.

Makes about 24.


YOGURT DIP WITH PERSIAN CUCUMBER SPEARS

For this recipe, Bruce Marder likes to use FAGE, a thick Greek-style yogurt, which is available in many local supermarkets.

8 ounces Greek-style yogurt
1 tablespoon chopped dill
1 teaspoon finely minced garlic
Salt to taste
1 teaspoon coarsely grated black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 to 2 Persian cucumbers, sliced lengthwise into sticks

In a bowl, mix together yogurt, dill, garlic, salt and pepper. Add olive oil and mix well. Transfer to a bowl and serve with cucumber spears.

Makes about 1 cup.


BLUE FIN TUNA CEVICHE CROSTINI

From Bruce Marder

Blue fin tuna ceviche crostini

1/2 pound blue fin or sushi-grade tuna, chopped
1/3 cup minced white onion
1 tablespoon Japanese yuzu or lemon juice
1 teaspoon wasabi
1 tablespoon minced chives
Salt to taste
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 small French baguette, thinly sliced and toasted

In a large bowl, mix together the tuna, onion, yuzu, wasabi and chives. Add salt and olive oil and mix well. Spoon onto toasted baguette slices.

Makes about 24 crostini.

Appetizing oscar night Read More »

The power of performance

Matisyahu turned 30 a year and a half ago, prompting a good deal of self-reflection.

“I think about getting older, what it all means,” the Brooklyn-based artist said, adding that his relationship with music has continued to evolve over the years. “I think it changes, the more time you put into it, the more experiences you have. Every show, every tour, every music experience you have, I think it shapes you.”

His music experiences include six albums — his latest, “Live at Stubbs: Vol.  II,” was released Feb. 1 — and constant touring that can be energetic, fist-pumping shows or laid-back, introspective affairs, depending on whether he’s playing with a full band or in a stripped-down acoustic setting.

One recent acoustic performance took place at Shomrei Torah Synagogue in West Hills, and he explained in an interview how his acoustic shows differ from his electric ones.

“It’s much more intimate,” he said. “We usually do some back and forth, some talking, some interacting with the audience, and the music is really just about voice and the guitar and some improv, some beatboxing.”

Matisyahu said that he started beatboxing in high school because he didn’t know how to play any other instrument. 

“I tried playing a lot of different instruments, and it didn’t click,” he said. “The beatboxing came naturally, and I understood it. I understood how to make music happen through using the beatbox, through using the vocal instrument.”

Beatboxing also taught him a lot about music.

“Essentially, you’re playing drum and the bass and playing with the interplay between the drum and bass and where the kick drum falls. Does it fall at the same time as the bass? Where does the hi-hat fall? Does it fall a little bit early? A little bit late? So [I learned] different ideas spatially about music and sound.”

Matisyahu, who is married and has two sons, tends to speak in a low, sometimes barely audible voice.  He talked about another aspect of performing: the way he dances. His moves involve skipping and bouncing around the stage whenever he stops singing, and gliding around his jamming band mates, New York musicians the Dub Trio, who have toured with him recently and are featured on the new live album.

“I don’t think of doing moves or I try not to force myself into it,” he said. “I guess I sort of allow myself to sink into the music, and that’s how my body kind of just jumps in and sinks into [it], so it’s almost like — it’s almost how I grab onto the words and the music. I don’t know how to describe it, actually.”

Perhaps such things can’t or shouldn’t be described, and maybe Matisyahu’s music — with songs like “Time of Your Song,” with the lyric, “I’m asking questions to the present-day me” ­— is purposely thoughtful, meant to, like the aging process, prompt self-reflection and unanswerable questions.

He said his next steps might include exploring “more of a rootsy, indie-style thing than more of a heavy reggae music.” Fans can expect new music sometime soon: “Probably, I would say, in the summertime or fall. I have some tracks I’m going to be releasing that I recorded over the past years, that I might put out on my Web site,” he said.

Matisyahu will perform an evening of acoustic music Feb. 15 at the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza, a benefit concert presented by Chabad of the Conejo. Performing, he said, is what he’s all about.

“The studio is just one aspect of what I do. For me, a live show is where the magic can really happen.”

The power of performance Read More »

Mendy Pellin’s unorthodox humor [VIDEO]

News anchor Mendy Pellin has gone where no Jewish journalist has ever gone before.

On “The Mendy Report,” broadcast on chabadtube.com, he investigated the scandalous case of mistaken identities between a bearded Brad Pitt and prominent rabbis. He fearlessly exposed a debilitating disease among Orthodox Jews, Siddur Finger Syndrome (S.I.F.S.), in which Jews abuse their fingers by using them as bookmarks for prayer books. His satirical segments have earned millions of hits.

Before moving a year ago from Brooklyn to the San Fernando Valley, where he lives with his wife and two children, Pellin, 28, could hardly walk the streets of Crown Heights, the capital of Chabad Jewry, without getting stopped for an autograph, a picture or a joke.

The comedian/actor (and ordained rabbi) is often hailed as the Jon Stewart of the Chasidic world.

Pellin is to comedy what Matisyahu is to music — an Orthodox Jewish artist who challenges religious stereotypes and makes Judaism accessible through pop culture. Pellin masterminded a way to make Matisyahu see the parallel. 

“When I first started out doing the comedy bits, Matisyahu just blew up and was huge, so I didn’t even bother contacting him,” Pellin said during an interview at a Starbucks in Sherman Oaks, where he was sporting a shiny burgundy kippah, round glasses and a plaid shirt. In his latest video, “Whip My Beard” — a Weird Al-style spoof of Willow Smith’s hit “Whip My Hair” — he proudly defends his forked, straggly beard.

Pellin vicariously interviewed Matisyahu by editing himself into footage of a sleepy, unenthusiastic backstage interview Matisyahu once reluctantly gave to another reporter.

Soon after it appeared online, a woman came up to Pellin at a kosher Brooklyn supermarket and said her husband was a big fan.

“I said, ‘Thank you very much — you’re probably too embarrassed to say you’re a big fan,’ ” Pellin recalled.

Turns out, the woman’s husband was Matisyahu Miller, and he was outside in a car, waiting to meet him.

“I go out there, and he put on that same look that he did in the fake interview. He was mocking me, and we just hit it off. We were both kind of breaking the mold in different departments. He was getting a lot of criticism, and I was getting a lot of criticism — and support — on both sides. We had a love at first sight.”

Since then, Matisyahu has appeared — willingly — in Pellin’s videos, revealing a comedic side that doesn’t always come across when he sings about yearning for God. Pellin plans to surprise the audience with nonmusical shtick and a Q-and-A session with Matisyahu when he emcees the upcoming “Matisyahu: Up Close and Personal” concert Feb. 15 at the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza.

Pellin’s videos seem to have the mystical ability to attract their A-list subjects.

Recently, Pellin filmed a role as an Orthodox Jew in a scene opposite Brad Pitt in the upcoming film “Moneyball.” Without knowing Pitt was the lead, Pellin had sent his segment on the Brad Pitt beard controversy to producers considering him for the part. They loved it, and so did Pitt.

During filming, Pellin said, “Brad Pitt came over to me and said he really loved my stuff.”

Pellin is enjoying a life of relative anonymity in the Valley, although once in a while, people stop him for a joke.

“Usually it’s on Shabbos, so I just tell them I’m an ultra-Orthodox Jew and can’t carry any jokes on me.” 

To see Mendy Pellin’s videos, visit Mendy Pellin’s unorthodox humor [VIDEO] Read More »

New Jew to relocate to larger, permanent West Hills campus

“We now have a ‘makom’ — a sacred space in which to house our values,” said Bruce Powell, head of school at New Community Jewish High School, shortly after the deal was announced that New Jew may have finally found a permanent home — at the site of its first home.

The Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles announced Dec. 13 that it has agreed to sell the Bernard Milken Jewish Community Campus in West Hills to the school for an undisclosed price. The property, which houses the JCC at Milken, was where New Jew was founded in 2002.

The deal won’t be finalized until the school receives permits from the city necessary to house a school on the property, but officials said they are confident the bid will go through. 

Moving into the campus will let the school grow its musical theater program, strengthen its science department with state-of-the-art labs and give its 400 students more breathing room than they currently have at the school’s rented quarters at West Hills’ Shomrei Torah Synagogue, said Mike Greenfeld, president of the New Jew board of trustees.

Plus, the school would no longer have to bus its student athletes to sports practice at the JCC’s gymnasium, where New Jew has for years been running its 22 sports programs. Making the gym their own would be more convenient and give students a greater sense of ownership, Powell said.

School officials hope to complete renovations to the site and move in by 2012 or 2013.

The school will share space with the JCC, which will continue to operate on the campus.

The JCC won’t have to cut or downsize any programs due to sharing the campus, JCC executive director Paul Frishman said. The center’s pool and swim school will stay open, along with its early childhood programs, sports leagues and activities for seniors.

“We feel there will not be a major impact” upon the JCC’s 1,200 members, Frishman said. “We look at it as a positive thing that will allow the JCC to thrive.”

Having the school on the property could precipitate a membership boost for the JCC, Frishman believes, by exposing more students’ families to JCC programming. It would also alleviate some of the financial pressure the JCC had faced as the primary tenant of the campus.

The Jewish Federation, which OK’d the parcel’s sale, sees the deal as a “win-win-win” situation: The school will acquire more space to grow, the JCC can attract more people to its programs, and The Federation will have an expensive piece of property taken off its hands.

Much of the four-acre Milken campus wasn’t being used as efficiently as possible, according to Richard Sandler, chairman of The Federation’s board. It had been costing the agency more than $100,000 per month to operate the site, he said.

The property had for years been a weight on The Federation’s books. Bought by the West Valley JCC in 1976 and later deeded to The Federation, the campus cost $15 million to build in 1987 and even more to refurbish after its buildings were damaged in the 1994 Northridge earthquake.

Tense talks between JCC and Federation officials over sharing the campus’ operating costs led to the JCC’s pool closing in 2007. Those talks ended in early 2009 with an agreement that the JCC would pay a rising percentage of the campus budget, up to 65 percent by 2013. That deal was supposed to guarantee the center’s status as the foremost occupant of the property.

But sharing space with New Jew would be a boon to the JCC, which has chronically struggled to stay out of the red. The center would benefit from extensive campus renovations the school must make as part of its purchase agreement. And it would renegotiate its rent with the school, from which it would now lease space.

New Jew leadership had long dreamed of returning to the Milken campus, where the school was founded with 40 students in 2002. The school outgrew its space within two years and moved to Shomrei Torah, but they knew they would eventually need a permanent facility of their own.

School officials first approached The Federation about buying the campus five years ago, but a deal never materialized, said Greenfeld. They made another bid in early 2010 and hammered out the deal in meetings throughout the year.

“We always had this place in the backs of our minds,” Greenfeld said. “It’s the right size, and it’s not out-of-the-way for our student base. We felt it would be the right home for us.”

Now the school must get building permits from the city and reconfigure some of the buildings for classes. Plans are also on the table for new classrooms and a faculty center. Powell, the head of school, said his mind is spinning with ideas for new learning spaces and programs they could create.

Moving to the Milken campus would take the school’s square footage from 35,000 at Shomrei Torah to about 100,000, tripling the amount of space the school has to work with, Powell added.

While officials won’t estimate how much the move will cost, they say it will take a few years to raise all the funds needed. The school has already begun receiving donations from its community, Greenfeld said, and they’re confident they will cover their costs. Tuition will not be affected by the move.

Greenfeld believes having an expansive new campus will allow the school to grow its student base. Rented quarters are “not what people usually envision when they think of a high school,” he said.

“Right now, we have a nice facility, but not a state-of-the-art facility. We’ve done an amazing job with what we’ve got; imagine the possibility of what we can do when we have a place of our own.”

With so much activity slated for the Milken campus, ideas for joint programming are already in the works.

Powell envisions giving New Jew students community service opportunities at the JCC by having them run after-school arts and crafts for nursery school children, or keeping the seniors company during their activities.

“Our goal is to create programming side by side with the JCC — to make this a real center of community,” he said.

New Jew to relocate to larger, permanent West Hills campus Read More »

The last Bar Mitzvah

The following is a random sampling from my e-mail inbox:

From synagogue: Did you receive the form for the Oneg Shabbat luncheon, which will follow Jake’s bar mitzvah? We sent the original in May. Please return it with your check as soon as possible.

From invitation guy: The company that is printing your invitations will expedite for a $100 fee. Is this acceptable?

From parents: You never sent the date for the synagogue/Torah pictures for Jake’s bar mitzvah. Please send ASAP!

From hassleme.co.uk: PLAN JAKE’S BAR MITZVAH!!!

The first three e-mails are self-explanatory: irrefutable evidence that the mother of the bar mitzvah boy has been derelict in her bar mitzvah planning duties. The last e-mail is from a United Kingdom Web site called Hassleme, which sends e-mails designed to hassle you about a task that requires attention.

The Web site’s tagline — “Because sometimes in life you just need to be nagged” — is supported by its frequent e-mail reminders of important tasks. The idea, of course, is that these stern, frequent e-mails will spur procrastinators like me into action. Yet, despite having received these reminders for weeks, I still have not ordered invitations, signed a contract for a party venue, hired a D.J., assigned aliyahs or scheduled the requisite grandpa/grandson bar mitzvah suit shopping spree at Rudnick’s in Encino.

My youngest child’s bar mitzvah, my last bar mitzvah, is just two months away and I have done nothing to prepare. What is my problem? I realize that I should see a psychologist to deal with my bar mitzvah procrastination, but frankly I don’t have the time (because I have a bar mitzvah to plan) or the money (because there is a bar mitzvah to pay for). So I did the next best thing … online psychology.

After a comprehensive search — “procrastination and fear of failure,” “procrastination and perfectionism,” “procrastination and Jewish rights of passage,” I stumbled upon an article that spoke to me, on a Web site called “Personal Development for Smart People.”

The author of the article explained: “Sometimes you find yourself with a goal you think you should want to achieve, but you just don’t seem to be taking enough action to reach it. You aren’t really afraid of failure or rejection, the path to the goal seems clear enough and might even be an interesting challenge, and occasionally you’ll make some progress. But most of the time you can’t seem to get into that flow state, and you’re not sure why. This often happens with long-term goals that require intermittent action, like losing weight or transitioning to start a new business and eventually quit your job.” Or planning your youngest child’s bar mitzvah.

A Web site titled “Personal Development for Dumb People” would undoubtedly have left it at that, but since this Web site is specifically for smart people, the author proposed a solution:

“One question I’ve found helpful to ask in these situations is this: What will happen if you succeed? Forget about what you hope will happen or what you fear might happen, but realistically consider what probably will happen. So you achieve your goal. Then what? What else will change?”

So what will happen if I “succeed” and do the planning necessary to ensure that my son does actually become a bar mitzvah? What else will change? And just by asking the right questions, I suddenly understood why for these past many months, I have suffered from an acute case of bar mitzvah planning paralysis. My baby is growing up, and I don’t want him to.

As a mitzvah alumna — my daughter became a bat mitzvah in 2007 — I am no neophyte; I know exactly what this rite of passage really means. Yes, your rabbi and your cantor (and even members of the congregation) will all pretend that this moment is “just” about your son taking his first steps into Jewish adulthood. But the bar mitzvah is also a “mitzvah” or “commandment” to the parent to begin backing off because the kind of parenting that makes sense for a child is no longer relevant for a teen.

For the parent, a child’s bar mitzvah is the giant flashing neon sign that it is time to say goodbye to childhood and hello to teenhood. It is the beginning of the time in life when we hope and pray that the mistakes that will be made by our kid will be mistakes that can be fixed. And for me, it means that I am one day closer to having an empty nest, no matter how much I love having a full one.

One of the great things about hassleme.co.uk is that it is very easy to stop the old e-mail messages and program new ones. My new reminders say, “It is time to let go. This is not an option, but a mitzvah.” 

Wendy Jaffe welcomes comments at {encode=”wjaffewrite@aol.com” title=”wjaffewrite@aol.com”}.

The last Bar Mitzvah Read More »

Value of a BFF? Priceless

My best friend is not a techie.

But I recently texted her when my BlackBerry was acting weird. She called her brother, who is a techie, hunted through her BlackBerry menus and searched the Web before we finally found the solution.

My best friend doesn’t have surplus money.

But when I was budgeting every dollar during the hardest financial time of my life, she handed me a check – just a temporary loan, she insisted – so I could attend a good friend’s wedding.

She’s not an obstetrician. Not even a nurse.

Yet she stayed by my side through the 36-hour delivery of my son, Matan, leaving only to walk to Coffee Bean at 5 a.m. to bring my husband and the rest of my family coffee and bagels, supporting my head as I pushed and pushed … and pushed.

Debbie has never had a baby. Although in my mind, she owns 30 percent of mine.

She spent weeks researching strollers and car seats. She rolled hundreds of diapers into centerpieces for Matan’s brit. She has taken more pictures of my baby than I have. Way more. She’s been to two doctor’s appointments with me (I’m sure my pediatrician mistakenly thinks Matan has two mommies). And recently, when attempting to Ferberize my son – the infamous sleep-training method that requires letting the baby cry to exhaustion – left me in tears, I fled the apartment in pajamas and flip-flops and called Debbie for advice. (Don’t call child services —  my husband was still at home.)

Debbie and I have been best friends since fifth grade at Rosewood Avenue Elementary School, through our period of dorky purple-rimmed eyeglasses, the Seth and Cedric saga, hundreds of Skittles candies, summers at Camp Chai, hand writing essays for AP European History before either of us owned computers, USC football games, dozens of boyfriends and thousands of other memories that flash like colored bits on a gigantic mosaic. 

A soul sister (or brother) is as rare and precious as a soul mate. So while February has become the domain of lovers, this issue of TRIBE is dedicated to the intimate bond between friends, honoring the profound role they, too, play in our lives.

Without vows or legal contracts, true friends stand by us in health and in illness, as we read in Leslie Berliant’s poignant personal tale of helping a cancer-stricken friend die gracefully (Page 14). Also in these pages, friendship expert Irene S. Levine, who regularly writes about the intricacies and complexities of maintaining friendships on The Friendship Blog, offers advice on navigating the sometimes-tricky territory of platonic male-female friendships (Page 19).

This February, I propose a twist to your Valentine’s Day plans: Let your significant other off the hook (I can hear the guys cheering!), and take time instead to celebrate a significant friend. Hit the town together (see Best-Friend Bonding for great ideas, Page 20), regale your BFF with a heartfelt gift (Shopping, Page 47) or dedicate an entire weekend to your favorite gal pal(s) (Girlfriend Getaways, Page 44).

For me, Valentine’s Day has never been about just one kind of love. I’ve always spent the day with my family, celebrating my mom’s birthday, and only when I was old enough did romance become part of the mix.

This year, I’m adding one more toast: Here’s to Debbie, my best friend for life.

Value of a BFF? Priceless Read More »

Best-Friend bonding

It’s the same routine every year: To plan the obligatory Valentine’s Day date, you and your significant other run through a list of restaurants you haven’t tried and movies you haven’t seen. This year, why not shake things up? Share the occasion with someone who also loves you unconditionally and always knows how to show you a good time — your best friend. Here are some ideas for places to go and things to do with your bestie.

Vineyard Tour and Wine Tasting at Rosenthal: The Malibu Estate

If you were already considering curling up with a bottle of wine on a lonely February weekend, do it in style — with your soul sister! You and your friend can take in the beautiful views of 32 acres of luscious vines running along the Malibu hills, all while enjoying a delicious Cabernet. Reserve your spot for a tour and wine tasting by calling ahead.

26023 Pacific Coast Highway
Malibu, CA.
(310) 456-1392

rosenthalestatewines.com.


Picnic and Hike in Cheeseboro Canyon

Grab a couple of kosher take-out meals from the Falafel Grill in Agoura Hills, then drive straight up Kanan Road for about three miles to Cheeseboro Canyon, where you two can set up your own Mediterranean picnic surrounded by the park’s natural beauty: rolling hills, oak trees, streams and diverse wildlife. And if you’re not feeling too stuffed, strap on a backpack and enjoy one of the canyon’s hiking trails.

Cheeseboro Road & Palo Comado Canyon Road
Agoura Hills, CA
(818) 597-9192

lamountains.com/parks.asp?parkid=83.


Chillin’ at The Spot

(18 and over)

With seating inside or outside, yummy Mediterranean food, coffee, tea and a variety of hookah flavors, The Spot hits the spot when you’re in the mood for a low-key eveningwith your guy friends. There’s no sitting charge, and you can stay as long as you like, enjoying the lively atmosphere and sweet scents of apple and raspberry tobacco.

17200 Ventura Blvd.
Encino, CA
(818) 783-2233


 
Lessons at Simi Valley Krav Maga Training Center

If you’re trying to burn off all of those candy hearts — or possibly just feeling a little extra aggression toward “Singles-Awareness Day” — try a free trial lesson in the exciting Israeli martial art. Friends who sweat together, stay together.

1407 E. Los Angeles Ave., Suite. J
Simi Valley, CA
(805) 306-0500

simivalleykravmaga.com


Massages at Happy Feet

A Zen Chinese foot-massage salon is the perfect place for friends who want to relax together. Dimmed lights and the sound of a running water fountain create a super-relaxing environment, and don’t let the name fool you: For a reasonable price, Happy Feet masseuses give a lot more than just a foot rub. The 50-minute massages include 30 minutes of reflexology and 20 minutes of neck, back and head massage.

17629 Ventura Blvd.
Encino, CA
(818) 981-6288

happyfeetsalon.com.
 


Jewelry Making at the Bead Lounge

Stylish jewelry plus arts and crafts plus a good friend equals a fabulous girls’ date. This jewelry boutique, with two locations in the Valley, is an inviting place to spend an afternoon catching up with your pal while designing your own jewelry using semiprecious stones, glass beads and charms. The cozy environment and friendly staff — always on hand to give design tips — make it easy to forget the time and the grown-up world outside!

2900 Townsgate Road
Westlake Village, CA
(805) 497-8800.

4873 Topanga Canyon Blvd.
Woodland Hills, CA
(818) 704-5656

thebead-lounge.com.


Art Gallery at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara/Bronfman Family Jewish Community Center

Syrupy romantic comedies will always be waiting for you at the video store, but this Valentine’s Day, you might enjoy soaking up a bit of culture by viewing the work of childrens’ book illustrator Tibor Gergely and his artist wife, Anna Lesznai. Let the universal beauty of art inspire you and your BFF.

524 Chapala
Santa Barbara, CA
(805) 957-1115

jewishsantabarbara.org/page.aspx?id=143100


Volunteering at SOVA: Community Food and Resource Program

Rather than just exchanging heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, you and your friends might spread a little love to people in need. To help at SOVA, you can get together with your friends and organize your own food drive by packing up those extra cans of food crowding your pantry. Your generosity helps alleviate hunger in the community — quite a loving gift to give.

Valley Pantry
16439 Vanowen St.
Van Nuys, CA (818) 988-7682

jfsla.org/sova.

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Fitness for Couples

For people who have spent years hitting the gym regularly, workouts can seem like just one more thing to tick off a daily to-do list in order to stay healthy.

But, for couples, exercise can be more than clocking time on a treadmill — it can be a way to bond and develop common interests, and to see one another in a new light. 

“Any time you do something that you enjoy together, it makes you connect,” said psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, author of the self-help book “How to Be a Grown-Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know” (Thomas Nelson, 2005). “Plus, exercising makes you feel good on its own, and doing things that make you feel good also helps your relationship.”

And couples who are interested in doing more together than sitting on the couch watching movies have endless options. Looking for an adrenaline rush? Take your beloved to a flying trapeze class. Hoping to get grounded and reconnect? Hit the mat together in yoga. Want to release some anger? Duke it out with a punching bag.

Whatever you decide, exercising as a couple means that the hour spent working up a sweat isn’t just about getting fit — it’s about working on your relationship, too.

Flying Trapeze

Once relegated to circus performers and stuntmen, flying trapeze rigs have made their way into cities as workouts for thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies.

During the first visit to a trapeze class, says Ryan Smith, an instructor at Trapeze School New York’s Santa Monica location, couples don’t fly trapeze together — they’re paired with an experienced instructor.

But watching as your partner faces the daunting task of climbing a 25-foot ladder and then launching him- or herself into the air can let you see a new side of someone you thought you knew.

“You can see how they adapt to something new, step up to challenges and how much they are willing to face the unknown,” Smith said.

And overcoming the nerves that go hand-in-hand with something like trapeze, Kaiser adds, can also serve as an intimate bonding experience.

“Sharing that fear and excitement together makes people lean on each other,” she said.

Watching your partner overcome something difficult can also increase your respect and admiration.

“You have that person you care about witnessing you accomplishing things,” Smith said. “It’s above and beyond normal life.”

Yoga

Lying on a yoga mat may not have the same rush of adrenaline offered by taking a sky-high swing, but, says Sari Stricke, an L.A.-area yoga instructor and owner of Sari Yoga, it offers couples a different kind of bonding experience.

“It’s some peaceful, quiet time together” during which couples can experience “just being together in a present way,” she said.

Stricke generally conducts partner yoga classes much the same way that she would with other private or semi-private classes: “For the most part, they are practicing on their own, but together,” she said.

At times, Stricke said, practicing yoga with your partner can feel more intimate than talking.

“They are able to tune in to each other in a way that doesn’t involve the regular ‘what are you thinking, what do you mean by that’ kind of communication.”

While it may be tempting for couples to compare themselves to one another, yoga also serves as a way to reinforce individuality within a relationship.

“One person may need a quiet, restorative class, while the other might want to have a more invigorating, energizing class,” she said. “I try to help my students to turn their attention on one’s own personal journey.”

Boxing

The idea of boxing as a couple may be tempting for those who are tired of talking and just want to battle it out.

But, says Barbara Forsey, the owner of Tarzana Boxing, there’s more to the sport than throwing punches in the ring. At her gym, couples often hold punching bags for each other or don punch mitts for the other to swing at. 

“Working together, whether with mitts or the bags, there is a dance, there’s a coordination, there’s a movement together,” she said. “I think all of that adds up to recognizing some areas that you never thought about in terms of your partner.”

As with trapeze or yoga, watching your partner build strength and endurance can be enticing and can expand your understanding of him or her as well as of yourself. 

“I think that creates an admiration and a deep level of interest,” Forsey said, “and I think it also adds greatly to real intimacy.”

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